To My Shattered Soul

I just discovered a strange side of Love. as if love is a butterfly that spreads its colors without being touched.

It is not hungry for kisses and warm hugs, it feeds on affection, it feeds on your heartbeats that your heart dedicates to the one, that one who lightens up your day, the one who makes you feel alive.

When you are all drowned up in your sorrows that one person who can make you forget about the bitter reality you are surrounded with, the fact that you are nothing more than a castle of cards, just a small hint of wind and you are nothing more than a scattered mess, and then there is that one small hope that keeps you standing.

This is how I can describe my feelings for Peter, he’s that hope which keeps me standing even when I’ve been through so many earthquakes, I stood still, because of him.

I forget all my troubles when I look at his smile, I know it is too early for that but what if he was right? and somewhere in my heart I started believing, that I never really fell for Jordan.

I hate him for ruining my life but I don’t hate him for pushing me to this stage, after all, he’s the actual reason why I met Peter.

Since we expressed our affection to each other we’ve been avoiding eye contact, but at this moment I was staring at the ground and I could feel his eyes piercing through my skin because he was waiting to hear something from my mouth, but the truth is, I had nothing to say.

And it wasn’t my fault, what I’ve just been through, anyone would go speechless who’s been through that, I could still feel the water in my mouth.

He cleared his throat to remind me that he was still sitting in front of me. “What do you want me to say?” I placed my forehead on my palms “I have nothing. Can’t we just sleep on it?”

“I… wanted to say something” He slipped his finger in his collar from left to right, he was sweaty I knew something wasn’t right, he had no rest since he had an accident.

I felt embarrassed when I saw how restless he was because of me “I want you to rest, I know when was the first time you slept” Is that it? Was that all he wanted to say? He got up from the ground and sat on the bed, maybe it is because he wanted to rest, after all, he was the one who needed more rest.

“Are you sure?”

“No I am not sure, but we don’t have any choice, we can either waste all night trying silly ways or we could rest and in the morning we can figure out how are we going to get through this? With a fresher mind” He had a point there.

And this is how we got through the night.

When the morning came, he woke up late because he had painkillers but when he woke up he started the day normally like he usually does, he distracted me as much as he could until the evening.

But now I couldn’t take it anymore “Hey! Do you remember last night you said about darkest fear?”

He nodded “mhmm”

“Losing you is my darkest fear…” I huffed “I am afraid to wake up and not being around you”

He left whatever he was doing and got closer to the mirror “Every story has an ending Daisy… and I am pretty sure ours is not near” He smiled “Ours merely began, I can feel it here… in my heart” He placed his hand over his chest “and you, my Daisy! Are a flower of hope, you are born to bloom not to be withered another day” his words spread a smile on my face.

“And this is why I want you to stay strong and fight, To wake up! I can’t see you in pain again” I knew he meant every single word that came out of his mouth “I couldn’t when I saw you in pain on our first meeting and I can’t now…. Especially not now when I….” I know what he wanted to say but he stopped, I wasn’t in hurry to hear it either.

He tossed his head toward me and his eyes widened “The first day we met...” I don’t know what he meant but I was scared already.

“Do you remember what happened that day?” He picked up his chair.

“Oh no!” I got why he was saying that, I stepped as far as I could.

“I want you to do something! Do you remember my number?” He asked.

I nodded, He told me his number some time ago so if I accidentally woke up I could contact him, he was so sure his plan will work, and it was to hit the glass with the chair, like before.

“Forgive me for making you suffer” He pulled the chair back and banged it with such power that the entire mirror exploded in front of me.

Even when I wasn’t physically there, I couldn’t watch it, I tightly closed my eyes but I heard his voice.

“When you wake up, call me and tell me to get to you!” His voice was echoing inside my ears, and the last thing I remember was waking up gasping for air on the bed in the hospital.

I looked around, there was a nurse standing by the wall, and she was looking at me as if she just saw her baby walk for the first time “I need to call someone!” I begged her.

After a while the doctor came and checked me up properly, he was happy to have me recover and he decided to call my parents so they can meet me.

I was so restless to call, and luckily the doctor permitted me.

I rushed to the reception to get the phone and….. and that’s it! I held the phone in my hand and kept staring at it

“Who was I going to call?” I had no idea why the first thing that came to my mind was to call someone when I woke up?

“Maybe I wanted to call Jordan?” I thought, and why shouldn’t I? He’s my husband! What happened to me? Why was I at the hospital? I had so many questions but no memory of my subconsciousness, and the things that happened before that.