To My Shattered Soul

When my mother hugged me she kept crying for a couple of minutes, my father was as emotional as her, I had never seen tears in his eyes before, and he was really crying.

After everyone left Jordan came, I couldn’t wait to be with him, there was a tall man standing near the door “Told you, Mr. Smith! Told you she’s gonna come back to me” Jordan gloated.

Everything seemed perfect but there was something that didn’t feel right as if I was missing something, what was it? I wasn’t sure but whatever it was, it kept me thinking all day.

I wanted to know what happened to me, and why I was at the hospital.

When I asked they told me not to think about it yet, because according to the doctor “Stress is forbidden for the patient”

While I totally forgot Peter’s existence, he kept checking his phone, he kept waiting for my call or messages, he thought maybe I was resting, maybe I was surrounded by people, and he knew about my ongoing case too, he comforted himself with fake ‘maybes’, and that’s how we split apart.

My family decided to arrange a party for my return.

I was dolled up by maids and on a cruise, Jordan was waiting for me, he couldn’t stop smiling, and anyone could tell how happy he was, I approached him, and he whispered in my ear “I can’t tell you how lost I was because of your accident, how I spent last two months! I’m glad you came back” He kissed my cheek and left to attend to guests.

They arranged a big cake and a lot of guests were gathered to celebrate, everything was highly decorated but still, everything seemed tasteless, Colorless.

My eyes were stuck to the entrance as if they were waiting for someone, my heart was slowing down, skipping beats in a rhythm as if whoever I was waiting for, was just about to come through those gates any second, I felt as if a tornado is swirling inside my stomach.

I kept staring until a hand pushed me gently to the front, it was Jordan, he wanted me to be with guests, even though I knew he was my husband but I still wanted to remove his hand from my back, I don’t know why but I wanted him to stay as much busy as he could so I don’t have to stay around him.

I decided to give some guests company, I kept myself contained, with no time for smooching and cuddling, “I can’t do this right now” I told myself, as the knife in my hand sliced through the cake.

Funny thing! I just noticed the only thing that could truly represent my life is a cake, I decorate myself pretty enough to get sliced and distributed between the people I love, but I totally forgot it, only the fact that I had a very bad life was unforgettable.

At least now I knew that I had an accident, but it wasn’t such a big problem.

As soon as I found Mom standing away from the crowd with a friend of hers I approached her and held her arm in my arm “Mom! Can I stay with you for a few days?” I insisted, and surprisingly she agreed.

That’s how I escaped Jordan, I couldn’t understand why I was feeling uncomfortable around him, I still remember how I was always ready to spend my time with him but now I just wanted to stay away from him.

Maybe I needed some space and fresh air, and that’s why I decided to stay with Mom and Dad.

Days kept passing, and I kept avoiding Jordan, I felt awful for being unfair to him, he wanted to spend time with me but I left him on a cliffhanger.

Neither did I want to spend time with him nor did I want to push him away, I just kept making excuses, sometimes when he came to meet me I just watched him entering through the main gate from my window and I’d go for a bath.

I had no idea that a friend of mine, who’s more than a friend to me was finding his way to reach me. He couldn’t just come to my house he didn’t know my address but he knew where my office is, but when we consider his financial condition, I don’t think he could come.

There was one thing I couldn’t take my mind off, my mother was avoiding direct contact with me, she was mostly talking in a lighter tone as if someone was listening

The other night before I was going to sleep she insisted on staying by my side, and when I asked her why she was being so emotional, she said something that made me question my entire existence.

She placed both her palms on my cheeks, there were tears in her eyes when she whispered “I can’t get the sight of you on the bed for all these months off my mind, never do that again to me” She couldn’t hold back her tears and left the room.

But she left me with tons of questions, why she said “Never do that again?” and what does she mean by “seeing me on the bed all these months?” How long have been in a coma? According to Jordan, I had an accident 2 months ago.

What am I missing? I kept asking myself, the only thing that was stuck in my mind was a number, a broken number with missing digits.

I just felt somehow this number is the answer to all of my questions, I just needed to remember that number, but how? I took out a paper and pen and wrote down all numbers from 0 to 9 and focused on every single number for hours so maybe it can remind me why that number looked so familiar but it didn’t work.

The situation turned so overwhelming that made me sick, for a couple of minutes I kept holding my head, it was hurting so much then I decided to go to the rooftop to get some fresh air, after spending some time I started feeling better.