To My Shattered Soul

I called out to him but he couldn’t hear me, I realized how badly I messed up.

For the first time, I realized what being alone really feels like, he was the only one around me in such a situation and I pushed him away.

This is what I do! I push people away then I get angry about ‘Why Everyone Leaves Me Alone’.

He kept playing for almost 2 or 3 hours, I hate that I don’t have a watch in there, but he got out of the room, then the door opened again he got inside.

“Do you like movies or series?” He asked, and I nodded, he wasn’t looking at me “Which genre?” I didn’t know, because most of the time I was lost in thoughts even on movie nights.

“I don’t know!” I said he searched for something, I tried to see it but he was standing in front of the screen. After a few minutes he came closer to me and placed his laptop on the bed “You should watch this!

Your mind needs peace and you need something fantasy” He played a movie on the laptop and left the room “I’ll be right back” He said and left.

I don’t know what was the name of the movie, all I know is that for the first time, I was really watching a movie, that was dubbed in English but wasn’t originally filmed in English.

I could clearly see it by the movement of their lips, well! The movie really freshened up my mind, I was in the middle when he got back, he sat down close to the glass and we both watched the movie.

Afterward, we sat together without saying anything for some time, I wanted to apologize and I felt somewhere deep in his heart he wanted me to apologize so I decided to do so “Look I… I am sorry” Finally, finally, I felt relief “I did wrong!” I lowered my head.

“It’s okay” He smiled.

“You forgave? Just like that?” I looked at him with surprise.

“See I have been judged by everyone! Literally!” He smiled but there was a pain in his eyes “I know how it feels, trying to be good enough but never being successful”

I noticed he was upset he was sad but he smiled, he quickly got up and picked up his laptop placed it back on the desk, and laid down on his bed “Get some sleep” He said, and slept or maybe he pretended to sleep.

Honestly, I was still sleepless, when my brain drained out of thoughts I heard someone speaking “Come back to me!”

I can recognize this voice anywhere, it was my mother.

My mother and father loved me so much, and I never told them whatever was happening in my married life, I already troubled them enough all these years.

I didn’t want them to worry about me, but where were my thoughts when I drove my car out of the bridge? Well, the point is… why did I hear her voice? Maybe I was missing her.

Another night passed in front of my eyes. Another sun rose before me. I saw Peter waking up and sitting at such a pace as if he saw a nightmare.

He turned his head toward me “Good morning! So you are still here! Huh?”

“Where else would I be?” it was a silly question.

“I mean this isn’t actually a dream!” He smiled and went to the bathroom.

Afterward, he had his breakfast and then he came to me.

“I was thinking...” He cleared his throat “I am convinced it is not a dream and you…? You can’t stay in here forever! I mean can’t stay in this glass! Forever…”

By his look on his face I knew he was going to say something scary! And my assumption proved correct when he opened his mouth “Maybe you can tell me what happened that day before you appeared here?” He was hesitant.

“Only if you want to, I was just asking so maybe we could find a solution, but leave it I was just” His stammering and a lot of talk couldn’t let me speak but I forced my words out of my mouth.

“I… had an accident!” Why did I say that? Couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut for a while? Curse you Jordan you really pushed me out of my comfort zone and that ‘Not Staying Quiet’ was your thing, not mine!

Peter kept looking at me without blinking his eyes, his mouth was glued shut now. I can tell He wanted to know more! But he just met me, and he wasn’t sure if I wanted to answer any of his questions.

After a long silence, my eyes fell on a sketch of a castle on paper sticking on the wall “That is amazing did you draw it?” I asked and he quickly got up to get it.

“You think it is amazing?” He was looking at me as if I was joking.

“Of course it is brilliant!”

“You know why was it there? On the wall?” He asked me “I hung it there so I could remember my failure, it was for a job interview, they needed a sample and I… accidentally took a green color pencil instead of a regular sketch pencil.

Everyone was laughing at me and wait here let me show you another one!” He quickly took out another sketch from that wall and brought it to me “What do you see here?” He kept the sketch in front of me.

I saw a big pirate ship so I told him “An amazing pirate ship!” I complimented him again.

“Look closely! What else do you see?”

So I focused again and I saw a drawing of a little boy holding a teddy bear, it was drawn by a child, but with a pink color. “Who did that to your drawing?”

“You should ask me why I did that to myself!” He tossed his head and slowly walked away.

There were more amazing sketches on the same wall, but for him, they were reminders of how he failed to get the job.