TO HAVE AND TO HATE

CHAPTER 8

It’s 03:10 in the morning when the car finally pulls up in front of the house. I tried calling Patra on the way here but her phone is switched off. I didn’t bother calling my husband and daughter back because I wasn’t ready to start explaining myself on the phone. Getting out of the car, I walk towards the front door, I take my keys out of my purse and fumble to open the door. When it finally opens, I take a deep breath, open the door and walk into the living room. It's dark and the entire house is very quiet. I kick off my shoes and tiptoe up the stairs and into my room.

Darius is looking down at his phone, but he puts it on the bedside table as I walk in.

‘Hey baby, it’s 3 in the morning and you are still awake?’ I ask, I don’t even know what to say to him right now when he asks why I am coming home this late. This is the first time since he married me that this is happening. There are days when Patra and I have gone out for a night out but I always make sure to be back home before midnight.

‘You expect me to be sleeping when I don’t know where my wife is? Where are you coming from, it’s 3 in the morning Penelope, do you know how worried Tessa and I were? You weren’t even picking up your phone, I called Patra and said you were winding up and you would be home in no time, that was around 22. Your friend didn’t pick any of our calls after that, her phone even went off, can you explain that?’

‘Babe I am sorry, I lost track of the time. I went to the toilet when you called Patra and I meant to call back but I just forgot, I should have been home earlier but the ladies suggested we visit another place and that’s how I lost track of time.’

‘A married woman? Clubbing and partying up to three in the morning? What morals is Tessa supposed to learn from you?’

‘I said I am sorry Darius, what else do you want me to say?’

‘The next time you come back home this late, I will send you back to wherever you came from.’

‘Stop it already. You are not my father,’ I respond, walking past him. I go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. Shit, I look like a fucking mess. I hope Darius bought my story; I wouldn’t want him to suspect that I just slept with someone else.

I turn the faucet on, sticking my hands under the water. I notice they are shaking; I quickly splash some water on my face, hoping it will calm my racing heart and wash the shame of what I have done away but it doesn’t.

I feel so naked. So dirty, like everyone can see that I just slept with someone other than my husband. It’s over now I guess, I’ve gotten Nico out of my system and I won’t be needing him anymore, I have to get on with my life and pretend like this didn’t happen.

Moving away from the mirror, I undress and start the shower. I step under the water without turning the light on, allowing the darkness and water wrap around me, soothing the guilty and ache in my heart. Tears suddenly start pouring down my face as I list down all the reasons why I don’t deserve D. I even pretended to be angry with him so I could avoid the confrontation because I know if we kept talking, he would have been able to tell that I was lying.

After the shower, I walk back into the room and D is lying on the bed, all covered up in his blanket pretending to be asleep. I put on my pajamas, turn off the light and join him in bed. I guess we will talk about this and sort out this mess later in the day. I manage to fall asleep a couple of minutes later and when I wake up, it’s morning and D isn’t in bed with me, I can hear the water running in the shower, he is probably bathing.

I get out of bed and head into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Tessa joins me a few minutes later. She is still clad in her pajamas and doesn’t look like someone going to school.

‘Morning mum.’

‘Hey morning, still in your pajamas?’

‘Yeah, I don’t have a class this morning. The professor who was supposed to take us up lost his father so he traveled. I decided to stay for a bit, I will only go to school in the afternoon.’

‘Okay.’

‘What time did you get home last night?’

‘I got back late.’

‘We were worried about you.’

‘I am sorry, I lost track of time, it will not happen again.’

‘Anyway, it’s good you came back home safe.’

‘I am making breakfast; you sit down there and I will be done soon.’

“Do you need any help with something?’

‘No baby, I am fine.’

‘Okay. So, Gabby will pick me up today and drop me off after school.’

‘How thoughtful of her.’

‘Yeah.’

I have just finished preparing breakfast and I am setting the table. When D walks into the kitchen, he greets Tessa and completely ignores me before he walks to the fridge, grabs an apple and a bottle of water and walks out.

‘Babe? You are leaving?’ I ask, rushing after him.

‘Yeah,’ he responds coldly.

‘Breakfast is ready.’

‘I am not hungry,’ are the last words he says before he walks out on me and slams the door behind his back.

EllaB

The August Girl

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