TO HAVE AND TO HATE

CHAPTER 5

‘I will go and check on Tessa,’ I say to D, after freshening up and changing into my nightie.

‘Alright, I will be here waiting for you.’

Going into Tessa’s and peering inside, I find her sitting on the bed studying. She is so engrossed in her books that she doesn’t notice me walking into her room until I sit at the edge of her bed.

‘Mummy!’ she smiles, looking up at me, ‘You are back?’

‘Yes. We got back a couple of minutes ago, I’ve even managed to freshen up.’

‘I had headsets on probably why I didn’t hear you. How was dinner? You guys had fun?’

‘Dinner was great and yeah; your father and I had a great time. Should you still be studying this late, don’t you think you need to get some rest. You’ve been studying since we left home baby girl.’

She shrugs, ‘I took a break. I went for a short walk and started again. I have exams coming up mum and I am just trying to make sure I get everything right. I wouldn’t want to fail. You and dad have invested a lot in my education, I never want to disappoint you.’

I smile, ‘You have never disappointed us, you will not start now baby girl. You are already smart; you shouldn’t push yourself too much. I think you should get some rest.’

‘Did you eat?’

‘Yeah, I did.’

‘Okay I just came to check up on you. I will be heading to bed now. Get some rest and don’t forget to plug in your phone as you sleep.’

‘Okay ma.’

‘Goodnight. I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

I leave her room for mine, getting into bed next to my husband. Darius turns my face and starts kissing me as he removes my nightdress. As always, Darius doesn’t bother with much foreplay, the minute we are both naked, he enters me and gives me what he considers his best shot. Sex with Darus is boring like doing dishes, we fuck the same way all the time and no matter what he does, he just can’t satisfy me, I wonder what happened to this man- could it be old age?

When we finish, he rolls off me to pull me into his arms from behind. Spooning me, I snuggle as tightly as I can, ‘Good night, babe. I love you,’ he whispers.

‘Good night.’

It doesn’t take Darius long to sleep, he is fast asleep in less than ten minutes but I on the other hand spend almost the whole night awake and deep in thoughts. I keep thinking about Nico and everything he made me feel just by kissing and touching me. I can’t help but wonder what kind of pleasure he could fill my body with if I ended up sleeping with him. Maybe I should just sleep with him once and get over this craving, D doesn’t have to know about this.

I get up around five the next morning and dress in my running gear. I quietly creep downstairs and head outside before I start my morning run. I run for a couple of minutes before meeting up with Patra.

‘Morning baby girl,’ she says as we run side by side.

‘Morning to you too.’

‘How are you?’

‘I am good. You?’

‘I am okay. I couldn’t sleep, I just wanted it to be morning so you could tell me the gist.’

I laugh, ‘You are dramatic.’

‘I am serious.’

‘Let’s run for a while and I will tell you about it.’

‘Penelope?’

‘Catch me if you can.’

I run faster, far ahead of her. I love to run fast, it keeps my mind alive and active, and makes me forget all the problems that I have. I run for about twenty-five minutes before I get to the end of the road and stop to take some water and wait for Patra. She is a good runner too but she is no match to me.

‘Bitch! What was that all about,’ she says when she gets to where I am sitting.

‘I was just challenging you.’

‘Oh please, you are such a show off.’

‘How do you feel?’

She rolls her eyes, opens her bottle of water and takes a large sip. ‘Better.’

‘I met someone.’

‘Bitch! You did? Where? Who? How?’

I bite my lower lip wondering if I should tell her who Nico is. I trust Patra. She has been my ride or die for the longest.

‘Spit.’

I shrug, ‘The night I went out when D didn’t show up for dinner.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I met this nice young man and I think I like him.’

‘A young man? How young?’

‘He is legal.’

‘That’s all that matters. How far have you two gone?’

‘Not far but he touched me and…,’

‘OMG!’ she exclaims.

‘He made me feel alive. D hasn’t made me feel like that in such a long time. I keep thinking about him but on the other hand I feel bad. I feel like I am such a horrible person for cheating on D.’

‘If roles were reversed, do you think D would feel guilty about going to find sex elsewhere?’

‘D is a good man.’

‘I know he is a good man but you are miserable and there is no harm in you trying to spice up your marriage. I think you should go after this young man, have as much sex as you can and when you are done and feel fulfilled, move on. D doesn’t have to know, happy wife, happy marriage.’

‘He wants to take me out tonight.’

‘I hope you are going.’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You should go. You are beautiful and I am sure this young man saw that. Dress up for him, show him what you’ve got.’

I laugh.

‘I am serious. Don’t feel guilty about being happy.’

‘Okay, I will go.’

‘Yes,’ she exclaims.

"We should start heading back, I need to prepare breakfast for my boo and child.’

‘I don’t even know why you bother about cooking when the maid can do that.’

‘I love to take care of my husband.’

‘Let the single breathe,’ she says and we burst out laughing before we get ready to head back.

*

EllaB

The August Girl

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