TO HAVE AND TO HATE

CHAPTER 2

My thoughts are still scattered all over the place as I pull up in front of the house. How in God’s name did I allow him to kiss me and touch me in that manner? I should have pushed him off, I shouldn’t have reciprocated his kiss. He is almost the same age as my Tessa. Oh Lord, if a man my age dared to go after my daughter, I would murder him with my bare hands.

Let’s just blame what happened on the alcohol. This night didn’t happen. I compose myself and summon the courage to get out of the car. When I walk into the house, it is dark and quiet. I kick off my shoes and make my way to Tessa’s room, she is lying peacefully on her bed, her books are lying on the floor, along with an assortment of colored pens.

I pick up her books and place them on the table then plug her phone into the charger before I tuck her in and kiss her goodnight on the forehead just like I did when she was a child. I still can’t believe my little girl is so grown up, it seems like yesterday when I first held her in my arms and now, she is in her first year of university studying to be a lawyer. After Tessa, Darius and I tried to have other children, I got pregnant once and had a miscarriage, I stopped trying after that.

I quietly walk out of Tessa’s room and gently close the door behind my back before heading to my room. Darius is lying in bed, typing away on his phone. He looks up when I close the door, ‘Hey baby!’

‘Hey, how are you? What time did you get back?’

‘A couple of minutes ago. I tried to reach you but you didn’t pick any of your calls. Are you angry I didn’t make it for our dinner?’

‘I didn’t hear my phone ring; it was in my purse and I was in a noisy place.’

‘Noisy place? You were drinking?’

I shrug, ‘I had a glass or two of whiskey after dinner.’

‘Okay.’

‘I will go and freshen up,’

‘Alright babe.’

I enter the bedroom and turn on the shower, letting it heat up while I take off my clothes. I stand in front of the mirror, looking over my naked body. Despite being forty-three my body is gorgeous, I always stay in good shape and seem to be healthy. I exercise regularly and pay attention to what I eat. I hop in the shower and scrub up. After I wash my body, I jump back out and head into the bedroom. I don’t bother getting dressed before heading to bed and lying down next to my husband.

I move closer to him and nestle my head on his shoulder, kissing his neck, ‘I missed you so much,’ I whisper.

‘I missed you too,’ he says, yawning loudly.

‘Tired?’

‘Yeah. I had such a busy day.’

‘Okay,’ I respond, knowing that even if I try to initiate something with him, it will go nowhere. I turn the bedside lamp off and a few minutes later, Darius is snoring loudly beside me. I toss and turn until the wee hours of the morning. I can’t stop thinking about Nico and that kiss. When he pressed himself against me, I felt his erection against my hip bone.

I don’t want to imagine what it would feel like to have him in me. He is young and obviously still very active.

God I shouldn’t even be thinking about this while lying next to my husband. I am such a despicable person.

I am definitely going to hell.

The next morning, I get out of bed before Darius does then head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. I have a house help that comes to help out with the cleaning and other house chores but I prefer to prepare my husband’s meals by myself.

When I am done cooking and the table is set, I head upstairs to get ready for work.

‘Morning babe,’ I say to Darius who seems to have just stepped out of the bathroom.

‘Hey, good morning, babe.’

‘Slept well?’

‘Yeah, I did. And breakfast is ready, I will just get ready so we can eat together.’

‘Okay.’

I spend the next thirty minutes bathing and getting ready for work. My first-class today is at 9 am and the thought of seeing Nico after what happened last night gives me goosebumps. I wear a blue and green dress topped by a navy blazer. When I am fully dressed and have my shows on, I apply a little makeup. Nothing major, just some mascara, eyeshadow and lip gloss.

‘Morning child,’ I say to Tessa when I finally make it downstairs for breakfast.

‘Hey mummy. How are you?’

‘I am good. Slept well?’

‘Yeah, I did, you?’

‘I did.’

‘Thank you for plugging my phone onto the charger last night.’

‘You are welcome baby. What time is your class today?’ I ask as I dish up for myself.

‘At nine.’

‘Okay, mine is at nine too, I can drop you off before I head for work.’

‘Alright that’s okay.’

‘Babe, are we on for dinner tonight?’

‘Yes, we are. I will inform you if any changes come up.’

‘Okay.’

*

EllaB

The August Girl

🌺