TO HAVE AND TO HATE

I look at the clock for the umpteenth time, fretting and fidgeting. Did Darius forget about our plans for the night? It is thirty minutes past eight in the evening, he should have been here an hour ago, I am all dressed up and I’ve been waiting, what makes this even worse is that his phone isn’t even going through. I just hope he is okay; Darius is not one to stand me up.

Finally, after an eternity of waiting and pacing, my phone rings.

‘Babe! D, where have you been? I have been waiting for over an hour now.’

‘Babe I am sorry. Something came up and I am still stuck in a meeting. My phone went off, I didn’t even notice until a few minutes ago. Can we have dinner tomorrow night instead? I promise I will make it up to you.’

‘Alright babe, I guess I will just go out and eat by myself because I don’t see myself cooking tonight.’

‘I can order something for you to eat right from the comfort of the house.’

‘It’s okay babe, I just need some fresh air. I won’t go far.’

‘Alright babe. I will send you some money, enjoy your dinner.’

‘Okay, I will see you later then.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

I end the call and quickly change my clothes, opting for comfort over cuteness. Then I grab my phone and sling my bag over my shoulder and walk downstairs. Tessa is lying on the couch, typing away on her phone, she looks up when she sees me.

‘You’ve changed?’

‘Yes, your father got caught up with work and won’t make it for our dinner. I am heading out to eat and get some fresh air, you want to join me?’

‘No thank you. I already ate.’

‘Okay. I will see you later.’

‘Sure. Take good care of your sweet self and don’t do what I wouldn’t do.’

I laugh, ‘Oh please.’

I leave the house and drive straight to a local restaurant for a good steak dinner before heading to a bar close by for some drinks. I don’t usually go to bars, I don’t go out much at all but tonight, I just want to let loose and forget how boring my marriage has been. You see I don’t regret marrying my husband, he is a good man, he’s nice, thoughtful and caring plus we get along just great, it’s just that sometimes I feel trapped. Our boring sex life has my mind wandering, I’ve thought about different things and possibilities.

There are moments I’ve even thought of seeking sexual and physical satisfaction elsewhere in the last couple of years but I guess I am not bold enough to cheat. When Daruis and I got married, the sex was really great, like it always is at the very beginning of a relationship, we did it everywhere, almost all the time and it was fun. But now when we get to do it, it’s sort of rote and expected.

I feel like a bad person for having these thoughts. I guess a drink or two will help clear my mind.

I walk into the bar, sit down on a stool and quickly say to the bartender, ‘Can I have a double shot of whiskey!’

He nods before he places a shot glass in front of me and pours it full with whiskey. I down the whiskey in one gulp before asking for a refill.

‘Mrs. K.’

I jump a little, startled at the familiar voice.

‘Nico?’

‘In the flesh,’ he says before sidling up to the bar next to me. Nico is one of my top performing students and he is known by his peers on campus as a ladies’ man. He is the last person I expected to see in this place. There aren’t a lot of young people in this place.

‘What are you doing here?’

He ignores my question and eyes me up and down, his gaze lingering on my breasts before moving down to my hips. His intense gaze has my heart beating fast. I don’t know why but the way Nico looks at me makes me nervous.

‘Nico?’

‘Oh sorry. I got carried away, you know you are really beautiful Mrs. K, right?’ he asks, his eyes finally making their way to mine.

‘Huh!’ I exclaim, glancing around to double check that he is talking to me.

‘I said you are beautiful Mrs. K.’

I laugh, am I getting hit on by a student? Someone young enough to be my child?

‘What’re you drinking? I’d really love to buy you another,’ he offers.

‘No thank you. I have myself covered.’

The bartender takes that moment to place my shoots in front of me and like before, I down them in one gulp.

‘Easy tiger, easy,’ Nico says.

‘What are you trying to do? Are you even legal enough to be in this place?’ I ask, my voice comes out breathy and weird.

He smiles before ordering himself a vodka tonic.

‘And one more for my beautiful friend,’ he calls out, pounding on the bar top.

‘I asked you a question.’

‘You want to know how old I am Mrs. K?’

‘I am asking if you are legal enough to be in this place. Shouldn't you be studying or working on your assignments?’

‘I am legal,’ he winks. ‘And I am just excited to be sitting this close to you away from school grounds. This is a dream come true.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘I don’t know how you haven’t noticed this but I really like you. I get a boner just staring at you and hearing you speak in class.’

‘What?’

The bartender places our drinks in front of us before he responds. I reach for the shot glass and quickly toss the drink down my throat. I stare at him, our eyes meet, I pull back quickly, surprised at the zip of electricity. My heart beats fast and I feel my stomach clench in knots. Jesus Penelope, get a grip. You are forty-three, not twenty and he is way younger than you. You are an adult. The line here is firm.

I take several deep breaths before I find the courage to look up at him, ‘You shouldn’t be saying such things to me, I am your lecturer. Besides, I am way older than you and I am married.’

‘You being married doesn’t scare me,’ he smirks.

I click my tongue and rise to my feet, ‘I don’t have the strength to do this with you right now,’ I pay the bartender and head out of the bar.

‘Mrs. K!’ he calls after me but I ignore him and walk fast. He catches up with me just as I exit the bar. I barely say anything before he grabs my hand, pins me against the wall and his mouth is on me. For a moment there, I freeze, completely shocked as he presses his body against me. What should I do? Stop him! This isn’t right. I am married and he is my student, I could lose my job and everything I have worked for.

When his hand grabs onto my hip, I moan and gasp, he uses that opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth, kissing me like his life depends on it. He is so good at this; I don’t remember when last Darius kissed me with such passion. The over eighteen years that I have been married to him, this is the first time I have touched lips other than his.

‘Nico...,’ I say, pulling back when I get a bit of my senses back. ‘What the hell was that?’

He smiles, ‘I am sorry, I got carried away. I’ve been wanting to do this since the first time I saw you.’

‘You are my student Nico and I am married. This was a mistake that should never happen again. God, are you even legal?’

‘I will be nineteen soon, I am very legal, don't worry about that.’

‘Fuck? You could pass for my child.’

‘But I am not your child.’

‘You know what? Just leave me alone,’ I say before quickly heading to my car.

*

EllaB

The August Girl

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