The Unwanted Wolf

After lunch, I met Ginger back out in the yard for more practice. I felt better after eating, but I was still a little worn out from training earlier. I knew we were going to move onto something new, which excited me. I wanted to learn more about what sorcerers could do, since I only knew a handful of things.

Ginger paced back and forth in front of me, as I stood there shifting on my feeting. I was waiting for her to give me the next instructions, but she seemed to be deep in thought.

Suddenly she stopped and looked at me. “What kind of a sorcerer do you want to be?”

“What do you mean? Like how do I want to use my powers?” This was not the kind of question I had anticipated from her.

“How would you want the world to know you as a sorcerer? The benevolent? The destroyer? The all powerful? How do you want people to view you?” she clarified. Her stare became more intense.

“I…” I stopped to think about it. How did I want people to see me? I had always been desperate to please people. I didn’t want to offend them or make them run away from me. It was never about how I wanted them to see me, though. Not exactly. I didn’t care if they saw me for who I really was as long as I didn’t feel unwanted. Things felt different now, though. Mark saw me for who I really was, and he cared about me.

Finally, I said, “I don’t need the world to see me. As long as I have people around me who truly care about me, then I don’t care if the world knows about who I am. I don’t care about being powerful or having some title. I just want to protect the people I love.”

Ginger smiled. “Excellent. Let’s get started. I want to see what kind of abilities you can accomplish, so we will start with some basic magic. Is there anything other than shifting that you have been able to do?”

“I healed Mark after Theron stabbed him. I almost couldn’t though.” My heart raced thinking about that memory. If I had been a moment later with healing him, he might not be alive right now.

“Ah, but you were successful with it, and that is step one. Magic is not some innate ability that you can be successful with the first time you do it every time,” Ginger said. She started pacing back and forth again.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “It’s not?”

“No, girl. Sorcerers are born with magic inside of them, but it is up to the sorcerer themselves to nurture that power into something more. Most children of sorcerers attend a special school that teaches them how to do just that.”

I frowned, thinking about this. “How am I supposed to ever catch up to Theron? He has been raised as a sorcerer. He is going to be better than I am, no matter how hard I train.”

Ginger walked over to me and smacked me in the back of the head. “Don’t be so negative. Of course Theron is going to be stronger than you when you first start out, but that doesn’t mean he will always be stronger than you.”

“I don’t have the kind of time it would take to get better than him. I can’t hide out here forever, and he’ll find me sooner than later, and if I can’t stop him-”

Ginger smacked the back of my head again. “You’re spiraling. That’s not going to do you any good. You’re forgetting something key in all of this. You don’t just have your magic to help you.”

I thought about this for a moment. I knew what she was implying, but I didn’t know how that would give me an advantage against someone who could use magic. Magic seemed more powerful than any werewolf.

“How does having a wolf help me?” I finally asked.

Ginger just smiled at me. “You know the answer to this already, girl. Your wolf is strong and protective. She helps you heal and move faster. You can shift into a wolf at will. Werewolves are powerful creatures unto themselves. Add in a little magic, and you have something quite incredible.”

“I don’t feel incredible. I have never been incredible. I have always been plain and unwanted.” I tightened my fists, thinking about how my life had gone.

Ginger approached me and patted me on the cheek. “Child, I have seen your past and I have seen your future. You are incredible in more ways than you realize. You have survived on your own for years. You have shown compassion to people when they don’t deserve it. You never stopped fighting, even when you had plenty of reasons to.” She grabbed my hand and pressed it against my heart. “Your skills and power don’t matter if you don’t have the heart to use them properly. You are destined for great things. It’s as simple as that.”

I felt my heart pounding against my hand. For some reason, Ginger’s words rang in my ears, and something told me there was truth in her words.

“So what next?”

Ginger jumped back, scaring me a little. “First we see what you can pull off. Let’s test out what kinds of magic you can do.”

I nodded my head. “Okay. I’m ready.”

“Let’s try elemental powers first. Is there anything that sticks out to you?” she asked.

I thought about the different elements, but I wasn’t sure how one would speak to a person. I didn’t think ice suited me. I didn’t like being out in the cold. “Maybe fire?” I suggested, feeling completely unsure.

Ginger nodded. “Okay, imagine creating a flame in the palm of your hand. Remember the breathing exercises from before, and use your imagination to visualize what you want to create.”

I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing. I saw the little ball of light deep within me, and watched as it grew larger with each breath. Then I tried to imagine the ball of light turning into a flame. I held out my palm and willed a flame to create. I felt the heat growing in my palm.

Finally, I opened my eyes, expecting a little flame to be in my palm, but there was nothing there. I frowned, feeling disappointed.

“Try again,” Ginger ordered.

I continued trying to imagine a little flame appearing in my hand, but the most I was able to accomplish was heating my palm. Ginger said it was a start, but she decided to have me move onto different elements. I tried creating a breeze, water, manipulating plants, and various other techniques, but none of them were successful. At most, I would have the start of the element, but nothing came from it.

After the elements, Ginger had me try other types of magic, including healing. I was unable to recreate the healing effect from before, I couldn’t create anything new, and I couldn’t even mold something into something new.

After several hours of failed attempts, I found myself sitting on the steps of the porch, feeling completely discouraged. I couldn’t seem to accomplish anything new with magic. Maybe I was too late with my training, I would never be able to learn anything serious.

“This was just the first day. Don’t look so glum, girl,” Ginger said, walking up the steps. “We’ll try potion making tomorrow. Get some rest, and we’ll try again tomorrow.” She disappeared inside the house to start dinner, but I stayed out on the porch.

The sun hovered above the horizon, and it wouldn’t be long before it completely sank out of view. Day one did not go as I expected. I thought I would be able to accomplish a new skill, but the most I did was fine tune my shifting a little. Nothing new that would ensure success in the fight with Theron.

I closed my eyes and balled my hands into fists. I had to do something to turn the tides. The last fight with Theron was too close. We almost lost, and I couldn’t risk going into the inevitable fight without something new. I was sure Theron would have something up his sleeve as well. It was a close fight for him, and I was sure he would prepare something sneaky to ensure his win. I was feeling hopeless at these thoughts.

“Hey, what are you doing out here still?” Mark asked from behind me. “It’s getting cold.”

I opened my eyes and looked up. He was standing behind me, and his face was a welcomed sight. “I’m just tired from today.”

Mark frowned. He pulled his jacket off him and placed it on my shoulders. He then sat next to me and pulled me into him. “Things didn’t go as planned?”

I let my head rest against his chest. I instantly felt better with his contact. “I don’t know if I can do this, Mark. I can’t seem to control any magic. What if I’m not good enough? What if I can’t learn what I need to in time? What if Theron wins because of me and you lose me or I lose you? It’s just too much pressure. I don’t know if I can handle it.”

“Then don’t put pressure on yourself,” Mark said. He tightened his grip around my shoulders. “We won’t rely on your magic to win. It’s as simple as that. There has to be another way to get an edge on Theron. Instead of you trying to push yourself, don’t. If it’s going to cause your face to look like that, then it’s not worth it.”

I squinted my eyes at him. “And what does my face look like?”

Mark smirked. He poked my forehead. “Well, you have these deep creases in your forehead.” He touched my lips next. “And your lips have this awful curl down.” Then he poked my nose. “And your nose is all scrunched. Although, that’s pretty cute if you ask me.”

I stuck my tongue out at him, and he laughed at me. “What if it’s not enough without magic?”

Mark smiled in return. “It will be. I have to believe it will be. If trying to learn magic is upsetting you this much, then I will find a way to make it work without it. Then you can train at your own pace without the pressure of Theron’s threat looming over you.”

I snuggled into Mark again. “That sounds much nicer.”

“Good. Then tomorrow we’ll see if Ginger has any suggestions on how to defeat Theron without your magic. We’ll make a plan. We’ll make it work. And then you can smile again.” Mark leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.

“I like that plan much better,” I said. I felt much lighter after talking with Mark.

“Good. Let’s get some dinner and rest then. I’m sure you are exhausted.”

Mark stood up, pulling me up with him. He was about to go inside, but I pulled him back and kissed him on his cheek. “You’re the best.”