The Unwanted Wolf

I met Ginger in the garden. She was sitting in the middle of a bunch of flowers with her legs crossed. Her eyes were closed, and her hands were resting on her knees. Her breath was slow and steady. As I approached, I did my best to move silently. I didn’t want to disturb her meditation.

I stopped and looked around, unsure if I should let her know I was there.

“Sit, child,” she suddenly ordered. She kept her eyes closed.

I jumped at her voice, not expecting it. I looked around me and found a patch of ground that was not filled with flowers. I carefully sat down, not wanting to accidentally crush any flowers. I tried to mimic Ginger’s pose, placing my hands on my knees and sitting with a straight spine.

“Relax your shoulders, and your palms should be facing up.” Ginger didn’t open her eyes. She definitely had some sort of clairvoyant powers. She was too knowing, even without being able to see.

“How did you know-”

“You shouldn’t rely on your eyes so heavily, girl. You must use all of your senses to be aware of your surroundings. Sound, taste, feel, and smell are just as important as your sight, but too many people rely solely on their eyes. You can see so much more when you learn to look in other ways.”

I made the adjustments Ginger asked for in my position. I let her words sink in. “So what’s the first lesson?”

Ginger took a slow, deep breath before answering. “Breathing and senses. They may seem basic, but you need to learn the basics before you can become a master. We have to take this one step at a time. Now close your eyes, and follow the pattern of my breath. Use your other senses to follow along.”

I closed my eyes, and the world became dark. I listened closely to the breath Ginger was taking. Five seconds inhale, five seconds exhale. I slowly matched my breath to hers. It took a few tries to match her count at the same pace, but when I was insync with her, the world felt a little different. I couldn’t physically see Ginger, but her movements were clear in my head. I knew her chest was rising and falling. The slight breeze was blowing her partially grayed hair. Her nose twitched from a new scent that was carried among the breeze.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. I could hear the tree branches scraping each other. I could smell the rain clouds rolling in. I could feel the drop in temperature. I could taste the morning dew. I saw the world more clearly now than when I was walking out here with my eyes open. I was amazed at how a little breath work could open my mind so much.

I watched the world around me unfold like a movie in my head. I had no idea how much time had passed, when Ginger finally broke my concentration.

“Excellent. If you can’t do something, just remember to come back to this breathing technique. Work through the task in your mind, and it will help you be more successful.” Ginger’s voice was almost jarring.

I opened my eyes and saw her staring at me. “That’s it? That’s the basics?”

“More or less.” She stood up and motioned for me to do the same. “The more you practice something so simple, the more naturally it will come to you. You also have achieved the desired level of concentration faster than others. You really are something special, girl.”

I stood, but I kept my eyes on the ground. I was unsure how to respond to such a compliment. It was both exciting and scary. I hadn’t received many compliments like that before.

“So what’s next?” I asked, still avoiding eye contact.

“You will need to get that confidence of yours up. You can do more than you think, and once you accept that and let go of the words of outsiders, the more powerful you will become.” She didn’t give me a chance to respond, and moved on with the topic. “The next thing for you to practice is shifting. You have been successful with it, yes?”

I nodded my head. “I’ve gotten better at it, but I usually have done it in more tense situations. My emotions got the best of me, and it just sort of was happening.”

“What kind of emotions were you feeling when you were successful?” she asked.

I thought back on the times I was successful. “Mostly fear and anger.”

She hummed in response. “Fear and anger are temporary feelings, and they are difficult to replicate. They can cause great power to emerge, but it can be unpredictable and dangerous. You need to learn to use emotions that are more stable.”

I thought about my emotions recently, and none of them felt very stable. Depending on what was happening around me, my feelings changed drastically.

“Think about what makes you happy,” she said when I didn’t respond.

Mark instantly came to my mind, and I felt myself blushing. He was the biggest reason I had felt true happiness recently. Before, I thought I was happy, but now I knew I was only content. Mark brought out a smile in me that I didn’t even know existed, and I could feel myself smiling thinking about him now.

“Good. Hold onto that thought about your mate. He can be the source of your powers,” Ginger coached.

I held onto the feeling I had from thinking about him, but I didn’t know what to do next. “How do I use this? Fear and anger were easy for me. It didn’t take much thinking to accomplish.” I could feel a power bubbling in my core.

“Focus that feeling into what you want to accomplish. Visualize the two together if that’s what it takes. Start with trying to shift.” Ginger pointed across the garden to the tree. “Shift to that tree.”

I looked over at the tree and visualized moving to it. Nothing happened. I tried imaging Mark over there and wanting to join him. Nothing.

“Remember your breathing,” Ginger said.

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I imagined Mark standing by the tree and moving over to him. I opened my eyes to see the result. Nothing.

I frowned, not understanding what I was doing wrong. Mark made me happy. I was breathing. Why wasn’t I shifting?

“Close your eyes again,” Ginger instructed. “Only focus on your breathing right now.”

I did as she said and stopped trying to visualize Mark. I focused on the movement of my chest and made a point to keep the pace steady. My senses started to come alive. I could feel Ginger move closer to me, so I wasn’t surprised when her voice rang in my ears.

“Good,” she said. “Now imagine your mate by that tree. Imagine his eyes beckoning you towards him. Imagine his arms around you, and the warmth of his body.”

I could see Mark’s face so clearly. I wanted to be by him so desperately. Deep breaths. I could do this. I wanted to be in Mark’s arms right now. I could hear the tree still in the distance, and I knew I hadn’t been successful with shifting yet.

“Now imagine Theron taking a knife and digging it deeply into Mark’s side.”

My heart jumped, and the air around me whooshed. I kept my eyes closed, but I knew exactly what happened. The tree branches danced in the wind right next to me. I finally opened my eyes, and Ginger was frowning from across the garden.

She shifted and was suddenly standing in front of me. “Fear motivated you to shift. This is going to take more work than I anticipated.”

–

I fell back on the ground, trying to catch my breath. I had no idea how shifting could be so exhausting. I didn’t think it took much effort, but after doing it repeatedly, I felt sore and winded. Ginger told me that performing magic was like exercising a muscle. I had lost count of how many shifts I had completed.

“Take a break. Get some food, and then we will continue with the next step afterwards,” Ginger said. She walked away, disappearing into the house.

We had been in the garden for hours training. When I couldn’t shift successfully by imagining happiness, Ginger used fear and anger to motivate me. It worked, but it was emotionally exhausting on top of the physical exhaustion. She cautioned me that this was not the ideal way of handling matters, but if that’s what I needed to do to stay alive, it would work.

After shifting for at least an hour or two that way, she started having me focus on the happiness again, saying to use the feeling of shifting to add to the attempt. It took much longer this way, but I had successfully managed to shift using that method a handful of times. I was told I would need a lot more practice, but it was important to move on and learn new skills.

“Are you hungry?”

I cracked my eyes open and saw Mark standing above me.

I instantly smiled and held my hand out to him for help up. There was no way I would be able to get up on my own at that moment. “Starving.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me up with ease. He pulled me into his body and held me tightly. “Let’s find you something to eat then. How is training going?”

I rested my head against his chest. “I’m absolutely exhausted. I’m honestly glad we went to bed early last night.” I paused, worried he would take the implication the wrong way.

He kissed the top of my head. “Good. I want to make that night special for you anyway.”

I felt the embarrassment creeping in and decided to change the subject right away. “I’m worried I won’t be able to get the hang of this right away. What if I can’t master magic enough to beat Theron?”

“Nonsense,” Mark said. “I have complete faith in you.”

“That makes one of us,” I muttered into his chest.

Mark pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “Adira, you are amazing, and I don’t have any doubts that you will learn what you need to to win this fight, but I want you to remember that you are not alone in this. We are going to be there with you, and we are going to make a plan. We are not going to go into this fight blindly. You’re not alone. Just remember that.”

I lifted up on my feet and kissed Mark’s lips softly. “Thank you for that reminder. Can we get food now?”

Mark smirked at me. “Sure thing.” He quickly grabbed my legs and picked me up bridal style, completely surprising me.

“Mark!” I said, hitting his chest lightly. “Put me down! This is embarrassing.”

“Too bad,” Mark laughed. “You’re tired, so I’m letting you relax for as long as possible.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck, knowing it was useless to fight him. “At least put me down before we get into the house.”

“Not a chance.”

“Mark!”