The Rules of Dating

I hadn’t seen Billie in seven days.

Though not for lack of wanting to. Every night when I got off the subway down the block from my apartment, I gave myself a pep talk:

Keep walking. One foot in front of the other.

Don’t even look in her window as you pass.

You can do it.

She doesn’t want to see you anyway.

You asked her out. She said no.

Take a goddamn hint, dumbass.

Four buildings down from her shop, I got ready to start my nightly mantra, but I only made it as far as Keep walking. One foot in front of the—when I stopped abruptly.

What the fuck?

The front glass window of Billie’s tattoo shop was gone, replaced by a sheet of plywood. Now I had no choice but to stop in.

Justine was at the front desk. I pointed over my shoulder to the window. “What happened to the glass?”

She frowned. “It was like that when Billie got here this morning.” Before she could say any more, the shop’s phone rang. Justine thumbed toward the studio as she reached for the receiver. “Why don’t you go on back and talk to Billie? She’s between customers and can fill you in.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

I knocked, and when I opened the door to the studio, Billie’s back was to me. Apparently she hadn’t heard me, because when she turned around she jumped and clutched her chest.

“Shit.” She plucked an AirPod from one ear. “I didn’t see you come in.”

“Sorry. Justine said it was okay, and I knocked before opening the door.”

Billie shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m just jumpy today, that’s all.”

“What happened to the window?”

“I don’t know. When I got here this morning it was smashed, and there was a brick inside on the floor.”

“A brick? Were you robbed?”

She shook her head again. “No, that’s the strange thing. Nothing seems to be missing. There was even some cash left in the front register from the night before. The police said it could have been kids randomly vandalizing, but they also asked if I’d had any unhappy customers lately—or any relationships that had recently ended badly.” She grimaced.

“Gee, Billie, I don’t know why an ex would want to get even. It couldn’t be the giant pink Tinder logo you inked onto his arm…”

She tried not to smile as she picked up a roll of paper towels and chucked them at my head.

I caught them. “I’m just teasing.”

“I know. But you’re also not wrong. In hindsight, I might’ve taken things a little too far with Kaiden.”

I shrugged. “Nah. Guy was a piece of crap. He got what was coming to him.”

“Thanks for saying that, even if it’s not true.” She opened a cabinet. “I just canceled my last appointment for the day. Having that window smashed this morning really freaked me out. I’m going to make myself a Honey Jack and Coke. You want one?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

Billie mixed two drinks in plastic cups. Hopping up on her tattoo chair, she motioned to the seat across from her. “Pop a squat. Deek is on dinner break for an hour. Oh, wait—do you need to get home to Saylor?”

I checked the time. “I have a little while before I have to relieve the nanny.” Even if I hadn’t, I got the feeling Billie needed some company, so I would’ve texted and asked the nanny to stay later, though I rarely did that. I sucked back some of my drink. “So are the cops going to visit your ex and question him about the window?”

Billie shook her head. “I didn’t tell them about Kaiden.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. Guilt, I guess. I don’t think I was wrong for inviting all the Tinder women here, but maybe I was a tad aggressive with his tattoo. It’s just…” Billie shook her head and sighed. “I guess you could say I’m not very lucky in love. I’ve been burned a few times, and I let it all come to a boiling point on Kaiden.”

I nodded. “I get it. I don’t have the best track record with relationships myself.”

“Oh yeah? You want to go toe to toe? See who has the worst relationship story?”

“Sure.” I smiled and lifted my chin. “Ladies first.”

“Welp, I guess my worst relationship would be Lucas. We met when I was twenty and backpacking through Australia. I’d just finished my tattoo apprenticeship and decided to take a month off before I began working full time as an artist. I love to travel—that’s probably the one thing my mother and I have in common—so I flew to Melbourne and started to work my way up the Great Ocean Road. I met Lucas at Bells Beach, the place where they have the big annual surfing contest. I was there early one morning, watching the sun come up, and he walked up with his board and offered to teach me to surf. Long story short, we spent the next five weeks together, traveling all over Australia. Lucas was from California, he worked in Silicon Valley, and he told me he’d recently sold an app for twenty-million dollars, so he was taking a break to figure out what he should do next. When it was time for me to return to New York and start my new position as a full-fledged tattoo artist, Lucas came home with me. I was head over heels, and I thought he was, too.”

I nodded. This story already made my stomach turn.

“Anyway,” she said, “Lucas and I moved in together. We soon realized my apartment was too small for two, so we signed a lease for a great place I could never have afforded on my own, got a joint bank account where he parked his spending money—over two-hundred-thousand dollars—and I was happier than I’d ever been. I had the guy of my dreams and had just started a job I absolutely loved. I even introduced him to my mother, and we were planning a trip out to California so I could meet his family. While we were there, he was going to pack up and bring the rest of his things to New York. Things were going great…until I came home from work one day and everything of value was gone from my apartment. And our joint bank account, which had also held sixty-thousand dollars of an inheritance I received when my grandmother died—was empty too.”

I raked a hand through my hair. “Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, Billie. What happened after that?”

She shrugged. “I went to the police. Turned out the guy was a known scammer and had done it to others. But he hops around from country to country, so he hasn’t gotten caught. Not that I would expect him to have any of my money left. He spent cash as if he actually had twenty million in the bank.”

Billie gulped down the rest of her drink and pointed to me. “Your turn. I’m guessing this is one contest I’ll win. I haven’t even known you that long, and I know you wouldn’t do something so stupid.”

I shook my finger back and forth. “I wouldn’t be so sure. Don’t assume this pretty face has a matching set of brains. I’ve done my share of dumb shit.”

Billie leaned back in her chair and folded her hands behind her head. “Oh, I can’t wait to hear this.”

“Well, in the end, my outcome is better. But I’ve definitely led with my head in the past.” I pointed to the one on top of my shoulders. “Just not always this one.”

Telling this story required some liquid courage, so now I emptied my cup. “Almost five years ago, I met a woman named Raven. Because I’m apparently cliché as fuck with more than just my choice of tattoos, Raven was a stripper, and I met her at a strip club—on Halloween of all days. I was out with my buddies, got to talking with one of the women after the show, and wound up taking Raven home with me. She left the next morning, and I never heard from her again—until August of the next year, when she showed up on my doorstep with a five-week-old baby.”

Billie’s eyes grew as wide as saucers. “No way!”

I nodded. “Yep. She told me it was my kid, and that she had a job interview she couldn’t miss and no one to watch the baby. She pretty much said three sentences, set the baby carrier and a diaper bag down in the doorway, and turned around and took off. I stood there shell-shocked for a minute, but then ran after her. Two buildings down, I realized I’d just left a baby alone in my apartment, so I ran back.”

“What did you do when she came back?”

I looked Billie in the eyes. “I’ll let you know when that happens.”

“Oh my God, Colby. Are you saying Saylor’s mother left her on your doorstep and you never saw her again?”

I nodded. “To be honest, I wasn’t even sure the baby was mine at first. I had no idea what to do. I’d never changed a diaper in my life.”

“Did you try to find her?”

I nodded again. “For a long time. But the only thing I knew about her was that she worked at the strip club. Of course I went back there, but the manager said she hadn’t worked there in six months. I went as far as hiring a private investigator to track her down, but she was nowhere to be found. Turned out Raven wasn’t even her name, it was Maya, and she wasn’t in the country legally, so the paper trail was pretty scarce.”

Billie shook her head. “Holy crap. That’s crazy.”

“Do I win?”

She laughed. “I think you might.”

“Then I guess I win twice. Because Saylor turned out to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. My crazy story might beat your crazy story, but in the end, I got the love of my life.”

Billie’s face went soft. “That’s really beautiful, Colby.”

A few minutes later, Deek walked in. He surveyed the scene and smirked at Billie. “Am I interrupting something, boss?”

Billie rolled her eyes. “No, Deek. Colby and I were just talking.”

“Uh-huh.” He lifted his chin to me. “How you doin’, man?”

I hopped out of his tattoo chair and extended a hand. “Not bad. You think her ex, Kaiden, did this to her window? Maybe you and I should go have a talk with him.”

Deek smiled. “I like the way you think.”

“Uh, no one is going to talk to Kaiden,” Billie said. “We’re just going to chalk this up to some kids being jerks and put it behind us.”

I looked at Deek, and he shrugged. “She’s my boss. She might be short, but I’m afraid of her crazy ass.”

I chuckled. “Alright. But if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Billie shook her head. “I think I’m going to get out of here. Do you need anything from me before I leave, Deek?”

“Nope. All good.”

“Okay, I’m going to head out. Justine leaves now, too, so I’m locking the door behind us, just to be safe. You’ll need to keep an eye out for when your appointment knocks.”

“Yes, boss.”

Billie looked at me and tilted her head toward the door. “Come on. I know you have to get to your daughter. I’ll walk out with you.”

Out on the sidewalk, Billie and I stood for a minute, looking at the plywood sheet.

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked. “Call a glass company or something?”

“Thanks, but I already scheduled a company to come install new glass tomorrow morning. And I’m also having an alarm installed on Saturday—with cameras. If there’s a next time something like this happens, I’m going to know who it was.”

I nodded. Billie was tough, but she had to be shaken up from the day. “Good. Can I walk you home at least?”

She smiled. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m going to grab an Uber tonight. I’m too lazy to do the mile-and-a-half-long trek, nor do I feel like riding two subways. It’s been a really long day, and I just want to get home and soak in a hot bath with some wine.”

I grinned. “If you need someone to wash your back…”

She play-slapped my abs. “Goodnight, Colby. Thanks for checking in on me.”

“Anytime, sweetheart.” Just as I was about to walk away, I turned back. “I almost forgot. Saylor asked me to invite you to her birthday party on Saturday.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “You don’t have to come, but I don’t want her to find out I didn’t extend the invitation. Like Deek said, sometimes it’s the little ones we’re most afraid of. My boss just happens to be only three-feet tall.”

Billie smiled. “What time is the party and where is it?”

“It’s at three. Her actual birthday isn’t until Monday, but I’m having a few of my friends, a girl Saylor plays with from preschool, and my parents over. It’s just in our apartment, nothing too fancy.”

“I’ll try to stop by. The alarm company is calling me in the morning to give me a four-hour window that day, so I’m not positive I’ll make it, but I’ll try.”

I rubbed my chin. “So when my daughter invites you, you’ll come. But not when I invite you to do something with me?”

“Don’t be offended, Big Daddy. Saylor doesn’t have that thing I’ve recently determined I’m allergic to.”

I shook my head. “What thing?”

“A penis.” She winked. “Nighty-night, Colby.”

***

Saturday afternoon, I got excited every time someone knocked at my apartment door. But by seven thirty, it had become apparent that Billie wasn’t going to make it. Most of the guests who had come to help Saylor celebrate her fourth birthday had already left, and it was only Owen, Holden, and me still sitting around drinking beer when there was a knock at the door. I hadn’t told the guys I’d invited Billie, because once they caught on that you liked a woman, the ball busting never stopped.

So I pretended to be surprised when I opened the door and Billie was on the other side. She held a couple of wrapped gifts in her hands.

“Hey. It’s good to see you,” I said.

She looked around me and into my apartment. “Am I too late? The alarm company took hours to install the system. I locked up as soon as they left.”

Saylor came running from behind me. “Billie! You came!”

Billie bent down, and my daughter threw her arms around her neck.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I came as soon as I could.”

“It’s okay. You got here just in time. Uncle Holden is going to sing me a special song. He wrote it just for my birthday.”

“Did he? Wow, no one has ever written a song for me.” Billie tapped Saylor’s little nose with her pointer. “You must be super special.”

We were still in the doorway, so I nodded toward the inside of my apartment. “Come on in. I still have a ton of food, and there’s cake, too.”

The guys said hello, shooting me questioning looks. I ignored them.

“Are you hungry?” I asked Billie. “It’ll take two seconds to heat something up. We had all of Saylor’s favorites: baked ziti, chicken fingers, and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.”

“Oooh…peanut butter and banana sandwiches sound delicious. But I just ate at the shop a little while ago. I ordered in while they were working. I thought I might starve to death if I didn’t.”

“How about some cake then?”

Saylor jumped up and down. “Daddy made it himself.”

Billie raised her eyebrows. “You baked a cake?”

“Don’t get too excited. It’s from a box, lopsided, and I didn’t wait long enough for it to cool before frosting it, so the top is sort of icing mixed with cake bits. But if you close your eyes, it tastes pretty damn good.”

She smiled. “Maybe just a little piece.”

“You got it.”

While I cut a slice of cake, Billie gave Saylor the gifts she’d brought.

“Daddy, can I open them, pleeeeeaaasssseeeee.” She said it like I was physically capable of denying her anything in this world.

“Sure, sweetheart. Go ahead.”

The first present she unwrapped was an art set. It looked like a pretty nice one, too—not a typical kids’ set. Billie pointed to it. “This was the first set of paint markers I ever had. I was about your age when I got them. Once I started to draw with those, no one could stop me. I fell in love with art.”

Saylor held them to her chest. “I can’t wait to draw with them!”

Billie held out a second gift. “And this is something I made just for you.” She looked over at Holden. “I can’t sing like your Uncle Holden, but I hope you like what I drew.”

Saylor ripped open the wrapping paper. Inside was a framed photo of a fairy. When I took a closer look, I realized the fairy’s face was Saylor’s.

“Holy crap. You drew that from memory?”

Billie nodded. “It wasn’t hard. This little girl doesn’t have a face you easily forget.”

“Daddy! I’m a fairy! I’m a fairy!”

“I see that. Those are some pretty amazing gifts, Saylor. What do you say?”

Saylor wrapped her arms around Billie’s waist. “Thank you, Billie. I’m going to draw you a picture with my new markers!”

“You’re so welcome. I can’t wait to see what you create.”

Saylor ran over to Holden and Owen to show them her new Saylor Fairy.

“You didn’t have to go to all that trouble,” I whispered to Billie.

“I wanted to. Plus, that reaction just made my entire day—my week, even. I might start drawing her something on the regular just to have someone look at me like that.”

I smiled. “Tell me about it. Why do you think she has four-hundred elephant stuffed animals? She loves them, and I’m addicted to the way her eyes light up when I bring one home.”

A little while later, Owen left. Then Holden said he needed to get going, so he told the birthday girl to take a seat so he could serenade her. It didn’t matter if they were four or thirty, women could not resist when Holden sang. He’d written a sweet little lullaby, and my daughter wore a toothy smile from ear to ear the entire time he sang it. I’d been enjoying it, too, until I glanced over and saw the way Billie was looking at Mr. Rockstar.

Fuck. A lot of women loved Holden and his scraggly I-don’t-give-two-shits look. But they all wanted to jump his bones once he broke out an instrument or started crooning. I wasn’t even sure why he was the drummer in his band. The dude could’ve fronted any group he wanted as a singer. Even I had to admit his voice was damn sexy.

When it was over, Billie blinked a few times. “Wow. That was amazing.”

Holden flashed his signature aww, shucks smile, and I couldn’t get the fucker out of my apartment fast enough. I might’ve actually shoved him through the door. Though I thought I’d done it discreetly.

“Do you want me to go, too?” Billie asked when I turned back toward her. “You sort of rushed your friends out.”

“I did?”

She lifted a knowing brow.

So I came clean. “Women can’t help but fall for Holden, whether he’s singing or playing the drums. It was only a matter of time until you tossed your panties at him if I let him stay.”

Billie chuckled. “Do I seem like the panty-tossing type to you?”

I sighed. “Owen’s grandmother hit on Holden after she saw him play the drums once.”

“His voice is beautiful, and I’m sure he’s a very talented musician. But I’m not interested in Holden.”

“No?”

She shook her head.

“How about any of his friends? Because I’ve heard dudes who can bake a cake are way better in bed than the ones who can sing.”

Billie’s eyes sparkled. “That cake was pretty delicious.”

Luckily, my daughter ran back out to the kitchen before I pushed things too far—like suggesting I smear the rest of the cake all over her body and lick it off.

“Daddy, can we go to the bridge now?”

“In a few minutes, sweetheart. Why don’t you go get a sweatshirt?”

“Okay!”

Saylor ran back toward her bedroom, and I realized what I’d done.

“Hey, kiddo, don’t take everything out of your dresser to find one sweatshirt. Just pick something on top.”

Billie laughed. “You know your daughter.”

“Last week I told her to grab a pair of shorts. I was finishing up a project for work on my laptop. When I went into her room, it looked like a bomb had exploded in a kid’s clothing store.”

“That’s what my apartment looks like most of the time.”

I chuckled. “Women.”

“So where are you two off to? Saylor said a bridge?”

“Oh yeah. We’re going to check out the Ward’s Island Bridge. It’s a tradition my dad started when I was born. He’s an architect, too, and he loved to show me different structures around the city. Every year on my birthday, he took me to a different bridge. We actually haven’t missed one yet, and I’m twenty-nine.”

“Really?”

I nodded.

“How long until you run out of bridges? What are there, like thirty in the city?”

“Close.” I smiled. “There are two thousand and twenty-seven of them in the five boroughs.”

Billie’s face wrinkled up. “You’re kidding, right?”

I laughed. “Nope.”

“Oh my God. You must think I’m an idiot.”

“Not at all. Honestly, most people would guess the same. Everyone knows the main ones—Brooklyn, Verrazano, GW, Queensboro…”

“Where’s the one you’re going to see tonight?”

“It’s up on a Hundred and Third. It’s a footbridge that crosses over the Harlem River to get to Ward’s Island. Why don’t you come?”

Billie hesitated. “It’s your tradition with your daughter. I don’t want to intrude on your time together.”

“Trust me, Saylor would be thrilled. It’s always just us two.”

“I don’t know…” She still wasn’t sold.

“Do I need to have my daughter ask you so you’ll say yes? You act like I’m asking you to go to the gas chamber.”

Billie laughed. “I do not.”

“Prove me wrong, then, and come. I’m not asking you on a date this time. We can be friends, can’t we?”

She bit her lip. “Fine. Yes, we can be friends.”

“Great.” I winked. “But just to clarify, I sometimes look at my friends’ asses.”