The Rules of Dating a Younger Man

The room felt like it was swaying. Kate…was Alex’s stepdaughter, Caitlin? The Kate I’d dated for a few months in college. The Kate who was so sweet I didn’t know how to break her heart when I began to lose interest, so I’d just distanced myself until she ended things. That Kate. The Kate who deserved better than the immature guy I’d been back then. The Kate who was from fucking Connecticut and used to talk about her beautiful, young stepmom she looked up to. That Kate.

Fuck!

Caitlin.

Kate.

This can’t be happening.

There was no time to figure out the best way to handle this situation. I had to move quickly. My gut instinct was to protect Alex. And the only way I knew how to do that was to pretend she had nothing to do with me.

“Nice to meet you.” I smiled as I stared into Alex’s eyes, silently pleading with her to forgive me. Please forgive me.

She swallowed, her voice barely audible as she began to play along. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here in Seneca Falls?” Kate asked.

In a daze, I turned back toward her. “Just, uh, here on business.”

She nodded. “What are you up to these days?”

I glanced over at Alex, whose face had turned practically white. Feeling outside of my own body, I said something trite to Kate about my job—I mentioned living in New York and the building. I might’ve asked her what was going on in her life, but I sure as hell didn’t absorb the answer. My brain was on autopilot while my heart was going a mile a minute trying to make sense of this. How had this never occurred to me? Surely there were clues I’d missed.

I needed to get the hell out of here, because standing in front of them and lying through my teeth while Alex was clearly hurt wasn’t something I could continue for much longer. “It was so great seeing you again after all this time, Kate. Truly. But I’m late meeting someone, and I forgot something upstairs, so I’d better go.”

“Good seeing you, too,” she said. “Take care.”

“Enjoy your evening.” I gave Alex one final apologetic look before walking away.

My heart raced as I dashed back into the elevator.

It felt like I was floating down the hall as I headed to my room in a surreal fog. How had this night, that was supposed to be epic, turned into my worst nightmare?

Once inside my room, I paced. All that mattered was getting to Alex and figuring this out. I needed to find a way to talk to her tonight, needed to make sure she was okay. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. It killed me that Alex was hurting and I couldn’t comfort her. It killed me even more that I was the cause of her pain. Never in my life had I wished so badly that I could turn back time. But this whole thing would’ve come out eventually.

I needed to talk to someone. The first person I thought to call was Holden. He was the only one of the guys who knew how things had been developing with Alex. Although he wouldn’t have a solution for me, I needed to let this out before I went insane.

After dialing him, I pulled on my hair as it rang.

He picked up, and I could hear his baby daughter, Hope, babbling. “Hey, man, what’s—”

“I’m going out of my mind, Holden.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re never gonna believe what just happened.”

“Try me.”

“Do you remember me mentioning a girl I dated back in college named Kate?”

“Vaguely, maybe?”

“We weren’t together that long. Like a few months.”

“Don’t freaking tell me you have a child you didn’t know about. Am I gonna have to start calling you Colby?”

I laughed bitterly. “That scenario might be easier than the one I’m currently dealing with.”

“Well, fuck. What can be worse than that? Tell me what’s going on.”

“Alex and I were having a nice weekend. It’s her birthday. Tonight was supposed to be…” I hesitated, deciding not to share what was supposed to happen tonight. “It was supposed to be special. But her stepdaughter just showed up here, maybe to surprise Alex for her birthday. Well, turns out Alex and I were both surprised.”

“I’m not following.”

“Her stepdaughter and my old college girlfriend, Kate, are one and the same.”

“Oh. Shit. No way!”

“Yeah.”

“How did you not figure this out before?”

“I’d never seen a picture of her stepdaughter. And Alex always referred to her as Caitlin. Caitlin went by Kate in college. Now that I think of it, Kate was from Connecticut. So is Alex. But that’s such a minor similarity. I would’ve never thought to connect the two. Everyone I went to school with called me Brady, remember? That’s what I told them my name was—figured it was short for Brayden. I’d had that stupid idea that I wanted to create a new identity at college, and that shortening my name to Brady would somehow help. Boy, that came back to bite me in the ass.”

“Okay, so that’s why her daughter didn’t make the connection…”

“I guess.” I shook my head. “God, this is so messed up.”

“Alright.” He sighed. “It is…but listen, as hard as it may be to believe right now, it’s not the end of the world. What you had with Kate wasn’t serious, right? And it’s been a decade. Very good chance she doesn’t give two shits about any of this. So who cares?”

“Pretty sure Alex does. There’s no way she’s gonna get over the fact that Kate and I were together at one time, no matter how many years have passed. And there’s absolutely no way she’d do anything if there was a chance it would upset her daughter. I know her. It’s family first. Alex and Kate? They’re all each other has. Alex and me? We’re done.” My voice cracked. “We’re fucking done, Holden.”

“You need me to come there?”

“No, man. Thank you, though. I appreciate the offer.”

He sighed. “I don’t know what to say. This is the craziest shit that’s ever happened to one of us. I’m truly sorry.”

“Figures it would happen to me.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m more worried about Alex than anything, though. She’d finally decided to trust me. I don’t know if she’s told Kate the truth by now or not. Either way, it’s a shitshow.”

“Wait…back up. The daughter hasn’t figured it out yet?”

“Everything happened so fast. I’d just gone downstairs to meet Alex when I saw them both standing there. Kate recognized me before Alex could introduce us. Once I figured out what was happening, I didn’t know what to do. I basically pretended to introduce myself to Alex, made small talk with Kate for a minute or two, and then left. I can’t imagine what’s going on in Alex’s head right now.”

“Okay. Here’s what you’re gonna do…” he said. “You’re gonna breathe. Calm the fuck down. And don’t beat yourself up about this, Brayden. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Sure as hell doesn’t feel that way.” I exhaled. “At the moment, I feel like the worst person on the planet.”

“Sometimes things happen for a reason, even if we can’t figure out why.”

“I have a hard time believing that anything good could possibly come out of this.”

“I’m putting my money on your ex not caring as much as you think she does.”

“Even if it didn’t bother Kate—which I highly doubt, because who wouldn’t be fucked up by this situation—it’s the principle of the matter. Alex is a woman of principle. She overthinks everything. Super cautious. And Alex especially values her relationship with Caitlin…Kate…more than anything. She told me it took years for them to get to where they are today. Alex would never risk hurting her.”

“Well, try not to jump to conclusions. As much as you think you know how this is going to play out, you might be surprised.”

“I’d give anything to be wrong, man.” I let out a long breath. “I’d better let you go.”

“You sure? I can stay on as long as you need to.”

“Nah. I need to think about this alone for a while.”

“Alright. You call me if you need me.”

“I will, dude. Thank you. I appreciate you trying to calm me down.”

After several minutes of bouncing my legs up and down as I sat on the bed, staring blankly at the wall, I sent Alex a text.

Brayden: Please let me know when you have a moment to talk. I’m going crazy over here.

As expected, she didn’t immediately respond. I assumed she was still with Kate. I had no idea whether she’d decided to tell her the truth.

Later that evening, I was mindlessly flicking through the channels on the TV when a text came in.

Alex: I’m coming down to your room.

Thank God.

I jumped up from the bed and stood by the door. She’d barely had a chance to knock when I opened to let her in.

Alex brushed past me as she began to pace, rubbing her hands along her arms.

Her eyes were distressed when she finally turned to me. “I don’t know what to do, Brayden.”

I wanted to reach out and hug her, but I wasn’t sure if that would make things worse. “Tell me what happened after I left, Alex.”

“I chose not to tell her about you.” Her eyes glistened. “I couldn’t ruin her night when she’d come to surprise me like that.”

“Okay.” I sighed. “I wasn’t sure.”

“I do have to tell her, though. And it really can’t wait much longer.” Her voice shook. “But I don’t know how. I’ve never lied to her, Brayden. I don’t think I can live another day like this. I need to tell her first thing in the morning, because even these past two hours of lying felt like a lifetime. I couldn’t look her in the eyes. It was such a horrible feeling.”

“Where is she now?” I asked.

“She went back to her room after dinner. I’m supposed to watch a movie with her in a few. She has no idea anything is off. God knows how, because I feel like it’s written all over my face. I told her I wanted to change and wash my makeup off. So I don’t have too much time.” She stared up at the ceiling. “This feels like a bad dream I can’t wake up from. I’d give anything to go back in time and—”

I pulled her into a hug, interrupting her train of thought—I couldn’t help it. Despite the turmoil of this night, it still felt so damn right to have her in my arms. “I’m sorry, Alex. I feel like this is all my fault.”

She let me hold her for a few seconds before stepping out of my arms. “It’s not your fault. But we do have remarkably shitty luck.”

“I worried you were mad that I’d forced you into lying to her.”

She reached for my hand. “You did the right thing. I wasn’t ready to admit everything to her right then and there. We needed time to process first. I knew from the look on your face that you were as shocked as I was.”

“I would’ve never knowingly put you through this. Please know that.”

“I do know that, Brayden. It just doesn’t make the situation any easier.”

“Did she say anything about me after I left?”

Alex nodded. “She laughed about the coincidence mostly. Said she couldn’t believe how small a world it is. She spoke about you for about ten minutes over drinks before dropping the subject.”

I braced myself. “I’m sure she didn’t have great things to say…”

“She said while she’d really liked you back then, you weren’t ready for a relationship. She ended things before you had a chance because she sensed it was coming. She wanted to beat you to the punch. But you probably know all this. She doesn’t seem to have hard feelings, but I think she was disappointed by the way things turned out. In fact, I remember her talking about it back when it happened, even if I don’t remember all the details since it was so long ago.” Alex tilted her head. “How long did you and she date?”

“I honestly don’t remember, but I think about three months. She’s a great girl. I have nothing but respect for her. But she’s exactly right. I wasn’t ready for a relationship back then. It feels like a lifetime ago. I was so young. We both were. What she and I had ended before it really began.”

“But you did have sex…” Alex chewed her lip.

I wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement. Either way, I couldn’t deny it. “Yeah,” I admitted, closing my eyes briefly. “I can only imagine how upsetting that is for you to hear.”

She nodded, clutching her stomach as if she wanted to vomit.

Heck, I felt like vomiting myself.

“Do you have any idea how fucked up it is to feel jealous of your own child?” she cried.

I wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her whatever Kate and I had meant nothing compared to my feelings for her. I also wished I could tell her I hadn’t so much as thought of Kate since college. But that seemed insensitive. This was her daughter we were talking about. Being dismissive was only going to make me look like an asshole. Even if the truth was that Kate meant nothing to me at this point in time and Alex meant…everything.

“When are you going to tell her?” I asked.

“Tomorrow morning at breakfast.”

“Would it help if I went with you?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I think that would make it much worse. I need to do this alone.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Okay. I know it will be awkward, but if you change your mind and need my support, I’m there.”

Our eyes locked. She looked so damn beautiful tonight. She’d put on a sexy top that revealed more cleavage than she’d ever shown. She’d been comfortable enough to wear it around me, comfortable enough to finally let me explore all of her. Sex with her would’ve been incredible. But more than that, it would’ve been meaningful. But I’d never get to experience it.

“Shit.” Alex looked down at her phone. “I have to go.”

If she had to leave now, and if her morning was going to be occupied with that difficult talk, I knew I had very little time to say what was on my chest right now. Even if the timing wasn’t right, I needed to do it before I lost the chance. “Before you go, I have to say something, Alex.”

She licked her lips. “Okay…”

“I know it’s not looking good for us right now. It feels like you were ripped away from me tonight. And like my heart got ripped out, too. I know you—you won’t do anything to upset your daughter. And if that means erasing me from your life, that’s what you’ll do. I can’t even blame you for it. I keep wanting to call her your stepdaughter, but really, you’re the only mother she has now. Kate’s your daughter. And I’m…well, I’m basically a stranger who blew into your life out of nowhere. There’s no contest as to who has the upper hand here.” I looked deeply into her eyes. “But I’d regret it if I let you go without telling you how much you mean to me. And I know that before this happened, I meant a lot to you, too.”

“You still mean a lot to me,” she whispered.

I moved in closer but stopped short of touching her. “You were going to give your body to me tonight, and I know you wouldn’t have made that decision had you not already given a piece of your heart to me, too. Don’t think I don’t know that.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” she said.

“I will never not wonder what might have happened if Kate hadn’t showed up. I will never get over this. I’ll never get over you. Because, Alex, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And this unfortunate coincidence doesn’t change the fact that you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever known.”

She sniffled, fending off tears. “I have to go.” Alex wiped her eyes and turned toward the door before slipping away.

I wondered if I’d ever see her again.