The Purge

“I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn’t matter.”

The Perks of Being a Wallflower; Stephen Chbosky

I kept a careful distance behind her. I was afraid of ruining a moment that might only last for a few minutes. So I kept my silence. I was glad and very much relieved that I got there in time before she disappeared right in front of my eyes. I said to myself that I was actually content of keeping her safe and I might as well disappear into the wilderness. I was content of having her with me even though it felt like we’re still miles apart.

She halted and finally turned to face me after 568 steps and 27 minutes of silence. The least I’ve counted to keep myself distracted. I’ve been doing that to keep my sanity in place.

I held my breath in a single heartbeat.

She opened her mouth to say something then she hesitated.

“I—ah… I just wanted to thank you for saving my life.”

I scratched the back on my neck. “Sure.”

She nodded and then she turned away and started walking again. She paused for a moment and whirled back at me. I stopped on my tracks.

“You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to.”

“I…”

“Let’s not pretend, Con.” She forced a smile. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

I felt her words slap me right across my face as she continued walking.

I caught up with her. “I think you build too many walls around you, chief.”

“I need to. If you break these walls down you’re gonna hurt me.” she said. A flicker of sadness passed by her eyes. “I need to find my team. Maybe you should… go back to yours.” She started the distance between us again.

“Look, I’ve found you already.” I said and she stopped on her tracks. “And I’m not gonna lose you again.”

She looked back at me from her shoulder. She opened her mouth to say something but her words were stopped by thunder that grumbled from the sky. Raindrops started to fall and we started running to find somewhere we could dry off. Fortunately, the clandestine maze has decided to end its big joke and finally led us out of its grasps. Big trees welcomed us out and we took shelter inside one.

Bri put a shield at the opening just in case an alien life force decides to appear and incapacitate us. As for my part, I bloomed fire to keep us warm for the time being. She settled down on her side and I nestled on the far opposite side, giving her much of her space.

Silence was always our best communication. It was ear deafening than a Sanguinarian’s cry. I already felt my clothes drying. I took a peek at Bri who somehow tried to make herself comfortable by curling into a ball and leaning her head on the trunk of the tree. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

“You all right in there?” I asked her.

“I’m okay. It’s just cold.” She put her hands out to the flames and went back to hugging herself.

I stepped closed to her ignoring her words earlier. I took her hands in mine and its coldness dripped through my hands. I smirked at her.

“You’re cold as ice.”

She smiled back weakly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

I rubbed my hands on hers and I blew warmth in them. “Better?”

She leaned her head back on the tree and she closed her eyes. “Yeah.”

I placed my hand on her forehead feeling the heat surge on my palm.

“Damn it, Bri!” I cursed. “You’re burning with fever!” I took my top off quickly and wrapped it around her shivering body. Her protests were covered by the clattering of her own teeth.

“Put your shirt back on.” She coughed.

I sneered at her. “Like you haven’t seen it before.” She tried to hit my arm but I held her wrist. “Set your guard down even just for tonight.”

For a moment, there was hesitation in her eyes.

“As long as I’m here. I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you.” I said as I clasped our hands together.

She sighed in surrender as she pulled my top tighter around her. I stood up and positioned myself behind her. I wrapped my arms protectively around her and I pulled her tight right next to me. She somehow relaxed on my hold.

“I would have strangled you for this. It’s unacceptable.” She said through shivering teeth.

I chuckled. “But you don’t have the strength to do so.”

“Yeah. You’re right. I don’t.” she leaned her head on my shoulder.

I watched her as she slowly drifted into her dreams. I held her tightly wondering when it will last.

“I think about you all the time.” I smiled to myself. “It’s hard to just forget and walk away. I want to see you smile every single day. Kiss you whenever I want. Hold your hand and never let it go. I want to tell you how much I love you and how much I don’t wanna lose you.” I told her as I leaned my head on her temple. “I wanna make you mine but that’s hard to say.”

She shifted on my hold and she was now facing me. Unaware of who she was with, she wrapped her arms around me and she buried her face on my chest. That had somehow made a fleeting smile on my face. It is sad when you realize how we often wait too long for the things that are never going to come. But as always, my heart would fight for her. And maybe I could hold on to this until the time comes when my heart would learn to finally surrender and let her go.