The Purge

“Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that even if we can’t understand it yet.”

Interstellar Movie

Sometimes, you need to burn bridges to stop yourself from ever crossing them again.

Maybe it’s where I’m good at: watch Bri walk away from me and all I can do is stare. I always let her go and keep the distance stretch further from me.

I’m not that naïve to know that Imogen has her eyes set on me. When she kissed me though, well, it still shocked me. I didn’t quite expect her to make such a scene in front of everybody. When I asked her why she did that all she said to me was that she was doing me a favor. I like her but not the kind of like that makes my world stop and make my heart skip a beat. I like her for the way she is. Outspoken, brave, and true. Sometimes I wanted to just knock myself on the wall and wake up that there’s this amazing girl right in front of me. But I’m such a fool. I still couldn’t stop loving that one girl who’s broken amidst her steel-like composure. I wanted to be the one to pick her broken pieces and make her whole again.

“Some days the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.” Imogen started as we both watched Bri’s retreating form. “You know, if I lived every fucking day like it was my last there would be a lot of dead assholes.”

“Kill me now.” I deadpanned as my eyes remained unfocused.

She groaned. “That’s the problem. Living on earth is bloody expensive but it does include a free trip around the dying sun and I need you like a heartbeat, babe. Execution denied.”

I sighed as I completely looked away from Bri. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Breathe.” Imogen prompted in a matter-of-fact way. She rolled her eyes skyward when my passiveness got to her. “Obviously, you need to breathe in order to live. Bri is not your air supply for your information and guidance.”

“Have you been in love before?”

“Ah. Yeah. I am now. Very.”

“Well, it isn’t that obvious.”

She huffed. “Isn’t that obvious? How am I helping you? Isn’t that a martyr thing to help the boy of your wet dreams to get the girl that he wants?”

I gave her a sad smile.

“When one door closes, sometimes you want to get a hammer and a set of nails to make sure that bitch stays shut.”

“You can’t get enough of swear words do you? It seems you have an unending supply.” I snickered.

“Oh please. Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored that they go out for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing. I kind of think that I’m crazy because I see things differently than everyone else. It’s like I’m the only normal person in this goddamn planet.”

“Yeah right. You make sense.”

She rolled her eyes at me again. “Exactly! Anyways, as I have said before: you don’t have to hear “I love you” to know that the person does. All you have to do is pay attention. You know how Bri can be hard-to-get. She’s such a drama queen. But I think that’s in her nature. It’s her own way of telling people that she needs to be fucking pampered.”

I laughed at that.

“But, Con, you can’t just allow people to let you down. Remember that when things change, people also change. It won’t be every day that you’ll be happy to chase everyone and try to fix things. Sometimes you’ve got to do what’s right for you even if it hurts.”

I was heading back to my quarters when a commotion at the hallway distracted me. I turned to find Halley running towards me. But Behati got her from the behind first and she threw her on the floor like a mop.

“Hey!” I ran towards Halley. Behati has her on her collar. “Drop her, Behati!”

Behati sneered at me. “What? Am I gonna have a lecture with you on how to handle children?”

“Drop her now, Behati.” I said through gritted teeth.

She snickered and she let Halley fall down the floor. She kicked her gently and Halley stood up and ran to hug me. The way her arms tightened around me, I knew immediately that something was wrong. She was shaking and sobbing.

I rubbed my hand on her back to comfort her. “What’s wrong, Blondie?”

“Somebody’s lost.” Behati taunted. “Imogen’s not going to like this, mate.”

“What the hell is going on here-” Imogen stopped on her tracks when she saw Halley locked on me. Her eyes narrowed immediately at her and Halley gripped the back of my uniform tightly. If Imogen would have been an active volcano she would’ve exploded.

“Imogen-“

“What the fuck is a worm doing in my headquarters?”

“I told you this smells trouble.” Behati murmured. Behind her, the twins; Ai and Mei arrived to join the party.

“Explain this to me, Conleth!” Imogen burned her eyes at me and all I could do was open my mouth and close it. Actually, I don’t know how to defend Halley because in the first place I don’t know why she’s here.

Finally I gave up and let my shoulders sag. “The truth is, I don’t know.” I turned to look down at Halley who was still clinging on to me like a five year old. “Care to tell me what the problem is, Blondie?” she just sniffled and hid herself in the comfort of my uniform.

I could only sigh inside. I looked up to find Imogen standing impatiently with her eyebrows furrowed and her hands on her waist. She gave me that look that tells me to get the little thing off my leash now. But Halley’s my friend and no matter what I still feel responsible of her.

“You know it’s against policy to enter other people’s army without permission from the personnel.” Imogen said.

“I’ll take care of this, okay.” I prompted as I wrapped my arm around Halley and she scooted closer to me.

“You better be. I don’t want strays in my headquarters.” She scowled at Halley before leaving with the rest of the team.

When they were all out of sight, Halley turned to look up at me.

“Hey,”

She tightened her arms around me again.

“Would you like to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Bri is.” She almost whispered. I sighed. She pushed herself away from me, maybe to check my reaction.

“What did she do this time?”

She wiped her tears away but they just kept on falling down her eyes.

“She’s a liar and a coward. She loves you and she keeps on denying it. She loves you and Fygun died for it. It’s all her fault and she’s blaming you!”

“Maybe she doesn’t. She hasn’t said anything to me aside from I hate you.” I sighed again. “And Halley, I killed Fygun even if it was an accident. It’s forever gonna be that way and self-defense can never be an excuse for it>”

She sulked. “It’s because she’s the denial queen. Or maybe I have pushed her so far that’s why she got mad at me and she threw me off the wall.”

I chuckled. “Sounds like what Bri would do.”

“I just don’t understand, Con. What is keeping you both apart? You know if you have love issues you better solve it because I’m the one getting thrown off the wall here and not you. It hurts.”

“Yeah, it hurts.”

“You both have to wake up from your daydreams. The Dark Hour is coming. We don’t know if we’ll all survive this. You have to talk to her.”

I sighed. “I know. But first, let me take you back to Wyvern headquarters before my commander explodes.”

“Well, don’t worry. I am more afraid of Bri than of her.”

I laughed as we both made our way out of the Garuda headquarters.

It’s hard to make your way inside somebody’s heart when you know thorn walls are being built. It’s not a fairytale after all to live in a place where aliens have invaded and cities have been destroyed. But nevertheless, I still believe that love can be found even in a hopeless place.

I met Sigourney and Athren half way to Wyvern’s headquarters. They offered to take Halley back inside but Halley was acting like the youngest child in the family and tantrum seized instead. So I brought her back to her room instead until she calmed down.

“Bri’s still in the training room.” Athren said as I went out of Halley’s room.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you telling me that?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re the only one who can save her.”

“She’s not sick you know.”

“Lovesick maybe.” He snorted. “Anyways, Bri needs her sanity back.”

“I’m no doctor and trust me; I’m not even the last person she wants to see.”

“Trust me, Conleth, you’re the only person she needs right now. And I mean it.”

I sighed as I looked down at my shoes. Doubt started to take its fleet towards me again.

“Go now. I won’t stop you.”

I snickered. “Always Mr. Bossy.”

He rolled his eyes at me. “Oh as if you don’t want it. Go ahead before I change my mind. Remember, I’m still second in command here.”

I shook my head as I headed towards the training room.

The only light in the room was the one coming out of the glass window on the second floor. I tried to be quiet but I feared that my heartbeat was too loud for Bri to hear. The place was deserted except for the weapons that hang on the walls and the girl of my dreams who still tries to shut everything out of her life even the light in this room. I went up to the second floor where I found her sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped around her knees and her back leaning on the wall.

Our eyes met and I thought I saw the hint of longing in them but it disappeared like a dimming light bulb.

She looked away and said, “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.”

“But you aren’t ignoring me while responding you are ignoring me.” I smirked at her. She stared down at the floor. “I just want to help.”

“Well, you’ll be helpful if you leave me alone.” She snapped.

“Bri, I know you’re upset but don’t take it on others.”

“What? Did Halley ran off to you and cried her heart out?”

I huffed at her. “Halley came to me because she wanted me to help you out. She didn’t mean any harm. She’s just a sad little girl just like you.”

She snorted. “What about you? Why the hell are you here again? Isn’t it enough that I’ve kicked you out of my team? What else do you want? You want me to kill you too just like what I did to everyone else who comes near me?” she shook her head and a ridiculous laugh went out of her lips. “Just go away, Con. I am done with you.”

“Well, I’m not.” I said I balled my fist. I’m not giving up on her now. Not now, not ever. “If you don’t like my words, then don’t listen. If you don’t like my actions, turn your head away. It’s just that simple.”

She scoffed at me. “I’m on this Earth to make the best of my life, not yours. So if you don’t like what I do, get the fuck over it.”

I ran a hand on my hair. I wanted to grip hard turn and walk away. But my feet remained firmly on the ground and my eyes locked at her eyes. I don’t see hate in them the way she’s telling me. I can only see her vulnerability. I only saw her fear.

I took her hand in mine. She made the urge to pull away but I gripped hard.

“Let me go.” She said through gritted teeth. Her eyes burned with unshed tears.

“What must I do to earn back your forgiveness? Tell me please I’m begging you. I don’t know what else to do to make you feel better.”

“I want you to just go away and leave me be.”

“Is that what you really want?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes.”

I placed her hand on top of my chest.

“Push me away. Hurt me like you really mean it.”

Her eyes narrowed at first but they softened like unfurling a soft carpet. When she didn’t make a move to do anything, I took my dagger and I placed it in her hand.

“Go ahead. Kill me! Kill me instead!” I said. “You are killing me slowly! It is better that you kill me now than treat me like some crap! Do it now!” her tears started to fall down her eyes as I shouted at her. “Do it and let this be over!!!”

She gripped hard on my daggers hilt and she threw it off the floor. It disturbed the silence in the room. Her teary eyes remained with the dagger as she refused to look back at me.

“I can’t.” she whispered. “I can’t do it.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I love you, okay?” she snapped. “There. I said it.”

I felt my heart fall off the ground. I felt my breathing go shallow.

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.” She shook her head as her tears fall. “I don’t understand. I just loved you. I love you. And now Fygun’s gone. I just loved you. What did I do wrong?” she covered her face with her hands and she sobbed. I moved towards her and I took her hands off of her face. I tilted her chin up but her eyes remained on the floor and I kissed her.

She was reluctant at first but she responded with hesitant responses. Then our kiss deepened and all I could think was that my thoughts scattered like stars in the night sky. It was only her that was important to me. It was like her whole life, her flaws and her weakness were all a part of me now. It was just this moment and only her in my life and the rest was invisible.

And the moment we got lost in each other’s kiss, in each other’s touch, and in each other’s arms, I knew that things wouldn’t be the same ever again.