The Pucking Wrong Date: A Hockey Romance (The Pucking Wrong Series Book 3)

Fuck, my dick hurt.

And so did my back.

Why exactly had they decided I should get a butterfly tattoo too?

Wasn’t the piercing enough?

My phone buzzed and I winced, adjusting the ice on my cock as I answered the phone. Three days later and my dick still felt like it might fall off.

“She’s going to a wedding in Dallas,” Jeff said without preamble as soon as I’d picked up. He sounded very proud of himself.

“What?” I asked, completely shocked by the news. I was beginning to think I was going to have to pose as a therapist to ever be able to see her again since she never left her apartment.

“Yep. Her cousin Harley’s wedding. The cousin from Seattle.”

Like I had forgotten that.

“She’s in the wedding. It’s completely top secret that she’s going to be there.’

“How did you find out?” I asked, thinking it was creepy—and useful—how these P.I.s could get access to this kind of information.

“This one kind of fell in my lap. Her mom and that agent of hers were discussing it at The Ivy last night. I just happened to be in the booth behind them.”

“Just happened to be?”

“You’re going to get a huge bill,” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “But before you go into sticker shock…check the links I just sent you.”

The links were internet articles and I immediately clicked the first one.

Olivia Darling’s Return?

The headline blared at me as I scanned the article speculating that Olivia would be performing for the first time in years in Dallas.

‘In a surprising turn of events, it seems that the elusive Olivia Darling is set to grace her hometown of Dallas with a secret performance. An insider from Olivia’s camp has confirmed that the highly anticipated show is indeed in the works. While details remain top secret, fans are buzzing with excitement, eager to catch a glimpse of the missing in action singer-songwriter. Stay tuned for further updates on this intriguing development that promises to be a musical event like no other. One can’t help but wonder though, with Darling’s past…is this the return of a superstar…or the beginning of another disaster?”

I ground my teeth at the article’s mocking tone about my girl, but went on to the next one.

Harley Jacobs Engaged!

‘For some off-ice development, Seattle’s hockey sensation, Harley Jacobs, is taking a break from his on-ice battles to score a victory of a different kind—tying the knot with his longtime sweetheart, Maddie Cascio. The Seattle star forward is set to trade in his jersey for a dapper tuxedo in his hometown of Dallas.’

“You wouldn’t happen to know when these things are taking place…would you?” I asked, my heart beating faster as a batshit crazy plan formed in my mind.

“August 16th it looks like.”

“Two weeks,” I whispered to myself.

“Find out where Harley Jacobs is right now,” I ordered, trying to keep the desperation…and crazy out of my voice. You never wanted someone like Jeff knowing how much you needed something.

I heard some papers ruffling. “I actually know that one already. He and his girl are in Dallas until the wedding, getting everything prepared,” Jeff said after a minute.

“Perfect.”

“Whatcha going to do?” he asked, intrigued.

“Thanks,” I said in response, hanging up as I texted my assistant to book me a flight and start getting my place packed up to start the move to Dallas.

Texas was calling my name.

I navigated the rental truck through the winding streets of the upscale Dallas suburb, tall oak trees lining the roads and casting dappled shadows. Turning left, I glanced at my GPS as it guided me to the house that Harley Jacobs called home during the offseason.

‘Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.’ The “Mission Impossible” Theme song blared out of Ari’s phone and I glanced at him with my best “what the fuck” expression.

He smirked at me. “Just setting the mood for our secret special spy mission.”

I snorted.

“Stop calling it a ‘secret special spy mission,’” drawled Lincoln from the phone. Ari had insisted that Linc participate in…whatever we were calling this…while he stalked Monroe on campus.

I was only fifty percent sure he had been kidding when he’d said that’s what he was doing today.

Stalking seemed to be approved behavior in the “circle of trust.”

“So what’s the plan, Dis?” Ari said as he bopped along to the rest of the song.

“You going to use that info I told you about?” asked Lincoln.

“If that’s what it takes.”

“What do you mean ‘if that’s what it takes?” snorted Ari. “I highly doubt he’s going to give you a spot in his wedding without some…persuasiveness.”

“This information does feel very persuasive,” I noted.

“Park here!” Ari said frantically. “You can’t just park in front of the person you’re trying to blackmail’s house. Everyone knows that!”

“Everyone does know that,” agreed Lincoln.

I pulled the truck over and stared at Ari. “Why do you guys sound like you’ve done these things before?”

Ari smirked at me, and if a smirk could be heard, I was pretty sure Lincoln had the same look on his face…wherever he was.

“There comes a point when you have to decide what your line is, Walk. This is the point.”

Actually, I think the needle I’d used to poke holes in the condom for a girl that was just looking for a one night stand was the point…

But semantics.

“Alright. I’ve got this.”

“Can I hang up now?” asked Lincoln. “I’m a little…busy.”

Ari frowned at the phone even though Lincoln couldn’t see him. “We have to do our cheer first.”

“What do you mean we have to do a cheer? I’m not doing a cheer.” Lincoln sounded very insistent on that…

“I’m not doing a cheer either,” I said quickly, and Ari smirked at me—because yeah…I would totally do a cheer.

“Simp,” he mouthed at me.

I flipped him off.

We froze when Harley’s fiancée walked out the front door, giving Harley a kiss before she strode toward the car parked at the end of the drive.

“Well, that was convenient,” Ari muttered.

“What—what’s convenient?” Lincoln pressed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know. You should have been here. For our super secret spy mission,” Ari taunted.

“Okay…I’m going in,” I said, feeling slightly queasy at what I was about to do.

“Wait, you need a pump up speech,” Ari said, throwing a flask at me. “Drink some of that first.”

I nodded. That was probably a good idea. I took a deep draw from the flask, wincing at the burn.

“What is this?” I gasped, feeling like my esophagus had caught on fire.

“Moonshine. A batch that Bill put together.”

“Monroe’s homeless friend?” I screeched.

“Shhh. It’s perfectly fine. Keep drinking, I’m going over my speech,”Ari urged.

I kept drinking…until I was feeling much better about everything.

“Alright. Here it goes…” Ari said, shaking a fist in the air. “Perhaps it’s fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution — but from annihilation. We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist⁠—”

“Why the fuck are you quoting ‘Independence Day’ right now?” asked Lincoln, sounding horrified.

Ah, I knew it sounded familiar.

“Because that’s the most inspirational speech in cinematic history,” Ari said indignantly, forcing me to knock back another drink.

“Oooh I have a good one,” I said, sitting up straighter in my seat. “In Greek mythology, the Titans were greater even than the gods. They ruled their universe with absolute power. Well that football field out there, that’s our universe. Let’s rule it like titans.”

Ari grinned. “Remember the Titans.” Oh…that’s a good one too.”

Lincoln sighed…heavily.

“Disney, just get it fucking done,” he growled.

Best pump up speech ever.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. After weeks of being unable to do anything about this little obsession of mine…it was nice to finally be taking a step.

Even if it was a crazy step.

I walked up the sidewalk towards Harley’s red brick mansion, the streetlights casting shadows across the lawn that made what I was doing feel a little spooky. Good thing this alcohol floating through my veins was making me feel free and easy.

Taking a breath, I rang the doorbell, aiming for casual as I heard the lock disengage.

Harley swung open the door, his face registering shock when he saw me standing there. ‘Um…what the hell are you doing at my house, Davis?’ he asked, his voice laced with confusion.

“I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by,” I told him, pushing past him into the house.

It was a nice place. Very homey feeling⁠—

“What the fuck?” Harley hissed. I turned, frowning when I saw that he was still standing by the door, gaping at me. He was dressed in workout clothes and I grimaced at the Seattle shirt he was wearing—it reminded me of the fact that Olivia had been wearing his jersey that night.

The thought made me feel a bit twitchy inside.

“Have any beer?” I asked, making myself comfortable on the couch. TV was a little small, but I guess the house couldn’t be perfect.

Harley blinked at me and I was afraid that I’d broken him.

“Sit the fuck down,” I murmured, since he obviously wasn’t going to just be cool about this.

A very rational response to a random person he barely knew showing up to his house late at night.

“I feel like I should call the police…should I call the police?” Harley asked haltingly, finally walking into the living room…moving as slowly as he was talking.

I couldn’t believe this guy was Olivia’s cousin.

“First of all, congrats on the wedding, dude. That’s awesome. I hope to be married soon, too.”

Ari had told me to go in all charming like…but it didn’t seem to be working. Harley was staring at me and it was honestly a little bit unsettling, because he wasn’t blinking that much.

“Um…thanks?” he finally said.

I nodded. Alright, that was a good sign.

“Are you sure you don’t have any beer?” I asked, because this was really awkward. “Maybe some whiskey or something…”

Hmm…maybe I should have brought in Ari’s flask. Harley here could have used some moonshine…obviously.

”Weed, maybe? It came in clutch when I had my dick done. You should try it. Not the dick obviously…the weed.”

Harley’s eyes bugged out like I’d said something weird.

I licked my lip, catching some of the moonshine’s aftertaste…it actually wasn’t that bad.

“I’m still waiting for the punchline, Davis. My fiancée is going to be back in twenty minutes…and I really don’t want you still here because you’re creeping me out.”

I scoffed. He was the one staring at me without blinking. Who was he calling creepy?

Focus, Walker. Focus, I told myself.

Fuck, my dick hurt. I really wanted to adjust it…but I obviously couldn’t do that with him watching me like that.

“Okay…I’ll just cut to the chase then. I need you to make me a groomsman in your wedding.” I sat up straight, glad to have just gotten it out.

He gaped at me.

“Man, you gotta blink. You’re scaring me. Your eyeballs are going to fall out or something,” I told him, very serious about it.

“Did you just ask me to make you a groomsman in my wedding?” he spat, completely ignoring my helpful words of advice.

Rude.

“Well…there’s actually a little more to it than that,” I told him, trying to get comfortable because the couch wasn’t nearly comfy enough for my tortured dick. “I need you to match me up with your cousin. I assume you’re doing it the traditional way where people are paired up in the wedding⁠—”

Harley sat on the couch and leaned forward, pulling out his phone. “Walker, dude. Who can I call? Are you okay? Have you hit your head recently? Because there’s no fucking way that I’m having you as a groomsman in my wedding. And it’s even a bigger no fucking way that you’re going to have anything to do with my cousin.”

I sighed, because honestly, I really hadn’t wanted to do this the hard way. Just based on the fact that Olivia never left her place, the fact that she’d gone to Harley’s game meant that she liked her cousin. A lot. This was going to be a temporary setback to me forming a friendship with Harley for Olivia, but I was sure we would eventually recover.

Possibly we would recover.

It honestly could go either way.

“Look Harley, this is an easy peasy thing. I have the best intentions when it comes to Olivia. We’ve already met. This is a good thing.”

“That’s it. I’m calling the police,” he snarled, beginning to type in the dreaded 9-1-1.

I leapt up and snagged the phone out of his hand, quickly holding up my phone where I’d started a video.

A distraction was definitely needed at the moment. I was a little bit bigger than him, and obviously much more of a badass. But I really didn’t want any visible bruising on either of us before the big weekend, and I really didn’t want to have to beat the shit out of Olivia’s favorite cousin.

I watched as the color drained out of his face as he watched himself makeout with Maddie’s best friend in a dark corner of a club.

“This was about a year ago, right? At the NHL All Star game?” I remarked casually, not feeling remotely guilty.

All was fair in love and war after all. And this was definitely for love.

“We were broken up,” he said hoarsely, looking like he’d aged ten years since the video started.

“Were you broken up? Or had she just said no to your latest marriage proposal and said she needed more time?” I drawled, cocking my head…not really interested at all in whatever his explanation was going to be.

I would rather die than touch another woman after meeting my future wife, so I couldn’t relate.

And if she said no to my marriage proposal…I’d just have to be really persuasive in getting her to change her mind.

“Look. I was drunk. Blacked out. I got shitfaced after she said no. I thought we were done. I woke up in bed with…with Carlie and…” The words tumbled out in a jumble. I had to work to piece them together.

His whole body was shaking and big tears were streaming out of those eyes of his.

But the good news was he was now blinking a lot more.

So we’d fixed one problem.

“She targeted me. Waited until I didn’t even know my fucking name. She’d been trying to flirt with me since I met Maddie. I—I never, never would have done it. I’ve never done it any other time. I haven’t even been tempted. It was a mistake! The only reason that happened was because I was blacked out!”

A sob wracked through his body and I nodded, hopefully looking sympathetic.

“Well, that sounds all well and good. I mean, honestly, I myself got drunk and made some questionable decisions the other night, so I get it…I really do,” I told him, lying through my teeth—though the questionable decision thing was not a lie, my dick situation was not fun right now. I was quite positive though that even if my brain wasn’t coherent, Hercules understood it was an only Olivia’s pussy kind of guy now. “But…the reality is that you didn’t tell Maddie about the fact that her best friend was trying to get your dick, did you? Andddd you definitely didn’t tell her after her best friend got your dick.”

He stared at me as if I was destroying his entire world. Honestly, props to Lincoln for getting ahold of the footage. I had no idea where he’d gotten it, but I figured don’t ask, don’t tell was the best course of action in this situation.

“You can’t show her that video. It will ruin us. She will never, ever forgive me. I—I love her. I love her so much that I don’t think I can survive without her.”

I pretended to be thinking about it as I replayed the video again…just to drive home the situation he was in.

He flinched and jumped from the couch, grabbing his hair like he was trying to pull it out.

“Well, I think we both know what you can do to make sure that she doesn’t see this video,” I told him.

His eyes widened. “You want to be one of my groomsmen…”

I sighed again. “I mean, yes, but the important part is that I’m paired up with Olivia. That is the whole point of it.”

“You have no idea what that girl’s been through,” he whispered, obviously torn about betraying his cousin to save his own skin. It was something I certainly wouldn’t forget about Harley Jacobs.

“It’s kind of an awkward situation, right? Because Carlie is her maid of honor. I mean, it’s really a problematic thing.”

“You’re a fucking piece of shit,” he hissed, but he didn’t lunge at me. He collapsed back into the cushions, looking like I’d just told him he had five weeks to live. “How did you even get a hold of that?” he asked, sounding completely defeated.

I waved his question away. “Not important,” I answered as I stood up. “Alright, let me just put my number in your phone. You can text me all the info. I’ll pay for my tux since it’s such late notice, of course.” He didn’t even glance up as I grabbed his phone from the couch. He just continued to stare desolately at the floor. I typed in my number and tossed him the phone.

“Is there anything I can give you to convince you to delete that,” he whispered as he finally glanced up at me pleadingly, his entire body shaking.

“Just don’t fuck this up and there won’t be any issues,” I said sweetly as I strode toward the door. “What time’s the first event?” I called over my shoulder.

When there was only silence, I stopped and turned around, my lip curling as I gave him my scariest glare. “If you do anything to fuck this up for me…if you even think about mentioning it to another person…or trying to block me from the wedding…I’ll send this video to every news outlet in the country. Have I made myself clear?” My voice came out cold and a little scary, and man—I wish Linc could have seen me now.

“There won’t be any issues,” Harley murmured, his entire body slumped over like he was in physical pain.

“Great!” I said brightly. “And again, huge congrats on the wedding. It’s going to be the best weekend ever.”

I strolled out of the house, making it down the sidewalk and back into the truck right as Maddie got home.

Perfect timing.

Ari was grinning at me through the windows as I went around the truck to hop in.

“I’m like a proud papa, Linc. Look at our boy, just out in the world, blackmailing people like a psychopath,” he gushed as soon as I’d gotten in.

I blinked. “Lincoln’s still on the phone?”

“I’ve hung up five times,” Lincoln growled through the speaker. “But he keeps on texting me 9-1-1, and I keep thinking you’ve been arrested or something.”

Awww. I was a little emotional. I think Lincoln Daniels likes me.

“Don’t get any ideas, Disney. Golden Boy is still my best friend.”

I smirked. “I would never…but I think I’m your best friend too.”

Ari scoffed like such an idea was preposterous. “Possibly, Disney. Possibly,” he finally said, and I did an internal fist pump.

“So will you be attending a certain wedding in two weeks?” Lincoln asked. “We need details here.”

“I will be attending the wedding. As a motherfucking groomsman, baby. With my girl. Fuck yeah.”

Ari made a loud whooping sound that reverberated through the cab of the truck.

“Linc, I’m just asking…do you have some kind of secret room out there filled with things to blackmail people with?” I asked.

There was a long silence.

“Is he still there?” I asked Ari, who was nodding his head to whatever Justin Bieber song he’d just put on.

“Hmm? Oh…yep, he hung up. Those kinds of questions are privileged, Walk. You can’t just ask them.”

I cast him a perplexed look, but he wasn’t paying any attention, he had a video up of Blake playing with their dog, Waldo, and he was watching it avidly.

I would examine why I no longer thought that was weird behavior at another time.

But not right now.

I had a wedding weekend to plan.