The North

Tha an fhìrinn fhèin searbh uaireannan - sometimes the truth hurts

Chapter 20

***

Beneath a dreary sky and trudging along the road that had turned to slush beneath our paws, it was easy to follow the tracks that belonged to the females we hunted down.

Unfortunately, the wet ground made it hard to catch a scent, but when we did, it was Linnea’s I picked up first. Barking for Caldar’s attention, he trotted over to sniff around the mess of paw and footprints crisscrossing the road. Together we followed until I caught the unmistakeable chemical sweetness of Ingrid’s scent. A little further on, we found her dress ditched in the snow and the imprints of her boots became smaller pawprints. I was glad Linnea had thought to go after her friend, two would be easier to find than one.

Caldar howled, the sound ringing out long and loud to let Hati know we’d found a scent.

Chuffing so a puff of white billowed from my nose, Caldar and I threw ourselves into a run. Fortunately, either Linnea or Ingrid had sense to turn East into the forest and towards the river before they reached the flatlands marking the outer edge of the territory. Tree cover meant we didn’t have to keep dragging our paws through deep snow, and we could properly stretch our legs to catch up. Clumps of ice formed on my fur, melting to freeze my ski beneath. The tracks were at least easy to follow; the two females had left a trail of broken twigs, cracked frozen puddles, and even fur snagged against bare brambles.

Now I understood Gerlac’s angst. He hadn’t taught his female how to use the forest to her advantage.

When the sound of the river reached us, we slowed our approach. Below the rush of water, was the soft sound of a female crying. We stopped at the break in the trees and found Ingrid alone at the river’s edge.

Arms wrapped around bare legs, auburn hair spiralled down her back, the ends dark brown from the damp rocky shore she sat on. She lifted a hand to wipe her nose and peered back at us with red-rimmed eyes. I half expected her to demand we leave, or at least for me to go, but maybe she didn’t recognise who’d come for her.

“I don’t want another fight,” she whispered hoarsely. “I accept that you won.”

So she did know.

Shifting back to skin, I made my way over and tried not to shiver. Rocks dig into the soles of my feet, patches of ice stinging where skin had softened from use of shoes. Cold air billowed from the cold water, some parts close to the edge already frozen over, the air ringing with sharp cracks as parts melted again. It was no wonder Ingrid’s teeth chattered as they did. Even with the sun trying to break through thick snow clouds overhead, this was no place to be without fur or clothes.

“We just wanted to make sure you were safe. Your father said you were headed south and was concerned. There’s trouble at the border, you know that.”

She nodded sheepishly, sniffing again. “I was running with Linnea, and when I realised we were going South, I changed direction.”

Caldar nudged his body against mine, his ears flicking in every direction as his eyes searched our surroundings. I got his meaning.

“Where is Linnea?”

“I lost sight of her when I decided to turn East, she kept trying to urge us the other way. Maybe she got turned around, the snow makes everything look the same and she is a lot slower than I am. Do you think she’s alright?” Real panic tightened her voice as she sat up straighter. “Neither of us are used to running without a guide and I don’t think she knows the territory very well. What if she gets lost? What if she went further South?”

Caldar shifted to skin beside me and glanced back the way we’d come before looking back at me. His jaw worked as he considered something before he said, “I’ll look for Linnea. You and Ingrid return home, follow the river and do not stray. Hati and Gerlac, or one of the patrols, will come across you before long.”

Ingrid cleared her throat and got shakily to her feet, immediately ready to obey while I debated whether leaving Caldar alone was a good idea. He was a strong wolf, strong enough to be Beta while not being a member of the Vargr, but still; he was susceptible to the blood of the creatures prowling the borders.

“I want your word, Eabha. Straight back.”

I spluttered indignantly, but the male only cocked a brow and folded his arms.

“Fine,” I muttered. “You have my word. But quite what you think I’ll do between here and the castle, I don’t know.”

The Beta chuckled and said something under his breath that was too quiet to make out. I had the feeling he was lucky I didn’t hear. Taking the form of his wolf once more, he made one last point of jerking his head towards the castle before bounding back into the trees.

I shifted on my feet once Ingrid and I were left alone, feeling the tension as palpable as a wall between us.

“You can take to fur again if you like but I don’t think I can shift again so soon.”

Frowning at that strange reason, I studied the rattled female as she began to trudge down the river bank. She walked as if in pain, though I could see no visible injury. Did it hurt her to shift? If so, why? It didn’t matter I guessed, she was determined to bear the cold, but I didn’t have to. . . Then I huffed because I knew I couldn’t take the whole way back in silence. Catching up with her, I hoped wrapping my arms around my middle and rubbing warmth into my skin would work.

“Why did you challenge me, Ingrid?” I asked. “You must have known you wouldn’t win.”

She sighed, looking down at the grey pebbles shifting beneath her weight with every step. “Exactly. I knew I would lose. In front of everyone, Father especially.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t,” she snapped, then sighed again, shaking her head and softening her tone. “You’re a wolf, Eabha. A real wolf. You were brought up in a pack; you know what that means, how to act, when to play, when to use teeth. You’re used to the constant touching, you understand the nuance of small sounds and actions. You can hunt, and track, you are completely in tune with the instincts of your fur. I was brought up amongst humans, I never had the freedom to shift when I wanted, I never learned pack dynamic, or even the dynamics between other wolves.

"When we arrived here, Father made sure we did not have to lower ourselves simply because we were, for lack of a better word, tame. Our money and ties to human nobility granted us rank, but I don’t understand what it means to be highborn in terms of a pack.” She levelled me with a look, stopping our progress. “Do you think if I told Father I had changed my mind and now held no desire to be Hati’s mate, of ruling a pack, that he would let all his hard work blow away like the ashes of a fire?”

I scoffed. “You don’t want to be Alpha Female?”

She barked a laugh in return, her hands flying up in defeat. “How can I be an Alpha Female when I don’t even know what that means?”

We stared at each other in silence as I digested what she said. I studied what Ingrid probably missed in others. Her heartbeat had not stutter as she spoke, her breathing hadn’t changed. A flush was in her cheeks but that could be the panic I still saw shimmering in her eyes, the same look I saw in prey before I pounced to close their eyes forever. She wanted to be believed, but there was still something she was hiding, a half lie she concealed.

“What about Hati?” I dared to press. “You can’t tell me you don’t want him.”

A skipped beat betrayed her, but more so the wistful smile softening delicate features. “Hati is a good male. He’s strong, fierce, handsome, even playful. . .since you arrived. A female can’t help but feel attracted to him, no?”

My cheeks reddened and my tongue felt thick so I simply nodded in agreement. There was much to admire in him. Much that would make him a good male to have at one's side. His pups would be strong, and he’d be capable of defending them, providing for them. All things we instinctually looked for in a mate.

“I could love him, I imagine, if we mated.” She gave me a look as I bristled, and I stiffened as she reached out hesitantly to grip my arm. “But he will never love me. In fact, I think he would grow to resent being bonded to me. I don’t want that. You may look down on me, others too, but. . .” Her hand fell back to her side and her shoulders hunched, head falling forward. “I'm sorry for what I’ve done, the rumours I spread. Father had drilled into me that being Alpha Female was what I wanted, what I should strive for, and I used what I’d learned from my time with humans to keep the place I thought I deserved. After seeing you two together, the way you looked at one another. . .You were drawing the eye of a male you might as well have rejected, and he still wanted you. You were disregarding all I’d been taught a female should want and others still praised you.

“Why couldn’t it have been that easy between the pack and I, Hati and I? Why couldn’t I have all the knowledge you had so he would see me as more than an arrangement he had to deal with? Nobody looks at me the way the pack looks at you when you walk by, the same way they look at him. Nobody talks about me the way they talk about all you’ve accomplished to get your family here, all you’ve done since; with admiration and respect.”

Nudging a pebble, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before lifting sombre green eyes to mine. “I can’t compete with you. I tried and I didn’t come close. If I became Alpha Female, I would forever be in your shadow, forever fighting to prove myself worthy enough, and the thought of that makes me feel sick and helpless.”

“But did you realise this before or after you challenged me?” I asked ruefully.

She gave me a wry smile, but there was something sad about the way her brows drew down. I realised she was still coming to understand all that had happened since my arrival, still unpicking the parts of herself she didn’t like and understanding the reasoning behind actions she regretted.

“I never wanted to leave home, I never wanted to live in a pack, like a wolf, like you’re used to. I’ve always wanted my life back. I’ve always wanted our hall back. But, I won’t lie; I challenged you out of resentment, out of fear of losing my position because that was all I had left. I hated being forced to submit to you. It was humiliating, and it should have made me angry, I should have been furious with you, and perhaps I was a little angry. . .However, I mostly felt as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulders.” Her frown turned to a grin, and then a laugh. “It had to happen the way it did, I see that now. If I had come to the realisation any other way, my father would not have listened to me if I said I no longer wished to be Alpha Female. But in losing to you in front of everyone?

“There’s no arguing with that. The pack will not allow me to be Hati’s mate after seeing my defeat; no matter what Father holds over the council. They will not put me into a position I am only now realising I could never have done well in. I am upset, it will take a while of licking my wounds before I can show face in the hall again, but I am grateful to you as well. Without you, Hati and I would have been locked in a mating and marriage neither of us wants, and the pack would have suffered for it.”

I stared at her in amazement, and awe at her ability to manipulate her way out of a situation; a trait that most definitely came from her father. She and I were complete opposites of the other in so many ways, not to mention she’d spread horrid lies about me throughout the pack, had openly disrespected and insulted me, so why was I feeling a flicker of empathy and kinship with her?

A sour taste filled my mouth when I figured it out. Ingrid felt trapped, had only one duty given to her to fulfil, and reacted as any wolf would to a potential threat to that; lashed out. I’d felt trapped by a duty to get my family to safety, then threatened by the idea of Hati taking that one thing I had control over away. I’d lashed out at him when he’d tried to look after Niamh. He’d forgiven me. . .and I was no hypocrite.

Some of my hate for the female melted away to be replaced by understanding, but not trust. I could hear truth in her words, but she’d proven she was an expert in ways of conversation that I was not. At the very least, she deserved the benefit of the doubt. If all she said was true, Ingrid and I might have more in common than anyone could have guessed.

Aware she would be uncomfortable having me too close, I settled for a smile, reaching out to brush my fingers over the back of her hand instead of pressing my cheek to hers. “I think you are more self aware, and far cleverer, than you and many others might give your credit for. I underestimated, and misjudged you. What you did was a bold move.”

“Reckless perhaps.” She eyed the spot I’d touched on her hand with a frown. “You judged me perfectly well, I fear. Do not think that what I did was controlled by unknown motives. The only reason I challenged you was because I let my emotions get the better of me. The outcome was simply. . . unexpectedly desirable.”

I laughed heartily at that, and she seemed shocked by the sound of delight coming from. . .because of her. I was too, but the world was so full of insanity right now, that I didn’t have the energy to question it.

“So what will you do now, Ingrid Nic Gerlac?”

“Maybe father will reconsider marrying me to a mortal when it’s safe. I would be happy running our home, or staying at court, having children who wouldn’t need to worry about this world; they would be practically human themselves. I’m sure we could find a marriage for me that would help the pack in some way.”

Her wish to be married off as a trade, as if she was an item to be bargained over, was one I didn’t understand. Nor was her wish to live a tempered life as a human. How did she so easily deny and suppress being a wolf? How could she want to, and even manage, to live concealing what she was?

“You will make a good Alpha Female, Eabha. I gracefully bow down to you.”

She blinked as I burst out laughing, the sound ringing out in the still, snow-muffled air. I urged us to keep walking lest we unleash Beta Caldar’s wrath and shook my head at her. “I’m not going to be Alpha Female. I think this morning proved Hati and I aren’t compatible.”

“What happened this morning?”

That was a good question. One to which I didn’t have a real answer for. “We. . .I think we fell out.”

Ingrid let out a giggle, and the happy sound coming from her nearly sent me flailing into the river.

“Hati falls out with Caldar all the time, it doesn’t mean they are not good friends.”

If only it were that simple.

A snapping branch echoing from the other side of the river stopped me short, my eyes darting across to the trees on the other side, searching every shadow and moving branch for sign of life. The river was narrow here, only a few feet across, and I was suddenly certain something was watching us on the other side.

“Eabha? What is it?” Ingrid backtracked to where I’d stopped and followed my line of sight.

“You didn’t hear that?”

“Hear what?”

A rush of energy thrummed through me, and suddenly I got the strange sensation I was falling, though I remained on my feet.

I’d felt this before, knew what was coming as hundreds of voices all cried out in unison. Darkness encompassed my vision, but just as quickly it was clearing, though I wished it hadn’t. The river stopped moving, the wind stilled, and I stood staring down at my own crumpled form on the ground. Ingrid was at my side, shaking my shoulders and leaning down to hear my breath. Whatever she found left her shaken and turning around to scream but the sound didn’t reach wherever I was.

It was unnerving, the view of us distorted as if through warbled glass. Again and again I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my face to try and wake up, but just as before in the hall with Narfi, nothing changed. I was stuck in this strange place between veils that was both freezing cold and all too hot at once.

Another snapping branch from across the river and I began to back away, trying to call on the instincts of fur but I didn’t seem to have access to that here. I couldn’t shift, and I somehow knew it wasn’t Narfi creeping closer. Then, relief flooded through me as Hati appeared on the other side of the river. Moving a spindly branch away from his face, he froze when he spotted me. I took a few excited steps forward before noting that his hair was the wrong colour, black as pitch instead of sunlight gold. His eyes were wrong too. It wasn’t burning orange that raked up the length of me, but startling liquid silver.

“You’re not really here are you, Skoll?” I whispered, but he heard me well enough, could probably hear the terror tightening around my throat.

“No, Little One,” he replied, his voice slightly scratchier than that of his twin. “I’m not. I wasn’t sure my presence alone would trigger your power, but I’m very pleased it has so I can finally meet the she-wolf being whispered about on the wind.”

My gaze fell to the hazy view of Ingrid still trying to wake me, her cries for help muffled as if under water. I wondered if my heart had stopped like last time, if Ingrid believed me dead for I could see my chest didn’t rise and fall with breath and the panic widening green eyes was frantic and stricken. It was oddly nice to know she must have cared about me a little bit to react in such a visceral way.

Lifting my gaze slowly back to one of the beings responsible for my grief, I straightened up with feigned confidence and forced my voice to come out strong. “I heard you moving even before I fell.”

He hummed and nodded, the pebbles beneath his boots not making a sound as he crept closer. “Yes, even awake, you seem to be able to hear through the veil. An impressive magic, I have to admit. Freyja gave you more than I expected when I came to see for myself what Hati had stumbled across in the snow.”

I shivered. He knew everything, down to where Hati had found me. How? Only the pack knew where I’d been found. . .

Skoll smirked, a cruel twist of lips that made a pit form in my stomach. He came to a sudden stop at the river’s edge and frowned, a muscle in his neck straining as if something held him back. I had to thank Ingrid for choosing this spot, for I’d been right, the river would not allow evil to cross.

“Go on, I can see it in your face,” he called across, any irritation at being held back gone in a flash. “Tell me what you’ve figured out.”

“You have eyes in the territory, or worse, the pack.”

He didn’t confirm nor deny. Glancing at where my body lay, he chuckled as if he found the sight of a panicked Ingrid amusing. “Do you know what you are yet, Little One?”

I hated him calling me that, hated the twist on the name his brother had given me that felt more like an insult than an affectionate nickname. Hati was very careful who he used Little Alpha in front of, which made me fear Skoll's spy was someone close to the Alpha’s inner circle.

Striding as close to the water as I dared, I decided Skoll might know more than he let on. Freyja had given me something, he’d said, and he seemed to like to speak. I could keep him speaking until help arrived. “Hati and Eirny think I might be a seer blessed by your Gods. Or Freyja, as you seem to think.”

“Ah yes, my dearest brother. Always so blind to what’s right in front of him.” Skoll sighed as if disappointed, shaking his dark head and tutting at his refection in the eerily still river. “Stealing souls from Nàströnd to create my creatures has caused chaos in my aunt’s realm of Helheim, can you sense that? Can you hear their screams? The veils separating each part, the borders that keep the good from the bad in the afterlife, it’s beginning to crumble; not something I planned but it has kept the gods-“ He spat their title into the dirt and his eyes flashed a silver that reminded me of a full moon. “They’re distracted by that. They don’t look down here as often as they should. Hati should know, he should have figured it out. My Blood Drinkers return, and then a female practically drops from the sky, with your abilities, right into his lap and he refuses to put the pieces together.”

I backed away a few paces, terrified of the eerie mirage of Hati in black and white; his smile as familiar and dashing as his brother’s and yet cruel and foreign at the same time. His ramblings were making less and less sense but still I knew every word was important to remember. I watched him begin to pace the rivers edge, growls rumbling from his chest as he stared at the water with a growing static around him that put me on edge. Did he have the power to force his way past the barrier the river created?

“Keep him talking.”

A lump formed in my throat, my ear tickling as if warm breath had joined those whispered words. I’d know the timbre of that voice anywhere. Mànas. Was he here?

The change in my breathing must have gotten Skoll’s attention. His power snapped back inside him and he narrowed his eyes at me. Before he could have the chance to figure anything out, I threw at him, “Hati told me what you did, how you used him. Tricked him. Lied to him then discarded him. He told me what Freyja said too; that he would find the power he needed to undo what you did. You won’t win Skoll.”

My threat was empty, so I was confused when a flash of surprise crossed his face. Silver eyes flicked up to the grey sky in the same way Hati’s often did, and while he wasn’t looking, I searched the forest for any sign of Hati, grew further worried when Ingrid stood. It made sense that she would go to seek out help, but I feared being left alone.

“Powers like that of which Freyja spoke could not be left to flurry around the cosmos,” Skoll explained, drawing my attention back to him. “Nor can it be imbued into an object or something more abstract. Hati would know this if he wasn’t so against such magic, if he’d learned what I offered to teach. I, on the other hand, knew they would create a vessel, one of Midgard to keep her safe and hidden, but with a lineage that would allow them to use the magic gifted to them. I am pleased they made you so. . .”

He licked his lips with a seditious grin and purred, “Pretty. A pretty little she-wolf afraid of her own self. Oh, they moulded you well. Hati never stood a chance of resisting, not with those big doe eyes.”

He leaned back and let out a loud laugh as if it was the best joke he’d ever heard, and I wasn’t disinclined to agree. Yet again, my world was tipped on its head, even if deep down I knew being a seer couldn’t possibly be all I was. My heart hammered fast, and I took a few steps away as if that would distance me from the truth. I pinched my arm, stomped my foot, pressed against my chest, trying to find some trigger that would send me back to my body.

A howl broke through the air, and this time the relief was genuine, so deeply felt I nearly crumbled to my knees.

I’m here, please find me. If you can hear me, Mànas, help them find me.

“You know, pretty she-wolf, you could like me too, I think; if you gave me the chance. He’s told you his side of the story, don’t you want to hear mine? Don’t I deserve that chance?”

The extent to which it was clear he’d been watching us rattled me to my core. Hati had told me everything in the privacy of his rooms, his domain where no wolf in the pack dared go without permission. And the way Skoll grinned, I just knew he somehow knew what else had occurred in his brother’s den.

“Nothing you could say would cleanse you of what you’ve done,” I hissed defiantly. You’re a murderer. You seek to bring the end of the world. The only mother-wolf you ever knew couldn’t stand to watch what you’d become anymore.”

I thought I saw genuine hurt and grief soften glinting silver to a gentler steel at the mention of Eirny. My own fury lessened as I caught a glimpse of the wolf he might have been before he chose the wrong path, and sympathy bloomed in my chest. Until his lips pulled back, and as if irritated by letting his mask slip, and he snarled.

“She forgave Hati,” I continued, gentling my tone, watching him carefully as he began to pace the water’s edge again. “It’s not too late to stop, and then she might-“

“There is no forgiveness or redemption waiting for me at the end of this, Little One. I will enjoy watching you try to save my brother, and I will be waiting when you finally come to me.” His eyes flicked to where the unmistakable thud of paws drew ever closer. “One day you will come to understand, I hope my brother too, that by bringing forth Ragnarok, this world can begin anew. A fresh start for all of us. No prophecies, no more destruction and chaos, no more lives lost or ruined by ignorant Gods. The blood drinkers would be burned from the world once it was done, and we could build it again in a way that puts us at the top. We would never be imprisoned, banished, or tortured for what we are. Think on that, Eabha, then come seek me out. Unless you think the orchestrated deaths of your uncle and brother, designed to make sure you found yourself here, is something you can forgive the Gods for.”

Everything stopped.

My breath got trapped in my lungs, my heart stammered, and the only sound I could hear was a static buzz in my head. Skoll didn’t look pleased or smug about his admission, which only gave me all the more reason to believe it. He bowed his head and offered me a final glance before he backed away until he disappeared into the trees, melting in with his surroundings as easily as Narfi had blended with the shadows. As soon as he was gone from sight, my soul was jerked back.

It felt like passing out again. The world went dark with an oppressive weight that crushed, and then everything was too bright, my lungs screaming for air. I came to choking and gasping for breath, the sun blinding overhead. Eyes blurred with tears meant I couldn’t see who the hands supporting me belonged to, and being ripped threw realms twice in as many minutes left my mind addled and slow.

Claws lashed out at whoever was shouting next to me, their voice deep and muffled by my ear, too much to be recognisable. I fought like a wildcat, screaming and growling, desperate to get away, but my opponent was stronger. Arms wrapped like a vice around me, trapping my arms against my side

Blinking away the tears, I sniffed and froze. A warm honey scent tickled my nose and the fight drained away to be replaced with relief. Hati released my arms once I calmed and I rubbed my eyes until I could see early again.

Before me stood a shaken Ingrid with wide green eyes and a scratch across her cheek that dripped blood slowly down her neck. Had I done that?

Caldar stood at her side with an arm raised in front of her, dark eyes locked on me with a mix of concern and something that made me feel sick.

Fear.

“She was dead,” Ingrid whispered sharply, a tremor of disbelief in her voice. “I couldn’t hear her heart.”

Even though it had happened before, it still shook me to hear it spoken out loud. For all anyone could tell, when I somehow crossed the veil, my body might as well be dead. Last time, I’d needed Eirny to bring me back. Not this time. Why? What had changed? Was it because of Skoll?

My head pounded as further questions poured through my mind, my body sagging in exhaustion.

“I have no right to ask anything of you, Ingrid,” Hati said, his chest vibrating against my back and reminding me he was there, keeping me upright. “But you can’t tell anyone about what happened here, not yet. It will only cause panic amongst the pack, and if they see Eabha, and possibly by extension her family, as a threat. . .”

A frown marred the female’s brow, her lips pinching together. “They could ask them to leave.”

Hati nodded slowly while I felt another wave of dread washing over me. I met Ingrid’s gaze with what I hoped wasn’t a pleading look, for I could never lower myself to beg anything of her even if we now had some sort of truce, but I could ask for understanding. I had given her that much earlier.

“Is she a threat, Hati?”

The question didn’t surprise me, she had the right to ask, what did was the length of Hati’s pause before he answered, “No. Others could be a threat to her though, and we protect pack.”

Determination set into her expression, and this time I was shocked when she nodded firmly and repeated his words with conviction. “We protect pack. I won’t tell anyone. However, I would like to know exactly what it is I’m keeping secret.”

“So would we,” Hati murmured, making her frown again. I felt his eyes on the side of my face but I could say nothing, not in front of Ingrid, or even Caldar. I felt him bristle at my continued silence, then he heaved a breath. “We need to get you to a healer. Last time, you needed help coming to, and we don’t know the effects this has on your body.”

I didn’t argue as he lifted me into his arms, I was too worried about telling him the reason I’d collapsed this time was because of his own twin. Caldar and Ingrid following us back, and I could at least take comfort as the Beta let Ingrid know her friend had been found safe and well.

“She was already making her way back when I came across her,” he explained. “She looked a little shaken and admitted she got turned around. I escorted her back and met Hati at the gates. We’d barely left when we heard you screaming.”

“I’m grateful,” Ingrid murmured back. “We shouldn’t have gone so far.”

Once we were in sight of the castle, Hati stopped and placed me carefully back on my feet. With a glance, he asked if I was alright, and I managed to nod. I understood. We needed to act normal. I couldn’t be seen being carried by my Alpha to the healer’s wing yet again. And strangely, I did feel alright; physically at least. Tired, yes, but not unwell.

Nobody paid us much mind as we crossed the courtyard, and as Caldar guided Ingrid to let us go our separate ways, I turned to watch her go and felt a smile tug at my lips as she offered me one of her own before disappearing round the corner. She would keep my secret. Or she would face my teeth again.

“I don’t need Eirny.” Pausing at the hallway that would take me to the healer’s wing, I turned back to face Hati.

He didn’t argue, lifting a hand to tip my chin up to give me a gentle smile. “I won’t make you go if you promise you feel alright. What do you need, Little Alpha?”

“My room.”

Nudging my back, he changed direction for the stairs, and a small part of me was pleased he decided he would accompany me without asking. I go the feeling he knew we needed to talk, and that he might not best like what I had to say if the pinch between his brows gave anything away.

I crept past my family’s rooms, terrified they would come out and see me, but nobody did. Once safely inside my den, I headed straight for the pile of furs in the floor and threw myself onto them, exhausted and in need of small comforts. The door shut, and I heard sniffing near the bed, followed by a low hum as Hati realised it was bare of my scent. I peered through a veil of hair, watching him pour water into the only mug on the table.

Why wasn’t he demanding answers as he usually did? Why was he being so quiet? If anything his silence was more unnerving than his rage.

“I saw him,” I said. “I saw Skoll.”

“I know. I sensed him as soon as I stepped foot on the river bank,” he answered quietly, making his way over to me. “Fortunately, the river kept him back. I don’t know if he’d have been able to harm you otherwise, it remains to be seen how corporeal your form is when your soul visits other realms. It would have also taken great power to be able to do what he did, to break past the wards around the territory to project himself here. Skoll will be drained, and once the wards are strengthened, he won’t be able to do it again. I’ll make sure of it.”

I sat up and frowned at him. He hovered in front of me with the mug in one hand, fingers clenched so tight his knuckles were white, eyes diverted to the empty hearth. I searched the resignation in his expression, and realised exactly why he wasn’t asking anything. He didn’t want to know. Or he already did.

“You can sit down.”

“Are you sure? This is your space. I don’t want to intrude.”

Curling my legs beneath me to make room for him, he settled in front of me and ran his hand over the deer pelt I favoured. He breathed in deep through his nose again, a small smile on his face that fell away when I inhaled to speak, but he cut me off.

“Whatever he said, it can’t be trusted.”

“I trust what he said,” I rebuffed firmly.

He scoffed and shook his head, placing the mug on the stone floor. “You do not know him. He is much like Loki, he plays his games and says what he needs to, to get what he wants.”

“Like you did to get the Vargr to go against the gods?”

A growl rumbled forth, his lips peeling back in warning, and I had the strong urge to toss the water in his face. He was still trying to deny what we both knew, and I growled right back at him for ever giving me hope that my life was mine to make of it what I wanted. With no way to scream at the Gods, Hati was an easy person to aim my fury at.

“You told me the prophecy couldn’t be about me, that I was just a seer, or blessed by the gods, but we both know that was just said because you didn’t want to see what was in front of you. Well, denial won’t help anyone anymore; we both need to face up to the truth.” Gentling my tone, I added, “For whatever reason, you’re lying to yourself, but I know you know. What’s worse is, Skoll knows too.”

That silenced him. His gaze dropped as his shoulders tensed, but whether he would allow himself to see past his denial or not, I wasn’t sure. I however, was only just coming to terms with all that had been revealed, and I wondered how many more revelations would come in my lifetime before fate decided I’d had enough.

“I know exactly what I am now,” I murmured, turning towards the shadowed hearth filled with nothing but ash and shards of burnt wood. “I’m nothing but a pawn, a thing to be used and fought over by you and your brother. He said it himself; the gods made me for you. They designed me right down to my personality, my struggles, to capture your attention. That’s why I feel this attraction to you. Why you feel attracted to me. The gods needed to make sure I fell into the hands of the right brother to help clean up the mess they had a hand in making. What better way to make sure my family found their way here than to make me attract the very creatures you’re swearing to destroy for them? To have my packmate’s, my blood family, killed to drive us North?”

Hati inhaled sharply, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see his head jerk up. No more denial. He knew, more than anyone else, what lengths gods would go to. He knew that having death be the fates of my brother and uncle would be but a part of the game to them. At least, that’s how I understood it.

“I was told I would be given the key to healing what Skoll and I broke, yes,” he said quietly, pain and disgust contorting his voice into something dark and angry. “I never imagined they would create the key in the form of a she-wolf.”

I shrugged weakly, hugging my knees to my chest and tugging a blanket around my shoulders. “Skoll said the type of power I hold had to have a living vessel. I don’t care about any of that, I don’t want any part of this. They may as well have murdered my family themselves, why should I help them? And what happened between us last night was all because of them-“

“No.” Gripping my chin, he turned my face towards him so I was met with narrowed gold that burned with intensity. “It doesn’t matter what they did, it changes nothing between us. The gods can manipulate situations but they can’t force me, or anyone, to feel the way they want. My emotions are my own. Your emotions are your own.”

Shoving myself away, I rose to my feet and backed away. “It changes everything! All I’ve ever wanted is my freedom and now I’ve learned it was never mine to have.”

“You can have your freedom, Eabha,” he vowed. “Once this is over, I will give you whatever you desire, we will go wherever you dream of, back to Alba if you wish. You are the female I want whether the gods deemed it long ago or not, because I know what I feel. It is no trick. It’s you.”

“Because I was made for you,” I repeated, frustrated that yet again he chose stubbornness over facing the obvious truth.

He chuckled and stood, and I instantly became wary as he stalked closer, slow prefatory steps that both delighted and terrified. “I think if they meant you to be mine in that way, they would have made you far less stubborn and far less determined to thwart me.”

Swallowing the growing lump in my throat, I staggered where I stood. He meant it. It should have filled me with joy to hear him say what I’d wanted him to for days, maybe even weeks. Instead it left me with the sense that there would be no fighting whatever was meant for me; I felt that in my gut. My whole life, my every decision, all came into question. What paths had I tread were of my own making, and which had I been manipulated to take? What else in my future would be out of my hands? Why was I more upset about everything between Hati and I being a lie than I was about what the gods had done to get me here?

Most frightening of all, as hate and anger scorched my chest, I was caught up in Skoll’s threat that I could like him if I heard all he had to say. Even now I found I didn’t disagree with some of his claims; the gods had overstepped. But would denying Hati really do anything other than make me more unhappy than I already was?

“Don’t push me away, Eabha. Not because of Skoll, not because of Odin, or Frigg, Norns, or any other God. I’m not going anywhere. Look at me.”

A rumble tempted me to look up, and as soon as I did, I knew I couldn’t fight. I could resign myself to wanting this male if only because I was born to, but to have him want me only because of that too? It made my chest hurt.

As if he saw it on my face, he frowned and leaned down to brush his lips against my forehead, a gentle caress that made my eyelids flutter.

“I’m. Not going. Anywhere. This is real,” he insisted, reaching up to run strong fingers through loose tresses before tugging at the roots to make sure he had my full attention. “No being is powerful enough to create what’s between us, the fire, the affection, even the depth of our anger with each other on occasion.” He allowed a measure of amusement to soften his touch, a half smile playing at his lips though his eyes brimmed with concern. “They might have given you life, or blessed you beyond what we thought, but your thoughts and personality are still your own. Just as mine are my own despite my path being as manipulated as yours.

"You can still decide to play no part in this; I will not force your hand and I will defend whatever choice you make, and whatever choice that is will not change how I feel about you. We are connected, and not because of any predestined plan, or woven threads of fate, but because of who we are in spite of all that.

"You see me; not as the son of Fenrir, not as a Vargr, or even an Alpha, but just me as I am. The wolf. The male trying to do his best to make up for his past.”Releasing my hair, his hand cupped my cheek and he leaned in so close, his scent of sweet honey and earth filled my senses. “And I see you, Little Alpha. We will get through this together, I will go up against whoever I must to give you what you need to move on and grow, to become whoever and whatever you wish to be.”

I allowed myself to sink into his touch, soaking in the warmth of him that chased the chill of my experience with Skoll away. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind he would try to keep his word, and that too terrified me. Displeasing the Gods was not the way to go, not that he yet knew I would do whatever I had to. This went beyond both of us. This was about the safety of the pack. . .No. The entire world.

His arms came around me and I didn’t resist, my nails digging into his back as if that would stop anything from taking him away.

“Skoll knew more,” I said, withdrawing slowly as I reminded myself there were more important issues than my relationship with the Alpha. “Where you found me, conversations we’ve had. He even knew we. . .that we. . .last night.” My cheeks burned, something that usually made the Alpha smirk, but his expression grew cold.

“How?”

Lowering my gaze, I dreaded bus reaction as I admitted, “He has eyes in the pack. Maybe more than just one set, he didn’t say exactly.”

Hati didn’t snarl. Didn’t snap his teeth, or growl, or so much as twitch. The calm and collected Alpha came out now he was faced with an immediate threat. “You are certain?”

“Yes. How else could he have found out all he did about us?”

Without a word, he turned on his heel and crossed the room to kneel by the hearth. I watched him begin to build a fire, returning to sit on the furs and give him the time he needed to collect his thoughts. I’d avoided a questioning earlier, but talk of how we felt about each other and declarations of desire would need to be finished another time.

“Tell me everything that happened.” He took my hand and squeezed, blazing eyes boring into mind. “Everything he said, everything you said, everything you saw, from the moment you realised you and Ingrid weren’t alone.”