The murder card

Dear diary, the store recently got new employees so I am back to working normal hours, but not only that, I have two whole days off. Wonderful, just wonderful. I decided to have some fun, so I went to Robins, the place that offers sexual services from robot helpers. These robot men are just a delight, a real treat, and not even expensive. They are mostly used by women, who don’t get as much sexual contact as most would like. But since I can’t touch another man without thinking of Richard, is perfect for me as well. The mechanical men have different settings, so everyone is satisfied. You can program in to do exactly what you want, down to the last detail, or you can program it to surprise you a little. As for me, I like the surprise version, for me it adds a little bit of danger which I like, really really like. The pleasure I experience with my mechanical helper is different from the one I experienced with real men. But that doesn`t make it any lesser, still good, just different. About a year ago, I met a nice man. He was cute, funny and great to talk too. Everything was going great until things got intimate. We waited for a long time, because I didn’t feel ready, and he understood. At some point, I felt relaxed and ready. But I couldn’t go through with it. My mind was soaked in thoughts of Richard and was flashing back to our intimate moments. I was overwhelmed with sorrow and grief. I couldn’t go through with it, I started crying. He though he did something wrong and got worried. I can’t even remember his name. Through the tears I barely explained it wasn’t his fault and what was really wrong. He them left and I went to the cemetery and talked with Richard all night. His spirit isn’t on this Earth anymore, but I still like to think he could hear me. Lately I have been thinking a lot about his death. His brother was the one who got the Murder card and killed him. They were fighting. Richard had a bit of a temper and sometimes in the heat of the moment said things he didn’t actually mean, things he would regret later. The reason that was written on the card was that Richard was disrespectful. We filled out a complaint, but it didn’t take. Clearly. Daniel, his brother tortured my Richard. He actually bought the Deluxe card. It took seven long hours for his body to give up and let his soul go. And I’ve been alone ever since. Miserable as well, knowing I’ll die alone. A lonely, bitter woman. I had to take revenge, at that time, I could see nothing else. I thought it would make me feel better to kill the man who murdered Richard. At first it did. At first I felt satisfied, as if just was served. But soon it hit what I have done and I felt even worse. For months, I couldn’t get out of bed, feeling like death is lurking around every corner, reminding me of what I did and why I did it. But slowly a day came when I realized, I did the right thing. He did kill my Richard for no good reason and he deserved what he got and now, I don’t regret it, not one bit. He didn’t deserve to live, his life was a waste of space and I did world a favor by getting rid of him. I somehow think he would have killed even more people. I don’t know why I feel so, I just have a hunch. He was the kind of guy who did care about human life and was still old fashioned. So old fashioned where he actually though women were just sex objects, good for one thing and one thing only. He never wanted a long, lasting and meaningful relationship. Despite the Murder cards, most people want that for themselves. It’s considered that women only use sex as a protection tool, which is far from the truth. Sure women do that, but not when they meet the right guy, which today is hard to do. Men think women only want one thing from them, so they don’t trust them from the start, making themselves unviable, while they crave a touch of a woman on the inside. So women lose hop as well. Which has led to a mistrusting society. Everyone wants a special someone, but everyone is afraid of getting hurt, so finding your one, is now harder than ever. That’s why I felt as if I won the lottery when Richard I got serious, but just as quickly as it began it was taken away and I experience pain I was most afraid to feel every single day and I think it won’t go away. The only thing keeping me alive is hope. Hope that someday, something will come along that will change my miserable life and maybe, just maybe I’ll feel happy again. But happy is a long shot, anything but sadness or anger would be good. Hope really is the one who dies last. Maybe this is my primal instinct kicking in, instinct that is telling me to stay alive no matter what. Maybe it’s a mixture of those two, I’m not quite certain why I’m keeping myself alive. Sometimes, just when I’m about to fall asleep and when I think if I should die, a little voice inside of me whispers, it will get better, you’ll see. Just wait and see and things will get better. I don`t know if I actually sense a change that it`s about to come or it is just my imagination, making up crazy things on my tired and sleepy brains. But only time will show what future has in store for me. Maybe I’ll wait my whole life for something to happen and nothing will. Maybe I’ll die at sixty, alone, bitter and disappointed with life. But maybe, I’ll get over my pain, meet someone and maybe for a while live like a normal person. Or maybe I’ll take my own life, someday, when I’ll be fed up with everything. Suicide is well organized. You don’t have to purchase a card for self-murder, you just need to register yourself, which is quick and easy. After that you have a week to do and you also have a choice to change your mind. When you register you get a peaceful pill, which was actually made here, in beautiful Europe. This is the pill, which kills you peacefully, you die in your sleep, without any pain at all. The pill was actually invented more than one hundred years ago, but because suicide was such a controversial thing in the olden days, it was only allowed for use when Murder cards were legalized. Luckily, suicide is a taboo today anymore and people can discuss about it normally, without any judgement. That actually prevents many of them happening, because support is out there for those who need it. And you needn’t be ashamed if and when you need it, not just for suicide for other things as well. For instance, back in the olden days, people had the need for kill, but they had to hide it. Hide something that is actually something normal in the animal kingdom, as you know, there only the strong survive, the weakest die. An in animal kingdom, it is not unusual of frowned upon when an animal kills another. It goes the same with homosexuality. Another common and normal thing in lives of animals. So why were such things frowned upon in our world? In the 20th century and during the first half of the 21st century people fought hard for equal rights for homosexual people. They achieved their goal and today is something completely normal. It would be odd, and frowned upon if someone was against that. Now that killing is legal, is no longer a taboo as well, is no longer something one has to be ashamed of. Today there are group who discuss how they used Murder cards and such, and this helped people to open up. No one is afraid to show their real self, no one feels the need to hide, everyone is very open and real, just being who they really are, because everyone gets accepted.