The murder card

Dear diary, I’ve been trapped in Lola’s disoriented world for five days now. She enjoys keeping me here against my will and this won’t change anytime soon. At least death was not as near as I thought. The day she captured me, I was sure it was my last. She prefers keeping me her over killing me. I have not yet decided if that is better or not. I am holding up better than Ian was. I get food or water whenever I please. I ate once and something was in my food, making me feel rather funny, uneasy, out of this world. As if I were drugged. I was not completely lucid or present and she did things to me. Things I would never let another woman do. I never wanted this. So why did I let her? I don’t understand why she is treating me better than Ian. She barely threatened me, she barely talked to me about my group or her company. She still didn’t initiate attack on my people since I’ve been here. Even for her she is acting odd. Nice, she’s acting nice. Suspicious in my opinion. When I got captured, Lola was in a foul mood. I was scared but I didn’t want to show that to her. I didn’t know what to expect when I was being taken to her room. No matter what I would have though, I would be surprised. And I was. Her so called room, is bigger than my whole apartment. Probably three of them would fit in here. The floors are covered in thick, fluffy maroon carpets, softer than any I have seen or felt before. It lays on the highest floor of the building, watching over the entire city. About one third of the walls are glass, providing breathtaking view of beautiful Rome. In the middle lays a big round bed, colored in bright, almost orange color It can spin around, slow or it can go very quick. On it are heart shaped pillows, dozens of them. When I say heart shape, I mean the shape of an actual human heart, not a symbol. In the left corner of her flat is a fountain, quietly gushing gold champagne, only she is allowed to drink. In the far right side she keeps a velvet vintage couch, made out of real leather. The color matches the walls. Between the bed and the fountain, she keeps a wooden, oval desk. That’s where it all started. “Addilyn Allard, twenty-three, EasyWay employee.” Those were the first words she spoke to me when we were alone. “Lola Allastor, ancient, murderer.” I say back. “Back talk won’t get you anywhere Addy.” She quickly said back with a condescending voice. “I’m not trying to get anywhere. And don’t call me Addy.” I reply. She asks if I am happy with my current situation. The answer was and still is obvious. “So if you are unhappy, I would imagine you are trying to get somewhere.” She says back. “Supposedly back to your lover.” She adds. As I have no lover, I had to ask who she meant. “Ian is not my lover.” I tell her after she answers my question. “Really? Are you sure?” She asks back, curiously. “Yes. How could I not be sure of such thing?” I reply to a strange question. “Well, you two just look so very intimate.” She says, with a kink. I tell her she is wrong, just like she is with many other things. She didn’t like me saying that. “Addy, you don’t have a clue on how this world is run.

You are just convinced, out of pure stupidity that I am doing it wrong.” Then I was the one who didn’t like what she heard and got mad. “How is killing masses of innocent people not a bad thing?” I ask with anger. “I’m only looking out for myself. It is not my fault that I have done it better than everyone else in the world. I did not make the world stupid.” I could she was proud of herself. “Well the world you created for your benefit is dark and cruel. One that you no longer belong to. Your time should have been long over and believe me when I say this, it soon will be.” My words don’t faze her at all. She rather seemed amused with my statement. Like I was just a child, trying to threaten an adult. And that’s how she saw us, like little helpless children, trying to make a difference, trying to make the adults listen, without success. She sees no one as a threat. In her mind, her reign of terror will last many lifetimes. “I would just love to see your friends try to stop me. Only to fail in the end. Which they will. There is no doubt about that. You think you are the first anti/murder card people my staff had to deal with? Not a chance.” She stands up as she is saying this and slowly, very slowly walks towards me, around me, behind my back. “There will always be someone trying to change the system. No matter what the system is. It has been so since humanity existed. And it will always be so. If there is one thing to remember, I always win in the end. Always.” After that, she walked out of the room, leaving me alone there. I was still cuffed and without a clue how to get out. I look around for anything that could be of use, anything I could have used as defense, but I find nothing. Of course she would let me be here if there was actually something that could be useful to me. I wait and wait for her, trying to stay sharp and focused. She came back next morning, finding me asleep on her soft floor, softer than my bed. I wake up, confused, not knowing where I am or what has happened, but soon, it all came rushing back to me. She was standing above me, in heels so high, they were almost ballerina shoes. But she managed to walk gracefully, like she always does. “Your shoes are ridiculous.” I say. She smirks and scoffs, showing me she doesn’t believe me. Why should she believe when I lied? I just wanted to knock her down, even just a little bit. That day, she wore a dark green sheer shirt, made of silk. It didn’t grip her body as much as her short skirt did. I don’t know what it was, maybe my mind was blurred because I just woke up or my brain was tired from all the stress, but that was the first time I noticed, really noticed just how stunning she actually is. Her hair is colored in the sweetest color of chocolate. Its silky and long, almost reaching her tiny waist. Her eyes are the color of the ocean, on a bright, sunny day, with just a hint of green. She always colors her lips in bright red, but that morning they were shinning in its natural, soft pink color. They were flawless, just like her porcelain soft skin. If I didn’t know who she is, I would think she is the kindest, sweetest person alive. I don’t know how, but she radiates with childlike innocence. “Get up. You have to eat something.” She sharply says. Naturally, I decline. “You won’t starve to death here. I have no use from your corpse.” She says. “You didn’t have any problem starving Ian.” I say, while getting up. I tried looking strong and confident, but I tumbled like a drunk. She scoffs, looks me with pity and uncuffs my sore arms. Without a word, she goes over to her bed, takes her shoes off and turns on her computer. “What would you like to eat for breakfast?” She casually asks me, as if we weren’t mortal enemies. “You didn’t acknowledge what I said about Ian.” I answer her. She gives me a quick look, while keeping silent, thinking of her answer. “He was different.” She replies. So I had to ask why. `Because he was.” She rudely says back. With more anger in my voice, I ask again, why. “Because.” She answers back. “Why Lola?!” I say, hating needing to repeat myself. “I know you have a reason and you owe it to me.” I tell her, still with anger in my voice. “What? I don’t owe you anything. You owe me.” She confidently replies. “Why in the world would I owe you?” I ask, despising her now even more so. “You owe me the truth. And every bit of information about your organization.” She replies, truly believing her words. “Why do you need information if we pose no threat to you?” I ask her back. “Well you are still here, your little club or whatever. I still need to defeat you.” She says. “I though you could win without me telling you everything.” I say back to her. “Look honey, no matter what you tell me or don’t tell me and no matters what happens here, I’ll beat your pathetic little friends. It’s up to you where you’ll end up.” She arrogantly replies. “What do you mean?” I ask. Again, I get no straight answer. “So if I don’t tell you anything... you still win?” I ask. “Exactly.” She confidently replies. “So why am I here? Still alive. And why are you fishing for information?” I ask her. “I’m just curious.” She gives me a half answer. “So again, what would you like for breakfast?” She asks, as if previous conversation never took place. “Nothing”, I tell her. She stopped pushing food on me so she only got some for herself.

Milk and nothing else. She leaves the room after that and again, I was left alone, suspecting I was being watched, but I’ll never know for sure. I watch the view of the city and part of me, envied her. She made everything perfect for herself, getting everything she wants. She is living her dream but at the expense of the rest of us. I felt sorry for myself, because I don’t even know what my perfect world would be. Not this, that I am sure of. I admired the city in all its ancient and modern glory. How ancient and modern Rome mix and blend together so perfectly and how they create a magical place. I wish I can live here someday, letting of my past, living free and happy. But I could never afford living her, so my little Eastern European city will have to do. I watched people rushing through the crowded streets, not knowing what kind of monster lurks for their blood. How many of them will die because of her? What if we truly don’t succeed? How long will it take for her to finally be stopped? I spent my first day mostly alone, locked in her palace, without escape, just thinking and thinking, trying to figure out her weak point. How I can get away and what will it take to win this. When the day was getting dark, she came back and by then, I was starved, tired and nervous. She offered me dinner. Even though I craved food, I said no. “If you don’t eat something soon, I’ll have no choice but to force feed you.” She told me. “How exactly will you do that?” I ask her. “With no problem.” She replied. “Lola, why are you afraid of dying?” I ask her and see she was not expecting it. “What do you mean by that?” She asked. “You’re the oldest person on Earth. And it seems you are willing to do just about anything so you don’t die. I’m just curious what is it about death that scares you?” I ask, wanting to know more about her. Part of me wanted to understand her, understand why she is doing this. “Sit next to me Addy. Let’s have a girl talk.” She says to me. “Don’t call me Addy.” I say with anger. “Why not”, she asks. I tell her I don’t like it. Trying to divert my attention, she again asks why. I tell her I don’t like the sound of it, not telling it makes me feel small. “Okay, so what do you want to know?” She asks. “I already told you what.” I reply to her ridiculous question. “Why are you so sure I’m afraid of dying?” She says with a kind and soft voice. “Why else would you be doing all this?” I say, while leaning on her wooden and just awful table. “Well you’re wrong. I’m not afraid to die.” She strongly says. “Then why”, I ask. I can’t think of another reason, but I suspect there might be. I could help myself, I wanted to know. “Why not Addilyn? It’s not my fault that most people are dumb enough to fall for my tricks. That is entirely their fault, not mine. They make it easy for me to live like this and to do what I want.” I wasn’t sure if she told me the truth, but its sure sounded like the truth. “So you just do this because you can.

You tried if you could and when you saw that you could, you loved it.” I say, trying to make sense of her. “Exactly.” She says. There was a moment of silence, when neither spoke, just thought about what was said. Her words broke the silence. “You know Addilyn, if you played your cards right or better, you could accomplish great things. If life you live was just a tiny bit different, you and me, could be great friends. I see you are smart and brave, willing to take risks. You just don’t know how to surround yourself with the right people.” I felt she tried to manipulate me, like she does with everyone else. Or was she just playing with me? Like a predator does with its prey. I couldn’t be sure. “I did surround myself with the right people. My only mistake was, that I didn’t do it sooner.” I reply to her manipulative tactic. “You are wrong Addilyn. So wrong, that it pains me. I hate seeing you with those losers. You have so much potential.” She tries to convince me. “What potential”, I ask her. “To be great.” She cheerfully replies, thinking I’d fall for her trick. “You mean to be like one of your minions.” I say. She didn’t like that. “My so called minions, live great and amazing lives. They’re happy.” She defends herself. “No they aren’t. They fear you and are terrified to disagree with you.” I try telling her, but she refused to listen. “Again, not my fault”, she confidently replies. “How is this not your fault?” I ask with frustration. “They let me intimidate them! They allow themselves to live in fear.” She explains. I would never admit this to her, but with that, she made sense. “So you just abuse them?” I say back to her. “Why not, if I can. Anyone in my position would do the same.” She says. She was wrong of that. Someone like Ian, would never do such things, I tell her. “You know, it’s interesting. You say Ian would never do that, you didn’t say you wouldn’t do that.” She got me there. I have no idea why I didn’t say I would never be like her. That was my downfall. Since then, she thought she could manipulate me, get me on her side. “See, I told you, you have potential.” She says. I had nothing to say back. “You look very tired. That’s not good for your skin. You’ll age prematurely.” She changes the subject completely. “I don’t have to worry about that, now do I?” I say, upon which she asks me why, as if she hadn’t a clue. “I’ll be dead soon Lola. You know that very well.” I tell her. Shock and surprise come over her face. “Why would you think that?” She innocently asks. I give her a look, showing I was not in the mood for her games. “Fine. I guess it could seem like that way, judging by your current situation.” I agreed. “It’s not yet decided if you die soon or not. That is entirely up to you and the decisions you will make.” She tells me. “So how do I need to behave to survive you?” I ask her a fair question. She gives me a little, cute smile and walks up to me. “Play a little game.” She says. I was tired, hungry, thirsty and sick of her. But most importantly, I was in no mood to die. Especially not because of her. “So I guess, if I tell you everything, you’ll let me go right?” I ask her. “No.” She cheerfully replies. “Good. Because I don’t intend to tell you anything.” I tell her. #I understand you feel that now. What if you change your mind? You never know what can happen. ”She mysteriously tells me, with a kink, while I know I’ll never change my mind. “What do you want then? ”I ask. “Just eat first, and them well just take it from there.” She smiles at me, making me wonder why she keeps offering me food so intensely. “Can it kill me?” I ask her. Well probably, I think to myself. Why else would she insists so much that I eat? “If I make a choice of eating here, will I die?

Honestly.” I ask, with nothing to lose. “Unless you’re allergic to it, otherwise, no.” She tells me. I wasn’t sure if I should believe her. But I felt my mind fading, my head hurting, my mouth drying. So listening to my weak body, I decided to eat. I was so starved, I didn’t even think to be nervous. All I knew, my body wanted, no needed food. “Fine.” I say and just minutes later, delicious looking food arrived, turning me into a hungry animal. I ate like a cavewoman, with no manners. Soon, I was full, but I couldn’t stop, I just kept eating and eating. When I felt like I was about to explode, I stopped. Suddenly, it hit me. Sweet, delicious food was flowing through my veins, giving my body exactly what it needed. I felt softness overflowing me, with warm feeling. Fuzzy warm feeling, that was getting stronger and stronger. It was not just the meal making me feel like this, there was something else. But right then and there, in that moment, I didn’t care. I felt different. I wasn’t tense anymore, I was warm. I entered another state of mind, like I was in a dream. Time started to pass slower, but at the same time, faster. Whatever she put in the food, it seemed to help me. I was able to let go of my tense self. I was a different me, as if I had a new life and like I would never go back to my misery. I felt smarter and more confident than ever. The colors of the room have never been more alive. Neither have I. I felt renewed and empowered. My body was stronger. At one point, I don’t know when, I noticed Lola standing close to my, looking directly into my eyes. She puts her hand on my shoulder, it was burning hot. I didn’t mind. She slowly started to stroke my body until she wrapped both of her hands around my waist. She gives me a soft and gentle kiss on my cheeks. Her lips were soft like pillows. I was at strange state of mind, where all my exhibitions were gone. I would have let her do anything, I would have done anything and I would let her command me. I let her do, whatever she wanted. I had my back turned to her when she suddenly spun we around, so we were facing each other. She kissed me again, gently, on my lips. They barely touched. Still, I felt fire burn inside me. What am I doing? I think to myself, while completely surrendering to her. I felt no, fear, shame or sadness. Her touch did not disgust me, it didn’t bring up any memories of the past. Everything was different, out of this world. I didn’t think or worry, I just was. Nothing else. That night and feeling felt like they lasted forever. It wasn’t until almost three days later when I finally came crashing down to Earth and back into reality. I felt like I have been living in another dimension. Soon after, I realized what I did, what was going on. I felt used and trapped inside her sick, twisted world, where normal rules don’t apply. I was trapped in her sexual spiral, letting her do unamiable things. Things I didn’t even knew were possible. Even worse than that, I enjoyed her touch, I wanted it. I indulged in her body just like she did in mine. We shared a bond that could not have been fake or played. It was just us and nothing else.

Nothing else existed then. Now I regret it horribly and when I think about it, I feel ashamed and disgusting. In a way, I feel like I betrayed Ian and the rest because I did so much more than just befriend the enemy. Days were blurred and glued together, I can’t part them. I wish I could just forget them. Even more so, I wish this was over. I look at Lola and I feel ashamed to be alive. During those days, I forgot who she really is, what kind of person she is. I will never let this happen again. As cheesy as it may sound, we share a bond now, which is hard for both of us to admit. I look at her, laying in her bed, me sitting on her floor and I ask her a question. “Lola, how did you do it before?” She looks at me, not knowing what I mean. “Before the Murder cards. How did you survive then?” I ask with no fear, without holding back. Maybe she didn’t care that I know or she wanted me to know, I’m not sure, but she decided to share her life story with me.