The murder card

Dear diary, Rei was struck with yet another idea or clue on what might the victims of Murder cards have in common. He has been doing a family tree, for everyone who has passed away due to those Murder cards. He hopes he finds a link or a common ancestor. As for me, I was back on Murder card descriptions. I met the man who killed the blond girl. The girl we saw when we first saw the elite watching murders. I took me everything I got not to tell him the whole truth. I wanted to tell him they were used. I wanted to, so badly, but I couldn’t. I had to keep it in. With cameras watching us, I’d be exposed right away. So I was forced to sit there and listen to how that poor girl died, even though I already knew. Once again, my free will was taken from me. I don’t even want to think about how many times that has happened before. I did kill two people and then I thought it was by my choice, but now I know it wasn’t. Now I know I was being manipulated and played and I can’t ever forgive myself for that. I feel my dirty soul, slowly dying of guilt. I feel enraged at them, for making me do it, for making me think it was okay. For even enjoying it. I cannot wait for the day when they will be destroyed and the truth will come out. Then everyone will see what they have done to us. But for now I must wait. For the time to be right, for us to know enough to attack. Being here, back in this chair, listening to murders describing their kills didn’t help, it made me feel worse. I could not wait for the day to be over and it felt like it was taking forever. I never before have felt such deep empathy and sorrow for the victims and their loved ones as well. I also felt sorry for the killers, as they did not do these actions by their free will, they only think they did. Which made me wonder, will a day ever come when I’ll be forced to kill again? Maybe in self-defense or can things go so badly that we might actually have to kill people of EasyWay? Or can I be even triggered now, after everything I know? I hope such day never comes, but only time will show.