SWNOVELS Chapter 14
I used to think that love was overrated, but that is not true.
I loved my father. He was my protector. The person that would give me the moon and the stars.
I love Andrew. He is my brother, my best friend. He would stand by me when the world is against me.
Love is not overrated, falling in love is the overrated part.
Everyone thinks that falling in love is so magical. Falling for the person that you will spend the rest of your life with is our life's purpose.
Well, I started falling and I ended up smacking into the concrete ground.
Marcus was my person. My mate.
The person that you were taught that would not hurt you—did that.
Everyone talks about finding your mate, but no one talks about what to do when they reject you. What happens when they walk away from you.
No one talks about the pain that stabs you in the heart, unexplained, unprovoked, and the most hurtful because it blindsides you and kills you bit by bit. This pain can bring anyone to their knees— the pain I am enduring at the moment.
He might have been gone but the fact that he is out there somewhere brings hope to my wolf.
“Marcus, you can’t do this!”
The words ring loud in my mind. When Marcus left I refuse to step foot into my bedroom. We have too many memories plastered on my walls.
Andrew shared his room, his only form of privacy, with me. Pillows drench in tears and sweat as I awaken every hour by nightmares just to find it to be my reality.
Andrew decided that we both needed some rest so he slept in my room.
He stayed there for two nights when I decided my misery did not need his company. Andrew tried to fight me as I ordered him away.
Andrew tried to comfort me but this pain is not a quick fix. Darkness fills my mind as the hole in my chest is a void I cannot fill.
He is my best friend. The one that I can count on when I am all alone. His mere presence somewhat chases away the darkness but he cannot be with me all the time.
At the moment I know that he needs time to heal as well. He is hurting and I am being selfish thinking that I am the only one affected by the death of our alpha and he has momentarily lost his best friend.
I fight with sleep every moment of every day. Sleep is always accompanied by dreams or nightmares.
My life seems in a constant loop of rounds, searching, and unfortunately, sleep when my body is on the verge of losing it.
Exhaustion floods my mind.
Dreams are the only reason why I have hung on. Every dream starts with Marcus being here, with me. His arms wrapped around me as he holds me. Safe and loved until the dark cloud looms above us and my dream turns into a nightmare ending with him running away.
Marcus stands at the door as I ask him to stay. To stay with his mate. Every dream ends with him signing our death certificate.
“No!” My eyelids flutter open as the blurry mess before I start to focus as my lit room seeps into my irises and my heaving breath lifts me off my bed.
My eyes widen as they take in the familiar white bare walls of my once colorful bedroom. My gaze falls on my floor lamp light is on as annoyance seeps into me. I cannot even remember to turn off the light when I cry myself to sleep.
Since Marcus left my room has more resemblance to an insane asylum room than a twenty-year-old girl’s bedroom.
Where once there were photos on my walls now lay bare before me. When he left ripping off the pictures and light them up was somewhat therapeutic but now I wish I kept one with me.
There is nothing in the room other than my bed, dresser and a small drawer and this did not bother me. It makes it easier not having any possession to remind me of him.
Now if it were this easy to erase the memories from my mind.
It has been a week since he stepped out of my house and disappeared into the night. A week where my wolf searched for him sniffing the grounds for his musky woodsy aroma when we made our rounds to no avail. He used to take up most of my time now I do whatever I can to not have any free time so my mind does not think of him. My wolf is hurting as much as I am, my wolf lost her mate when Marcus ran away.
My human eyes scan my surroundings for those hazel eyes which I am able to distinguish no matter how many people are around me. The way his hair moves with the mountain wind and the way his voice can calm my wolf and me all together.
My mind knows he is gone forever but my heart holds onto him aching and bleeding for his return. I dig that blade deeper into me as I cling on to him while trying to let go.
A soft knock at my door pulls me out of my thoughts and I am thankful.
“Alpha Blake,” a rough voice makes its way through the close door. I know the voice well as I pull the sheets off of my sweat-soaked skin.
The crisp air in my room makes me relax. I run my fingers through my wild hair and pull my camisole as I get off the bed.
“Are you decent?”
Decent! I scoff and roll my eyes. For the past couple of days, I do not care who sees me at my worse, who am I trying to impress?
I drag my feet to the door. Andrew has his back facing me as he peers towards the hallway. His dark brown bed hair indicates he woke up early in the morning and his white tee shirt and his light gray pajama bottoms are wrinkled from his night’s rest.
“What do you want?” I growl annoyed.
He turns on his heels and gives me a big smile showing me his pearly whites. “Well, good morning to you too,” he smirks at me, “you have important visitors coming today,” he beams at me and I roll my eyes.
Andrew knows that I need him to keep the happy facade to a minimum, but this is how he copes. He tries to see the better side of most situations.
“Tell them I am out. You can entertain them for me.” He knows I am in no mood to be around people I want to be left alone. Is it asking for too much?
I am one of the youngest Alpha known to our kind, new to this position, and the only woman to gain this status—ever. Ever since I was granted the Alpha status I have kept to myself.
“Come on, Red you need to get out of your cave and enjoy life. You’re acting as an actual wolf,” a growl rumbles deep in my chest. He knows I hate hearing my father’s nickname.
“Don’t call me Red!” I hiss and my grip on the door frame tightens since I wanted to slam the door on his face. A wicked grin pulls on his boyish features and before I can move a muscle he pounces on top of me.
His entire weight crashes upon shoulders. I cry out as he grunts and my knees buckle. Our bodies hit the floor with a solid thump.
His weight pins me to the ground as I snarl at him as his chest rumbles against my ear.
He tries to hold back a chuckle, “Get off of me you overgrown man-child!” The words come out my tight lips as I try to glare at him but he brushes it off and rolls off of me laughing.
He is the best friend anyone can ask for but he knows how to push me over the edge.
“Come on, join us. They came to see you,” I glare at him and his eyes widened, “as charming as you are at the moment,” he adds and I am getting even more annoyed with every passing second. He smiles at me knowing what he is doing and I have this urge to punch the smile off.
“Oh bite my ass,” I sit up and press my back against the side of my bed bringing my legs closer to my chest.
“Wouldn’t you like that,” he stares at me amused I huff out a breath and slide further away from him and he takes it as an invitation to scoot closer. I let my reflexes take over, losing my cool, and my fist flies to his shoulder connecting with a solid thump.
“Ouch!” Andrew’s eyes grow wide, but he is quick to recover trying to hide any pain from showing. His hand clenches as to fight off the urge to rub his shoulder and sooth away the pain.
A soft sorry escapes my lips as he shrugs at me. He cautiously scoots closer his arm wraps around my shoulder and he pulls me closer to him.
This warmth fills my chest as my head pressed into his chest. “You know you’re not alone in this.” His lips press against the top of my head. “I am here. You can count on me.”
The stinging in my eyes makes me swallow. I give him a shaky nod as I refuse to look at him. Andrew needs a break from my tears.
“I love you,” he whispers as my lips tremble. I want to tell him I love him too but at the moment I cannot do it. I need to be alone. My hand presses his ribs as I shove him away.
“Hey,” he bellows.
“That’s what you get!” I force a smile towards him but a dull pain rises in the pit of my stomach. “You’re going soft on me.”
He narrows his eyes as I lower my gaze to his chest. His eyes would see right through my soul.
“Only with you. I am the beta of the pack.” He remarks. "Come on," he starts but I cut him off.
“I have things to do,” I stand up and walk to my restroom stopping right before the door, “take care of our guest,” I take a deep breath, “alone.”
This is the last I want to listen to this topic. I walk in and close the door as gentle as possible as I let the sorrow fill me the smirk, playfulness, and nicknames remind me of Marcus.
My eyes burn with the traitor liquid which lets the whole world know even an Alpha can cry.
My wolf rips through me as she endures my pain. We both lost the love of our life and now we suffer together. Sorrow needs some company as much as I love to be alone with my pain I am grateful to have her here.
I fall back and let my back press against the door my body weights a ton. My knees give out and my body caves as my back slides on the door as my chest rip open once again I have suffered every day for the past week. My mouth falls open as I gasp for air as my body slumps to the ground.
The inner wolf in me crawls away to the back of my mind she numbs her own pain. I try to numb the pain but I cannot and so I let the pain take its course. My body curls up in a defensive position and I prepare for my mental and emotional torture.
I was not good enough for my mate. My nails dig into the tile floor as I try to get a grip on myself.
Keep pushing the knife deeper and deeper into your heart.
Andrew tells me to reconsider as he walks away. The door to my bedroom closes just as a wailing scream rips through my lips.
The cold air whips around me as the bathroom door opens and Andrew kneels before me.
He did not leave.
My eyes fly to him and he sees the pain deep in them. My eyes opening up my pain to him. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows down his emotion.
“Oh Mel,” his whisper is full of hurt as his hand caresses my cheek. The pads of his fingers wipe away the tears that fall. “Don’t push me away.” His words break my heart even more.
He swallows me into a hug as he cradles me. Andrew does not say a word as we sit there.
A quiet sob rumbles in his chest as I look up at him. His tears roll down his face, “I knew he hurt you but I never thought that you were this,” he inhales deeply, “broken.”
A loud sob rips through my throat as I cover my eyes. Andrew just cradles me, his presence soothing my sorrow.