The Love of the Wielder (The Wielders Book Two)

Maren was furious. And upset. And scared and feeling guilty about yelling at Alec, who had only been trying to help.

But rage was the least scary emotion, so she clung to it.

She locked herself into her bedroom and decided no one would be allowed inside and she would not step outside until Donovan left the estate.

She knew she was being foolish and a bit childish and that the mature thing to do would be to speak to Donovan since he had come half-way across the kingdom to see her. Only she wasn’t sure she could. She knew that if she saw him, it would be almost impossible to decide between her two terrible options and would be too tempted by things that could never be.

She heard a knock on the sitting room door, but she ignored it. Then there was a knock on her bedroom door.

“Maren? Will you talk to me?”

It was Donovan. Maren burst into tears at the sound of his voice. She so badly wanted to see him and knew she couldn’t; it felt like her heart was being torn in half.

“I don’t want to see you!” she called between sobs.

“I know. That’s why I’m on the other side of the door,” he called.

That felt like a fairly flimsy loophole.

“I can’t see you or talk to you! I haven’t made up my mind about what to do, and I don’t think I can choose if I see you,” she said. “Please go.”

“Do you really think your only choices are to end the pregnancy or give up the baby?”

She was annoyed he was dismissive of what were obviously her only options.

“Of course they are. Anything else would be too dangerous for everyone,” she snapped.

There was a pause. She assumed he was trying to think of alternatives.

“Maren… I could never take your baby away from you,” he said.

She sniffed. “Well, I can’t take a baby home North, so if you don’t want it, then I guess that makes it simple.”

Her voice cracked, and she was crying all over again. She didn’t even want to end the pregnancy, but if she didn’t have another choice…

“It does make it simple. You’ll marry me, and we’ll raise the baby together,” he said.

Gods, why couldn’t he see how impossible that was?

“I won’t marry you because you think you have to!” she cried.

“I don’t have to, I want to,” he insisted.

“You cannot possibly! Besides, I cannot live at Court. I can only imagine what sort of danger my child would be in,” she snapped.

“Then we’ll live somewhere else,” he said.

He was being so stubborn and foolish. She was furious.

“You don’t understand! You can’t marry me!” she cried. “Your parents will never allow it, and Kieran will murder me and the baby!”

“Well, then what do you propose to do?” he asked, and she could hear how frustrated he was.

“If you don’t want to take the baby and I can’t then I’ll have Alec handle it,” she said, voice trembling.

“Absolutely not! I forbid it!” he shouted.

Her rage returned in full force. She could not believe that he was giving her an order.

“You don’t get to make that decision!” she screamed.

“I already did!” he yelled in return.

Maren stomped her foot, furious.

“I don’t belong to you anymore!” she shouted.

“As long as you’re carrying my child, you do!”

She was outraged. How dare he speak to her that way? He was a spoiled, entitled prince.

She opened the door abruptly and saw his startled face. She glared at him, furious.

“Get out!” she screamed, pointing at the door that led out into the hall.

Then she slammed the door closed and locked it again.

“I can open that!” he shouted.

“I dare you!” she snarled.

She glared at the door, but instead of the sound of the lock opening, she heard him storm out of her sitting room and into the hall.

Good.

Donovan slammed the door behind him and stormed into the hall.

“I take it that did not go well?” Alec asked.

He was standing several feet down the hall. Donovan knew he wasn’t eavesdropping, but only trying to be available if he was needed.

“That woman is the most frustrating woman I have ever met!” Donovan cried.

And then he sighed. “No, it went very poorly,” he added quietly.

He had been so angry, and then suddenly he wasn’t anymore. He just wished he had done things better with Maren. She was the one traumatized and frightened. She deserved better than his childish behavior.

“Gods, I know I messed that up,” Donovan said, running his hand through his hair. “She just said she’d have you handle it and I…well, I was an ass.”

Alec nodded. “Probably. But possibly a bit of yelling had to happen. Would you like a very large brandy?”

“Gods, yes.”

“Come on,” Alec said, “we’ll get it sorted.”

Alec took him on a detour by his rooms to get a bottle of brandy and glasses, and they went out on a very nice balcony overlooking the sea.

The Duke was sitting at a small table and began to rise when he saw Donovan. Donovan waved him off; he did not want someone bowing to him in his own house.

The Duke nodded to him instead. “Your Highness, Alec, is this celebratory drinking or despondent drinking?” he asked with a small smile.

“Despondent. Would you like to join us?” Alec asked.

The Duke looked to Donovan. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

Donovan appreciated that, but didn’t really mind his presence. The Duke had made it clear that he had no intention of interfering with Donovan and Maren, so he really couldn’t complain about him.

“Not at all. In fact, since you’re the only person with whom Maren isn’t furious, your company would be appreciated,” Donovan said as he and Alec sat down. “Perhaps we will become more likable if we sit with you.”

“I take it you went to see her,” the Duke said, looking sympathetic.

Donovan ran his fingers through his hair as Alec poured the brandy.

“I take it you knew that was a bad idea,” Donovan said, gratefully accepting his brandy from Alec.

The Duke nodded. “Some women do say the opposite of what they want. I don’t think Maren is that sort. If she says she wants space, she wants space.”

“Teach us your ways, oh, wise one,” Alec deadpanned.

The Duke laughed. “You both know her a lot better than I do, but possibly, you are less knowledgeable of women in general.”

“I expect that’s very accurate,” Alec said, smirking.

Donovan felt very foolish. He should not have lost his temper with Maren. He had made everything worse. She had just made him so frustrated.

He drank his brandy and glared at the water. She’d never speak to him now.

“I simply do not understand why she doesn’t believe I want to marry her!” Donovan exclaimed suddenly.

“I think…she’s very frightened. I don’t think she’s felt entirely safe since before she left the palace. A lot has happened. We only just let the guard go yesterday,” the Duke said.

Donovan was surprised. It was the first he was hearing about a guard. “You had a guard on the house?”

Alec cringed. “I’m sorry, I hadn’t had a chance to tell you. On the trip here, we ran into a Tracker checkpoint, about an hour away.”

Donovan listened with quiet fury as Alec and the Duke told him about Maren’s detention and ithe Duke’s timely intervention.

“I am going to tear his head off,” Donovan snarled through gritted teeth.

He couldn’t believe Kieran had the nerve to try such a stunt.

“Ah…yes, well, thereafter, I had a squadron from the fort here keeping an eye on things, but I let them go yesterday. I thought if your brother was going to do something dramatic, he would have already done it,” the Duke said.

Donovan nodded. “Most likely.”

It was fine. Now that he had arrived, he could protect Maren from a handful of Trackers. Come to think of it, he would welcome the opportunity to fight someone.

“Was she all right?” Donovan asked Alec.

Alec shook his head. “She was rather shaken by it. Gods, so was I. We knew they’d be ordered to arrest her, and she wasn’t going to let them take her alive.”

Donovan was horrified. Gods, he never should have sent her away. He never should have let her out of his sight. He would never ever again if he could help it.

It appeared Alec read his mind, or at least his face. “Look, man, it turned out alright. Sending her away was the right thing to do. We’re just very lucky His Majesty’s military is so vigilant.”

“I don’t trust Trackers,” the Duke said sharply.

Donovan thought that was, on the whole, good advice.

He sighed, “So, Kieran assaulted her, then she was nearly arrested, and then she discovered she was pregnant. No wonder she won’t speak to me,” Donovan said.

“I’m afraid it’s a bit worse than that,” the Duke said, and Donovan shot him a questioning look.

“I think it made things a bit more stressful for her because I happened to be the person to tell her about the pregnancy and I also accidentally outed her in the same conversation,” the Duke said.

Donovan was bothered that Maren had been outed, but also deeply confused.

“You’ll have to explain that to me,” Donovan said.

The Duke did explain, and Donovan just took a very large gulp of brandy. He felt like yelling, but he wasn’t truly angry at the Duke, he just wanted to protect Maren from the multitude of problems she’d acquired since he’d seen her last.

“And did you tell her that you also know?” he asked Alec.

Alec nodded. “It went a little bit better than that.”

Donovan ran his fingers through his hair. Adding two more to the list of people who knew her secret must have been very upsetting to Maren. The grand total had gone from three to five—not counting Kieran—in a very short time.

Gods, what was he going to do about Kieran?

“Would you like some advice?” the Duke asked Donovan.

“Please,” Donovan said.

“I would suggest providing her with a concrete plan to marry her,” the Duke said. “And an apology.”

“Well, of course, I’ll apologize,” Donovan grumbled.

He didn’t know how, but he would.

“Here’s what I’d do. Write her a note with an apology and tell her you’re coming up with a plan. Then, come up with a plan, one that deals with your brother, and the King and Queen, and any of the other obstacles you might encounter,” the Duke said.

Donovan nodded; he thought that was a good idea. Possibly, it was something he should have done already.

“And, my advice, don’t rush. It’s better to come up with a good plan later than a bad plan faster,” the Duke added.

“You—“ the Duke gestured to Alec “—help with that, and I’ll ask Maren to dinner without either of you. I’ll try to talk to her if she’ll let me.”

Donovan looked at the Duke, trying to understand him. “You really don’t mind stepping aside, do you?”

The Duke chuckled. “Not at all. Firstly, I really don’t want to come between two people who love each other and second of all, I would really like to see a Wielder queen.”

Donovan was surprised. The Duke was possibly the only man in the kingdom who wanted such a thing. “Can I ask why?”

The Duke nodded and told him about his twin sister, who had been forced to run away.

Donovan shook his head. A young woman who had done nothing wrong should not have to flee her home and family to save her life.

“I am sorry for it,” Donovan said. He knew he wasn’t directly responsible for what happened, but he still felt guilty.

The Duke was more understanding than Donovan might have been in his shoes. “It isn’t your fault,” he said. “But I am deeply gratified to hear that from a member of the royal family. I already thought you would be a decent king. I’m pleased to know I was right.”

Donovan did not know what to say to such an extraordinary complement. He did not feel he was quite worthy of it—at least not yet.

“Truth be told…it was all Maren. I really had no idea how much wrong we were doing and how many people we were harming until I met her,” he said.

The Duke smiled. “I have no doubt she will be an excellent queen.”

Donovan thought so, too. He just had to convince her.

My dearest Maren,

I would apologize to you in person (and I will) but I want to respect your request not to see me, so I write to you to beg your forgiveness.

I let my temper get the best of me and I said things I know are not true and that I deeply regret. I think I could not understand why something so obvious to me was not obvious to you, but perhaps you had the same frustration with me.

I want very much to spend my life with you. But I know there are obstacles, and I promise you I will not leave Worthingham until I come up with a solution for each and every one of them. I hope that you wait to make any other decisions until we speak again.

You and our baby are the most important things in the world to me. I will find a way for us to be together. All three of us.

All my love,

Donovan

Maren wasn’t sure what to make of the note from Donovan. She suspected that either Alec or Jonathan suggested he write a note, handling things in person was more Donovan’s style than notes, but she could tell the words were his even if the idea hadn’t been.

She wanted to believe it. She badly wanted to believe that Donovan was right and somehow they could be together. But she knew better than to get her hopes up.

Marrying a man she loved, having a baby, gods above, becoming a princess…those were things for someone else’s life. She was lucky enough to have brushed up against them. In the end, she would have only memories of a love she once had and the thoughts of what might have been. It was still more than she’d ever thought she’d have, so it would have to be enough.

She thought that at least if Donovan tried to actually make a plan for them to marry and failed, then he would give up the idea and perhaps agree to raise the baby. That was the best she could hope for.

She was feeling tired and increasingly nauseous and decided to take a nap.

Sleep was a relief. She didn’t have to think about anything while she was sleeping, and she awoke a few hours later to find a note had been left on her bedside table.

Dear Maren,

I know it’s been a rather trying day. Would you like to have a private dinner together? We can discuss anything you like, including anything apart from what’s going on. Escape is sometimes beneficial.

If you’re interested, join me on the terrace, and if not, my feelings will not be hurt in the slightest.

Jonathan

She considered the invitation and was slightly ashamed to admit that part of the reason she was inclined to attend was because it would possibly annoy Donovan if he found out about it.

But mostly she wanted to have dinner with Jonathan because it sounded pleasant. She wasn’t angry with him, unlike the other occupants of the house, and perhaps he would have some useful advice for her. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about it with him or anyone, but she liked that she might have the option.

So, she met Jonathan on the terrace for dinner. She did not ask what Donovan and Alec were doing.

“How are you?” Jonathan asked when she arrived. He sounded concerned.

She sighed and sat down. “Somewhere between ‘not good’ and ‘very bad.’”

He nodded gravely. “I understand. For what it’s worth, I think they both feel bad about things.”

Maren smirked. “Was the note your idea, then?”

He smiled. “Just a suggestion that he send one and that he might come up with a concrete plan to marry you.”

She did not answer that. She didn’t think it was possible for Donovan to come up with a plan.

“Wine?” the Duke asked.

She frowned. Her stomach was feeling rather delicate and wine seemed a bit risky. “No, thank you.”

“Well, I think your suggestion will be a help to me,” she said as the staff brought out the first course.

He looked interested. “How so?”

“If a certain prince sees that what he claims to want is impossible, then everyone can stop being delusional about it and allow me to make an actual decision,” she said.

“You seem very certain,” Jonathan said.

She shrugged. “I’ve never been one to fantasize.”

He nodded. “I can see that. But what if he comes up with a viable plan?”

“Impossible.”

“Humor me,” he said with a smile.

She set down her fork and took a drink of water.

“Well, I expect that if he truly comes up with something that adequately deals with both Kieran and his parents, then he will discover he doesn’t actually want to marry me,” she said.

Jonathan looked surprised. “Do you think so?”

She picked up her fork and started pushing bits of food around her plate.

“He thinks he does. He won’t when it comes to it, though,” she said.

She hoped she sounded resigned instead of sad about that.

They ate quietly for a few minutes before Jonathan spoke again.

“Can I ask why you think that? As someone who has agreed to marry you, I would think that someone who loves you as much as he does would be very eager to do so.”

She smiled wryly. “You didn’t know what I was when you agreed to marry me.”

“I don’t see what that has to do with it. If you still want to and if you don’t have the Prince’s baby, I’ll still marry you,” he said.

Maren gave him a pitying look. “I think perhaps you are a very kind man and feel some obligation, but I do not for a second think that you truly would want to.”

“Why?”

She lowered her voice so anyone who might come out on the terrace wouldn’t hear. “Who in their right mind would want to marry a witch? It’s too dangerous.”

He looked thoughtful for a few moments before speaking.

“Let me ask you this: do your parents know?”

She nodded.

“And do they think you’re too dangerous to live with?”

“No, but —“

He held up a hand to stop her. “Let me finish my point first. Did it ever occur to you that for every person like you, there is someone like your parents who have chosen to accept what you are?”

It never had. For her safety, she assumed that everyone wanted to see her hang until proven otherwise. But she had to admit Jonathan had a point.

They fell silent while the staff removed the remains of the first course and brought out the second. It was a soup that smelled good, but Maren struggled to eat it.

“I was with my sister when it happened on our thirteenth birthday. It wasn’t as though we were raised in an exceptionally liberal household, so she was terrified. I’ve never forgotten the look on her face when she saw that I saw. She was afraid of me, afraid I’d turn her in. And at that moment I knew without a doubt that everything I’d ever thought I’d known about Wielders was untrue. So, I’ve known there’s nothing wrong with what you are for a very long time,” he said.

Then he chuckled and added, “Even Longer than you’ve been alive.”

She fiddled with her spoon in her bowl. “It was not that simple for me.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t. It was always difficult for my sister. I think it’s a lot easier to accept if you aren’t one.”

She had never thought of it that way, either. Perhaps it was that clear-cut for Donovan…

She shook her head. She could not allow herself to think those sorts of thoughts.

“That still doesn’t mean he’ll want to marry me,” she said.

“Is that what you really think, or is that what you’re telling yourself because you’re afraid of being hurt?”

Maren blew out her breath in response, slightly stunned. She had never considered that and wasn’t sure what the answer was. She was certainly afraid of getting hurt, but that didn’t mean she wrong about Donovan not wanting to marry her.

Jonathan looked sympathetic. “All I’m saying is that perhaps you might wait and see what he wants before you decide you cannot have it. And…perhaps…believe him when he says he wants something, or at least try.”

They were well into the fish course before she spoke again.

“What if he wakes up in five years and discovers he would rather not be married to someone like me anymore?”

That was truly her fear. She thought Donovan would be happy with her for a time, but that he would get tired of being married to someone living in constant danger. They’d always have the threat of her execution looming over them, who would want to live that way?

“That would be very painful, I expect,” Jonathan said. “But what would it be like if you woke up in five years on your own? Would you be happy? Or even, what if he wakes up in five years still delighted to be married to you?”

She wasn’t sure about any of that, but she had to admit it was thought-provoking. Especially the idea that she could be miserable for five years without him and continue to be miserable, or she could enjoy whatever time she had with him. After all, hadn’t she chose to enjoy whatever time she had with him once before?

“No one ever knows what might happen in a relationship. I did not expect either of my wives to die, but I think even if I had known for certain exactly how long we would have together, I would have done the best I could with it. And both of those marriages were arranged with relative strangers. I know for certain had we been love matches, I would have clung to every second,” he said, and she knew he meant it.

That was also thought-provoking.

They had moved on to the entrée when Jonathan spoke again.

“It’s a very rare thing in our world to be in love with someone and have the chance to marry them.”

She had barely thought about marriage in her life, but Jonathan was likely right. Most nobles married for money or power, or nearly any reason besides love. Her parents had been a love match, but that was an exception to the rule.

They talked about other things for the remainder of dinner. Mostly, he told her more about his children and grandchildren. She wondered if he was trying to illustrate some positive aspects of having children, but she wasn’t sure. His family did sound lovely, though.

When they were finished, he walked her to her rooms.

“Think about what we discussed, won’t you?” he asked.

She nodded. “I will. Thank you.”

He smiled. “It was my pleasure.”

Donovan scribbled absentmindedly on a sheet of paper. He said it helped him think, but he wasn’t sure it truly did. He felt stumped.

Donovan and Alec had spent the whole afternoon in consultation about “the marriage situation.” They had opted for a casual and hasty dinner in Alec’s rooms. Donovan suppressed a pang of jealousy at the idea of Maren dining alone with the Duke. The Duke was obviously supportive of his attempt to marry Maren, but Donovan still felt like he had to claim her. He thought it was a less evolved part of him and tried to ignore it.

They had made some progress towards a plan, but there were still several issues left to resolve. Most of that time had been dedicated to discussing ways to address the Kieran situation. They had an idea, but it wasn’t perfect and Donovan wasn’t sure Maren would agree to it. It was a start, though.

“Assuming everything with Kieran goes according to plan, she’s still in quite a bit of danger living at Court with so many people,” Donovan said.

He was slumped in a chair with a notepad on his lap. Alec was sprawled on the sofa, tossing a ball of wadded paper into the air.

“I don’t mean to be callous, but isn’t she literally always in danger? Let’s say she married my father and lived here —“

Donovan growled involuntarily at the idea.

“Just for argument’s sake! But even with my father knowing what she is and having no objections, she still could be found out by the staff. Even home at her family’s estate that’s much smaller is still dangerous.”

Donovan frowned. “Being married to the Crown Prince and eventually being Queen is a lot more exposure for her, though.”

“You have to give her the choice then. Take the risk…or do the safer thing,” Alec said.

Donovan hated the idea of “the safer thing” but he knew Alec was right. It wasn’t fair for Maren to be forced into the danger of having his baby.

“Could you do it?” he asked even though he already knew the answer.

“If she wants me to,” Alec said.

“And if I don’t want you to?”

Alec sighed. “I would hope that you would not put me in the position of having to choose between our friendship and my professional obligations.”

“I won’t,” Donovan said. “It isn’t what I want…but you’re right. She has to choose.”

There was a heavy silence that followed. Donovan knew giving Maren the choice was only right, but it scared him badly. He felt like their baby was a miracle, and he did not want to lose it.

“Alright, what’s left?” Alec asked. Donovan was grateful for the change in subject.

Donovan sighed. “Convincing my parents to agree to the match and convincing her parents to agree to the match.”

“Oh, is that all?”

Donovan snorted. “I think convincing my parents encompasses several other matters. They are very enthusiastic about me marrying the Duke of Carrington’s daughter.”

“Will Maren’s pregnancy not be enough?” Alec asked.

Donovan shook his head. “I don’t think so. They’d either want you to handle it or, if I insisted, take the baby and pretend it was my wife’s.”

Alec made a sound of disgust.

“I know. Carrington’s daughter brings a lot of wealth and brings a very independently minded family close to the Crown. Maren brings minimal wealth and might bring a bit of loyalty from the least desirable part of the kingdom. Not much of a trade-off from their perspective,” Donovan said.

“No, you’ll never sell it to them on those kinds of grounds,” Alec said.

They fell quiet for a while, thinking. Donovan kept scribbling and Alec kept playing with the ball of paper.

“I don’t suppose they’d agree on the grounds that you love her?” Alec asked.

Donovan laughed. “Not likely. But that may help with Maren’s parents. They were a love match.”

Donovan sighed. Getting his parents' permission seemed more impossible than getting Kieran out of the way.

Alec yawned hugely. Donovan was also exhausted after the long drive and a very stressful day at Worthingham.

“Let’s get some rest,” Donovan said.

He could tell they had reached a point in the evening where they would no longer have any good ideas.

Alec nodded. Donovan thanked him for his help and then went to the guest room that had been assigned to him.

He collapsed into bed and slept soundly. He had been exhausted from the drive. And while he would have preferred to have Maren in his bed, it was some consolation that they were under the same roof.

In the morning, miraculously, he knew exactly what to do. It was as though he had kept thinking about it in his sleep. It was so ridiculously simple and easy that he couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it before. He just had to speak to the Duke.

He had slept a bit later than he should have, and he dressed hastily. He wasn’t sure what time the Duke would be at breakfast or if Maren would be there and be furious to see him, but he decided that he would go to breakfast and hope for the best.

He was very pleased to see the Duke in the dining room alone.

“Good morning, Your Highness,” the Duke said.

Donovan rushed into the dining room and sat beside him.

“Good morning, Your Grace,” he said.

“You look like you’ve made some progress,” the Duke said with amusement.

Donovan nodded. “I’m hoping you can help.”

The Duke looked surprised but nodded. “Tell me what you need.”