The Kings Mate

Two hours I have been waiting in the room with Ryder not too far away from me. All the grey metal, heavily riveted shields are still down over all the ways in and out of the rooms. Whatever is happening outside is scaring me even though I don’t know what it is. If I have to be protected for this length of time what’s outside must be more dangerous then what I first thought.

Ryder was sliding closer to me every now and then and the two cushion distance we had between as before is now less than a foot. The warmth radiates off him as he leans against the back of the lounge his head resting against the back as he faces towards me, his legs crossed and rested on the coffee table. His muscles look larger with his arms crossed over his chest the way he has and I found myself staring at him.

He fell asleep after half an hour and the gap was minimised between us. The level of how calm he looks surprises me. His face is relaxed and not tense in the slightest way. I smile at him lifting my hand to run it along the bottom side of his jaw. He takes in a small sigh at my slight touch. The small stubble from beneath his jaw tickles against my fingers.

“Why do you make me feel the way I do?” I whisper moving up to run my fingers through the back of his hair.

He shifts slightly in his sleep, his head leaning into the touch of my hand. I stop when he does so, even though I like the feeling of him reacting to my touch. I slide away from him a bit, pulling my hand back to pick up the book that I had pulled off the shelf before the attack on the castle had started.

Four chapters in and I have only had minor problems with words and the ones that I had had a problem with I had bookmarked and was going to ask Ellie about the next time I saw her, because I was too embarrassed to ask Ryder about it. He would never react the way I think he would though. He isn’t like that but it’s a side of me that I don’t want to show him.

After slowly flicking through the next chapter, I feel myself relaxing enough to fall asleep. My sleep has never been as disturbed and restless as what it was last night and it’s beginning to catch up with me. It couldn’t have been that it was just a new place to sleep, that I was used to. It just felt as if something was missing and without it there was no way I could sleep properly.

The book falls down near my feet as I lean into the back of the lounge. It’s as soft as the bed is and it doesn’t take me long to get comfortable. As I stop and let my mind relax I can hear the soft breathes coming from Ryder and that sound alone is enough to lull me into the peaceful sleep that I need.

I’m startled awake with a hand shaking my shoulder lightly. When I open my eyes Ryder is knelt down in front of me. Looking down I see that I’m in the bed and that all the curtains and windows have been opened letting the warm sun conquer the room.

Ryder’s arms move to my back to help me when I try to push myself up. His eyes move to mid-section when I let out a hiss of pain at the torn skin that’s been held together with stiches. My stomach is only hidden by the material of a thin t-shirt. He knows exactly where the cut is though and it’s where his eyes sit, as if he can feel it himself.

“Are you hurting?” His voice is quiet but it doesn’t disguise the worry that I can hear.

My breathing is laboured and I try to even it out before I answer. “A little, but its ok.”

Ryder gives me a small nod as he straightens out and sits down on the bed near my knees after the warmth of his hands are removed from my back. I push back the fluffy blanket that’s been placed on top of me. Ryder see’s that I’m trying to stand and moves his hands back to help me up, quickly dismissing the fact that I am not in fact fine.

Once I’m on my feet Ryder’s hands stay on me, to make sure I’m steady. One is on my hip with a finger hooked through the belt loop of my jeans and the other holding my wrist his fingers pointed down to tickle against the palm of my hand just above the bandage protecting the shallow cuts.

“Lottie,” he’s even more worried now.

He has right to be though, I didn’t feel this way when I feel asleep. His hands are the only thing holding me up right now and as much as I want him to, I hope he doesn’t actually let go of me. He tightens his grip a little and steps in closer to me.

The hand wrapped around my wrist releases and moves to grip the hem of my shirt on the left side below were the stiches holding my cut together are. His fingers slide beneath the material of my shirt, brushing over the skin above the band of my jeans. I gasp wrapping my hand around his wrist stopping the electric shocks of his touch from advancing any further up over my stomach.

“Can I?” He goes to lift my shirt slightly without waiting for an answer.

My hand moves with his as it slowly slides up my stomach, taking my shirt with him. “No.” I reply, not stopping his hand with my own.

His hand stops on its own accord though, not lower on my stomach or moving up higher towards my stiches or chest.

“Lottie, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to look at the cut and make sure it isn’t infected.” He takes a half a step forward, his hand massaging at the bottom of my ribs, trying to reassure me.

“Ryder, please don’t.” my body is starting to shiver beneath his hands.

He sighs and lowers his hand back down so his fingers again move at the top of my jeans, the material of my shirt dropping back down. I’m still shaking and Ryder removes the hand from my hip now that I can stand by myself.

Ryder gulps and takes his other hand off me, taking the electric shocks with him. He steps around me to the bedside table and takes my hand again when I falter on my feet again. I see that he’s gone to pick up the book that I was reading and now he’s helping me out to one of the seats on the balcony to the left of the bed.

As he helps me down onto the soft lounge chair, he places the book down near my legs. The five stories below us, I can see the first acre at the back of the castle is perfectly manicured lawns and garden, containing a lot of purple flowers and a large marble fountain in the middle of the maze of hedges. Past that is a large green field that is empty except for a stable, framed by a forest on both sides, further after that it looks like it might possibly be a vineyard or more forest I can’t really tell though.

I realise that I’m avoiding looking at Ryder as I see glimpses of reds, greys and whites blurring in out between the trees closest to me. Once I see it a snap my head back to him, trying to shake the thought.

Ryder’s angry and I can feel it, but I can see it more in the way he’s holding himself. “I’m sorry.” I whisper.

Anger never brings the best out in people and I really don’t want him to be angry at me. He sighs again and sits down on the similar lounge chair next to me.

“Don’t be sorry Lottie.” He says, giving me a smile.

“You’re angry.” His smile drops a little when I say that but he just follows it with a gently shake of his head, his hair moving lightly with it as he does. It makes butterflies flutter in the bottom of my stomach at the sight of it.

“I am, not at you though. I could never be angry with you.” He pushes himself up off the chair after giving my hand a small squeeze.

Before he gets to the door that leads into the room, he stops and turns back towards me, running his hand through his hair and messing it up a little. He’s hiding something and I can see that it’s eating at him to tell me and it makes me think back to the words that Reynolds said to Ellie on my first night here. If it was me they were talking about then I could see that he is close to tell me something then pulling back.

“Ellie will be up with lunch soon. Let her take a look at your cut please, I need to know that you’re alright.” He says this time fear in his voice.

My eyes flicker down the muscles of his body, he tenses as if he knows what I’m doing, he probably does, he is watching me but the way he tenses makes his shirt hug his body much more wonderfully then the way it already does.

“Who are you angry at then?” I ask, needing to know more than ever that it isn’t me.

His hands clench and unclench at his sides before he steps back to be in front of me. He crouches down in front of me, making it so that he’s shorter instead of towering his usual foot over the top. His hands come up and cup the both of my cheeks between his hands, his little fingers behind my ears, his thumbs massaging lightly over my cheekbones forcing me to look down at him.

Warmth radiates from his touch that’s sending tingles down my spine to between my legs raising a new warm and pleasing feeling within me. As soon as the feeling takes over my body Ryder’s eyes drop down to my lips and he inches in further towards me, letting out a deep sigh as he drops a thumb down to brush over them before he looks back up to my eyes.

Instinctually my hands have moved to lock around Ryder’s shirt and hold him in close to me. I didn’t notice that my hands have moved but he has, the muscles tense before a slow rise and fall begins beneath them. I keep my eyes on them for as long as I can because looking into his eyes I don’t know what I may do or even say.

“I’m angry at whoever is making you afraid.” He whispers and as I expected my eyes snap up to his as soon as the words leave his mouth.

My fists tighten around his shirt even more. He doesn’t need to know that, I don’t even want to know that, but that one simple sentence brings painful memories forward and if it were anyone else I would push myself away from them but I tighten myself in close to him, savouring the feeling of his touch.

Ryder’s hands continue to massage gently over my cheeks trying to calm my racing nerves. “I’m angry at who it is that has put their hands up your shirt without your consent and who has made you afraid of my touch.” His voice is pained, yet his hands are still trying to calm me.

“Ryder, I” I begin to say but he cuts me off with a gentle shushing noise, a hand slipping into my hair.

“I trust you.” Is all he says before he lets go and pulls back with a regretful sigh, my hands dropping away from his shirt.

The muscles of his back flex as he begins to make his way out of the room. His words reassure me. He asked me if I trusted him and I do without a shadow of a doubt and now he’s telling me that he trusts me without me even asking whether he did or not.

“What about my tour of the castle though?” he smiles at me, a large smile that stretches far across his cheeks and is accompanied with a melodic laugh.

“I’m a bit behind in my schedule, but as soon as I can make a space available, I’ll be here.” He turns with a final smile.

Ellie’s walking into the room with a plate in her hand. The regular black maids’ uniform replaced with a light wash pair of jeans and a loose fitted black t-shirt, with soft brown leather lace up boots, her hair braided down the left side of her neck. She gives Ryder a small smile and a nod of her head and stops as if she’s about to listen to something he’s about to say.

“Thank you Ellie.” Is the only thing that comes out of his mouth before he leaves.

Ellie sits the plate of what she said was chicken and vegetables down on the table next to me with a glass of water and another two tablets. She moves around to sit near my and she nods at my stomach asking to check it like Ryder asked me too.

“No. I’m fine and its fine.” Ellie is nervous as I say that to her.

None of them intended to hurt me the way that he had yet I still couldn’t bring myself to even let Ellie take a look.

“I’m sorry Lottie but Ryder asked me to check, he said that it was painful when you sat up and that you were having trouble standing. The wound could be infected and if blood posing has occurred we need to get to it now.” She’s nervous.

My head shakes from side to side and it makes my hair drop down over my shoulders. “Please. Tell Ryder that I didn’t let you.”

Ellie sighs and gets up from the chair, running her hands over her face. She gives me a nod and bends her legs down slightly in a curtsy before she moves to exit the room.

“Ellie,” I call her back. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

She freezes near the door. “Don’t worry about it.”

Leaning over I pick up the book, remembering how I wanted to ask her about some of the words. After I ask she smiles and comes back to sit back down near me, reassuring me that it’s fine. She easily spells out the words for me and tells me that if I have any other problems to call her.

She seemed to ease in her nervousness after I asked her to help me with the reading. I asked her to go against Ryder, her king. It would unsettle me and make me nervous as well if I were in the same position. She relaxed after I called her back and it made me more comfortable to see it.

The chicken she bought me melted in my mouth and I savoured every bit as I placed it in. I could get used to living here if this is the food I was feed on a daily basis. It was slowly making its way through my body, putting weight on my frail body like Ryder wanted me too.

Two days Ryder has known me and the way he’s treating me is a lot different then I might have expected. Once again I am back thinking about Ryder positioned over the top of me his lips against mine, moving down my throat invoking deep moans from deep in my throat. The way he treats me leaves me thinking of two another two things, one he’s only doing it to get me to let my guard down and to get into my pants or two, he cares for me deeply and having him on top of me just becomes a part of our future, together.

He trusts me though. He could have been lying but it’s obvious he wasn’t.

The idea seems alienated running through my mind, much like the character ‘Ruby’ in my book. I feel as if I can relate to her, she didn’t have anyone. She was taken from her parents when she was ten and was thrown into a camp where it was made difficult for her to make friends.

I’m now up to part of her escape and she’s just meet a boy. As cliché as it sounds this castle is my escape much like that mini-van was for Ruby and Ryder is my Liam. I’m beginning to realise how different my life would be if I weren’t attacked in the alley much like how different Ruby’s life would have been if she hadn’t escaped that camp.

When Reynolds walks out on to the balcony I jump the book slipping in my hands. He smiles a little at me before apologising for scaring me. He takes the empty plate from next to me and looks down at me with a slightly questioning look.

“Ryder has also asked me to check that you’re ok since you didn’t let Ellie check the cut.” He raises his eyebrows.

Sighing I look back down at my torso. I push myself further up in the chair and ignore the pain that Reynolds is looking for. Sighing I drop my hand down and lift my shirt up just enough to show him the cut. They’re not going to give up on getting a look at it, it’s just so they can check on me and I’m beginning not to mind as much.

Reynolds looks away when I lift my shirt up and he doesn’t look back for a couple of minutes and until after he places the plate back down. He sighs as he kneels down in front of me. His hands are shaking lightly as he runs his fingers lightly along the sides of the reddened cut.

“Don’t run your hands along girl’s stomachs often?” I joke, trying to disguise the groan of pain I just let out.

He lets out a small laugh, pressing at my skin a little which he apologises for when I acknowledge more pain.

“Not really.” He starts his fingers continuing to poke at the cut. “Here in Jordena it’s pretty much illegal to look at someone of the opposite sex in the way I am now if they belong to someone else.”

‘Belong to someone else’

Reynolds looks up at me and back down again watching for my reaction. The way that he says it makes me think that he’s referring to Ryder holding some ownership over me, and with the way we react around each other it’s a freighting possibility. I feel something for him but I don’t want that.

“Relationships are very different here.” He begins, pausing slightly to think over his words. “Have you heard how wolves mate for life?”

Wolves? My eyebrows rise wondering what this has to do with his hands on my stomach and Jordanian relationships.

“They are one of the only eleven mammals that mate for life and the white wolf is the Connolly family crest. We to believe in being with one person for life and having a true intimate relationship with someone puts a claim over the both of them, to let others know that there together, kind of like how wedding rings work everywhere else.” He explains, still not exactly why he hasn’t been with other girls like this.

“So a guy just picks a girl really and there together for the rest of their lives. Isn’t that a bit objectifying to women? What if they don’t want to be together forever?”

Reynolds shifts uncomfortably moving to sit on the other lounge chair, his fingers pulling away from the cut that I nearly all, but forgot about. Once the cool touch of his fingers is gone I drop the shirt down and hold it there even though Reynolds wasn’t showing one part of interest other than to check the cut.

“It’s often a mutual reaction and either of them can reject the other. It’s not like we just go out and chose random people, there are romantic feelings towards each other, like soul mates, the recognition of two parts of the soul then joining as one.” He explains a small smile creeping onto his face.

“Are you with other people before?” I ask, still intrigued to the line of conversation.

“It’s not illegal,” He’s hesitating now, growing more uncomfortable by the second. “A lot of males experiment with, uh sexual relations but once you are in the committed relationship you are overwhelmed with guilt.” He tries to meet my eyes for a second but I look away.

Sighing deeply he continues, “Women are often true to themselves, like you said before it is objectifying to women. They’re often shunned for having a physical relationship with a male but men are overlooked, the act is seen as a way of having dominance over there future partner. It’s disgusting and even though women have equal rights in everything, the male partner holds dominance. It’s been that way for 2000 years and only now is it starting to actually seem like it’s about to change.”

Reynolds hands fiddle with each other as the minutes tick by between us as I let the words sink in of what he means.

“I’m guessing you don’t have a partner, have you ever been with someone?” The question falls off my lips in a bundle of nerves and he seems to be picking up on it.

“She was widowed and three years older than me at the time, it was after Ryder’s coronation and me, him and all the other guards he has on you got very drunk and it just happened. But no I haven’t met her yet and already I regret it.” His voice is genuine, hinting at breaking towards the end.

Swallowing I try to push the next question out of my mouth. “Has- has Ryder ever been- been with someone.” I manage to stutter out.

Reynolds whole body tenses as he thinks about the question. He sighs and looks out over the gardens a blank sought of look taking over his eyes before he looks back at me.

“That’s a question your better to ask him about.” He whispers trying to avoid eye contact even though he seems well aware that it is something I do all the time.

Nausea builds up in my stomach at the way he answers the question. Ryder has slept with someone and it’s making me uncomfortable to know it. I barely notice as Reynolds apologises and gets up and walks out of the room with the plate.

Crying isn’t something that I do often and once I hear the door to the suite close I feel a couple of tears slip from my eyes. I fight desperately to keep the rest that are stinging at the back of my eyes there. I haven’t cried since I was young and it feels foreign to have them slipping down my cheeks.

Ryder is the cause behind them. I hate how he makes me feel like this, and I hate how that right now that his arms are the only things that will be able to calm me down. I leave the book sitting in my lap, sliding down further into the seat and crossing my arms over my chest.

The warm sun is beginning to disappear as it gets later in the day, a cool afternoon breeze whipping around me as it bites gently at my skin. I stay like that for an hour before the sun disappears over the horizon and I make my way back into the room. The doors to the rest of the suite are open and it wasn’t me that left it that way, so it must have been Ellie or Reynolds.

Throwing the book down onto the bed I make my way into the other room. On the desk in the corner there is a stack of papers that wasn’t there before as well as a laptop. There is one plate already set up on the table with cutlery and a glass of water. Ryder won’t be here.

I’m not that hungry anyway, my emotions seem to be taped to everything that Ryder does and now that he isn’t going to be here unsettles me.

Walking back into the bedroom I pick up the book and settle myself into the bed, resuming my disrupted reading from before. I can’t absorb the words properly all of them turning into his name, leaving my mind to wander to how beautiful his hazel eyes are.

There’s a knock on the door and Reynolds is back standing at the door, once I acknowledge that he’s standing there he moves into the room, continuing to pull the windows and blinds shut, he doesn’t say anything till he gets to the end of the bed.

“You added it up yourself about whether Ryder has slept with someone, haven’t you?” He asks as his arms move up over his chest.

“It was obvious, you would have been better to say ‘no’.” I say back to him, shifting to sit up on the bed.

“Lying is the last thing he wants to do with you, ask him about it Lottie.” He sighs, “Your dinner’s been served and if I come back in in half an hour and it hasn’t been eaten, I’ll guard your every move.” He threatens kindly with a smile.

“Ryder isn’t coming.” I confirm.

His eyes squint together slightly, “No, he was held up from this morning, he’s trying to make a space available to come see you but he’s having difficulties.”

I smile a little at what Reynolds says, Ryder wants to come and see me. I dismiss Reynolds and he raises his eyebrows at me and walks out of the room. When I get to the table I see that there’s a steak on the table as well as thick pasta and vegetables.

An answer for what I asked him when he was asleep next to me and for why he cares for me so much, would be a wonderful solution. Because right now all that I feel for him as just a bundle of bipolar thoughts.