The Kingdom of Secrets and Ruin

Dalliah

“Take some time to think, I suspect you’ll need it.”

His words were so soft and considerate when he gave me leave to go back to my rooms and process the blow dealt me. I sort of wish he’d raise his voice, yelled or kicked something to show his frustration with how I lied and kept this secret from him, but he doesn’t.

He’s the perfect gentleman and I hate it.

The guards that brought me here actually apologise as they escort me back, apparently like I, they didn’t realise he’d be so lenient with my identity and I think I’m still in shock.

Nameless is in my room, bathing in the sunlight still left in the day and I scoop him up to bring him close to me. For once I bring myself to think of my sister, the one who gave me the gift of my little friend, even if it was backhanded at the time.

She’d tried to save our mother, lost her life in the process and I hope she didn’t suffer any pain. They’ll be together at least, over there on the other side, and maybe they’ll feel some sort of satisfaction for their story now being told.

The idea that Rhu was lying crossed my mind before it was quickly dismissed. He has no reason to lie, I already suspected the worst of him and I know he’d have taken it. He’s owned his part openly and I feel horrible for painting him in such an unfair light. Not that I’d have been able to know otherwise without revealing the truth myself.

Majorie’s betrayal should probably have come as more of a shock to me but I think part of me expected it. The second she let that threat hang in the air, I suppose it was only a matter of time and now I know what I need to.

Rather than owing her, I’ll let this make us even.

A grudge for a grudge and we can both move on with our lives. I managed to extract a promise before leaving, that no harm with come to the others who kept my secret safe, even if it meant having to offend him in the process.

I probably needn’t have bothered now that I look back on it. As it’s been made clear that no harm is to come to me because of my name, and if I’m not mistaken, he seems disgusted with Marjorie for breaking an oath. I bet those sorts of things are sacred in the army which means that Ingaret is safe and I can sleep sound.

Well, not exactly.

The revelations that have come to light today change everything.

Once again my world has shifted on its axis and I’m starting to get dizzy with how many times I’m expected to climb back to my feet. What more does fate want from me, and could it let me know if I’m to expect any more surprises?

Rhu is free of the charge I laid against him.

No innocent people have had their lives taken at his hand, a fact he vehemently swears against whoever and whatever I’d have him say. Which is something when knowing how much he loves his family.

Back in Ethrial, this was the one barrier between us that I couldn’t take down. Which now means what?

That my feelings weren’t as treacherous as I thought? That the shame I felt down in my old room is no longer valid?

It’s hard to say. At the moment I seem to be feeling everything and anything, so I can’t really see the woods for the trees. I know that I’m attracted to him, I mean, I couldn’t deny that even when I accused him of his wrongs, but would I be open to more?

That is of course, assuming he even wants it himself. When he was chasing me he was going after a young servant girl without a catch in sight. She was aloof, hard to pin down and always second-guessed him every step of the way which might have given him more of a chase.

The woman he’ll see now is one that accused him of something terrible, lied to him for months and is the daughter of a man he hates. I know I’d struggle to want me if the roles were reversed, which is a fitting punishment I suppose.

I laugh to myself, the fact that I’m sitting here trying to guess if he’d still feel the same for me, tells me more than I need to know about my own thoughts. I’ve grown fond of him, reluctantly over time and now that I might be in a position to finally accept it, I pushed him away.

For some reason, I feel the need to stand, to get out of this room and do something or there’s no telling where my thoughts will lead me. So I make my way out of my chambers and outside towards the tower.

I don’t know why this came to mind first, likely because of reliving all of those old memories, but I don’t mind and actually smile as I see the rosebush by the door planted by my mother. Returning here might actually help me pretend that nothing has happened, maybe that way I’ll get some sleep.

The corridor I used to walk through in my veil is no longer lit with lanterns, but I know it well enough after my years here to carry on anyway. My breath catches slightly as I approach the door to my room, and I’m so distracted by the sight of it open that I almost don’t notice him already inside.

“Oh!” Is all I can say, finding it hard to deal with the image of a man in my childhood room.

“Sorry, I should have expected you to come back here after today,” Rhu reaches behind his neck, “I was just curious to see it.”

I understand what he means, if someone had managed to slip my notice because of an old room, I’d want to check it out for myself too. It’s not been left untouched though, I knew that much from the fact he was able to give me back my book, but enough of it is the same to cause a pain in my chest.

“You don’t need to apologise, it’s yours now anyway and I think I was just coming to say goodbye to it.” I answer softly, aware of wanting to reassure him.

“Goodbye? So you’re leaving then?” His voices does a terrible job of sounding disinterested, and I can’t deny the small flutter in my stomach that is pleased to hear that.

“I meant this room but… Would you want me to leave?”