The Kingdom of Secrets and Ruin

Ruairi

“I don’t believe you, I can’t believe you. Why- Why would he do that?” Dalliah’s words stutter out and my heart breaks to have to tell her the truth, knowing what this must mean to her.

To know how she has felt all this time hurts more than I thought was even possible for an emotional wound, but I refuse to be accused of something I didn’t do.

I don’t kill innocents.

“You don’t have to believe me, but it’s the truth, I saw it with my own eyes.”

“How could he do that? What could possibly make him want to kill the woman he loved?” She crosses her arms, a gesture I’m finally familiar with in this whole new person before me and I know that she’s actually listening. Even if she doesn’t want to.

“When we got to the gates, your father and brothers were there at the front waiting. Their armour was on and it was clear it would be a fight for the title.” I pause to take a deep breath, I’ve not revisited this night since it happened as it’s not something I’d ever want to see repeated.

“Words were shouted across the barrier, and the offer for surrender was made like it was with every kingdom we’ve taken,” Only one has ever accepted and they currently remain held in Gaspeau, the most secure prison in the continent, after trying to stage a coup shortly after.

They’re lucky I wasn’t around at the time.

“Your father through it back in our face as we suspected, but a handful of women made their way through the crowd, one being your mother who wanted to consider.”

She was so brave to have elbowed her way through her husband’s army, we could have broken through at any moment and there’s no promise she wouldn’t have fallen by mistake with being in the centre of the fight.

“He didn’t like that.” Those words are an understatement if ever there was one, “He thought she dishonoured him by coming to the front and asking him to surrender in front of us. His pride was hurt and his rage took over.”

Would it help to know that her death was swift? Or should I avoid detail entirely? I never got the chance to know with my father and neither would be easy to take.

“He killed her… it was quick.”

Tears dance in Dalliah’s eyes just now, she must know enough about her father to know that his pride was his biggest weakness, and I wish I could say it wasn’t true. It would be easier to say that I had done it, for her to hate me and miss her family as a whole.

But I’m no longer interested in lies.

“Maud?” She asks in a broken voice.

“Your sister very clearly loved your mother, she tried to step between them and was killed in the process… For what it’s worth I think for that your father showed some regret.”

How he could show regret for a daughter but not a wife I don’t know, but at least it’s out there for Dalliah to take what she needs from it.

“And after that, you killed him?” She looks at the ground instead of me as I ask, and if it wasn’t for the quiet sob I’d have forgotten all about the traitor beside me.

It’s a shame I can’t punish her for the truth, as the betrayal she’s shown would mean death for any one of my soldiers. But I think there’s been enough talk of that today and from Dalliah’s words, it appears she saved her life at one point for which I’m grateful.

“Yes, after that I killed him and your brothers too, as it was them or my men and it was no longer a question.” It sounds harsh to say out loud but it’s the honest truth.

Like her, I’d go to the ends of the earth for my people, and whether she likes it or not, whether she’s a Leverer or a Smith, she’s now one of them.

Her lies will be harder to stomach than her name I think. To know that as we grew closer, as my feelings developed, she held this secret resentment towards me the whole time is like a knife to the stomach. I’d just like to know if any of it was real.

If she felt how she says, how could she let me kiss her, to touch her? Is it possible she was able to care for me anyway? Or am I just a fool?

Now’s not the time to ask though, I know what it’s like to lose a parent and she’s probably reliving the loss all over again now that she knows the truth.

At least she seems to believe me, which is something I suppose. I just hope that my detail wasn’t too much or too little, so that it can give her the closure she needs.

And speaking of closure there is one piece of information I still don’t understand and need the answer for. As hard as it might be to ask it just now.

“Can I just ask-” I hesitate not sure how to word it without offending her, “How did I not hear about you? Surely the whole castle wasn’t sworn?”

Dalliah is summoned from her thoughts and gives a small smile, the sort that tells me this isn’t going to be something to laugh about.

“My father didn’t want me.” She answers simply and I panic, thinking I might need to ask her to elaborate on such a brutal summary.

“I was born like this, with my skin. Which he saw as a flaw that he didn’t like… which I now realise was his problem as nobody else seems to mind-”

I can’t help but cut in, even when she’s there breaking my heart I have to say it, “You’re beautiful.”

More tears threaten to fall from her face, and I’m proud of her for keeping it in this far though she doesn’t have to. Not in front of me.

“Well, he disagreed,” Her voice cracks, “He thought that a Leverer should be perfect, like his other children, and because I wasn’t… he announced that I was born still.”

I wish I could kill him all over again. The rage I feel boils my blood and it’s only the look on her face that stops me from saying as much out loud.

“I was raised in a tower where only a few knew who I was, Marjorie included.” She nods to the person beside me, who is lucky I’m not carrying a sword, “My mother would visit every day and raised me in the hopes he might change his mind. He never did.”

“I’m so sorry,” Is all I can say other than a furious string of profanities towards her father that I doubt she’d appreciate.

“Don’t be sorry,” She shrugs, appearing more herself now, “It’s my truth and I never expected to say it out loud.”

And if I had my way, I’d spend every day from now on trying to get her to forget her father ever treated her that way. But that’s not going to happen, not when all that was between us might have been a lie.