SWNOVELS Chapter 12: Wallowing
(Marron)
Well here I am, sitting once again at a bar in some nameless town in Texas. I'm still amazed that I even thought of returning to the state. It wasn’t the easiest of decisions, but one I had made nearly on whim.
In the months since I vanished, I’ve been doing some traveling, either due to attempting to drum up the courage to return to the coven and face Aria and her mother, or to simply clear my mind in order to do so.
I know everything I did was wrong with the guilt hanging around my neck like a set of heavy chains. I sinned so much against my sister and her mother that I have no idea of how I can face them. With said sins, carries with it harsh penalties. If I am to return, I face expulsion at best, death at worse. Either outcome would remove me from my sister forever.
My hand scrapes across the bar and balls into a first. Gah, I feel so pathetic and completely stupid for what I did. I allowed myself to be so easily and utterly manipulated in to taking her. I allowed myself to dredge up long-since buried thoughts and feelings, and they led me to accepting the offer I was given.
While all of this is true, I still am unable to bring myself to returning. Nothing I could say would change her mother’s mind about me. I betrayed the one person in my life I truly cared for, one who practically fell into my lap.
During my travels, I sought work where I could, having hitchhiked at first before finding a new car for me to use. My old one is probably still near or at the Estate. A smirk forms on my face at how there’s little doubt Aria has been curling up in it, wishing I were taking her to my house to spend the weekend with me. The girl always loves to fantasize about things.
When I saw her at the farmers market, I told her that I had finally moved back to Texas and the two of us could return, at least in some manner, back to how she and I were together three years ago. I saw in her eyes a thousand thoughts and plans as they began to formulate within that little head of hers.
I knew one idea she possibly possessed was that of going to an anime convention, with me making her outfits once more. A really fun idea, something we haven’t done since after her birth family was killed a year and a half ago. While fun for the both of us, it served as a way for us to bond once more. Since that weekend, we grew ever closer.
I still remember her chiding me for being the “responsible adult” after finishing up a cosplay. I smirked, that girl, oh how she is quick with a retort on whatever crosses her mind.
She loves to talk and plan out her hobbies and interests. Aria could talk your ear off about anime and model building, two of her absolute favorite hobbies. While I share with her in my love for the former, the latter…not so much.
I sigh heavily, releasing my fist. Apart from staying hidden from my own coven, I’ve had to do the same with the others. There are some that don’t know who I am or that I am apart of Colburn. But those who do…well I’ve tried my best to steer clear of them. There’s always been bad blood between the smaller and weaker covens in relation to Colburn. Either it be jealousy or downright hatred towards us.
My eyes gaze down towards a small glass of whiskey. I don’t even like to drink all that much. A smirk rises only to myself, wondering what Aria would think if she saw me right now with a drink in my hand. The poor girl’s image of her big sister would be shattered.
I ball a hand back into a fist, missing my little baby sister the more I think about her. I do want to see her again, to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. But the truth is that I’m too much of a coward right now.
In fact the last time I did see her, I told her I needed time in order to come to grips with what I did to her and her mother. But the truth is, I was simply running away from her. It broke my heart when I faded out of her room that night. Aria was on the verge of crying when I told her I was leaving.
What’s even worse is that when she and I woke up from the dream, I abandoned her out of sheer fear of what her mother might have done to me. I left her there, alone and scared.
When I was given her diary, I let my judgement fly out the window. I don’t even know why I so easily allowed someone get into my head about her. I thought after I once fully had returned and moved into my house that the old resentments towards everyone would’ve vanished when she came over.
I had everything planned out for her, her own room filled with everything the old had. It would be like she really was living with me. We could’ve played out the idea of her being a regular teenager in a normal neighborhood. I smile, thinking Aria would call it a fantasy within a fantasy.
But…if I were to see her again, what would I do? The sting of my shame is so overwhelming I doubt I could even stay if we were reunited. I bit my lip as my doubt of myself grows more and more.
I growl to myself, pushing the thoughts out of my head and stare back down at the glass in front of me. The funny thing is that I haven’t even taken a sip since I ordered it over half an hour ago. Even the smell of the liquor upsets my stomach. Can anyone explain to me why I even bother to order the stupid thing in the first place?
I quietly push the glass away from me and pay for the drink. The bartender looks to me and shakes his head as he takes it away. Even if away from her, how my sister views me is important. Heh, it really makes me wish I was with her again.
“Not thirsty are you?” he asks.
I smile, shaking my head, “Not…really. Sorry for making you pour it for me.”
He sighs, “Just be more thoughtful when ordering.” The bartender downs the glass and cleans it. I then watch as he disappears into the back.
I lean onto the bar, resting my chin into my palm. I have to ask myself, why are you fixated on her?
I guess it has to be since I first met her. Sure, the both of us were utterly devastated when I was recalled earlier than planned. I hated having to have been torn from her so soon after first laying eyes on her.
But there was something else, something that I never told her future mother. When I moved away it felt…wrong to be away from her. Not only because in less than a couple short months the two of us truly became like sisters.
Oh, I took her out for some fun, taking her to little shops and having little dates with her. I know for certain she had fun each time she saw me. That’s also why I gave her a key to my home, so she could have somewhere to retreat to on the weekends and wanted to be free of her world.
But it felt wrong in a different way. As if we were meant to be together. Not in a romantic sense but something…something else entirely. I still remember the day when her future mother reached out to me to in her words, “Watch and care for a child where everything to them is new and frightening”.
When she gave me her name, my heart seemed to leap straight out of my chest for some reason. I actually teared up, wanting to cry. I felt a strange connection to her name, and so I started making plans for her arrival.
I sent the notice for the Lolita group I headed, which Aria quickly found and contacted me. I set up the meeting and told her when to arrive. Sure enough, the girl showed up at my door, actually being a bit early in fact.
My heart thumped loudly in my chest, as a voice within it started talking to me saying, after all this time, I’ve found you. It’s completely strange the more I think about it. What’s even stranger is that I was drawn to her for some unexplained reason.
From that point on, Aria became my baby sister and has always been my baby sister. But I keep repeating the same questions over and over in my mind. Why do I such a strong connection to her? Why was her name so familiar to me?
I worried over her during that first year away from her, constantly asking for updates. There were so many times I asked to come see her sooner than I did. When I learned about her duel with the vampiress, I immediately wanted to hope onto a plane and come rushing her side. I wanted to scoop her up into my arms and rock her gently like a baby. I’ve always felt the need to protect her, a need that sparked from the very moment I heard her name.
Our reunion after a year sparked something else within me. I had learned that she had gained the ability to transform into a kitsune. I knew she had affection towards foxes and the kitsune as a character design, and even designed her outfits to match. But for her to actually become one…something about it too felt familiar.
When I first laid eyes on her during the thanksgiving week, I both saw my little sister, but something else within her. She had changed so much in the year since we last saw each other. What really threw me was when I asked her to transform into a kitsune.
My heart shuddered for a moment, once more the feeling of familiarity perked up, but she was still missing something, or some things and still something more. Her mother told me that when she learned of her birthmother’s death, her magic went wild and subsequently grew her eighth tail. Again the sense of familiarity grew, but it was though she was incomplete.
With each subsequent event in her life, bonding with Fenris, falling in love, growing more and more like a kitsune and girl, it all contributed to that same old sense of familiarity from the first moment I heard her name.
I fold my arms in front of me and laid my head onto them. I still have so many more questions about all of this. Just far too many uncertainties.
“Gah, where the hell did that little brat get off to?” I hear someone say from behind me.
“Brother relax, I know we’ll find her. It's only a matter of time before she slips up and then we can pounce on her,” spoke another.
“It’s not that. There a huge reward out for her capture and everyone, and I mean everyone, has been gunning for her,” spoke the first.
“Can’t be helped, the girl is supposed to be smart as hell. After she fled from the battle, it was said that a huge wolf and two other people went with her,” added the second.
Aria. But…a battle? Where? When? Why did she have to flee, for what reason? What’s going on sweetie?
I stay motionless at the bar, trying not to give away the fact that I’m eavesdropping on their conversation. Thankfully the bar is relatively dead tonight so listening to them isn’t that difficult.
“The other covens have been scouring the state for her. I learned from the higher ups in Edtrich are finally getting off of their asses for a change and are on the move,” spoke the second man.
“Really? Heh, finally we’ll get some revenge for the insult that little brat handed our coven two years ago. She thought she was so smug, showing up last year at the harvest festival with her mother and those snoots from Colburn. She acted like such a princess,” says the first man.
Insult? Aria, what did you do to piss off Edtrich of all covens?
“You do know that she can transform into a kitsune right?” asks the second.
“Yeah, yeah I know. That’s why many of the covens call her ‘the fox princess of Colburn’,” the first responds. “Kitsune, I hate foxes. Always dirty, little fuzz balls that scurry about, getting into mischief. I hate kitsune even more. They’re the worst tricksters and spies.” He pauses for a moment. “Do you think that why she showed up that night, just to spy on us for Colburn?”
“Don’t go all conspiracy theory on me,” rebukes the second. “I doubt that’s the reason why she was there in the first place.”
My sister is no spy, you half-wit delinquents. I keep my anger in check, wanting to rip into these two for insulting her.
“So are the rumors true? That if we snatch her, then Edtrich could topple Colburn?” asks the first.
“If our coven finds her, then that will be part of the reward.”
A smirk rose on my face, Edtrich toppling Colburn? That’ll never happen.
I hear a phone going off, and then listen to the second man speaking into it. A few seconds pass and I hear him shuffling in his seat. “We’ve finally found her and the coven is mobilizing a strike team to take her in.”
“Where is she?” asks the first man
“The report said a neighbor saw the girl at a ranch near Holston, just a couple hours east of here,” the second man replies. “But they want to wait and gather up enough people in order to take her out. Supposedly there are other people from Colburn in town and they want to make sure to catch the brat off-guard.”
“Then let’s get going before the fun starts,” eagerly says the first. They both then hurry out the front door and into the parking lot.
I sit still for a moment. Aria is danger and I’m here glued to my seat.
Finally I rise from my chair, feeling something tugging on my pinkie. I look down to see a thin red thread. I stare at curiously. For some reason, it’s been appearing there and I haven’t the closest hint as to why. Not only that, but I feel tug on my finger every now and then.
“So…you’re following after them?” asks the bartender. “You seemed pretty interested in their conversation.”
I look to him, seeing that he returned from the back. I peer back at the thread, “I am.”
“Well…then safe travels,” he says, returning to the back.
I sigh, still unsure of the meaning behind of the thread. I push it out of my mind as I head out. For now I need to follow after Edtrich. But the question still remains, what will I do when I find her? Just have to save it for later.
I walk towards my car and climb in, starting it and head east.