The Heart of the Ocean

“She’s a mess

But she’s a masterpiece.”

-L.Z

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where do you think you’re going, my dear?”

Nana Alexandra’s voice was filled with worry as her widened eyes took in the sight of her pacing granddaughter. Aide didn’t pay her any mind as she rampaged through her wardrobe. Alexandra watched at the disregarded clothes pilling on the floor of her small bedroom with renewed interest, not understanding what was happening. Aide took hold of a few random t-shirts, before carelessly throwing them in the opened suitcase that rested on her bed.

“Aide?“, the elder tried yet again, “Are you going somewhere?”

The brunette sighed deeply, before closing the messy suitcase not caring about its content. Honestly, she’d had enough for one day. She was extremely tired both physically and emotionally. She was tired of being constantly lied to. She was tired of being excluded from important information that had to do with her. She was tired of the constant war her heart and brain seemed to be in. She just needed a break -a break from everyone and everything.

She knew that running away from her problems wasn’t the best way to deal with them. It seemed like a coward’s act -fleeing as far away as possible instead of facing everything upfront. Perhaps, she was a coward. Perhaps, after everything that had happened, she was done fighting. She was strong for so long, not letting herself be weak. She had finally reached a breaking point -she couldn’t keep her strong façade on anymore. She just needed a moment to breathe calmly and think clearly. A moment where she could stop pretending to be someone else and just figure things out on her own. And apparently, this was something she couldn’t do in Seaworth anymore as the pressure of foreign eyes on her back had become too much.

“Aide Marina Clayton!“, Alexandra suddenly yelled, “I won’t ask again! Where are you going?”

The brunette stopped what she was doing in order to take in her grandmother’s shaking form, leaning against the doorway of her room. Her eyes seemed glassy and her furrowed eyebrows made the wrinkles on her forehead more prominent. She hated seeing her sassy Nana in a state like this, but she couldn’t take it anymore. Seeing Evander for the first time after three years was the cherry on top of her complicated situation.

“Away.”

She kept her answer short because she didn’t have the courage to explain further. She felt guilty -extremely guilty. She didn’t want to leave in the middle of the night like a thief -at least, not without a proper explanation. She didn’t want to worry her grandmother further, knowing the elder loved her dearly and did everything she could to raise her. However, she couldn’t go on like this anymore. It was time to make herself a priority -it sounded a bit selfish, but couldn’t she be selfish for once in her life? She felt like she was drowning -like she couldn’t breathe anymore. It would only get worse if she chose to stay. She just couldn’t stay. Not right now.

“Away?“, Alexandra asked in disbelief, “Where? Why? For how long?”

Aide took her time to put on her jacket, before facing her grandmother with a half-smile. Perhaps, some humor would make the whole situation a bit lighter?

“Must you know everything?“, she teased her proposedly, making the elder narrow her eyes.

“Is this a joke to you?“, Nana’s nostrils flared in anger, “You come home running as if you saw a ghost! You pack your things as if someone is hunting you! You’re prepared to leave in the middle of the night without giving me any explanation! And you have the nerve to joke about it?”

“Nana...” Aide sighed deeply.

“Do you want me to have a heart attack, is that it?“, Alexandra shook her head in confusion, “You’re not leaving this house until you tell me what’s going on, young lady! I’m this close to losing it!”

Aide started pacing nervously around her room, her fingers combing roughly through her messy brunette locks.

“Aide!“, Alexandra insisted, “I won’t ask again!”

“I’m tired, okay?! I’m sofuckingtired!”

A moment of silence followed as they both stared at each other.

“Aide-”

“I’m tired of being treated like a child! I’m tired of being kept in the dark for things that I’m supposed to know -that I have to know!“, Aide breathed heavily, “I’m tired of having to guess what’s going on and you not telling me! I just need a break from everything... I can’t do this anymore!”

The elder seemed to be in shock at her granddaughter’s confession. She hadn’t realized that in her attempt to keep her safe, she had pushed her away. Was this truly how she felt? Had her refusal to give her the answers she was seeking really pushed her so far away? To the point that she wanted to leave the comfort of her home and her grandmother’s presence? It wasn’t that she didn’t want to help her...it was just...complicated.

Some situations in our lives leave behind unimaginable wounds. Time heals everything, but sometimes not entirely. Some scars are still bleeding -still hurting, despite the years that have passed. And the reason we refuse to talk about them is not because of others but because of us. Because if we scratch an old wound, it doesn’t heal. It just opens again, bleeding profusely and offering an unimaginable pain that we could never start to imagine. And well, it’s difficult -really difficult, facing situations and people you used to love -people who hurt you. You prefer to bury the memories rather than relieve them. No one can blame you -everyone does the same thing.

“My darling, whatever I did -whatever I do, I do for you”, Alexandra’s voice was filled with sadness, “I know sometimes it may not seem like it, but I always have your best interests at heart.”

“I know you want the best for me. I know the sacrifices you’ve made so I can grow up and have a comfortable life and I’m really thankful. I never doubted your love for me, Nana. But...“, Aide’s voice was cut short.

“But what, my dear?”

“But at some point, I’ll have to make my own choices -even if they turn out to be wrong”, Aide stared at her grandmother’s similar eyes, “You can’t protect me from everything, not forever.”

Alexandra laughed shortly at her words, before weeping away a treacherous tear that had fallen down her cheek.

“I can try...“, she mumbled.

“You can try”, Aide agreed, “It just doesn’t work anymore.”

Alexandra gave a warm hug to her granddaughter, kissing the top of her head as she did so. She knew she was right. Aide was a tough girl, just like her Nana. She could make her own choices. She could take anything life threw at her. Alexandra sniffled a bit at the thought. How do they grow up so fast? One moment, they ask you to eat dessert before dinner and the next, they ask you to let go of them. The circle of life is a cruel bitch, that’s for sure.

“Where will you go?“, the elder asked softly.

“To Trudid”, Aide replied reassuringly, “I thought it would be nice to see aunt Marion. I haven’t seen her in years.”

Nana Alexandra seemed to relax at her words. Trudid was a small town, just two hours away from Seaworth. A small ship made frequent voyages connecting Seaworth with the small town, as most of the villagers had relatives there or just needed provisions and some days away for their daily routine.

“How long will you stay, dear?“, Alexandra had calmed down significantly.

“Well, I thought a weekend would help me calm down”, Aide seemed to speak more to herself, “Perhaps, one or two days longer than that?”

Alexandra nodded in understanding.

“You know you can always trust me, dear. If there is anything you need to talk about...”

“I may be ready, but Nana...you are not”, Aide cut her shortly, “Right now, I need some space to calm down and think. I don’t need to talk to someone -not anymore, at least.”

Alexandra seemed taken aback by her answer, but decided to not comment any further. She watched as Aide took hold of her suitcase, before climbing down the stairs of their home. Following her granddaughter, she couldn’t help but chuckle as she tried to put on her red converse without untying her shoelaces. Aide glared at her momentarily, before deciding it was best to untie the shoes.

“Be careful, my dear”, Alexandra gently kissed her forehead before letting go.

“I will, Nana”, Aide smiled at her, ’I’ll see you in a few days.”

The elder watched with tearful eyes as the form of her granddaughter disappeared in the darkness of the night. The sound of her footsteps was soon lost in the wind, making Alexandra to finally step inside their empty home and close the door. It felt different -like something was missing. For the first time in many years, the elder couldn’t help but feel lonely. And despite not wanting to admit it to herself, Alexandra knew that she had to take part of the blame too.

As the elder considered her actions, Aide made her way towards the famous port of Seaworth. Her arms were hurting from the weight of her suitcase and her legs were begging her for a break, but she had already made her decision. She didn’t calm down until the strong smell of salt and fish invaded her nose.

The port was busy with people, even though it was well past midnight. There were small ships that had just arrived and people carefully unloading their precious cargo. Fishermen were preparing their nets and boats, ready to sail in the open waters for the first catch of the day. There were sailors drinking beers and singing happily, not knowing the next time they would find themselves on land. It was loud and generally, intense.

Aide kept her head low, making her way to the small ship that was destined to take her away from her reality. Its red paint had started to peel off from the intensity of the salt and the winds that it had faced during all these years. The name “ERICA” on its side had slightly faded, but it was still recognizable. The ship was swaying gently upon the calm waters as a group of the crew was patiently waiting by its stairs.

“A ticket for Trudid, please”, she mumbled to him quietly.

He nodded before taking the money she offered, giving her a weird look. He probably wasn’t expecting a young lady to travel alone, in the middle of the night. Well, she was an adult and could do whatever the hell she wanted. She didn’t need a stranger’s opinion and it sure as hell wouldn’t change her mind. Taking the ticket from his hand, she didn’t turn around once as he wished her a nice trip.

She climbed the slippery steps of “ERICA”, getting slightly dizzy from its movement. There were a few people on the ship, following her silently with their gaze as she walked through the small deck. She found a seat far away from their prying eyes and made herself comfortable. She put her legs on her suitcase and pulled on the hood of her jacket. She sighed deeply. The sound of waves were like a lullaby, calling her to close her eyes and let herself sleep. She followed their call.

This was going to be a nice weekend.

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End of chapter 24!!

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Until next time!!