The Guardian's Mark

I woke drenched in sweat and hyperventilating.

Natalia was at my side this time and had her hand on my shoulder. “Ava, it’s alright. It was only a dream.”

I could barely speak but I was able to get out an “I know” between pants.

“I came in to see if you’d overslept and you were crying out in your sleep. What happened?”

“Lucifer...” I took a few deep breaths, sitting up as I attempted to calm myself. “He killed Gavin. He made Rainen kill Gavin. I know it wasn’t real but it felt real.”

She patted my back, her expression empathetic. “It wasn’t real so don’t let it upset you. Lucifer creates illusions and enjoys the reactions he gets from you.”

“I know.” I inhaled a few more times, finally calming. I didn’t notice that Rainen stood behind her and immediately felt guilty for what I’d just said. “I’m sorry Rainen.”

“It’s alright.” He took a step forward, seemingly unhurt by what I’d said. “I’d never hurt Gavin. No matter what the situation. Though I think you know that.”

I nodded, still feeling ashamed for my word vomit. “I do.” Turning my attention back to Natalia, I decided to tell her what else was bothering me. “He keeps using Carter as his vessel. I know it’s only a dream but can he really do that?”

“A human possessed by Lucifer would certainly die. And he needs Carter alive.”

Her answer wasn’t exactly comforting but it did give me a bit of hope. “Okay. I’m fine now, thank you. I’ll meet you outside?”

Natalia nodded, squeezing my hand as she stood. “There’s no rush. Have breakfast first.”

As soon as they left, I dragged myself into the shower, hoping to wash away the dirty feeling of having Lucifer in my mind. Unsuccessful, I dressed in all black gear and put my hair back in a bun. I was ready to give it my all in training today.

Gavin was in the kitchen with Natalia when I got there and I instantly felt that pang in my chest. The dream was still fresh in my mind as was our conversation the night before.

They were talking quietly and I had a feeling it was about me by the way they immediately quieted when I entered.

“Morning,” I said to Gavin, smiling lightly at Natalia.

“I’m going to help Rainen set up outside. I’ll see you out there, Ava.” Natalia left as quickly and gracefully as she could.

I moved toward the sink, grabbing a cup and filling it with water. I was trying to act casual as Gavin approached, coming to stand beside me. Unbeknownst to him, every one of my nerve endings was ignited.

“I heard you had another nightmare.” He didn’t reach out to touch me and kept his distance, his voice low.

I turned to face him, hesitantly bringing my eyes up to meet his. “Yeah.”

“Are you alright?” His body language was closed off but his eyes were completely vulnerable, concerned.

“I’ll be fine. It was one of the worst ones but I used the stone to get out of it. I only have to make it through one more night and then this will all be over.”

Because I might die. A possibility I was trying to avoid thinking about.

“Yes, only one more night. Good luck on your training today. Nakir is sending me out to scout a few potential locations for Lucifer so I probably won’t see you until tomorrow evening.”

My heart dropped but I tried not to let it show on my face. I wouldn’t see him until it was time to close the gates?

“Oh. Alright, well be safe.”

His eyes betrayed the fact that he wanted to say more but the only words that came out were, “I will.”

He turned to leave the room and it felt as if something were breaking between us as he did.

It took me a moment to realize I was taking shallow breaths. I immediately exhaled, the backs of my eyes burning as I refused to let the tears fall. Eating what little I could stomach, I went outside to meet Natalia and Rainen.

An entire obstacle course had been set up outside, including targets for shooting. For the first time since I’d met her, Natalia wasn’t wearing some business casual outfit but instead a sort of navy blue uniform. It was a form fitting leather suit, holsters wrapped around each of her thighs and housing pistols. Rainen stood behind her in a men’s version of the suit, both donning deep blue martial arts boots. The corners of her mouth lifted as I approached, my steps determined on the dewy morning grass. Draped over her arm was a black suit which I assumed was for me.

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” I needed a moment to pull myself together since the possible love of my life was soon going to be nothing but a distant memory.

“It’s alright. Here, I’ve got this for you.” She handed me the suit. “It’s what you’ll be wearing tomorrow. It’s a thick protective material that will protect you from their weapons. Its not invincible but just about. Change into it and we’ll get started.”

Well that made me feel better. I still was expecting some sort of superhuman bulletproof outfit but this was better than nothing.

After going back into the house to change, Natalia and Rainen explained what excercise I would be doing. It would combine all of my training so far and a few of the fellows would be assisting, acting as possessed throughout the course. It was all very overwhelming but I’d been trained for this. I knew my muscle memory would kick in and maybe I’d stand some sort of a chance. Of course, at the end of the course stood a fairly large fellow and I wasn’t sure whether Natalia and Rainen had lost their minds. He was clearly almost seven feet tall and would take my head off in seconds.

“We’ll also be timing you,” Natalia said as she and Rainen walked me to the starting point. “Don’t overwhelm yourself. I have faith in you.”

“We both do,” Rainen added.

I wanted to smile at the two of them but my mouth wouldn’t move. It was impossible for me to not put pressure on myself.

I had to do well. Tomorrow, my life would depend on it.

I took a few deep breaths and attempted to center myself, staring down the first fellow that stood only a few yards ahead of me. She looked to be maybe forty in human years but had a very well-toned body. Her short black hair was slicked back and she wore a sleeveless white suit. None of the fellows were armed but the last one. Hand combat I was somewhat comfortable with but I knew I was going to have to pull some tricks out of my sleeves.

Natalia shouted “Go!” before I had more time to analyze my plan of action, setting things into motion.

I ran toward the woman, sprinting as quickly as I could in hopes that I could get around her. As soon as I was close enough, I stepped to the side to dodge her. She grabbed my arm and before I knew what was happening I was on my back. I rolled out of the way of her oncoming boot and scrambled to my feet.

She charged at me again and I blocked her swings with my arms, the combinations I’d learned coming out effortlessly. I blocked a few more of her swings before I was able to get in one of my own, hitting her square in the jaw. I got in a good side body shot before I was able to squat and swing my leg, hitting her ankles and knocking her legs out from under her. I ran as soon as she hit the ground, hoping she wouldn’t follow once she recovered.

Hopping over beam after beam and crawling under a net, I came to the second fellow, a young man. It took me a bit longer to knock him down, taking a hit to my side and back, but I managed to do it. The rest of the course was much more difficult with a rope climbing wall and two fellows I had to fight at once. When I finally reached the last fellow I barely had any breath in me but my determination wouldn’t let me give up.

He tossed a sword at me and brandished his own, getting into stance. I took a moment to rest before charging at him, swinging the sword as quickly as my burning arms would allow. He moved slowly but he was strong and seemed to be unchallenged by my advances. I wouldn’t give up though. I was also determined to beat him without the Elioud stone. The fact that I hadn’t dropped from sheer exhaustion was impressive in itself but the pure adrenaline flowing through me was what kept me going.

I started to get cocky for a moment, impressed that I was holding my own, and missed his oncoming arm. The direct hit to my chest sent me flying back a few feet, dropping the sword. The wind was knocked out of me as soon as I hit the ground, rolling a couple times. I struggled to catch my breath as he advanced, my body finally accepting the exhaustion from the course.

The fellow came to stand over me, no mercy in his eyes. It was clear he got something from being nearly indestructible.

Which was just what I needed to see to find my strength.

The stone began to heat up at my chest as I brought my hands together. Throwing them out toward him, it reacted and energy swirled through my veins before shooting through my hands.

It caught him off guard, his eyes widening as the energy picked him up off his feet and sent him soaring through the air. He landed on his back, motionless.

I was afraid I’d killed him, struggling to stand as my breathing recovered. I left the sword on the ground and was about to walk over to him when he moved, slowly sitting up onto his elbows. Looking defeated, he raised his arm and waved it in an “I’m okay” gesture.

I looked over at Natalia and Rainen and saw them both smiling. Unable to fight it, I grinned myself and gathered the sword, walking over to them.

Rainen and Natalia met me in the middle, Rainen speaking first. “Impressive. For a moment, I thought you were done but you came back.”

I shrugged, deciding not to tell them that I was dying on the inside. That course had done a number on me. “I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just was determined to finish it.”

Natalia smirked. “Well, great job. Want to have another go?”

“Absolutely.”

After running the obstacle course a handful of times more, Natalia and Rainen practiced hand combat with me. A little while later we moved to sword training and then combined the two. We trained long after the sun set but I wasn’t ready to stop.

“Alright, I think that’s enough for today,” Natalia informed us.

“It’s still early,” I protested.

I probably looked a mess, sweaty hair plastered to my red face, but I wanted to keep going. I needed to. Despite the disapproval in the air, Rainen continued to train with me. We worked on hand combat but mostly sword combinations which I was anxious to perfect. The sun set and yet we continued. Being an angel, even in human form, enabled Rainen certain advantages such as avoiding exhaustion. Even with the adrenaline, the exhaustion began to hit me however long later. An hour? Two hours? Three? I wasn’t sure.

My thighs were throbbing and every muscle in my arms was burning but I wasn’t ready to stop yet.

“Maybe we should take a break. It’s been a long day.”

I was panting as I dropped the tip of the sword to the ground. “I’m not tired.”

“No, you’re exhausted. At least eat something.” His tone was kind as usual but the look he was giving me was the most pitiful one I’d received in a while.

My heart was racing though, as it had been all day, and I couldn’t stop until it slowed. “I’m not hungry. I can train on my own, it’s alright.”

“Ava, I know you’re worried about tomorrow but-”

“I’m not. I’m just not tired.” I was pacing and I couldn’t stop. Energy was coursing through me at an abnormal rate though my body ached. I couldn’t stop and let my thoughts take over. That would mean facing the fact that I might meet Lucifer in the flesh tomorrow. And he might kill me. There was also the possibility that I would be successful and therefore go back to my regular life.

And never see Gavin again.

I wasn’t ready to face any of those realities.

“Thank you for training with me. I can practice on my own.” Turning from Rainen’s understanding eyes, I began walking for the woods. If he wouldn’t train with me anymore, I could practice with my stone.

Ten minutes of trudging through the trees later, I found the same clearing I had come to multiple times before. The forest was quiet save for the chirps of grasshoppers. I was hyperventilating I realized, and felt as if I were suffocating. It was all becoming too much and I was beginning to crumble under the weight of my responsibilities. I was about ready to lose it and collapse. My breathing was rapid and heavy. My chest felt so constricted I thought perhaps I was having a heart attack.

Or a panic attack.

I embraced the cold wind that rushed by. The tears had begun to fall now, the backs of my eyes burning. The stone was growing warm at my neck, beginning to glow from which I was sure was a reaction to my emotions. There was no way any malevolent spirits would be able to get within a mile of this fortress so it had to be reacting to me.

Inhaling deeply, I felt a warmth travel into my chest. I glanced down and saw that the energy had seeped into my chest and feathered out. Unafraid, I pulled more of the energy in and sent it traveling through the veins in my arms. As soon as it reached my fingertips, I sent it shooting out at the trees before me. The energy was the largest I’d seen it and somehow came out full force, obliterating everything in its path and turning the trees and shrubbery to dust.

I let out a gut-wrenching cry and dropped to my knees.

Dust began to dance around me, traveling to the ground where it settled. The forest was quiet now, not even the chirp of a cricket to disturb the silence. Nothing but my heavy breaths as the full onslaught of my breakdown hit me. I knew I wouldn’t be alone for long after having put on a show like that but I wasn’t expecting the person who came.

A hand touched my shoulder, comforting and instantly warming.

It took me a moment to open my eyes, feeling that familiar pressure I usually did in the presence of fellows in their angelic form. The ground around me was lit up by a golden hue, the grass blowing in the breeze that had appeared.

Inhaling deeply, I looked up and couldn’t believe the face that greeted me.

“Hello Ava.”

"Fawn?”

She looked amazing, nothing like the state I’d seen her in only a couple days prior when the malevolent spirit had been draining every drop of life out of her. She was glowing and fresh faced, her light brown hair cascading down her back in healthy waves. She wore a flowing white gown and her massive wings, though not outstretched, seemed to be breathing as they expanded and contracted. She was a vision. A wave of relief hit me as I realized her death had led her here.

“I’ve been watching you. I know what a burden this has been for you and you have been handling it so well.”

Until now.

I stood and, without a second thought, threw my arms around her. She was warm to the touch and immediately I felt that warmth transfer to me. My worries from before seemed to be a distant memory and my heart felt full and content. The mental and emotional strength I’d lost temporarily had returned full force.

Fawn’s arms came to wrap around me in a comforting embrace and though she was no longer mortal, it felt just like the hugs we’d shared in the past.

A few moments later we pulled apart and the smile on her face revealed the confidence she had in me as well as the peace she felt after all she’d been through. “You can do this, Ava. I’ve never known anyone more resilient than you.”

“Fawn, I don’t even know why they choose me. I’m no one and everyone is counting on me to be the savior.”

She smiled, her eyes effervescent in the glow she was emitting. “Nothing happens accidentally. This was always your path. You have the strength. You just need to see what we see.”

“But-” A twig snapped and I turned to look over my shoulder, knowing it had to be a person because no animal would dare approach this area after the destruction I’d caused.

Gavin stepped out into the clearing, his eyes on me, not even sparing a second glance at my visitor.

“Hey,” was all I could think to say. I was just so glad to see him.

A gust of wind rushed around me suddenly as the sound of flapping wings greeted my ears. I turned back but Fawn had already launched herself into the sky. Her wings glinted in the moonlight as she soared off into the distance. Watching for only a moment, I brought my gaze back down to Gavin and realized he’d closed most of the distance between us. I had no idea of what to say to him but I was really hoping he hadn’t witnessed my breakdown up close. I also subconsciously was hopeful he had. I wanted so badly to share my burden with him. Of everyone, he would understand the most.

“Are you alright?”

I shrugged, gesturing at the chaos I’d created around us. “I’m not sure mother nature is too happy with me but I’m okay.”

He didn’t smile, the humor of the situation lost on him. “What happened? I saw you training earlier. Natalia said even once she was finished you refused to stop. What’s going on?”

I knew I could be honest with him without facing judgement but how could I tell him I was afraid of the future? Afraid of what tomorrow held?

Afraid of losing him...

At my silence, Gavin reached out for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine.

“We shouldn’t-” I started, referring to our physical contact.

“We’re alone. For now don’t worry about Nakir’s request. It’s just us. Talk to me.”

That was the thing. It wasn’t Nakir’s rules I was concerned with. It was the fact that physical contact made it even more difficult for me to fight my feelings for him. It was hopeless. “I can’t stop thinking about tomorrow. I don’t know if I can do this and everyone is putting their trust in me. I’m also afraid of how everything is going to change when it’s over. How do I forget all of this? How do I forget you?”

There. It was out in the open. I wasn’t going to close myself off any longer when I only had hours left to spend with him. Honesty was always the best policy and in this case it was needed more than ever.

Gavin closed his fingers tighter around mine. “I don’t want to leave you but you have to know that things will be better this way. There is no future for us and you deserve to be happy with someone who can give you the life you’ve always wanted. I can’t do that. And after tomorrow you won’t even remember me.”

My heart dropped into my stomach at his words. I’d suspected it since that night I’d spoken to Olivia but I’d been holding onto the blind hope that maybe I’d be the exception. This harsh reality was exactly what I’d been running from. “So, they’re just going to take my memories?”

“Yes...” It almost looked as if it hurt him to say such a simple word. “It’s better that way. You’ll be able to readjust to your normal life as if nothing happened.”

“And what if I don’t want to forget?”

“You have to. I need you to be happy. That’s the only way I can let you go...” His green eyes danced in the moonlight, leaving him vulnerable with our continued eye contact.

There was a tightening in my chest and the emotions that Fawn had temporarily relieved came rushing back. Crying over spilled milk wouldn’t help me now though so I needed to keep it together and think about this devastating news later. Right now, I had only one thing on my mind.

“Since this is our last chance to be together...stay the night with me?” I tightened my grip on his hand.

He hesitated, clearly not expecting this request. “I can’t.”

“You don’t want to...”

“No...” His free hand cupped my face, his thumb brushing my cheek. “I want to. You have no idea of how badly. But how am I going to let you go if we share a moment like that?”

I took a small step closer. “It doesn’t matter. You said it was just us right now, right?”

“Yes.”

“So, stay with me.” I was being insanely selfish but I was past the point of caring. I wanted him and that was all my tunnel vision would allow me to think about.

The internal battle was in his eyes but already he had begun to soften. “Alright.”

My chest loosened and filled with warmth as well as a nervous energy. I had expected him to fight me for a bit longer so I wasn’t prepared for his response. Now it was a sure reality.

Tonight, I would give myself to him completely.

We’d agreed to meet in an hour in my room. I needed time to shower and he needed to figure out a way to get rid of the fellows playing bodyguard outside my front and back door. I hadn’t realized it until I made it back to my room but I was insanely nervous. This night was going to be the most important for us thus far and I was terrified he wouldn’t enjoy it or worse: regret it. My feelings of course were going to multiply tenfold and I wasn’t sure if I was prepared for that. My subconscious was quick to remind me that I wouldn’t remember it anyway so what did it matter.

I showered and dressed in shorts and a tank. A few minutes later I changed into a nightgown, deciding it was better to go with something a bit more feminine. This particular nightgown was black silk with thin straps, reaching just above my knees and falling softly over my curves. My hair I blow dried and quickly curled, giving it those natural beach waves I loved so much. I wanted to put effort into my appearance without it looking as if I’d put in the effort. How did one look effortlessly flawless without trying too hard?

Okay, I was definitely overthinking things. How many minutes had passed? I hadn’t been keeping track of the time and now I was sure at least an hour had passed. The fellow guarding my balcony had left a while ago. Where was he?

I sat on the bed and tried to distract myself by practicing with the stone. I’d managed to pull the water from the cup beside my bed and make it dance around the room, each droplet moving to its own beat. Not more than thirty seconds had passed when there was a soft knock on the door.

I quickly sent the water back to the glass and stood, smoothing down the front of my gown. Keeping my steps slow, I walked to the door and counted to three before opening it.

And there he stood, the man that had and would always have my heart.

Gavin was wearing joggers and a black V-neck t shirt. His red hair looked burgundy in the dim hallway lighting and freshly styled. He had one hand on the doorjamb and was leaning casually to the side though tense muscles suggested he was feeling anything but casual. And the look in his green eyes...well, that was something else. “Hi.”

“Hi...” I let him walk into the room and closed the door.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. I’m not changing my mind.” Turning, I walked over to the balcony door and closed the curtain, eliminating all of the room’s light but the glow of the bedside lamp. When I turned around, he had moved to stand at the edge of the bed.

It was now or never.

Hesitant, I took small steps over to him, my eyes locked onto his.

Gavin was frozen in place as I approached, his gaze traveling over my body in a way that suggested the nightgown had been a good choice. He reached up to touch a lock of my hair as I stopped before him. “If only you knew the affect you have on me.”

“I think I have an idea...” Because he had the same effect on me.

His hand dropped to my hip, pulling me closer so our foreheads touched. “There’s no going back after this.”

My breathing had already become labored. “I don’t care.”

That was all the prompting he needed to bring our lips together, crashing dramatically and releasing a wave of passion.

I inhaled deeply through my nose as my arms automatically reached up to wrap around his neck, pressing my body into his.

Gavin seemed to tense as our bodies molded together, his arms wrapping around me in a way that left no room for escape. His kisses were fierce and sensual, taking their time but so deep they made my toes curl. His tongue dipped in and out with an experience and talent that had me craving more. I moved to start for the bed but he held me there, breaking from my lips to plant kisses down my neck. His fingers danced down my sides and then my thighs until they reached the bottom of the gown. Sliding up, he slowly pushed the silk material up, his fingertips brushing my skin and leaving goosebumps, until he reached my shoulders and I lifted my arms to allow him to slip it off over my head. He dropped the gown on the floor and returned to my neck, kissing it hungrily.

I was left in my black bra and panties, feeling exposed but confident from the way his hands possessively gripped my sides. Running my hands through his hair for a moment, I then reached down for the edge of his t-shirt. My fingers grazed his abdomen and I felt him contract his muscles, eliciting a smile from me. Pausing to trace my fingers around the skin there, I then pushed the shirt up.

He finished by pulling it off over his head and I almost fell over. His muscles were so defined, from his abs to his pecks to his biceps. His body was proof God took the time to sculpt his just a little bit longer than others. His skin was pale but in the bedroom light had a warm glow. His hands were quick to distract me from the pleasant view, gripping me again as his mouth found mine.

I didn’t realize it but we’d rotated so my legs were against the bed frame. Gavin guided me down onto the bed, waiting for me to maneuver my way back toward the pillows before crawling over me.

My heart was ready to beat out of my chest I was so excited. I was nervous and ready. I wanted this more than I had wanted anything in a long time. Not just the act but the connection. Intimacy is one of the few ways to truly get to know a person. I wanted to know him inside and out. At least maybe this way I stood a chance of holding onto a piece of him.

Gavin reclaimed my mouth, one of his hands exploring my body, every curve and crevasse. They were large and warm, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

After a few more minutes we were fully rid of our clothes and lying under the sheets. The glow of the lamp illuminated his face, revealing something deeper in his eyes as he stole a moment to simply look at me.

“You’re gorgeous,” he said quietly.

My chest felt heavy as I blushed and the next words came without hesitation. “I love you.”

His response was immediate. “I love you too.”

He reclaimed my lips again and within moments we were lost in the throes of passion, exploring each other’s bodies and deepest wants. It was the most intense moment I’d ever shared with anyone and one I never wanted to end. We’d finally connected in the deepest way possible and the chemistry was off the charts. It was just what we needed.

A while after we lied awake together, my head on his chest, our legs intertwined. The fingers of his free hand were tracing patterns on my arm, having a calming effect. I felt incredibly content and safe, a feeling I’d almost forgot even existed it had been so long.

“What are you thinking about?” Gavin’s voice was low and void of any barrier. It was our last night together. Our last night to be vulnerable together. Nothing else mattered but this moment.

I paused before answering. I had been distracted listening to his heartbeat. “How much I’m enjoying this right now. I don’t want to think about anything else.”

“Neither do I...Ava, I want you to promise me something.”

Oh no, this sounded like a promise I wasn’t going to want to agree to. “What?”

“Don’t fight it when it’s time to take your memories. I want you to find happiness and leave this all behind. You can’t do that if you’re still holding onto the past.”

I was quiet for a moment, debating what to say. I disagreed so strongly but it was only coming from a good place for him. “I want to promise that for you, I do, but I don’t want to lose these memories. I don’t want to forget about you.” I sat up on my elbow and looked down at him. “I don’t think you realize how much you’ve changed my life, from that very first night. I’ve never felt like this before. And I don’t even mean how I feel with you but just with everything. I’m so sure of myself and confident in a way I wasn’t before. I’ve found purpose. I belong here with you, with other Elioud and the fellows. I can’t go back to the dull life I had before. Not after this. I’ve been changed so deeply it would be impossible to really truly forget.” I leaned down to kiss him softly, my lips lingering just above his even after I pulled away. “And I wouldn’t want to.”

Gavin had his arm around my waist and his hand pressed into the small of my back. His eyes were half closed, staring at my lips. “Promise to at least think about it. I’ll forever hold these memories close for both of us.”

Before I could answer, his lips had captured mine again.

We slept very little that night and long into the morning, never growing tired of one another. Eager to escape the reality that plagued our sub conscience of what awaited. Instead of facing it, it was easier to get lost in one another. It was a fight or flight situation and for now we were choosing flight. In a few hours however we would have no option but to fight.