The Girl Called Trouble

I am looking into an open field, covered in fog, listening for the music I know I will hear. Looking down at my hands, they are distorted, telling me me that I’m dreaming again. If only I could find you, My Melody. If only I knew what or who you are. All I can do is search for you.

The music starts. I recognize it as Für Elise, it was written by Beethoven around 1810, I believe. It's a well known piece that most people heard at least once. The music that plays is always changing but everything else is the same as always.

I am compelled to start walking, then running. I am desperate in my search. I must know who is playing this. Where is it coming from? As I run, more houses show up, they are more like cabins at first, but they grow larger and closer together the further I run. The music is sounding louder and clearer than ever.

Maybe tonight will be the night. Maybe tonight I will finally find you. Who am I trying to find though? I just want to see you one time. I just want to know you, My Melody. I run for what seems like forever, but still I cannot reach you.

The building are like sky scrapers they are everywhere, surrounding me. I hear you clearer than ever but I still cannot see you. It's harder to search here, the buildings blocking my view in every direction. Then, just when I almost see you, I wake up.

I wake up hearing Hera talking on the phone. "Mom, calm down. what are you talking about?" Talking to her mom, on speaker.

"I woke up and couldn't move at all. I couldn't scream or do anything. It seemed like it lasted forever."Her mother says, sounding panicked.

"Are you sure you weren't dreaming?" She asks clearly worried.

"Yes, I was in my room staring at the ceiling."

"It sounds like sleep paralysis. Is she taking any new medications?" I ask thinking.

"Yes, I started taking medication for neuralgia, a week ago." Hera's mom answers me.

"I had the same thing happen to me a few years back. You should contact your doctor just to be sure that it's being caused by the medication." I explain.

"Thank you. I'll contact him as soon as I can." She answered, sounding relieved.

"No problem." I answer her, while trying to figure out my own actions. Why did I feel the need to explain anything to anyone? Is this what a normal person would do? I try to be as normal as I can, but I still don't really understand it. People are so emotional. Often, they let panic or worry cloud their judgement.

I don't know if I have ever felt those things. I'm not sure if I ever feel any emotions. I am always in control, and yet, I know somewhere inside me those emotions are running wild. I just can't feel them. I used to try to feel emotions. I would read books, in hopes of understanding the characters. I only vaguely understand some of it. I may never be able to feel the same as other people.

"Thank you." Hera says as she walks over and hugs me.

"I really didn't do anything." I say, kind of surprise by her display of affection. I rarely hug people. I don't even let people touch me most of the time. I have been on my own for a very long time. It is where I am the most comfortable.