The Gift

The therapist comes in and checks my arm and leg, then went about moving and stretching the muscles. After the warmup, she has me push and pull with arms, hands, legs, and feet to both test and strengthen them.

The woman says we were done, covers me back up and leaves.

Anna comes back in with a hospital gown. “What now?” I ask.

“More torture,” she replies. “But maybe the good kind.” She shakes out the gown and tosses it to me. Walking to my IV, she stops it and unhooks it from me. “Put it on backwards,” she tells me.

I put my right arm through it, then use it to get my left arm through.

Anna pulls the gown down and says, “Okay. Here’s the deal. If you can get up and make it to the restroom, I’ll take the cath out and you’ll be free.”

I look at her and want to cry. She knows there’s no way I can do that. “That’s not fair,” I say. “There’s no way…”

“Even with my help?” she asks.

I look at her suspiciously and say, “What do you mean?”

“I did ’t expect you to must get up and walk. But… I’m not carrying you and I won’t drag you. So, it’s up to you. Figure out how to do it with my help. Tell me what you want or need.”

The top bedrail was up, so I grab it and use it to pull myself up. I use my right hand to scoot my left leg around as I love my right until they are both over the bedside.

Looking down, I see I’m too high up. So, I lower the bed as far as it will go. This lowers my feet about two or three inches off the floor. I scoot my butt off the edge onto my right foot, being very cautious of my catheter. My right hand finds the bedrail and I stand there like the one armed, one legged girl I am. I gain a new appreciation for how hard Brittany has worked to stand and walk.

This thought gives me resolve. She did it to show me she could, now I can do this to show her I can too.

Anna didn’t close the door to the room, which I realize is why she brought the gown. Now only my butt would be shown to the world.

As if she could read my mind, she comes over and wraps the gown around me, tying it tight. “Can’t have you going around flashing everyone, can we? Since you insist on walking around commando.”

I shake my head and sigh. “No.”

She unhooks the collection bag from the bed and pins it to the gown so I can move. “Great start, now what?” she asks.

I think about it. If I put my left arm around her and she holds it, I could totter there. No, that was wrong. I think of people using canes. They use the on the good side.

“Come to my right side,” I say, and she does. “Now I can step with my right and lean on you to move my left foot.”

“Very good. Try it.”

It sounds easier than it is. My left side doesn’t want to contribute to my plight, but I insist, and it grudgingly complies. Albeit slowly.

I feel nearly exhausted by the time I get to the bathroom door. I slump against Anna, panting, I realize.

“Now back,’ she says, and I moan.

“Drag me,” I say jokingly.

“Nope. I’d let go of you first. Then you could drag yourself back to bed.”

I turn my head to look her in the eyes, only inches away. “You’re serious?” I ask seeing the expression on her face. “You wouldn’t.”

“Of course not. Now let’s go,” she says, taking a step forward forcing me to follow. By the time we get back to the bed she is practically dragging me, but she doesn’t comment on it.

She unties the gown and sets me down on the bed. Unpinning the collection bad, she attaches it to the bedrail, then helps me get my leg back up onto the bed and I lay back, breathing hard.

“One last thing,” she says, holding up a CHUX. Ugh. “Pick a side and roll.”

You never realize how hard it is to roll onto your side when one side doesn’t work until you actually have to do it.

I manage to roll one way and Anna tucks the CHUX under me. Rolling the other way, she extends the CHUX out, so it was spread out under my body.

“You know what’s next,” Anna says.

“Drugs?” I say hopeful.

“Nope, but you’ll be fine.”

I lay back and close my eyes. I move my right leg over to spread my legs open for her. She moves the gown and I feel her doing things down there.

“Okay sweety, deep breath and relax,” she says.

I take a deep breath and try to relax while I wait for what’s next. The anticipation sucks, but she delays just long enough my anxiety fades some. As it does, she pulls quickly but gently, removing the rubber tube from inside me, and it’s over except for the burn.

“All done,” she says and laughs when she sees I’m gripping the sheets with both hands. “See, it still works,” she says pointing it out.

“Pain and fright only,” I reply.

“You okay?”

“Burns,” I tell her.

“That’s just irritation. It’ll go away, but you know that. If it doesn’t after a few days let us know in case there is an infection. Now, you’ve got to remember how long it took us to get to the bathroom. If you wait until the last minute, it’s either a bedpan or a puddle on the floor. And I know you well enough to know how bad you’d take that. So, give yourself plenty of time and add more to it to make sure we don’t’ delay you. And keep the bedpan close just in case. You might misjudge the first few times out of habit. Got it?”

“Yes,” I say nodding.

“Good, now let’s get you cleaned up and dressed.” Anna got a washcloth and wet it, threw it to me and says, “I’ll be right back. Wash up while I’m gone.”

I clean myself while she’s gone and when she comes back, she’s got a stack of new clothes.

“I’ve got my own,” I say.

“I know, but since we’re not at the ‘accidents happen’ stage, better to soil hospital stuff, no?”

I just nod. She helps me slip on hospital underwear and pj bottoms and pulls them up. “Now you’re ready for gentlemen callers. Wouldn’t want any hanky-panky going on in here with two walking teenage hormones,” she says, and I blush. She smiles and winks.

“You relax and I’ll be back.”

I lay back and relax after all of the exertion of the last hour and a half. Crap. My parents.

I scramble to get my phone and turn it on. I text mom telling her to give me another hour or so and then come back. With a milkshake, I add with a smiley face emoticon.

I check my phone and find I had a text from Holly saying she’ll be in to visit in the late afternoon, along with a number for Brittany.

Adding it to my phone, I decide to wait to text her. I set my phone down and lay back again.

Bored and tired, I start counting the holes in the ceiling panel.

A knock on the door pulls my attention from hole number 168 and I see Anna leading Ben in by the hand. “Look who I found,” she says to me.

“Ben!” I exclaim.

Anna moves the chair back to my bedside and sits him down saying, “Don’t wear her out,” to Ben. “And I’m leaving the door open. He might be blind but I’m not. Don’t forget it,” she tells me with a twinkle in her eye that makes me blush.

Two can play this game. “Hey, if you see Jason tell him I know a secret,” I say with a smirk. I think my mouth actually complies with my intention.

Anna looks at me with a raised eyebrow and then sticks hers tongue out at me, making me giggle. “Toodles,” she says leaving.

“Hello,” Ben says quietly.

“’lo.”

“Sorry it took so long to get here. No one would let me visit. I made it almost all the way here before getting caught and sent back. I think I upset some people when I refused to leave your side that day.”

“Not your fault. They being o’er protect’ve of me.”

“I understand why,” he says.

I don’t, I think. “Huh?”

“There’s something special about you,” he says, and my ears burn.

“No,” I respond.

“Yes. I told you last night that I… know things. I don’t know how or why, but I get feelings sometimes. Usually, they allow me to prevent things – bad things – from happening. Like premonitions. But it’s always limited to special people who mean something to me.”

“But I …” I start and he holds a hand up.

“Take my hand,” he says, and I do. “Tell me you don’t feel it.”

I want to tell him that, but it would be a lie. Just holding his hand made me feel warm and happy.

When I didn’t answer he continues. “So, you do feel it. I thought so. It’s different with you. Normally it’s just a happy feeling. But with you, it’s more. It’s a feeling of safety and contentment. Like Something making me whole.”

I squeeze his hand and say, “Yes.”

“But there’s something more. Something I’ve never told anyone else. With my premonitions I have to tell people those or else what good they be, so certain people know about those. Like convincing the doctors you had a stroke so they would treat it right away.

“But I can do something even more, well, unbelievable, I guess. You’ve seen it in action and even questioned me about it.”

I try to think about what it could be, but draw a blank and say, “What?”

“If I try really hard and concentrate, I can see… sort of. It’s not like my old vision, but kind of like a black and white version. Sometimes I can see colors if the picture is small enough. Your hair or your eyes for example. If I do it too long it gives me a killer headache though. But I did it leading you to the playground the other day. You asked me how I was able to avoid the people. That’s how. And when you fell, that’s how I found you.”

So my dream… Was it really a dream?

“I know it’s hard to believe it’s true, but it is,” he says.

We are interrupted by my phone which played a short sound.

“Text,” I say.

“Here, I can prove it,” he says, picking up my phone. He holds it in front of him and cocks his head like I’ve seen him do before, then touches the screen. “It’s from Brittany. She says, ‘Hey, blue belle, you up yet? Let me know when I can visit.’”

He hands me the phone so I can see for myself.

Holy cow. “It’s a trick,” I say. “You can really see some, right?”

He frowns and I feel bad because I know in my heart he’s telling me the truth. “I’m sorry, I believe you.”

“There’s more. I told you there was something different about you. When I look at you, I not only see you, but also… well, an aura I guess. You’re surrounded by this white light. I don’t know what it is, I’ve never seen it before with anyone else.”

I have a sneaking suspicion that I know what it is. “Have you ever looked at the PET scan tech Trevor?” I ask.

“No,” he says, shaking his head.

“Try it some time,” I tell him. “You might be surprised. But I might be able to tell you why. However, like you told me, you might not believe it.”

“Try me,” he says.