The Gift

I just stand there. Ben was like a tornado in my life. He blew in, twisted, and mixed everything up, then blew out leaving… What?

I sigh, not knowing the answer. Leaving the textured mat, my IV starts rolling normally again just as I reach the door.

It opens automatically for me as it senses me and I walk through then stop. It dawns on me finally. As we walked from the swing towards the door, Ben had led me. Not really pulling me along but walking half a step ahead of me, like a guide. I guess it’s true that a lack of one sense gets made up for by others being more acute.

Shaking my head to clear it, I continue forward towards the elevators. Hiding wasn’t going to help. Wearing my beanie wouldn’t help. Anna would see it or hear of it and feel hurt and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to let anyone do anything to punish Anna. Even if that meant lying and telling everyone I assured her my parents agreed to let me do it.

What could they do to me? Spank me? Put me on restriction? I’m not sure I can be restricted any more than I already am.

I get to the elevator and push the up button. “Mandy?” I hear from behind me. I turn to see Holly, a seventeen year old candy striper who brings me magazines and books.

“It’s me,” I say.

“Wow, cool look. You remind me of Katy Perry or Lady Gaga.”

I smile, being polite and think maybe the anorexic version.

“I wish I had the nerve to do something like that,” she says. “Your color, or red. Maye purple like Kelly Osborne had. I envy you.”

“Why?” I ask before I can stop myself.

“Why?” She repeats, linking her arm through mine as the elevator door opened in front of us. She walks us into the car and continues. “Because you are fearless. I never see you down. You fight back no matter what, unlike some of the other kids who just mope around. You’re secure with yourself and have the strength to do up your hair like that. It’s more than I can do.”

“Why not just do it if you want. You would look good. Maybe go with the light purple,” I say.

“You think?”

“Yeah. It only takes like ten minutes and if you don’t like it, it washes out in two weeks or so. Less if you wash it more,” I tell her like Anna told me.

“Maybe I will,” she tells me giving my arm a squeeze. “Maybe I just will.”

The bell dings and the door opens to the third floor and we walk out, arms linked. We get to the nurse’s station when I finally smell food.

Seeing the food carts, I realize it is lunch time already and wonder where he went. “Let’s get you back to your room,” Holly says.

We walk down the hall to my room and I sit on my bed, worn out. Holly takes my hand in hers and says, “I’ll be back later with some reading stuff. We got some new magazines and books.”

She holds up my hands a little further looking at them and says, “Hey, your nails match your hair.”

“My toenails too,” I tell her, happy about it again.

“Oh?” she says letting go of my hands and squatting. She pulls off my slippers and I wiggle my toes at her. “Let me guess, Anna?”

I nod. Holly stands and I put my legs up on the bed. “Table?” Holly asks.

“I guess it’s that time.”

She gets my table and pushes it over my lap. “Okay sweety, I’ll be back in a little later with reading stuff for you. You hang in there,” she says rubbing my shoulder.

“Bye,” I say, then quickly correct myself. “Until later.”

Holly bounces out of my room and I turn on my TV. I put on a random talk show since I know nothing is on right now that I want to watch, and then pretty much ignore it.

A few minutes later Anna brings in my lunch and sets it down. I thank her and she looks at me funny, then leaves. Pulling the lid off my plate, I eat, not paying much attention to the food.

When I finish I realize that I wasn’t even sure what I ate. I sat staring at the TV like that until Anna came back into the room.

She got three steps in, when she looked at me, stopped, turned around and closed my door. Walking back over to my bed, she pulled the chair over to the bedside facing me and sat down.

I could see the look of concern on her face as she says, “Spill it kiddo.”

“Huh?” I reply dumbly.

“Something is wrong. What is it? You not feeling good? Having second thoughts about your hair? Someone tease you?”

I shake my head no. “Well something is wrong and I’m not leaving until you tell me. I have plenty of vacation time.”

My eyes widen. Huh? “I – I’m wo-worried. A-about you.”

This time her eyes widen. “About me? Why ever for?”

I feel the first tear make its way down my cheek. “I don’t want you to get in trouble. I’ll tell them it was all my idea and I lied and said my parents okayed it and I’ll take all the blame,” I rambled on, more tears following the first one.

“Whoa, Mandy. Slow down. What are you talking about? Get in trouble for what?”

“M-my h-hair,” I say, my bottom lip quivering, making it hard to talk.

“What makes you think I’m going to get in trouble for that?”

“Because we didn’t ask.”

“Who told you that?” I shrug. “Is that what’s got you so worked up?” she asks and I nod. “Then stop worrying sweety. I talked to your mom on her way out yesterday. She said as long as you wanted to do it, it was okay. I told you earlier it was all up to you. So no more worrying.”

She reaches over and wipes the tears off my right cheek. “I’m not supposed to but… I love you kids. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize my job and lose you guys.”

She stands and wipes my left cheek off. “Come here,” she tells me, then hugs me. I return it, all the tension going out of my body like she was drawing it off.

Now relaxed, I give her one last squeeze and she lets me go, asking, “Better?”

I nod again. “Good. Now one more bit of good news,” she says.

I raise an eyebrow in question.

“The doctor said your lab work came back better than expected, so we can stop the IV and unhook you for now,” she says.

Grabbing a cap, Anna stops the pump, disconnects the tubs and caps off the end.

After almost two weeks, finally free. Yay!

That finished, Anna asks, “Now… Before I go, is there anything else we need to fix or straighten out? Stress isn’t good for you and you know it.”

“No,” I say, but after a pause add, “But I did meet a boy today.” Now why did I say that?

“Oh?” Anna says as the corners of her mouth quirk upward. “Come on, give up the goods.”

I realize how that sounded and turned red. My ears as hot as ever. Maybe more.

“Blushing, wow. He must have been some boy,” Anna teases.

I think I turn a brighter shade of red. Too far into it to stop now, I continue. “He told me I was pretty.” She nods in agreement. “Of course he was blind,” I add.

She tsks and says, “Amanda, you are pretty, why would you say that?”

I chuckle and say, “No. I mean he really is blind. He felt my face and told me I was pretty.”

I told her all about the little boy and my hair; how Ben used to be able to see, so he knew blue and could picture my hair, and how he tried to cheer me up. Finally I ran out of breath.