The Gift

I wake to the morning light streaming in through my window. Focusing my eyes, I look at the clock and see that it’s almost breakfast time.

I’m surprised I slept so long. Normally I would have been up at least an hour ago, but then again, I usually go to bed earlier too.

Nurse Anna walks into my room, peeks in past my privacy curtain and sees that I’m awake. “Decided to sleep in today did we?”

“Late night,” I tell her, raising the head of my bed.

“Everything okay? I didn’t see any problems in your chart.”

“Minor mental breakdown,” I say nonchalantly. “Nothing a good night’s sleep couldn’t fix.”

She frowns. “And you got a good night’s sleep?”

“Don’t worry, I did.”

“Well that’s good. I wouldn’t want anything to ruin our day,” she says all bubbly.

I look at her suspiciously, wondering if she talked to Dee at shift change. She waits like she’s expecting something. I imagine I look like I feel – at a loss.

“You forgot, didn’t you? After breakfast… I’m all yours for three hours.”

Crap. I did forget. I guess I’m being paranoid. “Sorry,” I say. “After the last few days, it slipped my mind.”

“’S’okay. You want to reschedule?”

I shake my head no. “I think the timing is perfect. I need a distraction.”

“That’s the spirit. What are you up for?”

I shrug and say, “Dunno.”

“You know what, I have just the thing. I’ve been looking for the special person and I think you’re it. You up for a change?”

What the heck. “Sure, why not. No use being stuck in a rut, right?” I say.

“Exactly. I’ll be back with breakfast, then when you’re finished we’ll get started.” She didn’t give me time to reply, she just turns and walks off.

Knowing breakfast is coming, I get up and do my morning ritual: pee, wash my hands and face and imagine I brush my hair while I scowl at the mirror. The black under my eyes isn’t so noticeable today and I don’t think I look so gaunt. Well, it’s a start I guess.

I park my pole and move my table over toe the chair, deciding that I would eat there this morning.

Turning on the TV, I find some cartoons and sit and wait. Anna comes back into the room, pulling the privacy curtain open. “Breakfast is served,” she says with a flourish. She notices where I’m sitting and smiles. “Change is good,” she says sitting my tray down in front of me. “Buzz when you’re done and we’ll get started.”

I say okay and she leaves. I try to guess from the smell but an educated guess says eggs. I lift the cover and find I’m partially right. It’s an omelet with cheese, sausage, hash browns and melon. Cold cereal is in another covered bowl. Someone seems optimistic that I’ll be able to eat this much food.

I find I’m hungry and dig in, eating most of the food. When I finish, I sit back for a minute while my stomach rumbles. Maybe I ate too much. The rumbly tummy settles down after a few minutes, so I press my call button.

The unit clerk answers and I ask her to tell Anna I’m finished and then sit back and wait.

Anna comes in, checks my vitals, and makes sure I’m still feeling up to doing this today.

I tell her yes. She tells me she’ll be right back, grabs my tray and vanishes. Anna returns a few minutes later with a stack in her hands. She starts setting stuff on my table.

A few towels, washcloths, hospital gowns a paper sack. I was starting to get apprehensive.

Anna must have seen it on my face because she says, “Relax. Have fun.” She opens the brown bad and pulls out a small bottle saying, “Special for you.”

Holding it up, I see it’s a bottle of electric blue nail polish. Anna sets it on the table and pulls out a nail file and clippers. “Up on the bed,” she directs me.

I get out of the chair and sit on the bed and Anna pushes the table in front of me. “Adjust and get comfy,” she says as she pulls the chair over.

I raise the bed a tad so I don’t have to hold up my arms then set my hands on the table.

She picks up one, then the other, examining my nails. “Been chewing them lately, but not too bad,” she observes. Taking the clippers, she trims a few of my nails, then uses the file to smooth and round them off.

Finishing that, she shakes the polish and colors my index fingernail. “Like it?” Anna asks.

“It’s pretty,” I tell her, meaning it.

“Okay then, the other nine are next.”

Once they are done she has me wave my hands around to help dry the polish. “Toes next,” she says.

I raise the bed higher and Anna moves the table aside. Putting a towel on her lap, I put my feet on her thighs. She examines my toes and says, “Looks like you didn’t chew these… as much.”

Tickling my feet, she makes me giggle. Having my feet on her lap gives her an excuse to look them over, feeling pulses and testing reflexes. I guess I pass since she doesn’t comment any further.

Anna trims a few nails and them files them, wiping them off after. “No wiggling the piggy’s,” she says to me.

I hold still as she paints my toenails. Once she’s finished she says, “No more chewing. Now wiggle.”

I giggle again and wiggle my toes. I pull one foot up, twisting my knee and get my foot a few inches from my face. “I can’t even reach, see. Someone else must have been nibbling while I slept,” I tell her and she laughs. I curl my toes and blow on them to dry them faster. After a while I switch feet.

“Ready for the next part?” she asks.

“Next? We aren’t done?” Usually this is all we do.

Anna shakes her head and says, “Nope. Got on surprise left. But once you agree, there’s no going back.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“Can’t tell. Surprise, remember?”

I sigh. “So I can’t know, but I have to agree before I can find out?”

“Um, something like that. Actually you won’t find out until we’re done.”

How bad can it be? I ask myself. Anna wouldn’t do anything to hurt me and wouldn’t do anything to put her job in jeopardy so… “Fine, I agree,” I decide.

“You sure?” she asks and I nod. “Okay then, up.”

I lower the bed and stand. Anna rolls the table over to the sink and I follow. She lays a towel on the floor, since I’m barefoot I presume, and I step onto it.

Picking up a gown, Anna shakes it out to open it up. I glance at the open door and she follows my eyes. “No undressing silly. It’s just to protect your pj’s since they aren’t hospital issue,” she assures me. Anna

hold the down up backwards, and I slip my arms in. “We’ll fix the IV in a sec,” she says knowing what I was going to ask. She opens another gown, the right way this time, and I put my arms into it as well.

Now my IV line was all tangled up. “Tie while I fix it,” she says, meaning my IV line. I tie the gown closed as she unsnaps the shoulder of the gown on the right, and pulls the line through, then re-snaps both gowns closed.

Then, pulling out another towel, she drapes it over my mirror.

What the heck? I look at her and raise my eyebrows in question.

She smiles and says, “Surprise, remember?”

I huff sullenly. Anna knows it’s a façade. She returns my look with false reproach, then smiles.

Taking my hand she kisses my forehead, then says, “Ready?”

“Sure,” I reply.

“Okay, bend over the sink,” she says and I do. She quickly wets my hair, then tips me back up. Grabbing another towel, she dries my hair slightly, so it’s still damp but not dripping.

Next she pulls out two small bottles from the paper sack and sets them on the sink. “If you feel anything drip, front or back, speak up. If it’s in front, close your eyes until I wipe. Got it?”

I nod.

“And so it begins,” she says and picks up the first bottle after putting on gloves. Pouring some liquid into her palm, she sets the bottle down and rubs her hands together, then runs them through my short hair. Back and forth, through my entire head of hair.

Adding a little more liquid to her hands, she runs them through my hair, making sure she’s applied it to all of my hair before stopping.

“Okay, now we wait five minutes,” she says pulling my chair around for me to sit. I sit and she asks me, “You still doing okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” I reply.

“Good. Almost done. Then if you still have energy you can go roam to show off.”

I wonder again what I got myself into.

“Time’s up, back to the sink,” she says. “Keep your eyes closed. You shouldn’t get this in them. Bottle says something about maybe causing cancer.”

I groan and roll my eyes. Hospital humor. I keep my eyes closed as she rinses out whatever it is in my hair just in case. Most chemicals don’t react well in eyes, or the other way around rather.

Once that’s done, Anna patted my hair dry again, then opened the second bottle and poured the contents into her hand. This one was more like a cream rinse in both looks and consistency. She rubbed her hands together, then ran them through my hair again, making sure to cover all of my hair.

Going from front to back, it felt like my little bit of hair was slicked back and I was going to an audition for some `60s movie as, I think they were called Greasers.

“Okay, another five minutes to wait, go sit.” I did while she picked up some of the used items.

We chatted about some of the usual hospital goings-on and my PET scan scheduled for the next morning. “You scared?” she asks.

“No, I’ve had them done before. I’m not claustrophobic thankfully.”

“Duh, I know you’ve had them before. I meant are you worried that something might have changed? Maybe for the worst?”

“Un-uh,” I say sounding confident. At least if what Lucas told me was true.

“Good, I’m proud of you,” she says giving my shoulder a squeeze.

I wonder if she’d be proud if she knew the real reason of my confidence. I’m not given the chance to wonder long as Anna announces the five minutes are up.

“Back to the sink. Eyes closed again,” she says.

I go and she rinses my hair again, and tips me back up. She dries my hair more thoroughly this time, then uses her fingers to pull my hair up into my spikey look. Examining her work, she nods to herself and says, “Perfect.”

Come on already. The suspense is killing me. I cross my arms impatiently until she gives in.

“Okay, fine. You can see now.” We look at the covered mirror and she asks, “Ready?”

Oh.My.God. “Yes,” I snap and she grins.

“Tada,” she announces, pulling the towel off the mirror.

I look into the mirror and my jaw drops as my eyes go wide.

“Exactly,” Anna says.

I stare into the mirror and see that my short hair that use to be black, is now the same color as my nails – electric blue. Since my expression hasn’t changed, Anna frowns and says, “You don’t like it?”

My mouth makes movements but nothing comes out.

“I’m sorry honey, I thought you’d like it. It’ll wash out in a couple of weeks, maybe less if you wash it more,” she says apologetically.

I finally find my voice and say, “No. I just wasn’t expecting…this. I like it, I really do. I match.” I hold my fingernails up to my hair. “My hair is so…blue.” A grin spreads across my face.

“You really like it?” Anna asks, still concerned.

“Yes,” I toll her as I turn and hug her.

She returns the hug and quietly says, “I thought if anyone would, it would be you.”

“Thank you. For everything,” I say, my face pressed into her.

“It’s my pleasure. It really is sweety.” She held on to me until I finally let go. She probably would have held on to me for as long as I wanted to stay in her embrace to comfort me. “Now,” she told me, “you can go surprise people and watch their expressions. It should be fun.”

I helped her pick up the dirty laundry and took off my extra gowns, putting it all into the laundry bin.

She put the two bottles back into the paper bag and tells me, “Since your hair is so short, we have enough for another treatment if you should decide you like the look.”

I thank her again, now impatient to take off. She laughs and tells me, “Go, I’ll finish up here.”

I put on my slippers and head to the door, dragging my pole with me. Stopping, I look back and say, “Thank you again. Goodby…” I stop and shake my head. “No, until we meet again.”

She winks at me and replies, “And we shall.”

So she did talk to Dee. It doesn’t matter however, I decide.