The Forbidden Freshman: A College Sports Romance (Nolan U Hockey Book 1)

“Shit.”

The car drives away, and I’m left there on the sidewalk watching my epic night turn to dust.

Why couldn’t I have said, “Sure, you can stay”?

A million reasons crowd out my brain, from the commitment to not have a serious girlfriend in college to the very real concern that I can’t spend another night with her and not give in to my desire.

She’s so hot. Even stuffing pizza in her mouth.

If anything, that turned me on. Sure, not the chipmunk cheeks—as adorable as those were—but the fact that she fucking did it. She stuck it to Asher, and it was a thing of beauty.

She’s fire. I love her spirit, and I wanted to wrap my arms around her, carry her up to my room, and follow through on every fantasy I’ve been having about this girl.

Every fantasy that I can’t follow through on yet.

Dammit!

I’ve got one week to go.

But even then… do I want to give in?

Running a hand through my hair, I stare down the empty street and have to admit that taking it all the way with Mikayla—as awesome as that would be—could be a fatal mistake. I said no romance in college, and I meant it. I won’t get distracted from my goals here. I can’t.

“Hey.”

I turn at the sound of my dad’s voice.

“You okay?”

I nod, letting out a heavy sigh as I walk back toward him. He’s leaning against his car, flicking the keys around his finger, obviously ready to make the drive back to Denver.

“Thanks for coming,” I murmur. “I always love having you at the games.” Digging my hands into my pockets, I scuff the concrete driveway with the toe of my sneaker.

“You played good hockey tonight, kid.”

“Yeah.” I grin. “It felt good.”

“You saw her in the stands… and you upped your game. You played for her.”

I clench my jaw, not wanting to admit it.

“You’re in love with her.”

My eyes shoot up to his, and I shake my head. “I don’t know. It’s new. I don’t really… know her.”

“Yeah, you do… I mean, sure, you’re gonna keep peeling back those layers, but I saw your face tonight. You love her.”

I sigh, those words ringing true in spite of the fact that I don’t want them to be. It feels so fucking fast. I’m blindsided.

“It scares the shit out of you, doesn’t it?”

I nod, gripping the back of my neck as that sad look on her face rides through me again. She felt rejected tonight. Shit. I did that to her.

“Why?” Dad’s soft question captures my attention.

“Huh?” I look up at him.

“Why are you so scared? It’s love, Ethan, not the plague.”

I punch out a laugh that’s hollow and wooden. The short sound disappears in the air, and we’re quickly left with nothing but my breathing and the clink of Dad’s keys.

The man can wait it out as long as it takes. He’s stubborn in his patience, and I eventually give in with a sigh. “I said no romance in college.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a distraction.”

He lets out a surprised laugh. “Not necessarily. I mean, yeah, sure. It’s a distraction, but not one you need to be afraid of. I met your mother in college. She was the love of my life.”

Clenching my jaw, I look away from him, this ugly sensation making my stomach roil.

“What is it?” Dad’s voice sharpens and he pushes away from the car. “Just say it.”

I shake my head.

“Son.”

That tone yanks the words right out of me. Years of conditioning and I’m blurting out the truth before I can stop myself. “I don’t want that for me.”

“What? Love?” Dad’s expression is comically incredulous. “You don’t ever want to fall in love?”

I nod. One sharp movement—concise and clear.

Dad lets out a breathy laugh, all shock and bewilderment. “Why?”

“Because I…” Running a hand through my hair, I cup the back of my head and worry that I’ll hurt him. But he’s gonna keep pushing for the truth, so I make sure to keep my voice soft. “Because I saw how Mom’s death destroyed you, and I don’t want to be like that.”

A flash of pain crosses his face. He swallows, nodding a few times while staring down at his keys. “It didn’t destroy me.” His voice is gravelly, and I wonder how much of that lie he believes.

“You shut down… for months. And when you came back, you… It’s never been the same. You’ve never even dated again.”

He shrugs. “I’m a one-woman guy. I can’t ever love someone like I loved her.”

“So you’re just gonna spend the rest of your life alone?” I stretch my arms wide, giving him a pointed look that surely settles this argument. Love opens you up to a world of pain. Dad’s never been able to move on, and I don’t want to spend my life celibate and lonely. I’d rather have a ton of casual flings than have my heart shattered into a million pieces.

Dad lets out a soft sigh. “I’m not opposed to dating again one day, but until I find someone as cool as your mom, I’m happy on my own.”

I shake my head with a skeptical frown.

“I am happy, Ethan. I love my life.”

“So do I. Which is why I like to keep things casual. It’s easier. Way less complicated.”

“Yeah, but…” Dad’s expression crumples as he points down the road. “That girl. She’s one of kind. And if you do casual with her, she’s gonna walk out of your life and end up with someone else.”

The words are a fist to the face. A green haze blurs my vision as I imagine some other guy holding her, kissing her, making her moan.

I snap my eyes shut with a soft growl.

“Don’t do this to yourself.” Dad’s voice is a quiet lilt, a soft pleading for me to hear him. “You’ll regret it. Knowing you could have had her and chose to walk away…that’ll be on you for the rest of your life.”

“What if I lose her?” My voice is raw and trembling.

Dad pauses, his sad smile enough to tear my heart in half. “Yeah.” He nods, laying his hand on my shoulder. “What if you do?”

I stare down at him, shaking my head in confusion.

He sighs, patting me twice before dropping his arm back down to his side. “Do you want to know one of my biggest regrets that I will never get over?”

My eyes start burning. This is gonna be about Mom. I can tell.

“I never took your mom to Disneyland. She wanted to go, and at first it was a case of not having enough money, and then it was a case of not having enough time, and then she got sick and…” He swallows. “And we said we’d go when she got better.”

I blink and rasp, “And she never got better.”

Dad sniffs, his head bobbing in that way he does when the emotion is raw and painful. He squeezes the keys in his fist. “I couldn’t do it after that. Couldn’t go there without her.”

So that’s why he never took me. I had to go with my cousins instead. We did a family trip to Los Angeles, and Dad had to work. But maybe he didn’t really have to.

“I’ll never walk into that magical place… because she never got to. And that’s on me.” His eyes glimmer with unshed tears. “And I should have made it happen, because then I’d have this amazing memory of us being there together.”

My memories are still pretty fresh. It was only two and a half years ago. It was a big graduation celebration for me and my cousin Lacey. It bothered me a little at the time that I had to be there without Dad, but I got it. Now it bothers me a whole lot because the truth fucking sucks.

“Life is meant to be lived in the here and now.” Dad’s voice is still thick with emotion, but it’s clearing. His tears aren’t slipping free as he gains control and looks at me with that confident wisdom he carries so easily. “You can plan for the future, but life will always throw surprises at you. Some of them good. Some of them bad.” He swallows, clearing his throat before carrying on. “You only have this moment right here. We never know which one’s gonna be our last.” He shakes his head with a sad smile. “Money can always be found. You can always make the time, and I know you will hate yourself if you let fear stop you from having one-of-a-kind love. Even if you only get her for a short time, enjoy it. Turn it into a memory you can cherish, but don’t push her away because you’ve convinced yourself romance is too complicated. It doesn’t have to be. The right woman makes you a man. She brings out all the best things inside you, and it kills me that you want to deny yourself that. I’m sorry if I’ve made you think love will break you. It made me. And I will never regret giving my all to your mother. Never.”

Tugging on my hoodie, he pulls me into a hug, his solid arms wrapping around me and reminding me how strong he is.

I grip him just as tight, fisting his jacket and fighting the swell of emotion in my throat.

“Now, you go call that girl, and you tell her how much she means to you.” He pounds me twice on the back, then gives me one of his Galloway smiles. “I love you, son.”

“Love you, too, Dad.”

I close the driver’s door for him and slap the roof of his car, standing in the driveway and waving him off. As soon as his taillights disappear down the road, I rip the phone from my back pocket and find Mikayla’s number.

It rings eight times before going to voice mail.

I hang up with a growl and try again.

And then I try one more time before sufficing with a text.

Me: I’m sorry. Please let me talk to you about this.

I stand there like an idiot, staring at my phone and begging those reply dots to start flashing.

But they never do.

And eventually I have to give up, shoving my phone away and walking back into the house thinking about my mom and how she never got to go to Disneyland.