SWNOVELS Chapter 50: Despair
(Rachel)
An hour ago. Back at the Manor.
My heart is wrought with worry. Exhaustion beyond measure grips and weighs down heavily upon me. Sleep has become a luxury in this last week, having only a mere couple hours of tortured rest to my shameful credit. When I do rest, if you truly can call it that, I do so either in my chambers or those of my daughter’s.
The halls and corridors of the Manor feel…cold, lifeless, without the simple presence of my girl to warm it. My mind is a torrent mixture of thoughts and fears, confusion still abounds within me.
Where is my little girl? Why was she taken by someone she trusted more than anyone in this world? Where could she been taken to? Why would her sister wait until that night to take her? Marron had finally come home to Texas, and with it, the fulfillment of a promise made between them years ago. So why now?
None of what transpired that the night made any sense, only offering more and more questions which racked my heart, keeping it a perpetual state of panic and anticipation for even the slightest whiff of news on where my beloved child could be.
The house felt still, quiet, hollow. It hasn’t been like this since before Aria came to live here permanently. I remember the day so clearly, feeling my heart swoon with worry and joy at her decision to come home, her true home. She cried bitterly, more of the child she had since become. I made a dash towards her old home, racing with all of the speed that I could muster, wanting to reach her before her heart truly shattered into a million pieces.
Upon my arrival, she threw herself into my arms, crying once more into my chest. The girl crumbled like ash as I held her, hot tears dripping onto my chest, soaking into my shirt. She longed to leave her isolation, her terrible loneliness, the painful solitude which had gripped her upon returning to the apartment. We left her old home, and brought her to where she belongs, with me and her new family.
Ever since that day, and then upon the day when I finally adopted her, my little girl has lit up this place with her love and warmth, becoming a child all over again. But now…it’s gone, empty.
My footsteps were light, lighter than a ghost’s flight through its haunt. Tears never stopped flowing down my cheeks, staining them, making them raw from the never-ending stream of their saltiness.
I cared not for food. Drink would only become a crutch to bury my sorrows and fears. I never would wish for my girl to look up me with a bottle in hand. The temptation had been strong as the days wore on with having no news.
It is though they vanished from this world. Anger, worry, doubt, hatred, fear, all served to sustain, but at the same time, slowly destroy. I wish I had answers to my questions, answers which might alleviate my woes.
Hope…I must have hope.
My girl always clung to hope, even in the darkest of times. She was stubborn, far too stubborn to simply give up. A trait she has exhibited on many occasions, never backing down, never one to give up.
But I...as a mother, feel lost. She is the other half of my heart, my whole entire world. Those who reside here have tried many times to reassure me that my daughter will be found. So many had come forward to lend their aid.
The Coven, oh my blessed and beloved brothers and sisters, all pledged their support in the search. Her friends rallied together, at first gripped with the same confusion I had about the night she was taken. They too combed the countryside, searching, delving into whatever they could find. Jennifer Bigsby even wished to come and be at my side. All of her friends wished for the same.
When the news of the attack and attempt on her life came out, Miriam flew into a rage. Children from the Court had come to claim one of her grandchildren’s lives. It took half of the Coven to restrain her from tearing the Court apart. She eventually calmed herself, directing her anger toward organizing the search efforts.
Her yokai aunts were devastated to hear the news, wanting to arrive and lend their support in the quest for their niece. The people in the village where she lived stood confused, wishing to aid in whatever manner possible.
Viktor and Arcturus meanwhile coordinated with our friends and allies within the Court. Sabine’s eldest daughter even arrived a couple days after. Apparently the pair had spoken of her visit. Kerrigan…I thank you for coming, for becoming a friend to my girl and your mother for introducing you to each other.
Arcturus has lingered close, never too far from me, his presence offering me some stability. In my current state, I want to crumble into his waiting arms, desiring my emptiness to be filled with his love. But we both know if we were to step too far down the path in my desperate need to fill the void, we might do something each would regret.
So we guarded ourselves, refraining from allowing my dread to betray my daughter. Sil’vari also stood watch, making sure neither of us did anything foolish.
I gaze out upon the moonlit Estate, staring out upon the fields. Its light seems to float and flicker over the grass as the winds blow upon it. The sight gave the appearance of waves crashing into the shore.
My legs buckle the closer I draw upon the end of my now nightly wanderings of my home. I always start from my chambers and slowly trudged towards hers. Each passing night began to wear down my heart, gradually beginning to feel the fear consume it. I lean up against a column to brace myself, to steady myself.
But…this fear started a week ago. A day filled with more worry than ever before, filled with anger and rage. Only to be sated with a glimpse of hope and thanks. I closed my eyes, drawing upon the night this terrible spiral began.