SWNOVELS Chapter 63
“What are you doing?” I ask, panicked as Sierra calmly pulls her clothes off hangers and folds them, before stacking her clothes in an open suitcase.
I drove us home after the funeral, and she sat in her favorite chair in her library for hours, before suddenly reaching for her phone and rising to her feet. Moments later, she walked into our dressing room, her expression unreadable. “I’m leaving,” she says, her tone devoid of any emotion.
“What do you mean?” I ask, panic coursing through me as I grab her hands and hold them in mine. “This is your home, Kitten. Our home.”
She raises a brow and smiles humorlessly. “Is it? Could’ve fooled me.”
My wife pulls her hands out of my grip and continues to pack, so I reach for her suitcase and begin to unpack everything she’s put in it, my mind a mess. I don’t know what to do, how to stop her from leaving when I know I don’t have the right to. She stayed for her grandmother, and now she has no reason to put up with me anymore. I can’t even blame her for it. My stomach turns, and my head begins to pound as visions I don’t want to see rush through my mind, reminding me why I should let her go, even as my heart protests.
“Stop it,” she tells me when I empty her suitcase, her tone filled with resignation. “Just stop, Xavier.”
I kneel in front of her, going down on both knees as I reach for her hands, feeling sick. “Don’t leave me,” I plead, just as a soft chime sounds through our house, alerting me to my parents’ presence. Nonetheless, I don’t look away from my wife, nor do I rise to my feet. “I love you, Sierra. More than anything,” I tell her, my voice breaking. “I know it hasn’t felt that way, but I swear it’s true. I know I fucked up, Kitten. I know I failed you, and I know you’re disappointed in me, but please, please let me fix this. Please let me be there for you.”
“It’s too late,” she replies, her voice soft. “You haven’t been there for me, Xavier, and I… I’m tired. I’m just so tired. I don’t have it in me to wonder if you’re only here because you pity me, and I can’t handle the pain I feel every time I look at you, on top of the grief I’m drowning in.”
She looks over my shoulder and sighs as she pulls her hands out of mine just as Raven and Celeste walk into our dressing room, my mother and Valeria in tow. Raven looks at me, a hint of compassion in her eyes as she reaches for the suitcase I’d just emptied.
“Don’t do this,” I beg as the girls begin to help Sierra pack while she and I stare at each other. “Please, Sierra,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
She kneels in front of me, her hand trembling as she cups my face. My eyes flutter closed, and my breath hitches when she presses a soft kiss to my cheek. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “I just can’t be alone right now, Xavier… and that’s how I feel when I’m with you, even when you’re here.”
She rises to her feet when the girls begin to carry her things out, taking one last look at me before she walks away, leaving me sitting here in a room filled with regret.
My mom sighs as she puts her hand on my shoulder, and I look up at her, my heart aching. “Mom,” I murmur, my voice breaking. “What do I do?”
“You need to think long and hard about the way you’ve treated her, Xavier, and what you’ve been telling her with your actions every single time you didn’t show up for her. She stood by you and fought for you and your marriage, and you repaid her by pushing her away instead of confiding in her and working with her to overcome what had happened. It was a horrible experience for you both, and I understand why it triggered the fears and traumas you thought you’d put behind you, but here’s the thing, Xavier… you don’t get to decide what Sierra needs. Not then, and not now. Only she can determine that. Pushing her away served you, not her, and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can start fixing the damage you’ve done, if it isn’t already too late.”
Valeria kicks one of t-shirts that fell to the floor as I tried to unpack what Sierra was packing, and I look at her to find her staring at me with pure loathing in her eyes. “You should’ve respected her choices when she decided to be with you even after it nearly cost her her life. She’s the one that should’ve been running away, scared of who she’d married, but she stood by you, and you didn’t deserve it.”
“Valeria,” Mom scolds, but she shakes her head.
“No,” she snaps. “Someone needs to say it, and it might as well be me. I’m deeply disappointed in you, Xavier. I will never, ever, forgive you if your actions lead me to lose my sister-in-law. She never wavered, no matter what you put her through, but I was the one who sat with her as she chose sad movies to watch at night, just so she’d have an excuse to cry when you didn’t come at night. I’m the one that dragged her to Mom and Dad’s house for dinner, so she’d eat something instead of working and starving herself to death in your absence. Did you know that I begged her not to give up on you after you told the press that your marriage was a business deal? I held her hands and pleaded with her, when I should’ve just punched you in the face for the way you were hurting her. I should’ve just slapped some sense into you.”
She takes a step toward me, and mom grabs her arm, throwing her a warning look. “We do not solve our problems with violence. Not anymore,” she reminds my sister, who stares at me like she despises me, like she’s the one I’ve wronged.
“I will fix this,” I promise, praying to God that I can, that Sierra will give me a chance to right my wrongs. “I’ll do whatever it takes, I swear it.”