SWNOVELS The Devil’s Reward: Chapter 45
What have I gotten us into?
I wake with a start when I feel someone gently shaking me. I look up into Shadow’s eyes and the concern on his face makes my stomach sink. This isn’t a happy looking man, he looks pissed, concerned, and unsure all rolled together. “What’s wrong?” I demand, sitting up and trying to clear the sleep fog from my brain. I glance around but I can’t tell how late, or early, it is. “Is Rose okay? Has something happened?”
“Rose is fine,” he assures me. “But we have a problem and I need you and Macy to come with me. Now.”
Panic grips me instantly. “What’s wrong? What happened? Why do we need to go with you?” The words rush out of me rapid-fire as I scramble out of bed and turn on the light.
Shadow sighs, and it’s like the weight of the world is in that one breath. “One of our brothers was killed and left at the gate of the clubhouse,” he says finally.
“Oh my God,” I gasp, horror filling me. “Why did they kill him? Was it something random?”
“I’ll explain everything when we get there,” Shadow says with a shake of his head.
“No, you’ll explain it to me now,” I snap, fear choking me. “Especially when you’re coming here in the middle of the night and trying to get me to pack up my daughter and go to your clubhouse. Where you just told me that someone dumped a body. A body, Shadow.” My voice is rising with each word as my panic rises with it.
Shadow walks towards me and puts his hands on my shoulders, looking down at me. “It’s just a precaution, Quinn,” he tries to soothe.
“If it was just a precaution, you wouldn’t look so damned panicked,” I return. “So tell me what the hell is going on, or we’re not going anywhere.”
Frustration flits over his face. “Quinn, I’m not trying to scare you,” he starts.
“You’re doing a damn good job of it anyway,” I snap, pulling away from him. “I don’t need to be a cop or a shrink to know that something bad is going on. First, it was someone trying to run you off the road, and now someone ends up dead. I don’t know what your club is involved in, Shadow, but I’m not going to be a part of it. I’m not going to let Macy be a part of it. So tell me what is going on or get out of my house.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck,” he hisses. He paces, and I cross my arms over my chest as I wait. Finally, he stops and looks at me. “If I tell you this shit you’re going to panic, but you have no reason to because I’m going to protect you.”
I stare at him. “You need to work on your convincing tactics, Shadow,” I say sarcastically. “You’re supposed to be trying to tell me everything is all good, not making me think that I have something to worry about.”
He sighs. “Fine, but this can’t be repeated, alright? This is club business, and I shouldn’t even mention it to you, but I know if I don’t you won’t come with me.” I give him a curt nod. “For the past few months, we’ve become aware that someone in our club has been feeding information to the local branch of the Russian mafia so they can operate in our town without us or the cops knowing.”
My mouth drops open. “The Russian mafia?” I choke out. “You’re involved with the Russian mafia? Oh my God. Oh my God. What have I done? And I’ve brought you around Macy. No, no this is not okay. You have to go. You have to forget that you ever saw her. We don’t exist. We don’t—”
“Quinn!” Shadow snaps, stopping my tirade and grabbing me by the arms to hold me still. “You need to calm down. Let me finish, okay?” I just stare at him, refusing to answer. “Yes, whoever this bastard is, he went to the mafia with information we had nothing to do with. Hell, we didn’t know the information existed until only a couple of days ago. But we’ve been searching, and we’ve been trying to track down the local mafia guys so we can get them out of town. And now, they seem to be fighting back. Hammer is their first actual kill, and it will be their last. On that, you have my word. I will never allow another one of my brothers to be killed, nor one of our women. And that includes you and Macy. I will fight to the death for both of you. To keep you safe.”
“But would we be safe?” I ask quietly. “You said yourself, you have a mole. Who’s to say this mole won’t sell us out and bring the wrath of the Russian mafia down on your clubhouse with us inside? I’d rather go to my parents than take that gamble with my child’s safety.”
“And if you go to your parents, you could be leading them right to their door and making yourselves easy targets,” he says harshly. “They might not even wait for you to get all the way there. They could attack you on your way to the airport. You are safer here with me. I promise you that Macy will be safe, Quinn. I would never let anything happen to her. She will be under constant watch by the people we trust. We are going to find this mole, and we are going to deal with Dmitri and his band of goons. But I need you to trust me.”
“Why have you never said anything about this? I asked you about your club earlier tonight and you never said a thing.”
“Because it falls under the category of club business,” he answers, letting me go and stepping back. “Until we got the news about Hammer, I’d have gladly left you in the dark about it and handled it. But now, we know that they aren’t playing around and I need to make sure that you’re safe. Please, Quinn, I am asking you to trust me. Trust me to keep you safe. You and Macy.”
“Are you giving me a choice?” I demand, angry and in shock. How is this happening? “Either go with you into a clubhouse that I don’t know, with a bunch of strangers, one of whom might be in league with the mafia, or stay here and possibly bring danger to my doorstep. How is either of those options a good one?”
“I’m not saying they’re good ones,” he sighs. “I’m saying this mole is the least of our worries. If he feeds information that you are with us, protected, then it will take any heat off you or Macy. When we know it’s safe, you’ll be able to come home and act like nothing happened.”
I gape at him incredulously. “Like nothing happened? Are you kidding me, Shadow? Really? This is supposed to make me want to trust you? I barely know you, and now this? I’m getting dragged into the middle of a turf war.”
Shadow straightens, and his gaze is unreadable. “I want you to trust me because you know that I care about you and know that yours and Macy’s safety is the most important thing to me.”
I give him a cool look. “You think because I’ve slept with you that it means I should trust you on that alone?”
His eyes go hard. “Sleeping with me has nothing to do with this.”
“Then tell me why I should trust you,” I holler at him, pushed past my limit.
“Because you and my family are the only things that matter right now,” he says harshly. “You, Macy, and the club that I call a family. I told you earlier that I want us to be in a relationship and I meant every damn word. In any normal circumstance, our club is nothing more than charity work, our businesses, and the occasional party. None of us wants this, but we will not sit by while these assholes peddle their poison through our town. Especially when the reason they can do that is based on some information given to them from someone unworthy to wear our patch.
“You think I like this, Quinn? I told myself so many times over the past few days that I needed to walk away from you. To forget you. But I can’t. I keep getting pushed back to you, and I know there’s a reason. I fought for freedom on foreign soil, and now I’m going to do the same here. Do you realize that there’s a bigger chance for war the longer the mafia stays in town? Not from us, but from other groups that want to dig their claws in? The Italians, the Cartel, the Yakuza, and any number of small gangs will walk through the door the Russians have opened.
“They will pillage this town. Crime will run rampant, and Macy will never be able to walk home from school without worrying that someone will try to hurt her. Maybe even snatch her and pimp her out to some sick pervert. That is what we are fighting against, Quinn. We didn’t ask for it, but we will damn well fight it. Most of us in the club have some ties to Uncle Sam, which makes us some of the most deadly people in this city. We are trained to fight this, and we won’t let it go. I will never let it go. I will never allow you to be hurt. I will never let Macy lose her childhood or her freedom.
“So, yes, I am asking you to trust me, and you can be as angry as you like with me, but eventually this would have touched your world, even if I wasn’t in the picture. This sped things up, but you have a whole bunch of people at your back who will stand up for you. For your child. For me. That is what my club is. What it means. If I didn’t care about you, about Macy, do you think I would be disturbing your life this way? Scaring you? You are mine, Quinn. You told me you were mine, just like I’m yours,” he says quietly, his words like a punch to the heart at the bubbling emotion in them. “And I am going to keep you safe. So I need you to trust me. Trust my club. Because you are important, and I will never survive losing you.”
I swallow hard around the thickness in my throat. My mind is spinning in a dozen different directions, and I’m conflicted. I know he’s right. Deep down I know he’s right. It was only a matter of time, but is it so wrong of me to wish I was oblivious for a little longer? I look away from him, staring at the closed bedroom door. Knowing Macy is asleep just down the hall, I can’t pretend that Shadow didn’t just tell me all that.
The question is, do I trust him? And if I do, is it strong enough for me to let him hold my daughter’s life in his hands?
“Quinn,” Shadow says quietly, moving back towards me and reaching up to cup my face in his hands and turn it back towards him. “Please,” he implores with a whisper, staring into my eyes.
My breath shudders from my lungs. It looks like I don’t have any choice. “You need to promise me that you will protect her, Shadow. I don’t give a shit about myself, but my daughter is my life. She is my reason for breathing, and I am putting her in your hands. Break that trust, and I will never forgive you.”
“I promise, Quinn,” he says with utter sincerity that I don’t have any choice but to believe. It’s written all over his face. “I won’t let you down, I promise.” Then he drops his hands and leans forward to kiss me.
I should push him away, but the kiss soothes me, brief as it is. The abatement of my panic and fear is only momentary. “I need to get Macy ready. How much should I pack?” I ask him, stepping back.
“Pack enough for a week,” he instructs, moving towards my closet. “I’ll pack for you.” He holds up his hand when I start to protest. “We need to move, Quinn. I’m not trying to snoop. Go and get Macy’s things, then we’ll take her out to your car, and we’ll go to the clubhouse. Okay?”
I nod stiffly, rushing out of the room and down the hallway. When I open Macy’s bedroom door, she’s still fast asleep, blanket kicked off the bed like always, one leg hanging limply over the side. It’s the picture of innocence, and I want to scream at the unfairness of it all. But I force myself to push it out of my mind, and with the light from the hallway, I grab her bag and quickly throw as many clothes as I can fit in it before I toss it out into the hallway.
I go over to Macy and gently rub her head. “Macy,” I murmur. “Macy, I need you to wake up for me, baby.” She murmurs something but doesn’t quite wake. “Come on, baby, we’re going to go for a sleepover with Shadow.” That seems to get her attention because her eyes slowly open and she peers up at me, still groggy with sleep.
“A sleepover?” she asks sleepily. “Okay.” I can tell she’s going to fall right back under if I don’t get her up, so I carefully roll her onto her back and then pick her up.
I turn, stopping when I see Shadow stepping in. He reaches for her, and I reluctantly hand her over. Macy snuggles her face into his neck and her eyes droop again. The trust she give him makes me want to cry. “I have the bags in the hallway,” Shadow whispers. “You grab them and follow me out to the car, alright?” I nod, and we head out.
When we’re on our way to the clubhouse, Shadow following closely behind me on his bike, I allow myself to think.
This situation is crazy, and my parents are going to freak out when I tell them, but I need to be calm for Macy. I need to decide what I want to do about Shadow. Am I going to trust him and his club to protect us? I already know Shadow is brave and will do anything to help those he cares about. Hell, he climbed into a burning vehicle to save Rose, at risk to himself. Both physically and emotionally.
I have no reason to think he won’t do the same for Macy and me. Especially Macy. I just have to hope that I’m not making the wrong decision. But the real question is, when this is all over, will I still want Shadow and his MC around my daughter?
I know little about the MC life other than what Shadow has told me, and what I’ve seen and read about. I do know that around town the Devil’s Soldiers are well regarded. Even cops seem to like them. I’ve seen a few of them talking to some members when I’ve been out and about around town. They weren’t in handcuffs or sitting in the back of cop cars, so that’s something.
There’s also the fact that they’re fighting this fight in the first place. Most people like to put on blinders and pretend this kind of thing doesn’t exist. Myself included. I guess the fact that they’re trying to right the wrongs that one of their own has done is admirable. I have to think that most MCs in their position would wipe their hands of it and just let it all play out. Or they’d join the mafia in their crimes and rake in the money and everything else that goes with it.
God, this is such a mess. I’m putting our lives in their hands and I don’t know anything about any of them. I know those I’ve spoken to briefly with Shadow around, but that’s about it. I don’t know if they’re assholes in leather, or if they’re saints that rescue puppies and kittens in their spare time.
By the time we reach the clubhouse gate, I’m no further ahead in working through my worries. But they’re going to have to wait, because we’re here and I need to put on a brave face for Macy.
I pull up to the clubhouse and park where Shadow indicates. He opens up the back door and scoops Macy out of her car seat where she’s fallen back asleep. Another man, one I instantly recognize as Viper, comes and grabs the bags out. “Hey, sugar,” he says quietly with a small smile. “I’ve got you all set up in Shadow’s room, okay?”
“Thank you,” I say softly as we follow Shadow inside.
The mood in the large room is subdued when we walk in, and I recognize Sniper standing by the bar. When he spots us, he makes his way over and says, “Hi, Quinn. Sorry, you’re back so soon under shitty circumstances, but I promise you’re both safe here, alright?”
“Thank you,” I say simply, because why argue. I’m probably not supposed to know anyway. I try not to fidget under the stares of everyone else in the room. I don’t recognize all of them, but I’ve seen most in passing.
“Let’s get you settled,” Shadow says quietly, rubbing Macy’s back when she makes a small noise in her sleep. “I’ll be back down once they’re set,” he says to Sniper. He nods and I follow Shadow up the stairs and down the darkened hallway to his room.
When we walk in, I take in the queen-sized bed. Shadow immediately goes to it and places Macy under the covers, tucking them gently around her before turning back to me. “Bathroom is through there,” he whispers, pointing at the only other door in the room. Even his closet has no doors on it. “Everything is in there that you could need. I need to go back downstairs and see where Sniper is on getting Bullet and the rest back here, and then I’ll be right back up, okay? Try and get some sleep.”
“Where are you going to sleep?” I ask him softly.
“I’m going to be sitting in that chair,” he says with a nod to the desk chair that he has by the window. “Not the first time I’ve slept in an uncomfy spot. I’m going to ask Viper to be right outside the door okay? Just in case you need something.”
I nod, appreciating the thought. “You don’t have to sleep in the chair, Shadow. It’s your bed.”
“And yours and Macy’s comfort is more important than my own,” he whispers firmly. He wraps his hand gently around the back of my neck and pulls me forward, up on my tiptoes to give me a quick kiss. “I will make this up to you, Quinn. I promise,” he whispers. Then he lets go and heads out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him.
I stand in the room, pitch dark except for the moonlight pouring in through the window, and sigh. Even with everything, he’s putting us first, and I want to stay mad, but I’m just too tired. I need sleep, and maybe I’ll feel better in the morning. Or at least be able to think clearly.
I carefully lift Macy and move her further into the bed so she’s closest to the wall, and then squeeze in with her. I leave enough space for Shadow, just in case, and wrap my arms around Macy, holding her close.