The Darkness We Hide

Gareth watched from the doorway as Michelle walked towards the barn, wondering how she would feel if he tried to talk to her. The last time he’d tried, she’d punched him and told him she never wanted to see him again.

Deciding it was better to wait and went back inside. He found his dad sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee.

“Dad,” he said, settling down across from his dad, “why didn’t you tell me she was here? I must have asked a dozen times if any of you or anyone else knew where she’d disappeared to.”

“I couldn’t tell you,” Hugo replied, needlessly stirring his half empty cup. “Your mother swore me to secrecy.”

“You still should have told me,” Gareth fumed.

“He couldn’t tell you,” Louise said coming into the room. “I made him swear a blood oath to keep his big mouth shut.”

“How could you mom!?” Gareth yelled standing to face his mother.

“Easily,” she replied, kissing him on the cheek. “Michelle needed space Gareth. Look at what she’s been through.”

“I know,” he said, sinking back into his seat. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s okay,” she said, slipping in next to her husband, “if I’d thought that it would have done either of you any good, I would have told you she was here weeks ago.”

“So,” Hugo said, trying to change the subject, “how have you been doing?”

“In an inebriated stupor for the last month, that’s how he’s been doing,” Nancy said, trailing in behind Louise. "Before that he kept trying to reenlist back in the military."

“Gareth,” his mother chastised, looking at him, her eyes wide.

“Thanks Nan,” he said sarcastically, upset that she’d said anything.

“Have you really been drunk this whole time?” his father asked.

“Not the whole time,” Gareth said, reluctant to have this conversation. “I had to sober up enough to go buy more liquor since my dearly beloved aunt refused to get it for me.”

“Oh my gods,” Louise breathed, unable to believe her most responsible child would do such a thing. “You were raised better than that.”

“I know,” Gareth said, his head hanging lower, “but she just disappeared. I couldn’t even sense her. She never returned to her job, all of the things from her apartment were just gone one day, I lost hope. It was like when Caroline died, only worse, because I knew Michelle was still alive.”

“Gareth,” Louise began, but stopped as several of the young children came trooping into the kitchen looking for snacks.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a pandemonium of small children wanting to show Uncle Gareth how good they’d become on horseback. He reluctantly saddled his own horse and followed them out, finding himself truly impressed with their progress.

After Gareth and the children disappeared into the barn, Louise went searching for Michelle.

She found the young woman pacing in the back barn lot.

“You said you wouldn’t invite him,” Michelle seethed seeing the older woman, beginning to feel lightheaded. “You promised.”

“I didn’t tell him, I swear,” Louise said sincerely. “He and Nancy showed up out of the blue a few hours after you and the girls left. Believe me, I was just as surprised as you are, but maybe this is a good thing. You can tell him about the baby.”

“I’ve got to get out of here,” Michelle gasped, beginning to hyperventilate, “I can’t do this.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Louise said, grabbing Michelle before she could collapse. “You need to breathe sweety.”

“I can’t,” Michelle panted, panic gripping her tightly around the chest.

“Gareth,” Louise called, seeing her son crossing the lawn. “Gareth get over here and help me.”

“No,” Michelle gurgled, trying to stand on her own feet and failing.

“What’s wrong mom?” Gareth asked, hurrying over.

Seeing Michelle about to collapse he stopped speaking and grabbed her under her knees, lifting her before she fell.

“What happened?” he said, looking to Louise for answers.

“Having you and Nancy show up like that,” she replied, “it’s too much stress.”

“I’ve seen her stressed mom,” he said harshly, panic making his voice break. “This is panic.”

“Gareth,” she replied patiently, “there are things the two of you need to talk about.”

“About what?” he demanded.

“It’s not my place to tell you,” Louise answered sadly.

“Tell me!” he screamed, rousing Michelle from her stupor.

Opening her eyes, Michelle realized she was in Gareth’s arms, and began squirming, trying to escape.

“Michelle,” he breathed, seeing she was okay. Slowly he put her down, making sure her legs didn’t buckle before he would release her.

“What did you tell him?” Michelle asked, looking daggers at Louise.

“Nothing,” the older woman said, “but you two need to have a serious conversation.”

Seeing Michelle about to protest, she stopped her with a raised hand.

“Neither of you are to come back into my home until you have talked,” she ordered. “If that means you sleep in the barn so be it!”

With those last words, Louise walked away, herding the adults and children that had gathered when Gareth began yelling back into the house.

“Well,” Gareth said with a sigh, turning to look at Michelle, “I guess we need to talk.”

“No. We don’t,” Michelle replied defiantly, leaning against the weather-worn wood, “I have nothing to say to you.”

“She meant it,” Gareth said with a sigh, “about not being allowed in the house.”

“Fine,” she said tersely, pushing herself to her feet and heading for the barn door.

“Michelle,” he called after her.

When she kept walking, he cursed under his breath and made his own way to the barn, stopping long enough to bribe one of his nephews to sneak him some contraband.

Entering the dim, musty smelling building Gareth couldn’t see Michelle, but he could hear her. She was somewhere in the hayloft, weeping softly.

Gareth felt tears stinging his own eyes, knowing her tears were his fault.

Slowly, he climbed the ladder, with no clue what he was hoping to accomplish. Reaching the top, he paused and cleared his throat wanting to make sure she knew he was there.

“Go away,” she said softly, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

“Michelle,” he breathed, moving to settle in next to her. “I can’t go away. My blood runs through your veins. We are connected.”

“More than you know,” she said, her voice barely audible.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he said, tentatively reaching out to caress her shoulder.

“I mean besides the obvious,” he added, hoping the small joke would make her laugh.

It didn’t work. Looking down at her hands, Michelle could not find the words to express what she was feeling.

“Michelle,” he pleaded scooting across the bench seat towards her. “Michelle, please talk to me.”