The Darkness We Hide

“So,” Dr. Jacobs said, stepping into the exam room his nose almost touching Michelle’s file as he read. “You are the famous Michelle everyone in the community has been talking about?”

Looking up he saw the embarrassment on the you woman’s face and quickly backtracked.

“We don’t really talk about you,” he assured her, pushing his glasses up on his slightly hooked nose, while looking nervously at Louise. “I just meant that your transformation is, for lack of a better term, a miracle.

“The human body is not designed to survive that much magic and two types of lycanthropic blood,” he explained, his watery brown eyes staring at her appraisingly.

“I’m sorry,” he added, straightening his crooked lab coat. “You came to me because you’re not feeling well, and I am just prattling on about how amazing you are.

“What seems to be the problem?” he asked, his fidgeting body finally settling onto a stool.

“I haven’t been able to keep anything done since the night I was changed,” Michelle said, weighing her words carefully before saying them. “Louise and Hugo told me that it’s not unusual for people who have been turned to have problems adjusting to their dietary needs, but at this point I can barely stomach bread and water.

“Everything I eat comes right back up,” she explained, feeling her emotions surge. “I know I’m not ‘normal’, but I can’t live like this.”

“Well,” Dr. Jacobs said, looking up into her face, “I personally feel that normal is overrated.

“First, wipe your tears away,” he said, offering her a tissue, “then we can get down to the business of figuring out what’s going on.”

Michelle dabbed at her cheeks, thanking the doctor with a soft look in her eyes.

“I think first and foremost we should run some blood tests,” he said, his lips twitching left and right as he thought. “Once we have the results we can see if your problem isn’t anything more than a simple vitamin or mineral deficiency. After that we can start digging deeper if we don’t find anything there.

“Okay?” he asked, looking hopefully between Michelle and Louise.

“Okay,” Michelle nodded, actually glad to have the older woman with her. If she was going to get bad news, she’d rather not be alone to hear it.

After the blood draw there was nothing to do but wait.

Instead of sitting in the doctor’s office smelling the antiseptic reek of bleach, she and Louise decided to visit a few of the local shops.

“Look at this,” Louise called as they passed a shop window full of baby clothes, blankets, booties and cloth diapers.

Stopping, Michelle felt a lump in her throat seeing all the things she wouldn’t need anymore.

“Wouldn’t that blanket be perfect for Alice’s baby shower?” Louise asked, before realizing who she was talking to. She was so excited about one of her daughter-in-laws impending delivery that sometimes she forgot not to bring up the topic with Michelle.

“I’m so sorry,” she breathed, touching Michelle’s arm trying to pull her away. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s okay,” Michelle said smiling sadly, doing her best to assure the older woman everything was okay. “And yes, I think Alice would love it.

“Come on,” she continued, tugging the older woman’s shirt sleeve, “I want to get it for her.”

Louise decided to accept Michelle’s profession of ‘it’s okay’ and went into the store with her. Before leaving they had added two rattles, fussing mittens, the cutest bath towel with fluffy little ears on it.

Stepping into the bright Montana day Michelle felt better than she had in weeks despite the aching of her body. It had felt good to face her loss and to be able to pick up these few little things for Alice’s baby.

Her heart actually felt lighter as they loaded their purchases in the trunk before heading back to the doctors office.

After the nurse led them into the same exam room, she and Louise sat together silently, waiting. After five minutes, Michelle couldn’t stand it any longer.

“What’s taking so long?” she asked, pacing up and down the small room.

“I’m sure he’s just double checking the results,” Louise offered, trying to catch the younger woman’s hand as she passed.

Barely pausing after a short knock, Dr. Jacobs stepped into the room, a manila folder in hand.

Where moments ago she couldn’t wait to hear the results, now all Michelle wanted to do was escape.

Gripping Louise’s offered hand in her own shaking one, she sat next to the woman and waited.

“Well,” Dr. Jacobs said, sitting on his rolling stool, “I’m not sure how to tell you this.”

“What?” Michelle breathed trying to brace herself for the worst.

Richard and Gareth had killed her, or her body was fighting to reject the change, or any number of human problems that could be wrong. Cancer. Ulcers. A Virus. Thyroid…

“You wrote on your chart that you recently suffered a miscarriage,” Dr. Jacobs said, looking at the paper she’d filled out before her first exam. “Correct?”

“Yes,” Michelle said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I was pregnant until the night I was changed.”

“You still are,” Dr. Jacobs told her, revealing a sheet of lab results.

“What?” she asked, nearly fainting in her chair.

“According to your blood work,” he said cheerily, “you are still very pregnant.”

“But how?” Louise asked scooting forward in her chair, her grip on Michelle’s hand tightening. “I saw the blood and tissues myself.”

“Well,” he sighed, shaking his head, “I can’t attest to that, not having been there, but you are still having a baby.”

“Is he okay?” Michelle asked, her free hand moving to settle on her stomach. “I mean, after my change.”

“Everything looks good,” Dr. Jacobs assured her, patting her on the knee. “Other than a little anemia and mild malnutrition, both you and the baby are healthy. I want you to start taking an iron supplement and you need to start eating better.”

“I try,” Michelle said, still trying to wrap her head around the news, “but everything I eat comes right back up. Sometimes I can’t even get it past my teeth before I throw up.”

“Okay,” he said with a sigh, “let’s have you try taking ginger half an hour before you eat. If that doesn’t help then we can try something a little more pharmaceutical.

“For now though,” he continued, “I don’t want to put your body through too much more.”

“Okay,” Michelle said, nodding her agreement.

“I would also like you to come back every two weeks,” he said looking at her earnestly. “I know I said everything is okay, and it is, I just want to make sure both you and your baby stay that way.

“There has never been a baby born under these circumstances,” he sighed, “and we don’t know what to expect so I just want to be cautious.”

“Okay,” Louise said when Michelle didn’t reply.

“Hey,” Dr. Jacobs said, rolling forward until he was face to face with a very pale Michelle. “Everything is going to be okay, just call me overly cautious.”

“Okay,” Michelle nodded, seeing the truth in his eyes.

“Alright,” he said with a smile. “Don’t forget to pick up some iron and ginger.

“And you might want to add fiber to that list as well,” he added with a smirk. “Iron can be rough on your gut otherwise.”

“Okay,” Michelle agreed, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Do you have any other questions?” Dr. Jacobs asked.

“Yes,” she sighed, “about a thousand, but I can’t think of any right now.”

“I understand,” he replied, nodding, “Louise has my direct number. Feel free to call me anytime you have a question, day or night.”

“Thank you,” she breathed.