The Counterfeit Lover (War of Sins Book 3)

I wake up tired, thirsty and hurting all over. Stretching in bed, my hand immediately goes to my lower stomach and the ghost of a pain emanating from there, made worse by last night’s memories.

Damn it!

I behaved like a cat in heat, rubbing myself all over Raf and blurting the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times.

Pulling my pillow over my head, I groan out loud as the memories return, everything that happened at the party but also after, with Raf’s confession and the way he’d held me tightly through the night, apologizing all over again.

The door to the bedroom opens, and my dear husband strides in. I lower the pillow just enough to see his sweaty torso and damp hair as he wipes himself with a towel. He must have been to the gym downstairs, and as he heads straight for the bathroom, I don’t think he noticed I’m awake.

God, I don’t know how to face him this morning. Certainly not with even more lies between us.

I remember that day so clearly, the way he’d looked so out of control as he’d wrapped his hand around my throat, shouting at me to die. At that point, I’d been resigned to my fate. But there had been more. And the events that had followed had put me in a mental institution for months to come, crazed with grief and a lack of will to live.

Yet that’s all in the past.

Dead and buried, because at this point, no one else knows.

Everyone who did died that night in the fire, as did Lucero not too long ago at Raf’s hands.

‘Noelle,’ Raf calls my name, wrenching the blanket down my body and assessing me with his shrewd eyes.

‘What?’ I squeak in surprise.

‘How’s the pain? On a scale from one to ten?’

I blink, biting my lip as I look at him in confusion.

‘Don’t lie to me, pretty girl,’ he threatens.

‘I don’t know. A five…ish?’ I give him a sheepish smile.

It’s not as bad as it’s been in the past and I can definitely handle it.

Shaking his head at me, he drops a tray with various items on the nightstand, before giving me his full attention.

He does a full scan of my body, from my bare legs and thighs, to the nightgown riding up my hips. For some reason, I feel the urge to cover myself even though he’s seen, touched and kissed every inch of my body already.

‘Here,’ he leans into me, his hands on the hem of my gown as he raises it further up, bunching it right under my breasts. Before I can question what he’s doing, he places warm patches on my lower belly, wrapping them around my midriff so they are kept in place.

‘And this too,’ he adds as he takes some medicine from the tray, handing me a glass of water and urging me to swallow them.

‘Pain meds?’ I ask as I wipe my mouth.

He nods, silently arranging me in bed so I’m sitting comfortably against a mountain of pillows.

‘Wait a moment,’ he mumbles, leaving the room for a few seconds before returning with a new tray, this time one filled entirely with food—good, yummy food.

‘Raf,’ my eyes widen in shock as he places it on my lap.

There are chocolate pancakes, raspberry yoghurt, cereal and an assortment of juices.

‘Did you make the pancakes?’

He nods eagerly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and looking at me expectantly.

Oh. Shit. He’s waiting for me to try them.

Taking a knife and a fork, I dig in, my stomach already grumbling at the sight of all these delicacies.

‘Well? How is it?’ he asks as I take the first bite.

The flavor immediately bursts on my tongue, and as I’m chewing I give him two big thumbs up.

He sighs in relief.

‘Good. That’s good,’ he mutters, more to himself.

‘You’re really outdoing yourself here,’ I praise as I continue to eat.

‘I’m just,’ he takes a deep breath. ‘I hate that this is happening to you. That you’re suffering so much a few days a month and…’ he trails off, a flash of hurt crossing himself.

‘And what?’ I urge quietly, putting the tray aside when I’m done.

He takes it from me, depositing it safely next to the other one.

Still, he has a hard time saying whatever is on his mind, so I reach out to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

‘I know I shouldn’t feel this way,’ he starts, and the words make me worry right away. ‘I know it’s not normal. But it always reminds me of what you went through. That…’ he trails off, swallowing hard.

‘That?’ I ask, meeting his gaze and recognizing the torment reflected there.

‘That someone abused you. That someone violated you and that…’ he pauses, his mouth a thin, tight line. ‘That you gave birth in inhumane conditions and that you suffered what no one, no one should ever have,’ he declares with so much intensity, my own heart squeezes in my chest.

‘Raf,’ I move closer to him.

‘You must think me insensitive,’ he continues, ‘perhaps mad. Here you are, in pain and with so many scars of the past and all I can think about is someone else touching you. Someone else…’ he averts his eyes, his fists clenched, his breathing labored.

My mouth hangs open as I register his words for the first time. Yet I can’t say anything. I can’t tell him what happened, and why I am the way I am. Not now, maybe never.

So I do the only thing I can.

I throw my arms around his broad shoulders, resting my head on his chest as I listen to the beats of his heart.

‘You’re not mad, or insensitive. Not when I’m the same,’ I admit bitterly. ‘I think of everything that happened with Armand and…’

‘With Armand it was different,’ he adds quietly. ‘I was out of it most of the time, so I only have a few memories of him actually raping me. But he only…’ he leans back, his eyes searching mine. ‘I’ve never told this to anyone before,’ he whispers in such a sad tone, I feel like ripping the world apart for what they did to him. Certainly, his brother is first on that list.

‘You can tell me anything. You know I wouldn’t judge you, or look at you differently.’

A tight smile appears on his face as he takes my hands off him, cradling them in his own as he slowly caresses my flesh.

‘Armand was married before. To a woman.’

I blink in confusion at that one piece of news.

‘He wasn’t gay. On the contrary, he despised the fact that I was a man and he did everything in his power to forget that, including having me dressed in certain ways,’ his voice thickens with the intensity of his emotions. ‘He thought I looked like his dead wife, so…’

‘So he used you as her replacement,’ I fill in the blanks.

Raf nods, a light film covering his eyes. Why did I ever think he moved on from that part of his life? Because the man in front of me, the man finally opening up…he’s also opening up a world of hurt in sharing his secrets with me.

And that hurts even more—knowing that he’s been burying this deep inside while putting on a happy face.

‘Blue, my darling Blue,’ I whisper.

‘But because I do remember some of those moments, I would never want you to experience it. In that respect, I truly wish your memory never came back. I don’t want you to suffer even more.’

I shake my head at him.

‘As long as you’re here with me, nothing can break me Raf. That’s the truth, the only truth.’

‘I’ll always be with you, pretty girl,’ he assures me as he takes me in his arms, holding me tight and swaying lightly with me.

‘Do you ever wonder how we would have ended up had we met back then? Had we gone on that date?’

‘All the time,’ he smiles against my cheek. ‘But it wasn’t our time. Who knows, I may have messed up everything with my low self-esteem and my poor mental health back then. I wasn’t a man worthy of you, Noelle. I don’t know if I am one now, but one promise I’ll always give to you is that I’ll do my best to be the man you deserve. To be someone worthy of you. I’ll work on that every day for the rest of our lives so you never doubt our relationship, our love, or my commitment to you.’

‘Sometimes you say the sweetest things, Raf,’ I smile though melancholy tugs at my heart.

‘These aren’t empty words. I am happy if you are happy. I know that sounds completely antithetical to someone who’s always lived for others. But trust me when I say this, living for you, with you, is living for myself for the first time in my life.’

Tears prick at my eyes as I burrow deeper in his embrace, so touched by his promises and his words, but also incredibly afraid for what the future holds for us.

Raf has never been able to see himself objectively, or even positively. Not like I see him. And because of that, he doesn’t realize that he is a much better human than I could ever aspire to be.

But I know.

I’ve always known.

The pain is manageable with the meds for the rest of the day. Raf is in and out of his office as he tries to wrap up his work faster, even though I tell him it’s not necessary. Still, he wants to be by my side at all times.

When he’s finally finished with all his conference calls, we settle in the living room, alternating between watching some movies and playing video games for old times’ sake.

I may be a little rusty in that department, but everything is so much fun that I quickly forget all about worries, the pain only a low echo in the background.

It’s a few days later when I’m well on my way back to normality that Raf announces we’re going out. Expecting another outrageous date idea—not that I’d mind it—he surprises me by saying we’re going to visit Vlad and Sisi.

‘Please tell me you’re not still jealous of Sisi,’ he murmurs softly when he sees my expression immediately sour.

‘It’s not that I’m jealous of her,’ I roll my eyes. And I’m not. Not really. I’m only jealous of the fact that she was there for him when I couldn’t—taking my place as his friend and confidante. Then there’s also the small fact that they almost got married, which also does nothing to improve my mood. ‘It’s just that I don’t want to imagine what would have happened if you’d have actually married her,’ I pout at him.

‘Noelle,’ he smiles, ‘pretty girl, we’ve had this conversation at least a hundred times. I never saw her as anything more than a friend. If we had married, it would have been one of in name only. She was still in love with Vlad and I… Well, I…’

‘Well?’ I raise a brow at him.

‘I was still hung up on you,’ he admits in a low voice. ‘I was so messed up after you stopped replying to me. Retrospectively, maybe I had my first heartbreak,’ he adds pensively, as if he’s just realizing that.

‘But heartbreak would mean you felt something for me. Something not quite platonic?’ I bat my lashes at him suggestively, waiting for the moment he finally recognizes we were meant to be—even then.

‘You’re right,’ he nods absentmindedly. ‘Maybe there was something more.’

He doesn’t elaborate further, simply turning to put on a light jacket while instructing me to do the same.

I narrow my eyes at him, giving him a look he doesn’t seem to notice. Eventually, I realize it’s a lost battle, and I simply put on my shoes as I get ready to leave.

Men!

Sometimes Raf can be a little too oblivious, and while most times it’s awfully cute and endearing, there are also those times, like now, when I’d like nothing more than jump on him and forcefully demand the words from his mouth.

But this is neither the time nor the place.

I need to put aside this obsession I have with his friendship with Sisi and treat it accordingly. After all, it is just a friendship. Especially considering the fact that Sisi is mindlessly in love with her own husband. Granted, that’s the only thing saving her from my wrath.

‘You’ve gone quiet,’ Raf mentions as he starts the car.

‘Oh, just woolgathering,’ I give him a dazzling smile.

I couldn’t very well tell him I was thinking of ways I would have ended Sisi if she hadn’t been already married and thoroughly devoted to her husband.

Raf always makes fun of my jealousy, thinking it’s cute.

News flash. It’s not.

I would kill someone who tried to make a move on him.

Sadly, he’s not ready for that type of truth, or realization.

And so I must count myself lucky for his tunnel vision and the fact that I’m simply untouchable in his mind.

A smile pulls at my lips.

I guess there are some good things about his obliviousness, too.

We chat amiably during the ride to Vlad’s place, and once we reach there I’m surprised at the size of the grounds. Though the house is located in Brighton Beach, it’s probably the biggest one in the area, having its own private beach, too.

‘So it’s just the two of them here?’ I ask Raf as he pulls into the parking lot.

‘No. They’ve taken in some kids they rescued from this awful experiment,’ he starts, explaining that they’d opened up an academy for the kids who had spent their entire lives in captivity, aiming to reeducate them about the world and give them a new purpose.

‘I think they have about ten living with them now,’ Raf mentions.

I nod appreciatively. That’s very kind of them, and I can’t help but be impressed that they’d dedicated themselves to helping the poor kids.

‘Oh, one more thing,’ he stops me right before we’re about to go to the door.

‘Hm?’

‘Remember the scandal with Sisi’s sister? They invited Venezia to stay with them for a while. Don’t mention anything about her and Michele. I want to approach her first and get her side before everything blows up.’

‘Why don’t I talk to her?’ I offer. ‘She’d be more willing to open up to a woman, don’t you think?’

He mulls it over, eventually agreeing.

‘Ok, we’ll do that. Just…make sure Vlad doesn’t hear of it. The last thing I want is for him to get involved and…’ Raf groans as he shakes his head.

‘Easy, Blue. If anyone heard you they might think you’re protecting your brother,’ I tease.

‘Noelle, not you too,’ he bemoans, and I chuckle.

Yet at the same time I store one more bit of information away. It seems I’m not the only one who thinks Raf isn’t exactly…revenge-focused anymore. Not that I mind it, since I don’t want him putting himself in danger by going up against Michele, who, by all intents and purposes, is capable of anything.

Yet something isn’t sitting right with me.

Maybe it’s the fact that, though Raf denies it, he doesn’t want to harm his brother—regardless of what Michele might have done to him.

Therein lies the source of my frustration.

Just thinking about the hell Raf went through because of Michele puts me in a very murderous mood. It’s not fair that he should get away just like that when Raf will have those awful memories forever.

Maybe Michele had gained a few sympathy points with me after I’d found out some of his past, but that doesn’t erase everything else.

At the end of the day, I’ll always put Raf first.

We barely make it to the door when it opens, Vlad’s form filling the entire frame, his eyes scanning us from head to toe before closing the door in our faces.

I blink, giving Raf an amused look

‘Is Raf here already?’ Sisi’s voice echoes from the hall.

‘Just the post,’ Vlad calls back, but not a second after the door is opened again, this time by Sisi.

‘You’re in big trouble, Vlad,’ she tells him, shaking her head. ‘I’m sorry about that. You know how he can get,’ she turns to us, beckoning us inside. ‘He’s like a big territorial dog that won’t let anyone come too close.’

‘Hey, I heard that,’ Vlad’s incensed voice resounds as he comes back. ‘You’re not being fair, hell girl.’

‘And you,’ she points her finger to his chest, ‘need to remember what we agreed on. Now be a good boy and don’t scare our guests off.’

Vlad mumbles something under his breath before he gives Sisi a dazzling smile.

‘Of course. Where are my manners. Welcome,’ he addresses us with so much fake enthusiasm we all start laughing.

‘Let’s move to the living room,’ Sisi motions to her right. ‘The house is a little quiet today since the kids are out on a trip with their teacher, so it’s only going to be us.’

‘I heard from Raf what you’re doing with the academy and I think it’s wonderful,’ I praise quietly as I take a seat by her side, purposefully or not putting myself between her and Raf. ‘It can’t have been easy to set everything up.’

Vlad is by Sisi’s side, still giving Raf semi-hostile looks, though at this point I’m unsure if it’s because he’s still hung up on the past, or he just likes to make people uncomfortable. I might go for the latter.

‘Oh, not at all. It’s been a work in progress. We have the original cohort that we saved, but we want to expand at some point. Isn’t that right, love?’ she reaches out to touch Vlad’s hand, almost as if she’s trying to calm a feral beast with her touch.

The effect is immediate. He blinks once before his entire face lights up in a smile.

‘Of course. We’ve been thinking of buying a much bigger location somewhere upstate and build everything from the ground up. Especially since we might need some…architectural gimmicks.’

For a while, the conversation centers solely on their academy and how they are currently running it. Sisi details their curriculum and the steps they’ve taken to rehabilitate the kids to be fit for society after the trauma and conditional learning they had been subjugated to.

Raf is right by my side, his hand around my midriff in an almost unconscious way that has my heart pounding in my chest with happiness.

Eventually, though, the discussion veers into more uncomfortable territory as Raf finally asks the question we were both curious about.

‘How is Marcello doing?’

‘Still locked up,’ Sisi purses her lips. ‘Lina and the kids are with Enzo for a bit while they figure things out since they’re worried about their security alone in the house. And as you know, Venezia is with us. It’s just horrible what happened with all of them at once.’

‘And it’s your brother’s fault,’ Vlad shoots, without minding his filter as I’ve come to expect of him.

I narrow my eyes at him.

‘Technically, he’s Sisi’s brother too,’ I point out.

‘Let’s not get into particularities,’ Sisi is quick to intervene, her hand on Vlad’s as she gives him a look that says behave. ‘It doesn’t matter whose brother Michele is because that doesn’t make him any less rotten.’

A look of guilt flashes across Raf’s face.

‘I’m not saying this to excuse Michele’s actions,’ he takes a deep breath, ‘but in his mind, he’s doing this all for a reason.’

‘Yes,’ Vlad rolls his eyes, ‘because he thinks Marcello killed Nicolo.’

‘Yes and no,’ Raf winces, and both Vlad and Sisi look at him expectantly.

Just at that moment, though, Venezia appears in the doorframe.

She’s wearing a long black dress coupled with black tights, her hair unbound and flowing beautifully down her back. She has a hesitant smile on her face as she enters the room, almost as if she’s waiting for permission.

Which Sisi immediately gives.

‘Do come in, Zia. Take a seat,’ she smiles at her sister.

Venezia nods, grabbing a chair and sitting across from all of us.

Having heard of her involvement with Michele, I can’t help but study her in an attempt to understand how that could have happened. She comes across as dainty—breakable. The opposite of Michele. And yet, maybe that was exactly what appealed to him about her.

‘You can talk, Raf,’ Sisi tells him. ‘Zia is aware of what is happening at the moment, especially since it affected her with those awful videos Michele spread,’ she winces when she sees Zia’s face fall.

It’s clear they only suspect Michele was the one who spread the videos, not the one who also acted in them.

‘Right,’ he mutters, giving me a look. ‘There are some things about Michele that you might not be aware. About why he’s doing this,’ he starts before recounting what had happened with Antonio Guerra who’d raped and abused Michele for more than a year before someone had intervened.

I furtively glance at Venezia, watching for her reactions. And sure enough, there they are. Subdued, but very much there.

‘He raped him?’ Vlad’s eyes widen.

‘Daily,’ Raf grunts. ‘Sometimes with other people, too.’

Zia’s hands clench around the material of her dress, her mouth parting as a soundless moan escapes her. She looks on the verge of tears, but she’d doing a good job of restraining herself.

‘What…’ Sisi’s hand flies to her mouth in horror.

Immediately, as if sensing her distress, Vlad is there with his touch, taking her hand in his and stroking her wrist with his thumb in circular, comforting movements.

‘So you see, Nicolo wasn’t just his biological father. As far as I understand it, he was the only one who was ever there for Michele. Which is why he’s willing to go this far.’

‘It doesn’t excuse his actions, but it does give a context for his behavior,’ I add.

‘I’m so glad Antonio is dead,’ Sisi shivers visibly. ‘I can’t believe anyone could be so…evil.’

‘I’m glad he’s dead, too,’ Raf nods. ‘I’m sure Michele was far from his only victim.’

‘That still doesn’t give us an idea of how to solve this. Save for killing Michele I don’t see a way out of this mess,’ Sisi mentions pensively.

Venezia reels back as if struck by something.

‘Kill him?’ she asks in a soft voice.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Sisi gives her a smile.

‘We’ll deal with everything, Z,’ Vlad nods at her.

But the assurances do nothing to calm her. In fact, she looks increasingly distraught.

And that’s when one thing becomes clear.

Venezia cares about Michele.

A lot.

I turn to look at Raf, and he noticed the same thing, tapping my hand lightly in a hidden signal.

The topic is soon dropped as Raf and Vlad get wrapped in their business talk.

It’s at this point that Venezia excuses herself as she more or less dashes out of the room.

‘She’s been very moody lately,’ Sisi sighs. ‘I don’t know how to help her anymore. She won’t tell us anything,’ she shakes her head. ‘We haven’t even been able to get the name of that boy she was seeing out of her, if you can believe that. Vlad did his best to investigate, but he came up empty-handed. I’m just…worried about her.’

‘Why don’t I try to talk to her?’ I offer, thinking this could be the perfect moment. ‘Sometimes, it’s easier to open up to a stranger than to someone close.’

Sisi considers this for a while before nodding.

‘It’s worth a try. The boys are busy anyway,’ she waves her hand at Raf and Vlad currently getting into a heated argument on some business venture. ‘Her room is on the second floor,’ Sisi instructs.

Getting to my feet, I give her a small smile as I head towards Venezia’s room.

The door is slightly ajar and before I get to knock, I hear a small sob.

‘Venezia,’ I softly call out, opening the door.

She whips around, wiping the tears off her face though the redness of her eyes betrays her.

‘Are you ok?’

‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she immediately replies, plastering a fake smile on her face.

Letting out a sigh, I close the door to her room, locking it.

Her eyebrows shoot up in question.

‘Can we talk?’

‘About?’ She frowns.

We haven’t interacted much before, so I see why this could come as a little sudden.

‘Michele,’ I simply say, and she immediately stiffens.

‘I… I don’t…’ she stammers in an attempt to find an excuse.

‘I know,’ I state carefully as I take a seat on her bed.

Her room is small but clean, with only a few items around. Certainly, it doesn’t look like a teenager’s room. And as I scan it, I’m struck by a certain item on her desk.

‘What do you know?’ she asks carefully, coming closer and seating herself across from me.

‘He took advantage of you,’ I start but she immediately shuts me off.

‘He didn’t. That is to say,’ she wets her lips, ‘it wasn’t like that.’

‘What was it like then?’

Her big eyes turn to look at me, and I note all those hidden emotions—the fear, the shame, and the longing. All sentiments I’m very familiar with.

‘Please don’t tell Sisi. Or Vlad. Or…anyone…’ she breathes out, her hands seeking mine in a small plea. ‘I don’t want anyone to know about us.’

‘Don’t worry,’ I assure her. ‘Only Raf and I know for now.’

Nodding to herself, she continues to bite her lip in anxiety.

‘He was my boyfriend,’ she finally admits. ‘For a time.’

‘But you know he must have gotten close to you on purpose. With hidden intentions,’ I measure my words so I don’t come across as accusatory. Not when it’s clear the girl is head over heels in love with him, and even now, after everything he’s done, her instinct is to protect him.

She gives a tight nod.

‘Then why are you defending him? Why keep this a secret?’

She doesn’t meet my eyes as her hands move lower, to her flat stomach. Still, her expression coupled with the protective way she’s holding on to her belly are enough to tell me everything I need to know.

‘You’re pregnant,’ I whisper, half in horror, half in awe.

‘Yes,’ she confirms. ‘And if anyone finds out…’ she shakes her head, a tear falling down her cheek. ‘I don’t want anyone to know Michele is the father, or that he has anything at all to do with this baby…’

‘You think they’d try to make you get an abortion?’

Somehow I doubt anyone in her family would do that.

‘I know they would,’ she releases a weary sigh. ‘They all hate Michele so much they would rationalize it as doing me a favor. They would assume, like you did, that he took advantage of me. I’m sure they would try to convince me that it wasn’t consensual when I know what happened—I was there for every step. I might have been naïve, but I wanted him. I…loved him.’

‘Venezia…’

‘Let’s not forget the other tidbit,’ she laughs nervously. ‘We’re technically related, aren’t we? Another reason why they would try to convince me to get rid of it, and I won’t. I won’t do it,’ she shakes her head vehemently.

‘You want this baby that much?’ I ask, even as the question burns on my tongue, memories of long ago surfacing in my mind and making me shake from too much bottled up emotion.

‘I love him. I loved…Michele,’ she pauses, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to find a modicum of calm. ‘But I know he never loved me back. But this baby… I love him,’ she simply states, and that’s reason enough for her to do whatever she can to protect him.

‘I’m sorry you have to deal with this,’ I give her a tight smile. ‘Anything you need, know I am here. Both Raf and I will be here to help you. If you want us to keep quiet about Michele, we will,’ I assure her, finally understanding her dilemma.

‘Sisi wants to take me to see a doctor soon. I won’t be able to hide my pregnancy for too long, but at least then she’ll still think it was some boy who got me pregnant. Not…’

Before she can complete her sentence, her hand goes to her mouth, her face scrunching up in discomfort as she dashes to the ensuite bathroom, closing herself inside.

Taking a deep breath, I stand up, going to her desk and the item that had caught my eye before.

Under a few other papers and books, only the corner and a signature are visible. But as I move the other items out of the way, it’s to see a drawing.

A drawing of a little girl wearing a pink dress, smiling brightly at the artist. And at the bottom…

From Michele to Venezia, the prettiest pink princess.

My eyes widen in disbelief. Hearing the water flush, I quickly take my phone out to snap a picture before I move the items back into their place and resume my spot on the bed.

‘Sorry about that,’ Venezia apologizes. ‘It happens more and more often these days. I don’t know how Sisi hasn’t figured it out already.’

‘But she will soon. What are you going to do, Zia?’

‘If Michele dies,’ her face tightens with pain, as if someone forcefully pulled those words out of her mouth. ‘If he’s dead, then no one will care about my baby. And no one will try to take him away from me.’

I ponder her words for a second.

‘Do you want him dead?’

She smiles wistfully.

‘Do I?’ she murmurs, suddenly looking far older than her age—certainly far more mature than anyone’s given her credit until now. ‘I reckon I do,’ she finally says, yet her gaze is distant.