SWNOVELS Chapter 36
“So, when do you move in?” Leila lounges across the bed in Jake’s old bedroom and takes a grape from the platter of food between us; snacks and sandwiches, including lots of fruit, courtesy of Mamma Carrero and her constant care.
Sylvana is the perfect host, and she’s been doting over me when the house is empty during the week when the men are at work or doing whatever the Carrero men do when not glued to their women folk. She enjoys my company, and Leila flew to see me when I finally drummed up the courage to tell her about the baby.
To say she was ecstatic is an understatement. The five-foot teddy bear suspended on helium balloons in the middle of the bedroom floor over the massive hamper of baby products was her arriving gift, humped in by two very good-looking men.
It’s been four days since the house viewing, and Jake had to go into the city to oversee some business details and deal with the house sale. He’s been gone two days, and it feels like an eternity without him here. Still not able to fly and still getting car sick means Jake has put me on a travel ban for the time being, and now I’m stuck here living in his old bedroom in the Carrero family home and twiddling my thumbs in boredom.
“I think Jake’s pushing for a quick sale. He has his lawyers tying things up already, and I know the Wilsons were ecstatic about him being interested in the house.” I imagine that Giovanni is applying pressure to his golfing partner to ensure his son seals the deal, and according to Arrick, Sylvana having us next door will make her year.
I have given up on contemplating my job and career for the time being, but it’s not something I will give up on completely to live the life of a kept woman. I intend to figure that out in time, but for now, being pregnant and enjoying being pampered no longer makes me feel guilty. Finally, resigning myself to the fact that this lifestyle is a part of being with him. My phone lights up across the bed, and I reach over, grabbing it to me impulsively.
Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift.
I start grinning, and Leila shakes her head at me. She knows the face that implies Jake has texted me, obvious glee because I miss him so much and have been acting like a teen girl with a mega crush the last few days. His back-to-back meetings mean he has only been able to text through the day and not call me much.
I flick it open and smile again, unable to conceal my joy and how my heart gets warm, gooey, and tingly.
Jake Carrero has sent you–Avril Lavigne’s “I Miss You.”
I chew on my lip as I waver whether I should reply with a song that once broke my heart or scroll for a new one. Maybe it’s time to make that song mean something else to us now; take away the pain I feel anytime I hear it on the radio or in passing. I push down the doubt with a slow inhale and send it on its way to him.
You have sent Jake Carrero–Avril Lavigne “When You’re Gone.”
Attached message – Erasing the past. Remember? E xx
I stare at my phone screen as my ‘gift’ slips away across the interweb to my awaiting love, hoping he remembers it. The special song I once sent in hopes of him figuring out how I felt and instead rejected me, and the words attached are his words at a new beginning so long ago.
Leila is completely immersed in a magazine, while I’m focused on the love of my life, amusing herself while
I’m distracted. Surprisingly patient for such a little firebomb of energy.
My phone flashes with a text, and this time it’s a message instead of a song, and again I can’t stop that heart-fluttering gooey response in me.
I’ll never let you go, baby. I’ll never let you walk away either. I would never be stupid enough ever to go down that route again. The past doesn’t matter, only what the future holds. I love you xxx. J
My Jake with his fast words that always sing to me, so in tune with everything I need to hear. My heart aches with his response, and a tear catches in my throat. I reply with a text and a song. A bright little smile stuck clearly on my face.
Avril Lavigne “Keep Holding On” … I love you more xxx.”
“You two are sickeningly cute, you know?” Leila is watching the obvious happiness spread on my face, thanks to Jake’s messages, and seems a little sad where love is concerned. I feel guilty for ignoring her and pull myself up to move closer to her, putting my phone face down on the bed so it won’t distract me if he replies. “Jake and his pushy one hundred mile-an-hour self.” Leila giggles, bringing us back to the conversation about the house and a quick sale now she has my full attention, and she pops another grape into her mouth. I beam as I think of him. I wouldn’t change him anymore; not even that part of him now I know where it stems from. Jake will always be pushy, bossy, and sometimes overbearing, but I’m sure I have equally bad traits, and I’m learning to counteract him in my own way. I love him regardless, and sometimes I even love those things about him.
“Pushy, impulsive, and spontaneous while I’m cautious, over aware, and over analyze.” I sigh and reach for a piece of fruit to pick at despite being full to bursting already.
“Perfect balance, babes … You need each other to even things out.” Leila grins at me knowingly, all hints of sadness now gone from that pretty face. I push more grapes into my mouth and smile at her observation.
I never thought of it that way.
“What about Daniel? Any word on that front?” Since Hunter started therapy, he’s been keeping out of the way, only calling Jake every couple of days, and Leila hasn’t mentioned him since her earlier arrival.
“One text … Telling me he was trying to figure things out and to give him time.” Leila shrugs and rolls on her back, avoiding my eye contact suddenly. “I told him I met someone else, so to push off.” She adds quickly and avoids even looking at me, lifting the magazine above her face as though she’s trying to read in that position.
“What? Why?” I sit upright a little too quickly, upsetting the tray on the comforter, sending grapes rolling everywhere, and eyeing her accusingly. She shrugs and pastes on the defiant furrow of her brows, which I can still see clearly from this angle.
“I told you I’m done waiting for him. Yeah, he’s finally in therapy … Bravo. But for how long? And how long before he doesn’t run a mile at any hint of real affection, Emma?” Leila sits up with a single tear in her eye. “He hurt me for the last time. Really hurt me. Why would I sit around waiting for something that may never actually happen? Therapy is a start, but it doesn’t mean it will change much.”
I must admit I didn’t see this coming at all. She has waited so long for some sort of real emotion from the guy, and now he’s doing something about it, she’s running the other way. I can’t help but wonder if Leila is now scared about the change in him and the possibility of more.
“I think he loves you, Leila … He’s doing this for you,” I try, but that stubborn lift of her chin and hardening of her soft face shuts me up.
“He should be doing it for himself. I don’t want that pressure.” A tear rolls down her cheek, and she brushes it away with an angry jut to her bottom lip. Inner Leila is always fighting to come out and push him away, pushing out the memory of heartbreak and any weakness concerning Daniel.
“Is there really someone else?” I push in a new direction. I know how she can be; the more you pry, the higher that defensive wall kicks in. Leila doesn’t do victim at all. In fact, she rarely does any sort of weakness.
“Kurt Robson … He’s followed me around for years. He’s like a little puppy dog, always trying to get my attention, and I figure maybe it’s time to let him try. He’d never hurt me. He’s safe, gentle, and kind and completely dotes on me.” She can’t look me in the eye, and I feel utter sadness for her. She’s running to safety, running to a man she doesn’t love because he can’t and never will hurt her.
“How do you feel about him?” I reach out and touch her fingers when I see that distant daydreamy look in her eye as her head gets lost in thought. No doubt, thinking about the one man she’s refusing to give any sort of chance to.
Oh, Leila!
“I’ll learn to love him. I mean, he’s sweet, handsome
and funny. He treats me nicely and never drops me like I’m an infectious disease. He doesn’t care about
my past. He’s calm and straightforward with no wild tendencies, the exact opposite of Daniel. It’s what I need.” She swallows the surge of emotion and pastes a bright smile on her face. Her eyes betray what’s coming from her mouth, but I let it go.