SWNOVELS Chapter 215
"You're all adults, Jake. Let the past stay in the past. Emma is here with you. You have all got to get it together, for the sake of these babies, they will be siblings after all."
Her comment hits me this time and I swallow hard, tears threatening. She's right, as much as this is killing me she's so very right; my baby has a sibling already and as much as I hate the girl in the next room I can't hate the part growing inside of her that belongs to Jake. His eyes on me as I stare at my stomach and a tear rolls down my cheek involuntarily.
"Go see her, Jake. I'll be upstairs." I pull out of his arms and head away, but he catches me and hauls me back against him, lifting my face to his with that no-nonsense expression set in.
"Hell. No." He kisses me gently on the nose and wipes my face with his thumb, keeping me close, reassuring me with his hold. "I'm sorry, Mamma, but I'm not changing my mind in this. Emma is my priority. If Marissa wants to talk, then fine, let her hang around or come back later. But right now, I'm taking Emma upstairs and I won't be down until she's ready to come with me. The pregnancy is making her ill and she needs rest. She needs me beside her to take care of her like I promised I would always do." His eyes are steady on mine, so much transpiring in those green depths. He's making a stand, showing me that no matter what it's always me first, and whether I knew it, it's what I needed and I'm grateful for the way the pain in my heart let's go a little.
"I knew I raised you right." Sylvana smiles, patting his shoulder. "Marissa can come back for dinner and you'll talk to her before she leaves. I'll send food to your room if you prefer not eating with her but at some point, you'll sit down and be adults. Enough of all this foolishness now." Jake grits his teeth and narrows his eyes before he finally nods.
"Fine. I'm sure we can all handle dinner without anyone throwing a few steak knives." His jaw is still rigid and his body still solid. He may be agreeing but he's not happy in the slightest.
I really hope the glance at me was not in any way related to his comment.
Although, come to think of it, I better make sure he removes anything sharp if I'm to sit at dinner with her.
I don't have a clue about how I'm going to handle this.
"Good. Now go. I'm being extremely ignorant leaving her this long. Go to your room, it's all made up." She smiles, waving us off, then bustles away toward the long wide marble corridor leading to the family room. Jake leads me up the long sweeping stair before pulling me into our room and into his arms.
"Are you okay? About all of this I mean?" He looks worried. No. He looks scared and it only makes me love him more.
"No ... Not really, but your mom's right, Jake. This isn't about any of us anymore." I hate that I'm even agreeing to it, agreement doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell, but here we are. Being pregnant has changed my outlook so much in such a short time despite the fact I don't even know how to accept it. Maybe it's an internal maternal change but I'm thinking about Marissa's child and suddenly I don't want to be the bad guy in this. I don't want to be the bitch that shuns a child because she can't handle the relationship between her boyfriend and his ex.
Jake is pensive, his fingers tangling in my hair and his forehead resting against mine; sighing as he finds solace
in me.
"I love you. I don't want you upset." He sighs. "I don't want you looking at her and thinking about..." He closes his eyes, the regret shining all over his face. I can't say I'm not thinking the same thing, but this is how it is.
"I'm not going to leave you again if that's what you're worried about," I reassure him, and he opens one eye to look at me then the other.
"Promise?" His boyish smile followed by a tentative kiss on the lips, soft and gentle, everything I need right now. I sigh against him and let him pull me out of my own head.
"I promise." I try a smile and fail. I may be saying the right thing but I'm not feeling it. I'm overemotional and just a slight bit insecure. Nerves getting the better of me, yet all that aside I do mean what I say. He's stuck with me, whether he still wants it or not, I'm not going anywhere without him ever again.
"Breathe, bambino." Jake's mouth comes to my cheek in a soft peck from behind; his hands on my shoulders as I stand smoothing down my dress in the mirror. It's late and we've been up here for a couple of hours. I slept a lot and we laid together just talking, while watching daytime TV, about everything and nothing. Idle chit chat and jokes; Jake trying his hardest to just make this feel normal. Neither of us wanting to acknowledge that she is going to be under the same roof soon enough. Neither of us wanting to talk about anything to do with her. I would be happy with never talking about what he did ever again.
I am so ravenous for food, but I know she's down there somewhere; I'm about to lay eyes on her for the first time since he touched her. I gulp softly and quell the nerves running through my stomach which are causing a swirling ache of nausea.
"I'm okay." I try to reassure him, even though I'm far from it. I smile back at him from our reflection. I'm looking better, less pale, no more rosy cheeks from a high temperature. My black shift dress clinging in all the right places and my flat pumps making me a little less formal. I look right for a dinner in a family home; just not right to face the woman who is crazy in love with my Jake. The woman he betrayed me with not so long ago and my stomach lurches with a stab of pain.
"You look beautiful. Sexy ... Fuckable." Jake grins, kissing me on the neck, burying his face against me and smelling me. I close my eyes.
He always knows what to say and how to touch me.
That familiar ache in my lower abdomen stirs that I get frequently, any mention of sex or gentle kisses or caresses, especially my neck and I yearn for him. It's been too long, and I find myself salivating over him, more and more, with every passing day. He's just too damn masculine and utterly devastating to not want to be nakedly entwined with him. Just looking at him walk across a room in casual or formal clothes could send any woman's heart racing, let alone someone who knows what those hands and that body are capable of. I am seriously craving everything he could do to me right now while watching him in the mirror.
Jake is right though, something inside of me isn't ready and I'm not there yet. He never gives any signs of getting beyond kissing and cuddling, my lower body seems completely off limits to him. When he touches me anywhere below my waistline, hips are all he will put his hands on, except my abdomen where our baby lies.
"Ditto." I smile, devouring him visibly in his fitted navy shirt under a dark gray tailored suit, collar open as always, lacking a tie. He looks dressed for more business dinner rather than family meal, but I know he's conveying a message. This dinner will be all business while Marissa is at his mother's table. He told me his mother wants to be involved, to try to mediate the situation he's been failing to get on top of for weeks. In a way, I feel better knowing she'll be there for support. Sylvana, with her flawless grace will bring a presence to be table that will, maybe, finally, get Marissa to agree to set terms and stop the emotional tug of war and manipulative moves.
The problem is simple. Marissa is still in love with Jake so she's not going to stop trying to maneuver this situation her way. She obviously figures that baby means leverage, and after Jake kissed her, she thinks she has a chance of getting him back. She clearly has no clue to the meaning behind his kiss. To her it was a glimpse into the problems in our relationship and maybe a hint that he still wanted her. I have no doubt her showing up here is because she thinks she can push Jake's mother to her side once more. I know back as a teen she was a regular in this house and she's angling to get back in.
I watch him move back to fix his hair, his gaze over my head in the mirror as he expertly styles it with his fingertips. He looks adorable when he's doing simple things like this. Young and effortlessly sexy. I can't deny that with every passing day I'm starting to learn how to forgive him, a tiny bit at a time, and it's starting to hurt a little less intensely. Looking at him now there's none of the carnage I felt in those first few days, none of the confusion I used to feel when stood close to him.
I know he doesn't still have feelings for her. Finally, that inner insecurity, in the last few weeks, somehow has shaken itself free; in every look he turns my way, with every touch and every word out of his mouth. Jake loves me, really, really loves me. In the way that I love him. A fully encompassing and world changing, blow your mind kind of love. Marissa never stood a chance with him. That kiss meant nothing, and I am not going to let it hurt me, or us, anymore. The attention he continually shows to our unborn baby is like a final sign that I am everything to him and our life together will always be his soul focus.
He catches my eye in the mirror and smiles at me, that sexy natural slight flex he throws me every time we look at each other. My heart lurches a little and skips a beat. Jake could always say so much with a look, maybe because I know him so well and am tuned into him on another level. In one look, he's telling me everything I ever need to know, and he means it; telling me I look beautiful and he's completely in love with me. He's giving me courage.000