The Broken and the Dead

When the sun forced me to open my eyes they felt like they were full of sand.

“About time.” Tucker said.

He was sitting in the shade of one of the umbrellas and was drinking water from a 2 liter soda bottle.

“You look like crap old man.” I said.

He snorted, “Well, I feel worse.” He said.

I found that pretty funny and I chuckled quietly. I looked over to Lucy and Gina, they were splayed out on a pallet of blankets, sleeping in the shade of another umbrella. A desk top oscillating fan was keeping them cool. Thank God for solar panels I thought.

“I thought it was supposed to be fall?” I said, not really asking the question.

“Yeah, seems more like the fourth of July than almost October” Tucker agreed.

We sat and watched the girls sleep, every once in a while one of them would groan or cry out, my heart wept for them. It wasn’t fair, we struggle, bleed and die fighting the monsters but people still have time to inflict even more pain on one another. Tucker was forcing fluids and his hands were trembling. He looked like he was going to doze off so I kicked his foot.

“Hey, wake up jarhead.” I said with a bit of sarcasm.

He laughed and adjusted himself a little.

“I was more teacher than soldier you know.” He said with a bit of slur in his voice.

I nearly called him a liar but I settled for “Bullshit.” He laughed again

“No, really I was only in the Corps for few years I taught high school math, physics, and biology for 15 years, and low level calculus and comp science for more than twenty.”

“I thought you were a hot shot special forces or something.”

I said a small smile on my face.

“Who me? Why would you think that?”

His words were slow, he was taking a breath between each one, damn hard to understand. Tucker was dying.

“Hey!” I kicked his boot again, “stay awake killer.”

He shook his head and took another drink of water. He looked at me, “I’m sorry John, I don’t think I have much...”

“Screw you Tucker.” I said interrupting him.

“You made a promise you jerk, and I’ll be damned if you are going to get out of it so easily.”

I half laughed, I must be channeling my mother or something.

“I can’t, I’m so tired.” he said.

“Damn it! I said, I got up and shoved him back up into a sitting position.

“What?” he rumbled.

“There are monsters out there Tucker.”

I sat next to him and kept him from falling over.

“Monsters in black armor and monsters that look like us, you, God damn it, are our monster.”

I shook him again,

“Our monster and we need you and you don’t get to die, not yet.”

He nodded “okay, okay” he said.

I had to keep him talking. “Tell me about your kids Tucker, tell me about your kids.” I said.

He nodded and smiled “Great kids, love them so much” he was interrupted by a coughing fit but then he continued, “Smart and strong, each so unique, but so...”

He started to doze off again so I shook him awake and he seemed to pick up mid-sentence,

“…wanted my life to mean something, something for them.”

“You are an ass” I said, “You had it all and when your wife got fed up with your crap and left, you buried yourself away and waited to die.”

He harrumphed but didn’t disagree. I was running out of things to keep him going, it shocked me that he was so broken, broken inside and out and for a long time before the crap hit the fan, but the truth was we needed him.

Suddenly Karen cried out,

“They’re coming! They’re coming!” I looked at her and she was jumping up and down, she was waving her arms at them but suddenly she stopped.

“What?” I asked.

I scrambled up to stand next to her. Only the MRAP was slowly creeping up the drive and it was a wreck. There was no sign of the Humvee. Smoke was billowing from under the hood and it looked like it had been beaten with an ugly stick. No one was at the machine gun mount and big chunks of armor had been peeled away, the massive gashes revealed its’ interior.

“Oh my God” Karen said and she darted down the stairs, I followed her. I was relieved to see that Tucker was crawling over to wake the girls. What a schmuck I thought as I hit the stairs.

The doors were open by the time I got there, I saw Mrs. Driscol leaning into the back and Karen was helping her.

“Elaine? Elaine?”

I called for her then ran around to the other side, frantically looking for her. I ran into Mrs. West, her head was wrapped in a bloody bandage and her upper arm was dressed the same way.

“Johnny.” She said quietly.

“NO!” I screamed I tried to get past her to find my sister I pushed Mrs. West out of the way.

“Elaine?”

I heard Mrs. West, her voice was quiet and strong but not unkind.

”She isn’t here John, she didn’t make it.”

“You are a liar!” I yelled.

She put her hands on my shoulders,

“John, we three are all that is left.”

I tried to get away, I hit her again and again until she pulled me to her and held me and didn’t let me go, she was saying something but I don’t recall what it was. She ran her fingers through my hair. I don’t know how long I stayed like that but it was long enough to get Deputy Weir inside and for Mrs. Driscol to find the field surgery kit and for her and Karen get to the roof.

How long she held me I don’t know but it was long enough that I didn’t think I had any tears left. Somehow we ended up on the front steps, and Mrs. West was still holding me, not speaking just humming a song that sounded sweet and a little like a lullaby.

“You ready to go inside?” she asked.

I nodded; she took a bandana from a pocket, wet it with her mouth and started to wipe the tear stained dust from my face. I was so much in shock I just let her do it. She helped me up and we went inside.

To my surprise Tucker was on one of the couches. How they got him downstairs I don’t know. Gina and Lucy were on another with Amy, they were awake but had their heads in her lap and Amy was gently running her fingers through their hair just like Mrs. West had done for me. . I could tell they all had been crying, except for Tucker of course, who was unconscious. We sat on a third couch even though its stuffing was poking out of a dozen bullet holes. Karen was in the kitchen, so Mrs. West went to help her, Deputy Weir was on the roof. So Amy, Lucy, Gina, West, Weir, Tucker, Karen and I were all that was left. I didn’t think I could bear it. I shut my eyes and went to sleep.

It was early afternoon when I awoke I looked around, Mrs. West was gone but had been replaced in the chair opposite me by Deputy Weir, fast asleep. He had a huge bandage on his left cheek and another above the left eye. He was asleep and I could see a scratch on the eyelid connecting the two bandages. A millimeter from losing an eye or worse, I shook my head.

“Morning.” Mrs. Driscol said from behind me.

I sat up and saw her finishing up something on a still sleeping Tucker.

“Hi Mom” I said, it wasn’t until I said it did I cringe. She just smiled as she dropped a bloody bandage into a pail.

“Has he been asleep the whole time?” I asked.

“For the most part.” She answered. “He did wake up long enough to tell me he would be dead if not for you.”

I shrugged.

She sat there a minute more then asked

“Were you the one that treated his wounds?”

I shook my head no then said that it had been all Tucker. She sighed

“I thought not, I didn’t think you would be stupid enough to try and super glue a 6 inch cut like that.”

She had a strange smile and it made me smile too. She had just called Tucker stupid. The wounds on his thigh were not so bad though, shotgun pellets?” I shrugged again. She kind of laughed,

“Apparently he tried to get them out with a pair of needle nose pliers and made a total mess of things. I finished them up, and put some stitches in for him.”

I looked at Tucker he was still pale but his breathing was more regular.

I asked about the ambush, she sighed and looked away then said

“We decided that when we could we would all sit down and trade stories, no one wants to tell them more than once I suspect.”

I nodded.

“Looks like you had a tough time too.” she added.

I nodded again. Amy changed the subject.

“Tucker nearly bled to death because he was too proud or too stupid to ask for help.”

I didn’t say anything so she asked

“How did he get stabbed?” she asked.

“I don’t know, the kitchen?” I guessed.

“Ahh, the kitchen. It was pretty bad in there it seems.”

I looked at her strangely then asked

“Why do you say that?”

“All the blood; even the grout is a rusty brown, the wrecked cabinets and island, the bullet holes, stuff like that.” She said.

“He wouldn’t tell me what happened in there.” I added.

After a bit I got up and went towards the kitchen; I saw Lucy and Gina in the dining area, they were on their knees on the floor working really hard on something. I walked over to them;

“What are you guys doing?” I asked.

Neither looked up, Gina said “Important work.”

Lucy added “Yep important work. THE most of all.”

Gina said “Yep. THE most of all.”

As if I was supposed to know what that meant, I moved around to see what exactly what it was. There were crayons all over the place and on a piece of poster board they were drawing most detailed portraits of our dead. I almost broke into tears, they were all there. Everyone we lost, I could easily recognize them, they were standing in two rows, one above the other, holding hands like paper dolls, and they all were smiling. Mom and Dad, Mrs. Hartly, a man I somehow knew was Gina’s father, Jordan, Billy, Elaine, Kyle, the Livingstons, Rico, Lieutenant Klein, Janey, and on and on. The girls were drawing flowers all around the outside edge. I saw that Lucy’s tongue was poking out the side of her mouth and Gina’s eyes were nearly crossed with the effort.

“This is THE important ‘I LOVE YOU’ picture.” Gina said.

“Yep, that is what it is, we can say ‘I love you’ every day.” Lucy added.

“Yep, every day.” Gina stated with conviction.

“Gina, who told you about THE important ’I love you’ picture?” I asked.

“Lucy tolded me” she answered.

“Lucy? Lucy who told you?” I asked.

She sighed then said as if I was an idiot

“Karen tolded me, but everyone knows about THE important.”

Emily echoed “Yep, everyone knows about THE important.”

I smiled and just said “Yep.”

And with a heavy heart but a real smile on my face I walked away and silently vowed to kiss Karen the instant I next saw her.

The kitchen was empty but it was apparent someone had tried to clean it up, Amy or Karen I thought, maybe both. I found some scraps in a pail, picking it up I went out the back and up the hill to the Before. It was still there, this time it was pacing, circling the perimeter of its cage. When I entered the clearing it started to charge but it seemed to draw itself up short when it recognized me. It seemed confused then it walked on its all fours over to its food bowl and knelt there on its knuckles, knees and toe claws.

“Hey there.” I said.

“Whirrr*click*” it responded.

I pushed the pieces of chicken, steak fries, and cabbage leaves through the chain link and into its bowl.

“Whirr*buzz*click”

I stepped away and sat down in my usual place it started to eat. As it ate I swear it was purring, well purring the way a giant cockroach would but purring never the less. I told the Before about the battle and the deaths. It took me a second to realize that it was finished eating and that it was sitting and listening to my tale of agony and loss. It blinked at me, twice. Those weird four part, boney eyelids moving in and out; clicking eerily, like the lens of a camera each time. I know it didn’t understand the words but maybe, just maybe it understood pain.

I smiled at it, it rose and went inside the back of the trash truck, and I heard the click and the splash as it emptied its bowels out of my sight. What the Hell? It hopped back down and wandered over to its water bucket and drank. When it did I gasped, its exoskeleton was nearly healed, new shiny material stood out sharply against the slightly duller stuff surrounding it. I told the Before that I would be back and went back down the hill to the lodge.

Once back in the kitchen, I saw Mrs. West and Karen were putting a bunch of edible things on a tray, lots of things from the fridge and several cans and an opener.

Mrs. West said “A bullet must have clipped a Freon line, the fridge is gone.”

I didn’t answer her yet, I was on a mission. I set my rifle down, crossed the room and spun Karen to me and kissed her. Her arms slowly went around me and her hands ended in my hair. God I loved her.

“Ah, uh hum.” Mrs. West let us know she was still there.

Karen was blushing furiously and it darkened the bruise on her face.

“What was that for?” Karen asked.

I went back picked up my rifle and said

“Two reasons. First, for THE ‘I love you’ picture for Gina and Lucy.”

I started to leave when Karen said

“Wait you said there was a second reason.”

I turned back to her.

“Because we might die any moment and I need you to know that I love you.”

I got the Hell out of there before they could see the color flee from my face and to make sure I didn’t throw up in front of them.

I took a two hour turn on over watch; Amy, Mrs. West, and Karen started to sort through the things in the school bus. They put the things in three piles as they took each one out of the bus. They were pretty clever entering through the folding door at the front then exiting the rear emergency exit. In the pile that contained a couple of cases of MREs I noticed what appeared to be a radio that was an exact copy of the one we left at the post office. I realized that it probably was the one from the Post Office.

Amy and Karen started to carry things from the two of the piles inside while Mrs. West started to carry the things from the last to the trash ravine. Mrs. West was just finishing when Deputy Weir relieved me, he said that everyone was going to be in the great room; he said he had already heard about our battle from Tucker and sure didn’t need to hear about it again. I nodded and headed downstairs. I was the last one to arrive, and everyone else was sitting in chairs and couches that made a rough circle around the fireplace. I sat next to Karen who smiled at me then promptly stood and spoke;

“Everyone, before we start I would like to thank Lucy and Gina who have worked all day with only one short cookie break to finish a very important project”

Lucy nodded her head seriously “THE important project!”

Gina added “Yep, THE important picture project.”

Both girls nodded vigorously and stepped forward the picture held between them like a banner. Karen took and shook both their hands very officially. Everyone was silent as she placed the poster board on the mantle over the fireplace. The trinkets that had been there had been moved. Nothing would distract from THE important project. We stared at it for a minute then I jumped a bit when Tucker started to clap, slowly at first then faster and soon we all were applauding the two little girls, for their courage, for their effort and for the sweet memories we now had in front of us. Amy wrapped them up in her arms and kissed them both, both girls were silent and blushing furiously. For once Lucy didn’t have to say anything. She patted them on the bottom and they ran off towards the dining room where snacks had been prepared in advance for them. They did not need to hear what was to come next.

Karen sat down, there was no leader after that, and Mrs. West asked if we would tell our story first. We started with their early morning departure and included every detail we could about how their friends had died. Karen told them how we had made it to the blind and the fight between Mr. Livingston and Mr. Lowe and the bikers. I told them about us being chased and how we ended returning back to the side of the building after the explosions that Tucker had made. Tucker admitted that two of the first six were not dead when he got to them, he said he used his knife to cut their throats. It was just me, Karen, and Tucker so there were things that we could only guess about, like how Mrs. Boudreaux and Mrs. King died in the kitchen. Tucker said that they were dead when he shot the first man coming out of the kitchen. He spoke in a way that seemed as if he were talking to himself, as if he were just confessing to a priest or something. He held his forehead in his right hand, veiling his eyes, as he told us what happened.

“The man I shot wasn’t dead, but he was pretty bad off. When I followed him in I saw Mrs. Boudreaux was dead and the meat cleaver in her hand said she didn’t just give up.”

He paused and swallowed hard but when he continued his voice was flat and all facts again;

“Mrs. King was on the table, one of them was stabbing her over and over, I don’t know how many times but he had to be crazy because she had been dead a long time. He looked at me…”,

Tucker tried to regain his composure.

“He laughed.”

He said then his jaw clenched a bit before he continued again.

“l fired at the other guy, well, kid really, he was standing off to one side and he looked like he would rather be anywhere else. He was maybe 19, he had bright blue eyes, and there were tears on his cheeks. I raised my revolver and shot him between at the bridge of his eyes.”

Tucker picket up a small bottled water and took a drink then continued

“The knife guy tackled me, I dropped my gun but he was much smaller than me so I was able to slam him against the china cabinet but I lost hold of him. He scrambled away and held the knife in a way that made me think he had done this before.”

Again, Tucker paused and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I picked up a pan from the stove, apparently they had been heating cooking oil for something, I used it like a back hand from a tennis pro and the hot grease sprayed over his face, he screamed when it made contact with his face. I charged him and when I landed on him he couldn’t see but he was still able to drive that knife of his into my thigh.”

He stopped then he finished it quickly as if the words were sour in his mouth, “I beat his head with the frying pan until the …<mutters>… till the brains came out.”

He was done talking, I knew that so I took it up from there, I told about how Karen had gotten the bruise from her own shotgun; and then Karen told what we found in the room upstairs and how we ended up trapping the remaining bikers up on the roof, the deal we worked out. I took over and finished by telling how I had distracted them and how Tucker had gone to the roof and shot them as they tried to escape.

Mrs. West was silent, she just looked sad. Amy got up and sat on the floor next to Tucker where he was stretched out on one of the couches. There was no recriminations, no anger, nothing, just acceptance. It made me sick. I couldn’t help but imagine that dude in the kitchen, standing there with tears in his eyes and Tucker doing what he said he did. I imagined the bikers on the ground begging to be spared as he cut their throats like he was slaughtering hogs. But I was mostly mad at myself because I realized that I didn’t really care. I was just trying to find a reason to be made at Tucker.

Mrs. West began their story.

“We made good time after we left, we arrived at the mining warehouse before 10. We found a case of dynamite but only one detonator and what we found out later was just barely enough cord.”

Amy said “we were in good spirits, serious but looking forward to striking back.”

We waited for ten full seconds before Mrs. West continued,

“We arrived at the ambush site at 3:30 and we started to set up. Lieutenant Klein was amazing she was everywhere, she helped Deputy Weir find a sniper spot and got him camouflaged, she helped Rico set up the machine gun and she got Elaine and Kyle set up on the ridge on the East, it over looked the field and there was an old shed that offered them a hiding place until everything went off. We set up just like we planned, no, better than we had planned.”

Mrs. West looked at Amy who agreed.

“Yeah, that’s right, we took advantage of the… what’s the word? Terrain? Things that didn’t show on the maps. I helped Rico and the Lieutenant to place the dynamite and the claymore, well, actually they did it, but I ran the detonation cords to where Kelsey was going to be. She was not far from the MRAP. We ...”

Amy stopped and Mrs. West took over,

“We didn’t know what was going to happen.”

“By 5:30 we were all ready and hidden. By 5:45 the monsters started to show up.”

Mrs. West said but I interjected

“When the Before showed up.”

Everyone looked at me strangely and suddenly I felt stupid but I explained that they needed a name that while they are monsters now, they used to be people before, so that’s what I named them.”

I expected everyone to laugh but Mrs. West just nodded and went on;

“By 5.45 the first Before started to show up. I don’t know why I thought they would all arrive together, but they didn’t. They came from all directions, like when they leave a humming circle they spread out and do their search and somehow end up back together at the next humming place.”

“It was 6:00 on the dot when the last few started down the hill to the circle.” Amy said. Mrs. West added “I had never seen that before, even though Mr. Tucker had described it to me. It was incredible, like black petals on a flower they radiated out from the center.”

Lieutenant Klein said that when she and Rico opened up, everyone should too, and Kelsey should set off the explosives.”

Amy said “Right when they started to hum, Rico started firing and so did everyone else, bits of exoskeleton were going ever where, it was like many of our shots just took chips off of them.”

Mrs. West said “Then the claymore and the dynamite, but not all the dynamite had gone off. Only about a third of it, something went wrong with the rest.”

They told us how the Before started to focus in on where the gunfire was coming from and how they started to hop like giant black grass hoppers and how fast they were. They told us how Kyle and my sister were the first to go, they had a group of four that had started towards them on the ridge, they took them apart, but they didn’t see another group of four that circled and took them from behind. They said that Kyle and Elaine had died quickly but I didn’t know if it was true or not but I choose to believe it. I hoped it was true.

There was a pause then Amy took a breath and continued.

“Rico lost it when Elaine was killed and he actually stood up and started towards the Before, firing the S.A.W from the hip, he was yelling, screaming, not anything in particular, just his rage. The Lieutenant tried to get him to stop, Mrs. West tried, but he was out of control. He walked into the main group, maybe 25 of them. He blasted several of them into bits before the Before finally tore him to pieces. The fight went on, at least another 30 minutes, they told us how Amy moved the MRAP closer to Weir’s position and provided cover to Kelsey. The damn bugs tried to cut their way in to reach us. We fired through the gashes they made in the armor. They got on the roof, they climbed under us, I guess that’s how they damaged the engine, causing an oil leak.”

They both stopped talking then, I knew what was coming next was something they would have to live with.

“Kelsey got excited, she said she could see that the blasting cap had been pulled from a bundle of dynamite and that the cord had come apart there stopping the charge from reaching the rest of the dynamite. , she started to run for it, to insert the little metal thingy, the blasting cap, to put it back. There was no way she was going to make it then suddenly Janey was there, she had gotten out of the MRAP and was using the Thompson to cover Kelsey. They ended up together, side by side as Kelsey got the metal bit back where it was supposed to be and twisted the wires back together. That’s when I saw that she had carried the detonator with her, she had known there was no way she was ever going to get back to the MRAP. She had known that.”

Amy’s voice drifted away, like smoke on a dying fire. Mrs. West took over.

“When Janey’s magazine ran empty, they were covered in Before, and then the explosion that left very little behind, and then another and another and another explosion. If they had all gone off as planned then things would have been very different.”

Amy said there were a handful left, most of those were wounded but it took another half hour to kill the last of them. Weir was hurt, the monsters, the Before were dead so that was it, West, Driscol and Weir.

We all sat there for a long time in silence, I looked up at THE very important project and smiled. I could see them every day. Lucy and Gina were brought back in and everyone made over them. It seemed to please them so much, I held Karen’s hand in front of everyone, which seemed to please Karen. Later a stack of MRE’s were brought out along with some canned mixed fruit and we all ate. Mrs. West went up to relieve Deputy Weir. Karen and I played a game of cards that Lucy claimed was called “Viking Boat” and that apparently only Lucy and Gina knew the rules to. I did find out that if you had some cards in your hand and that if the ones on the ends were spades and the ones in the middle were diamonds then that was a Viking Boat. But most of the rules continued to change periodically. Needless to say Gina and Lucy won.

I watched Amy talk quietly to Mr. Tucker and she even held his hand and he didn’t pull it away. I thought briefly about how short our life expectancy was, but I wasn’t afraid to die, not anymore. I realized that whatever time we had left, we had to experience it as fully as possible. We needed to cram 60 or 70 years of life into a few weeks, maybe if we were lucky a few months.

Later Karen and I took Lucy and Gina up to Mrs. Driscols room and put them in her bed. Karen and I pulled a mattress into there too. We slept next to each other all night long, I have to tell you something; until that night I had never seen Karen, or anyone else for that matter, wearing an oversized “Free Leonard Peltier” tee-shirt and white cotton panties before. If you haven’t, pray you get the chance because in my honest opinion there is nothing more beautiful.