The Broken and the Dead

I awoke alone in the overstuffed chair to sound of pots and pans clanging in the kitchen. I stretched and reached for my rifle which was right where I had left it but sitting on the chair next to it was a little box. I looked around but Mrs. West was nowhere to be seen. I picked it up and something rattled inside; I was curious as heck but for some reason I was hesitating. I was startled by the voices in the kitchen; apparently Mrs’ Boudreaux, Livingston, and King were debating if green beans and potatoes for breakfast should include a healthy dose of bacon fat and salt or not. I turned back to the box and opened it; inside I found a framed photo of a family on a beach, the waves crashing in the distance behind them. The three little kids were being wrapped up in the arms of their smiling parents. The father was wearing a military uniform, the kind that pilots or air force people wore. He was tall and had square jaw that you usually see on comic book heroes. The mom was hugely pregnant, her long, black hair was blowing in the wind and she was using one hand to try and control it. Her smile was huge, her eyes were sparkling and the joy in her was obvious. It was Mrs. West.

Under the picture was a note, I unfolded it and read it quietly to myself:

“Johnny, I wanted to thank you for sitting with me, and I want you to know that I think you are brave and strong, I just hope you can still find joy and love too. The world does not need to be balanced on your shoulders alone, you have friends who love you and will help you if you just ask. Lastly I am hoping you will keep the picture for me, it is my most treasured possession.”

It was signed Diane West.

I folded the note and put it in my breast pocket, I put the photo back in the box and not having any better place for it I unbuttoned my shirt and slipped it inside. I would put it in my room after breakfast, but first I absolutely needed to find out the answer to the great bacon fat debate so I headed into the kitchen.

I was surprised to find Deputy Weir there, since he normally took the early morning over watch and would still be up there. He raised his ever present mug of coffee to me in greeting then as if reading my expression said

“Vernon said he would cover my watch and get with you and the others to cover watch until we get back.”

He looked a little embarrassed as if he should be able to be in two places at the same time or something. I nodded, then grabbing a plate and checking the big serving bowl on the table discovered that bacon fat won.

The mood had darkened since the previous day, the MRAP and the Humvee were out front and Lieutenant Kline was making sure everything was be loaded, checked and rechecked. When she finished that she did it again. She checked with Tucker to make sure the target was still moving in the predicted path, the she would meet with small groups and with a map make them recite where they were supposed to be, what they were supposed to do. Then she would go over different scenarios; what if this happened, what if that. She was giving me a headache but her professionalism was impressive. She made sure that everyone knew that if she or Rico blew their whistle then it was bug out time. No questions asked just run to the MRAP and if that was over run then to get to the fall back where they would stash the Humvee. Heck I wasn’t even going but by lunch I think I knew where everyone was supposed to be and what they were supposed to do.

Mrs. Livingston made a plate for the Lt. and asked Karen to take it to her since she hadn’t come in for lunch. When Karen came back in I walked over to her and asked how she was doing, she looked at me with a “you gotta be kidding me” look. Karen turned and started to walk away so I repeated my question. Karen stopped and answered my question with her own

“And how is Kelsey?”

“Okay I guess do you want me to go ask her?”

I asked not really understanding her question. Karen turned back to me and as she put her hands on her hips she said

“Oh, you would love that wouldn’t you?”

I responded with my most articulate and intellectual “What?”

She got a snarky look and then spat

“Oh come on, any excuse for you to glue your eyeballs on that over endowed college cheerleader Barbie Doll will do, won’t it?”

I felt that my head was splitting,

“Ummm, what is a ...” I began.

“Don’t give me that!” she said.

She was wiggling a fiercesome finger in my face and I felt myself backing up but somehow she only got closer.

“Do you think I’m blind? You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her the whole time you were unloading the truck.”

She said and I suddenly realized that it was really hot in there.

“I don’t…” was all I got out before she cut me off.

“Listen here Mr. Big Britches, that girl is old! O. L. D. do you hear me? She is like 2o or something, maybe more, and someday I’ll have boobs too and you are going to regret this!” she snapped.

To tell the truth all I could think of was how pretty Karen’s hair was. I bumped up against the wall and said

“But…”

She turned away and started to go into the dining room waving a hand at me when I started to follow she spun on me once more and she explained to me at long last,

“Do not follow me! If you ever hope to remain MY boyfriend you need to know and remember two things: 1) don’t stare at other women’s butts or any other body part and 2) don’t follow me if you have screwed up and if I don’t want you to! Got it?”

I looked at her finally figuring out that I was her boyfriend but I wasn’t clear if she was my girlfriend or not, so I figured I should get clarification on a few things so I began;

“Ummm, do you want me to follow you?”

She half growled half exhaled an exasperated “hurrumph.” And she turned and left the room. I felt the burning eyes of the three Mrs’ on the back of my neck. I turned to Deputy Weir who just shrugged a “get used to it boy” shrug. I went out the back door deciding I needed the calm company of the monster in the cage.

Tucker wasn’t there so I just sat in the dirt a few feet from the monster. It growled and paced then finally it stopped just across from me. After a while it crouched on all fours, its’ four sectioned eyes locked onto me. I don’t know how long we sat there, the monster and me but at some point I started to talk to it. In response the monster would give long strings of hisses, growls, and clicks. I knew it didn’t understand me any more than I understood it. That was fine.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“hissssss, clickety-click.”

“Are you in there?”

“grrrrrr ssss”

“Why are you hunting us?”

“Rumble-rumble grrrr click”

“I hope you are not hurting”

“sssss !k!k!k”

“Will this ever end?”

“thhhhh sss click click”

“I know, I know it sucks.”

“ssssssssth”

The sun began to set and I rose from the dust, my monster just watched me, I asked it if it was thirsty. I looked at it and knew the answer, so I picked up a gallon jug of water and walked over to the chain link and poured the contents into the empty galvanized tub that was nestled against it. When it was empty I stepped away and watched. The monster rose and slowly moved on all fours to the tub and lowered its muzzle and drank. I looked around but saw no food so I said aloud that I would try and bring it something later. It raised its head and it tilted its face in the same way that dogs do when they are trying to figure out what its human was trying to say. I slowly walked down the hill, it was almost dinner time, and it was almost six. Twenty four hours to go.

Dinner was subdued, every one spoke quietly and I thought with exaggerated politeness. There was a sense of anticipation but there was as much dread. I honestly don’t think fear was the issue. Not like we imagine it to be. I noticed that the water in my glass was shaking and when Elaine noticed it too she put her hand on Rico’s knee which he had been nervously jiggling, he blushed and apologized. Mrs. Driscol smiled and put her hand over his and she told him don’t fret we all felt that way. Maybe I thought but it was more likely that every single person was handling the stress differently. Lucy was sitting between Elaine and Mrs., Driscol, I felt myself choke up, the fear in my little sister’s eyes was tangible and I wanted to go to her and tell her it would all be okay. But I had no idea if that was true or not so I kept my mouth shut.

You know that feeling you get when you just know something? Something that you can’t know? Something you shouldn’t know? I felt a shiver run up my spine and looked towards the other end of the table where the Deputy and Mrs. West were sitting side by side. They both seemed to be watching me, Weir smiled and Mrs. West nodded. I couldn’t say or do anything so I just looked down at my plate. Canned peas, instant mashed potatoes, fresh bread and salmon cakes. It was good, really it was but I had to force myself to eat it. I helped clean up and was just finishing in the kitchen when Karen came to me and asked if I wanted to play monopoly. I let her lead me upstairs and found Elaine, Lucy, and Mrs. Driscol were waiting for me. This was my family and I loved them, the before was gone. Dead and washed away in the effort of staying alive. I felt happy to be there, we played and we laughed. Lucy had incredible luck, Karen smiled at me and even touched my hand a few times, Amy hugged us all, she was our mother now and I knew she loved us. Elaine had put her arm across my shoulder and I found that I liked it a lot. Oh, and I was the shoe.