The Bonus

Before I can even process what he just said he brushes past me into the house and begins to pace. He’s beyond furious.

“What?” I frown.

“You heard me, don’t act fucking stupid,” he fumes. “Where did you have lunch today?” he sneers.

Oh shit, my lunch with Jack, I completely forgot all about that.

Right…I open my mouth to reply but he cuts me off.

“I’ve blown my entire fucking life to smithereens…to be with you…and here you are, going on lunch dates with another man,” he growls. “What happened after lunch is what I want to know.” He begins to pace with his hands on his hips, his fury palpable.

“I’m having the worst week of my entire life, and I have to worry about Ariana and work and the children, and now, to top it all off, I’ve had to rush all the way here to rein in my out-of-control girlfriend.”

I begin to hear my angry heartbeat in my ears and I put my weight onto my back foot. “First, I’m not your girlfriend. Don’t ever call me that again.”

“Oh yes you fucking are.” The veins in his forehead are sticking out so far, I can almost see his pulse.

“Since when?” I put my hands on my hips in disgust.

“Since Saturday night.”

“What? There was no being-exclusive conversation.” I screw up my face. “We had sex, Gabriel, that’s it.”

“That’s it?” he explodes. “That is not fucking it?”

“Calm down.”

“I will not fucking calm down,” he yells.

“You’re going to wake up the children,” I whisper angrily.

“Good, go wake them up.” He points upstairs like a madman. “Go tell them that I’ve thrown away my entire life to be with their mother, who just told me that she used me for sex. I’m sure they would love to hear all about it.”

He’s beginning to really piss me off now.

“I never asked you to leave anything, in fact.” I throw my hands up. “Go back to your entire life, Gabriel.” I walk out into the kitchen and he’s hot on my heels. “Marry your everything and leave me the hell alone, I don’t have time for your dramatics.”

“You will not see him again. Do you understand me?”

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Watch me!” he explodes. “You will do what I say.”

“I’m never going to do what you say,” I spit.

“You can and you will.”

“Listen… You can’t come back here being all holier than God and assume that I’m the devil. Seriously, Gabriel…” I puff air into my cheeks, this is a no-win situation. “I’m not Ariana,” I snap. “I’m not what you want and nor would I ever want to be.”

“You are what I want.”

“I know you still love her.”

“Not in the way I’m supposed to,” he fires back. “I love you.”

What?

We stare at each other. His chest rises and falls as he struggles for air.

“I love you, Grace,” he whispers. “I’ve always loved you.”

Oh no…

My eyes well with tears because damn it, life is cruel. For so many years all I wanted was to hear those words, and yet, now that I do, I feel nothing.

“I’m sorry.”

“What does that mean?” He frowns.

“I never wanted you to throw your life away,” I whisper, unexpected emotion overwhelms me and tears well in my eyes. “I never wanted you to feel a one-sided love. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

His face falls as his eyes search mine.

“Gabriel… You broke something between us, and I don’t…” I screw up my face in tears. “I wish I did love you…it would be so wonderful for the kids to have their parents together.”

He turns away from me as the tears break the dam and run down my face. I hate that I can’t do this even for them.

“When you broke my heart, I thought I would never recover,” I whisper.

I stare at his back; he can’t even look at me.

“And then I did, but when I healed, I healed different. I’m not the same girl anymore, Gabriel, and I don’t know how to get her back, it’s like I’m dead inside.”

His head drops.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Don’t hate me…”

His head rises as if angered. “Touché.”

I screw up my face in tears and he walks through the back door without looking back.

The door clicks shut with a sharp snap. “I’m sorry,” I whisper to the empty room. “But you have no one to blame but yourself.”

The alarm goes off seemingly two minutes after I finally fell asleep, and I turn it off with force. I lie for a moment and stare at the ceiling as I try to collect my bearings.

Did that actually happen last night, or did I dream the whole thing?

Ugh…I drag myself out of bed and walk into the bathroom to see the wild monster staring back at me.

The homewrecker.

I’m not proud of myself or my actions on Saturday night, I should never have slept with him when I knew he had hopes for us. But in my defense I had told him time and again that I didn’t want anything with him going forward, he just didn’t listen.

Saturday night was never planned, it just happened…when he accosted me in the bathroom in the middle of the night.

It wasn’t exactly fucking romantic.

He knew exactly what he was doing, he used my physical attraction to him against me, made it impossible for me to stop. His fingers were already deep inside me before I could even think of a protest, by then my body had taken over from my brain. I will not take the blame for this.

No…this is on him.

I tie up my hair and turn on the shower. It’s going to be a long day. I’m exhausted already.

I put the lunchboxes into the schoolbags. “Come on, guys, we have to leave,” I call. “We’re going to be late.”

Lucia takes her schoolbag from the counter.

“Go and wait out the front, I’ll be out in a second.”

She walks out the front door. “Hi,” she gasps excitedly. “Mom, Dad’s here.”

What?

I stick my head around the corner and can see him standing on the front porch.

Dominic comes bounding down the stairs and runs to the front door.

“Hello, my man,” Gabriel says to him.

Dom gives him a lopsided smile. “Hi.”

“I’ve come to take you to school today if that’s okay. I hate that I didn’t get to say goodbye to you both on the weekend.”

Dominic bites his bottom lip to hide his smile, and his eyes flick to mine. “Is that okay, Mom?”

I walk out onto the front porch and am greeted with Gabriel Ferrara in all his masculine glory. Gray power suit with crisp white shirt, dark freshly washed hair, and a jaw so square that it could cut glass. His aftershave has been sent straight from Aphrodite herself.

“Hi,” I say awkwardly.

He rolls his lips and nods. “I’d like to take the children to school.”

“Of course.”

“And I’ll be picking them up and going back to my house for an early dinner. I’ll have them home around seven thirty.”

I open my mouth to protest.

“I return to New York tonight and won’t see them again until Friday when I return.”

The kids’ eyes flick to meet mine. “Can we go, Mom?” Lucia begs.

Even Dom seems excited.

“Sure.”

Dom runs inside to get his schoolbag and Lucia kisses me goodbye and then walks down to Gabriel’s car to wait.

“Are you okay?” I ask him. “I know last night was awkward, but we really are better off as friends.”

“Don’t talk to me.”

My face falls. “What, why?”

“Because I’m not interested in anything you have to say.” He turns and walks down the steps to his car.

Dominic comes out with his little backpack on and kisses me goodbye. “Have a good day, sweetheart.” I fake a smile.

I watch them get into the car and drive away, and just like that they’re gone…with him. He’s going to get nasty, I can just feel it.

This could be the beginning of the end.

Gabriel

We drive down the road and my eyes flick to watch Grace disappear in the rearview mirror. My heart is in my throat, I was hoping that after thinking on it all night she would have had a change of heart.

Obviously not.

Ouch…

“So.” I fake a smile to the children. “Tell me where your school is.”

“You go up here and turn that way,” Dom says as he puts his little hand up.

“You mean right?”

He frowns.

“That’s your right hand, so that direction is right.”

“Oh yes.” He nods.

“I’m left-handed,” Lucia announces.

“You are?” I frown.

“Me too,” Dominic replies.

“You take after me.” I smile proudly. “I’m left-handed.”

Their eyes both widen. “You are?”

“Whoa…” Lucia whispers in astonishment. “We’re left-handed like our dad.”

And just like that, my day is better.

We arrive at the school and I park the car.

“What are you doing?” Dominic asks.

“Well…” I pause, unsure what he’s asking.

“Mom just drops us and drives away.”

“Can I come in and see your classroom?” I ask. “I’d like to see it.”

“Oh yes,” Lucia gasps. “I’ll show you all around the school. The library is the best part.”

“Okay, great.” I smile. I glance at my watch—I have a Zoom meeting at nine fifteen but they’ll have to wait.

We get out of the car, Lucia takes my hand and we walk down toward the school. The moms who are all standing around the front gate all turn to watch us as we approach, they are in gym clothes and have strollers with younger children.

It’s a ponytail brigade, not one woman is made up or has makeup on.

Weird.

We walk past them and I give an awkward smile and nod. “Morning.”

“Morning,” a few reply.

“Who is that?” I hear them whisper.

Lucia turns back to them. “This is our dad,” she calls, totally unfazed.

Their eyes widen, and I bite my lip to hide my smile.

“Did you see his shoes?” someone whispers.

We keep walking. “What’s wrong with my shoes?” I whisper to Dom.

He looks down at them. “Nobody wears shoes like that.”

“Then they should,” I reply.

“Our classroom is just up here,” Dominic tells me. We make our way up the stairs, and Lucia leads me inside by the hand. It’s like I’ve stepped into an artwork wonderland. There are things hanging from hoops suspended from the ceiling, the walls are covered in art and drawings, and I look around in awe. “This is…spectacular.” I smile.

“We put our bags in here,” Lucia tells me, she shows me the bag stand with little shelves. “I’m the apple and Dominic is the giraffe.” She points to the little tiles on top of each bag spot.

“I see.” I watch on as they put their bags into their spot. “And where do you sit?”

“I sit over here.” Lucia runs to her seat.

“And this is my seat.” Dominic shows me his seat. “I have to sit next to Maryanne.”

“Is she nice?” I ask.

“No, she tries to boss me around all day.”

I chuckle and look to the back wall, there’s a big heading above a heap of drawings.

Our weekend

“What’s that?” I ask.

“Oh, on Mondays we draw pictures of our weekend and they hang on the wall for the week,” Lucia tells me.

I walk to the back wall and my eyes scan the pictures, and then I see it and my heart stops.

The name Dominic in the top right corner, the picture is of a campfire and four people sitting around it. They’re holding sticks with marshmallows on them. The teacher has written a comment across the bottom.

My dad came over and we played Uno and had a campfire.

It was the best

Emotion overwhelms me, and the picture blurs.

What is it with me lately, these kids have made me an emotional basket case.

“This is the best thing I have ever seen.” I smile as I stare at it. “When it gets taken down from the wall, can I please have this? I’d like to hang it in my office so I can look at it every day.”

Dominic smiles up at me, and I push the hair back from his forehead as I stare down at him.

This kid.

“And where is your picture, Lucia?” My eyes return to scan the wall, and I see the name Lucia in the bottom row. It’s a picture of a girl with dark hair. Huh?

My dad’s girlfriend came over and was angry.

She smashed our glasses

“Oh…” My eyes widen in horror.

“Do you want my picture for your office too?” She smiles hopefully.

Not so much.

“Ahh… Sure.”

Dominic smirks up at me and I know that he knows.

Some things are not supposed to be on the damn classroom wall, Lucia.

Ugh… That’s a conversation for another day.

“Well, I have to get going,” I tell them. “I’ll pick you up this afternoon?”

They both smile as if this is the best day in their life, and who am I kidding…it most definitely is mine.

They walk me out to the gate; Lucia proudly holds my hand as Dominic walks beside us. He’s not touchy and affectionate like her, and as much as I want to hold his hand or hug him, I know that I can’t overstep, I have to wait until he’s ready. This isn’t about me.

“See you this afternoon.” I smile as I bend and hug Lucia, my eyes go to Dominic and he stands with his hands firmly in his pockets.

“Bye.” He gives me a lopsided smile.

“Will I meet you at the gate this afternoon?” I ask.

They both nod.

“Okay then.”

I watch them as they skip off into the distance and I smile broadly, they’re officially the cutest kids of all time.

“Hello,” a voice says from behind me. I turn to see a woman. “I don’t think we’ve met before.” She has long dark hair and is immaculately groomed, attractive, and different from the other women here.

More New York and less Country bumpkin.

“Hello.” I put my hand out to shake hers. “I’m Gabriel.”

“Hello, Gabriel, lovely to meet you. I’m Felicity Fox.” She holds my hand in hers a beat longer than necessary. “I haven’t seen you around before?”

“I live in New York. Well, I’ve just moved here and will be living between the two. I’m Dominic and Lucia’s father.”

“Really?” Her eyes widen as she stares up at me. “Are you back with Grace, or did you move with your wife or…”

“No, I live alone.”

“Oh…” She pulls her hand through her long black ponytail as her eyes hold mine.

Don’t even.

“Nice to meet you, Felicity.” I cut the conversation short. “I have to get going.”

“Bye.” She smiles, all sexy like.

I turn to walk away.

“Oh Gabriel,” she calls.

“Yes?”

“I didn’t catch your surname?”

She wants to google me.

“Porter.”

“Oh…” She thinks for a moment. “I…” She shakes her head as if confused.

“You what?”

“I thought that was Grace’s family name.”

“It is,” I reply flatly,

“Oh, so you two were married?”

Go away, pest.

“I have to get going, nice to meet you. Goodbye.” I purposely don’t answer the question and turn and walk through the school gates as all mom eyes are on me, I feel them watch me all the way to the car.

Ha, country women are horndogs…figures, I guess, what else is there to do around here but fuck, and if Jack is anything to go by on what the local men are like…

Anyway…

I get in and pull out of the parking lot. Now…where do I get a decent cup of coffee in this godforsaken place?

I drive down to the main street and spot a coffee shop, people are sitting out the front at quaint little tables and chairs. “This will do.”

I park the car and walk in, and once again everyone stops to watch me. Has nobody ever seen a suit before?

Seriously…what is this godforsaken place?

I walk past them and in through the front door of the café, a little bell dings over the door and I walk up to the counter. A young man is serving and he smiles an over-the-top smile. “Hello, how can I help you?”

“Hello, I’ll have a kopi luwak please?”

“A…what?” He frowns.

“A kopi luwak?”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“Right.” Ugh…I look at the board over the register and I don’t know what any of this is. “Okay, give me a Jamaica Blue Mountain.”

“A what, what?”

I exhale. What the fuck do they drink in this place? I need to buy a coffee machine as a matter of urgency.

“Okay just…give me whatever coffee you have.” I sigh.

“Americano?”

“I guess.”

“What was the name?”

“Gabriel.”

He smiles. “That will be three dollars twenty, Gabriel.”

Hell, at that price, it’s probably dishwater. I pay him and go and stand to the side of the café as I wait.

The bell dings and two women walk in. “Hey, Thomas.” They greet the cashier by name.

“Hi, Greer, hi, Sadie,” he says. “The usual?”

“Yes, please.” They take a seat by the window.

“Hey, Thomas,” a man calls from his table. “Your brother must be happy with his game last night, scored in the last five minutes.”

Thomas smiles as he types in the order. “Loving himself more than usual today.”

They all chatter and talk between themselves and I look around at the people in this weird café. Do they honestly all know each other?

And why is everyone being so pathetically nice? It’s like The Twilight Zone.

“Mr. Gabriel,” Thomas calls.

I walk to the counter and he passes me my coffee. “Have a great day, sir.”

“Thanks.” I take the coffee and walk out and back to my car; I take a sip and twist my lips.

Rough…but palatable, I guess.

This place is weird.

9:10 a.m.

I log onto my computer and click on the Zoom meeting link. I sit and wait for the others in the meeting to join.

I look around the office I’m sitting in, so unlike my taste, with the worst furnishings of all time. I’m going to have to bring some creature comforts from home, I can’t live here for half of the time without the things I need.

I begin to make a list in my notes.

Coffee machine.

Office furniture.

Bed.

Linen.

I glance down at my suit. More casual clothes.

Gym, I need a gym here. I haven’t trained for a week now. I feel like shit.

My mind flicks to Gracie. I never wanted you to feel a one-sided love.

My heart sinks, there’s a lot of reasons I feel like shit.

The other faces begin to pop up on my screen, and I take a deep breath.

My new normal starts now.

School pickup is hectic, by the time they came out, it’s taken us half an hour to get home. I had to finish work early, but this week was somewhat of an emergency.

“And what else happened today?” I ask as the kids and I walk into the house.

“Barbara fell off the monkey bars at lunch and hurt her arm.”

“Is she okay?” I ask.

Dom shrugs. “She’s probably acting.”

“She wasn’t acting, Dominic,” Lucia says, outraged. “You don’t even know her.”

“I don’t want to.”

I smirk as I listen to them squabble, such a simple conversation but somehow I find it fascinating.

Every day I peel back a little more of their different personalities and learn something more. We walk into the kitchen and the children both stop on the spot.

“This is Mark,” I introduce them.

Mark is at the oven and he’s cooking something on the cook top. “Hello.” He smiles, he’s wearing an apron and looks every bit the part of a chef.

“These are my children, Lucia and Dominic.” I smile proudly.

“Wow.” He smiles as he flicks a tea towel over his shoulder. “You guys sure look like your dad.”

“Mark is my friend from New York,” I tell them. “He comes wherever I go. He lives in the house out by the pool when we’re here.”

“Oh.” Lucia nods.

Dominic stares at him with the same blank look he used to give me.

“I’ve made you some brownies,” Mark says. “Hope you’re hungry.” He presents a tray of brownies and they both take one.

“Thank you,” Dominic mumbles.

“I had to work today, so Mark has been helping cook us dinner.” I smile as I watch them down the brownies. I really need to learn how to cook; it kills me that I can’t cook for them myself.

“Do you guys like hamburgers?” Mark asks.

They both nod.

“Mark makes the best hamburgers in all of New York,” I reply.

Lucia’s eyes widen. “You do?”

“Just you wait until you taste them.” He wiggles his eyebrows and they both smile.

“Let’s go upstairs, I’ve got something to show you. Bring your brownies.”

They follow me upstairs and down the hall, and I take them to the bedroom next to mine. “What do you think?” I present the bedroom; it’s pale blue and has a fireplace and an ornate ceiling. It has two single beds with ottomans at the end of each, one has a pale blue quilt and the other has a pale pink quilt. Each bed has a stuffed animal sitting up on the pillow. There’s a rocking chair in the corner and a toybox, no toys in it yet though.

“I had some new beds delivered for you guys.”

They both look around the bedroom.

“I thought…” I hesitate. “I thought you might want to stay over one time and I know you like to be together, so…”

“Can we stay over tonight?” Lucia asks excitedly.

“Not tonight, but maybe…if Dom wants to…maybe Saturday night?”

Dom looks around the room as if assessing every detail.

“I could sleep on the floor in here if… I mean, if you wanted to have a campout,” I offer hopefully.

Dom gives me a half-hearted smile and nods. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Excitement runs through me.

Lucia goes to the box in the corner that the stuffed animals came in and reads the address written on it.

“What’s Ferr…ar…?”

“Ferrara. That’s my surname.”

They both stare at me blankly.

“Look.” I scroll through my phone, bring up a photo of my office, and show them the sign written across the building.

F E R R A R A

“See, that’s my surname. This is my work.”

“Oh.”

“Woooah, that looks cool,” Lucia says.

“Do you like it, Dominic?”

He studies the picture and nods.

“My dad has the name Ferrara, and his dad has the name Ferrara. Way back in history, my family all had the name Ferrara.”

I stare at them for a moment and I was going to have this conversation much later, but I feel like the universe has given me an opening.

“Would you like to add Ferrara to your name?” I ask. “Because you know, you’re my kids, and kids have their dad’s name on the end.”

Lucia smiles broadly.

“What would it be?” Dominic asks.

“It would be Dominic Porter Ferrara. That way you would have Mom’s name and my name.” I smile softly as I look between them. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had the same name?”

Grace

I sit in the clean house and watch the clock.

It’s been a weird day, no school dropoff, no school pickup, no dinner to cook, no kids to watch.

Just me…and all this horrible spare time.

I’ve been for a walk, vented for an hour to Deb on the phone, folded all the washing and cleaned the house, not sure what to do next.

I see the headlights shine up the driveway. They’re home.

I jump up and open the door in a rush and walk down to meet them. Gabriel gets out first and I smile. “Hello.”

He looks right through me and doesn’t respond before opening the back door of the car.

Great.

“Here we go. Home time.” He smiles to the children.

The kids bound out of the car and he bends and hugs Lucia. “I’ll see you Friday,” he tells her, he turns to Dom and messes up his hair. “I’ll see you Friday, buddy.”

Dominic smiles up at him all starstruck.

Gabriel turns back to the car.

He’s completely ignoring me…of course he is.

“Goodbye,” I say hopefully, surely we can at least be civil.

He waves without looking and gets into the car and pulls out. The kids bounce happily inside, and I watch the car as it pulls away.

Ugh… I follow the kids inside.

“Mom, we had the best time.” Lucia beams.

“Upstairs and into the shower, it’s pretty late,” I say. We walk up the stairs with her talking a million miles per minute.

“We had brownies and then we played baseball and then we played catch.”

“I helped light the fire,” Dominic chimes in. “And we got new beds and are staying over on the weekend,” he says as he begins to undress.

“That sounds…” I smile sadly, I hate that they’re making plans that don’t involve me, “…great.”

“Oh, and we have stuffed toys,” Dom says.

“And we had hamburgers for dinner and fries, Mark made them he’s a good cook and he’s very funny,” Lucia tells me as she brushes her hair.

“Oh…and we’re changing our name to Ferrara,” Dominic says casually.

“What?” I frown.

“We’re changing our name to be the same as our dad’s.” Lucia smiles as she steps into the shower. “Isn’t it great?”

I see red.

“Back in a moment.” I storm down the stairs like a woman possessed.

Oh no he didn’t…

I dial his number and he answers first ring. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I spit.

“Whatever the fuck I like.”