The Bonus

“Hello, Ariana,” Gabriel says calmly. “What is going on?” His voice is cajoling and gentle, the same one he uses with children.

“I was waiting at your house all night.” She screws up her face in tears. “And you didn’t come home.”

I can feel her heart breaking from here.

“Come, let’s…” He holds his arm out to her. “We should go outside and talk.”

Lucia and Dominic are watching on with great interest.

He opens the front door and gestures to it. “This way.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she screams like a maniac.

Uh-oh.

Gabriel rolls his lips, clearly angered. “Grace…take the children to Debbie’s, please?”

“No,” Ariana screams. “They should know what you’ve done.”

Gabriel’s eyes flick to meet mine with an urgency. “Now.”

Ahh…

“Come on, kids.” I grab my keys. “Your father needs to talk in private.”

“You stay right where you are!” she yells at me.

The children freeze on the spot.

“Grace!” Gabriel demands.

“Now,” I yell. I grab Dominic’s and Lucia’s hands and drag them out the back door and we race down the steps, we rush out the front to the car and I hear glass smash inside.

Argh, she’s trashing my house now.

“What’s happening?” Dominic demands.

I have no idea how to respond. “Umm…” I open the door of the car with force. “We’ll talk on the way.”

Ariana starts screaming and yelling inside, and it echoes through the neighborhood.

Oh man…she’s completely losing it now, and who could blame her. She found her newly ex in his silk boxer shorts with another woman and his kids. If only she knew what actually happened last night…she does.

That poor, poor girl.

“But we’re still wearing our pajamas,” Dom protests.

“That’s fine,” I splutter as I push him in the car.

Another thing smashes from inside. Shit…is he safe? Should I call the police or something?

We bundle into the car and take off down the road like maniacs.

“Who was that?” Dominic demands.

“Your father’s friend.”

“Why was she crying?”

I grip the steering wheel with white-knuckle force. How the hell do you answer that question? I can’t lie, he saw it with his own eyes. “She and your father used to date and he broke up with her and she’s clearly upset.” My eyes flick to meet his in the rearview mirror. “It’s okay, these things happen sometimes between adults.”

His eyes hold mine, and I can see his little mind running a million miles per hour. “He always makes girls cry, doesn’t he?”

My heart sinks.

The children have never seen any of this; without a full-time father or man in the house, they’ve been blissfully protected from any kind of disturbance or fight.

“No, he doesn’t always make girls cry. Adult relationships are complicated, Dom,” I reply. “Luckily for you guys, children’s stuff is way easier to handle.”

“Why did we leave?”

“Gabriel didn’t want you around her when she was being angry and upset, that’s all. She will be okay, don’t worry.”

My mind flicks to Gabriel back at the house. I hope he’s okay. Maybe I should drop the kids at Deb’s and go back to check on him?

My presence will surely only escalate the situation. No…I need to stay away.

We pull into Deb’s driveway and she’s out with a cup of coffee, watering her garden, she frowns as we all get out of the car in our pajamas. “What’s going on?”

“Gabriel’s girlfriend came over and was crying and smashing glass things,” Dominic replies as he walks past her into the house. “She’s going crazy and wrecking our house.”

Deb’s eyes widen as they meet mine. “Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” I sigh. “I need coffee.”

Deb and I sit at her kitchen, bench deep in thought. “I think you should go back and check on him,” Deb says. “What if she…”

I drag my hand down my face as I think. “He’ll be fine.”

“How did she know where you live?”

“No idea.”

“And she sat outside his house all night waiting for him to come home?”

“Apparently.” My heart sinks. “I’ve been exactly where she is and I feel sick knowing how hurt she would be.”

“But he’s yours now.” Deb sips her coffee.

“Ugh, so not mine.” I shake my head in disgust. “Don’t get excited, it was a one-time event.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Positive.”

Gabriel

Grace rushes the children through the back door and my heart sinks, the last thing I would ever want is for them to have to deal with this. I turn my attention to Ariana; she’s crying hysterically and out of control.

“Calm down,” I tell her.

“Calm down?” she gasps. “Calm down?” she cries again. “Did you fuck her?”

I stay silent, unsure what to say.

“Tell me the truth, Gabriel. Did you sleep with her on what was to be our wedding night?”

Fuck.

I’ve been so carried away with Grace and the children that I completely lost track of time. Yesterday was supposed to be our wedding day.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“Did you even remember?” she whispers through tears, her voice cracks, betraying her hurt.

“Of course I remembered,” I lie. I need to defuse this situation and get her out of here, she’s completely unstable. “I’m here to see my children.”

“Do not lie to me.” She picks up a glass and hurls it at my head; it smashes against the wall.

“Hey,” I say sternly. “You do not break anything in this house.”

She picks up another glass and hurls it, glass flies everywhere as it explodes against the wall. “I’ll burn down her entire fucking house, she’s nothing but a trashy homewrecker.”

Ugh…she’s been speaking to my mother.

“Let’s go back to my house.”

Where the fuck is Mark?

“No. I want to wait for her to get back.” She folds her arms and begins to pace. “I have a few things I want to ask her.”

“Such as?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out.”

My anger simmers dangerously close to the surface, and I grab her by the hand. “Out. Now.”

“No,” she screams, and begins to hit me hard in the chest. “How could you?” she cries hysterically. “How could you do this to me?” She keeps hitting me over and over. “You said you loved me. We were just starting our life together, how could you walk away from something so beautiful?” She pummels my chest and it’s official, I am the worst kind of human.

She’s completely broken.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” I pull her close to try to calm her down, and I hold her in my arms as she cries against my chest.

We stand in each other’s arms for a long time, and I don’t know how to make this better. There’s no way I can. I’m utterly and irrevocably in love with Gracie, and if I’m honest, I always have been. My feelings for Ariana only scratch the surface on what I feel for Grace…and now with the children in the mix, everything else pales in comparison.

What kind of man am I?

Ariana’s body wracks with tears as I hold her. “Shh.” I try to calm her down. “It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’s going to be okay.”

“How can anything ever be okay again if I don’t have you?” Her tearful eyes hold mine.

I want to give it to her straight, tell her that she’s better off without me because even if we were together, I would still love another woman from afar.

But I can’t.

Not now, not when she’s like this.

I owe her better than this, I have to care for her. “Come on, I’m taking you back to New York,” I say softly as I hold her.

She looks up at me. “You’re coming back to New York with me?”

“Yes.”

She smiles through hopeful tears.

Fuck.

“Come on.” I put my arm around her and gently usher her out of the house and put her into my car. She’s like a broken child, sobbing uncontrollably. I can’t bear to see her like this.

Look what you’ve done.

We drive in silence back to my house as my mind races a million miles per minute.

What’s Grace going to think of me leaving with Ariana?

This looks bad even to me, but how can I help it? What kind of person would I be if I didn’t care for Ariana when she’s like this?

We pull into my driveway and make our way up to the house; Mark is in the driveway and he looks up puzzled as I park the car.

I glare at him. Where the fuck were you?

His face falls as he connects the dots and he rushes to open my door. “Hello?” he stammers.

I get out of the car and slam the door; my fury is palpable.

“What’s going on?”

“Ariana came to Grace’s this morning. Apparently, she sat out the front of this house all night.”

Mark’s eyes widen in horror. “I didn’t see her,” he stammers, “I swear I didn’t see a thing.”

“Organize the plane, I need to take her home.”

“Yes, sir.”

I walk around to Ariana’s side of the car and she’s crumpled up in a ball, still crying. I reach in and lift her out of the car and Mark’s eyes widen as he sees her state. He rushes ahead and unlocks the front door for us and I carry her in and place her carefully down on the couch. “Get me a blanket.”

“Yes, of course.” Mark runs up the stairs.

“Ariana, I’m going to make you something to eat,” I say softly as I swipe her hair back from her forehead.

“I’m not hungry,” she whispers.

“You are eating, you’ve lost a lot of weight since I last saw you. You need something in your stomach.”

Mark reappears with a blanket and I carefully place it over her. I put a pillow under her head and snuggle her in. “I’ll be back in a moment, okay?” I turn to Mark. “Do not take your eyes off her,” I growl.

I’m so furious that I can barely look him in the eye. What’s the point of having guards at this house and Grace’s if not one of them does their fucking job?

Heads are going to roll over this.

“Yes, sir.” He drops to sit on the opposite couch as if scared for his life.

He should be.

I walk out into the kitchen and open the refrigerator, what the hell will I get her?

I take out my phone and text Grace.

I’m sorry

Ariana is distraught,

I’m taking her home to New York.

Call you as soon as I can.

I press send.

I get to making Ariana a grilled cheese sandwich and a hot chocolate and I check my phone, no reply from Grace.

Fuck.

I text her again.

This isn’t how it looks,

I can’t let her go home alone,

she’s too upset.

I pause as I think what to write next.

I’m physically going with Ariana,

but I’m leaving my heart with you.

I’ll be back as soon as I can.

I love you

I think for a moment, I can’t say I love you for the first time in a fucking text message, and certainly not in these circumstances.

I delete the words I love you from the message and I read it again.

This isn’t how it looks,

I can’t let her go home alone,

she’s too upset.

I’m physically going with Ariana,

but I’m leaving my heart with you.

I’ll be back as soon as I can.

Xox

I press send and walk out into the living room with the grilled cheese and hot chocolate.

Mark is sitting deathly still and Ariana is asleep. The poor thing is exhausted; she obviously hasn’t slept all night. I put the food down on the coffee table. “A word in my office.”

Mark follows me down the hall and I close the door behind us. “Where the fuck were you?” I growl.

“I don’t…I didn’t know…she wasn’t.” He’s tripping over his words as he searches for an answer.

“Where the hell were the guards on Grace’s house this morning?” I’m livid, how could this happen?

“I texted them and they weren’t starting until nine today because you weren’t out and about yet.”

“What?” I explode. “My ex-fiancée bombarded me in a house with my children in it. Do you think this is fucking acceptable?”

“No, sir.”

“So tell me how was Ariana sitting at the front door here all night and you didn’t see her?”

“After you left yesterday afternoon, I watched a few movies and then went to bed. There was no sign of anyone here at all. I thought the guards over at Grace’s had taken over the shift.”

“You thought wrong, get the fucking plane organized.” I storm out my office and up the stairs to pack my bag.

I throw the things into my bag with force. After the best twenty-four hours in history…this happens. I check my phone to see if Grace has replied.

She hasn’t.

I begin to pace as I dial her number, ring ring…ring ring…ring ring.

You’ve reached Grace Porter, leave a message.

I hang up.

I’ll deal with Grace later; I have to get Ariana safely home to her family before anything else.

Mark arrives at the door. “The plane is ready whenever you are.”

I put a T-shirt into the bag. “We’ll leave in twenty minutes.”

Four hours later.

The plane touches down on the runway at JFK as I stare out the window.

Ariana has slept on my shoulder the whole way home, and I’m beginning to wonder if she’s had some kind of breakdown. She isn’t acting like herself at all, she’s usually so strong and proud, and I don’t know what to say that won’t just upset her even more.

Keeping my mouth shut is the best option.

Get her home safe. I’ve already called her parents. I get a vision of her crying and hitting my chest as I held her and my heart sinks.

The most horrible core memory that will forever be burned into my brain, I don’t even want to imagine that it might happen again when I leave. I feel physically sick over it.

I glance at my phone, no missed calls.

My attention turns to stare out the window. I didn’t even say goodbye to the kids.

What must they think?

A strange woman turns up screaming and crying and then they’re rushed out of their own home and suddenly I’ve gone with her.

Maybe I should drop Ariana home and then fly back to Greenville…but then I have to present to the board tomorrow here in New York.

Fuck’s sake, this is a logistical nightmare, them living so far away.

I’m going to call Grace and see if she can fly out here for the week. The kids can have one week off school, surely, these are extenuating circumstances. Dominic and I had just started to turn the corner, I don’t want this morning to be in his little brain. He’s an overthinker like me, I know how he would be reading into this. He’ll think that I’ve chosen to be with her over them, that I’ve left of my own free will.

I need to be with them.

Ariana’s hand slides up my thigh and she takes my hand in hers. “Thank you.”

I glance down at her. “For what?”

“Coming home with me.”

I didn’t come home with you. I stare at her for a moment as I do an internal risk assessment. I can’t upset her again before I get her home safely.

I squeeze her hand in mine and give her a sad smile. “Let’s get you home, hey?”

She smiles hopefully up at me and kisses my shoulder. “I love you.”

I give her a stifled smile as my heart breaks all over again for her.

This is possibly the worst day of all time.

The plane comes to a stop and I stand and grab the bags. Mark takes our bags down and I help her out of her seat. I grab her handbag and take her hand and lead her out of the plane and down the stairs to the waiting car on the tarmac.

I open the door and wait while she climbs in and I get in behind her.

Almost there.

Ariana holds my hand in her lap as we drive through New York City, and I sit silently with my heart in my throat. What happens when we get there?

It kills me to hurt her, how do I do this?

I think of all the men and women who leave a marriage and effectively walk out on their children. How do you walk out one day for another person and never go back?

I feel sick for leaving my kids today just to take Ariana home…

My phone vibrates in my pocket, Grace.

The urge to read the text takes me every inch of control to fight. I can’t open my phone in front of Ariana, she’ll go postal.

With my elbow leaning on the door, I pinch the bridge of my nose.

I’m caught in a nightmare.

Living between two places, trying to win the love and respect of my children. I have zero interest in work or being in New York anymore and I’m hopelessly in love with one woman while breaking another woman’s heart.

We drive into the underground parking lot and Ariana smiles up at me, grateful that I’ve brought her to my house.

My heart sinks as we turn the corner and I see her parents’ car parked in my bays.

She sits forward. “Why are my parents here?” Her panicked eyes flick to me. “You called my parents?”

I grip her hand in mine. “I’m worried about you,” I tell her softly.

“Then don’t leave me,” she cries.

Mark’s eyes flick up to meet mine in the rearview mirror.

Fuck…here we go.

Mark pulls the car up alongside her parents and I open the door.

“No,” she cries as she clings to me. “You can’t do this, we love each other, Gabriel.” Her mother and father walk over to the car and look over me in at her.

“Thank you for coming,” I say sadly. I climb out of the car as she clings to me.

“Ariana, darling. You’re coming home with us,” her mother says.

“No, Gabriel, don’t you leave me.”

Her father reaches into the car and she begins to fight him.

Their silhouettes blur as the lump in my throat nearly cuts off my air.

He drags her from my car, and to the sound of her cries, he puts her in his.

I stand to the side, helpless.

This is devastating.

Her mother gets into the backseat beside her and her father slams the door shut and then turns to me. “I’ll never forgive you for this.”

My nostrils flare as I try to hold it together. “Deservedly so.”

I watch the car slowly disappear.

I’ve never felt so guilty and sad. Ariana doesn’t deserve any of this.

Mark and Andrew stand silently near the elevator and I march past them. “You’re all on fucking notice,” I growl. “When I pay a fortune for security, I want fucking security.”

Their faces fall, and I hit the elevator button with force and close the door on them.

I’m so over this fucking day, I can’t stand it.

I ride to the top; the elevator doors open up directly into my penthouse, and I step out and walk straight to my bar. With shaky hands, I pour myself a glass of scotch and drink it straight; it burns all the way down. And so it should, I deserve it.

I pour another one and go and flop on my couch. I stare into space for a long time. I picture Ariana and don’t even want to imagine what’s happening at her parents’ right now.

I dig into my pocket to see that Grace has texted me.

It’s fine, I hope she’s okay.

Do what you need to do.

I exhale in relief, thank fuck for that.

I lift my glass to my lips, my hand shaking like a leaf. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever been so stressed. I go to the medicine cabinet and rattle through the meds, finally I find some Xanax and pop two and wash them down with more scotch.

I breathe deep and pace back and forth as I try to will my nervous system to calm down.

Slowly and surely, I feel the Xanax take hold, my heartbeat slows and the shaking begins to subside.

I lie on the couch and stare at the wall. My penthouse is quiet and as the shadows of daylight leave, I’m left alone in the dark with my conscience.

It’s lonely here.

“And this here.” I point to the whiteboard. “Is…” I click my fingers as I try to remember. “Fuck, what is it, his name has escaped me.”

“John?” Alessio cuts in.

“Yeah.” I clench my jaw, fuck… “John will be looking after the . . .”

“Program?” Alessio cuts me off.

The board members glance at each other and I want to sink through the floor.

“Can we break for five minutes?” Alessio interrupts me. “I need to take a very important call.”

“Of course, meet back here in fifteen,” I tell everyone. I march out of the boardroom and into my office. I wash my face in my bathroom and feel someone standing beside me. I glance up to see Alessio leaning on the doorjamb.

“You all right, man?”

“Yep.” I dry my face and walk past him back into my office.

“The story about Ariana today in the newspaper has rattled you?”

“You mean the picture of me and her getting off my jet, holding hands, with the headline ‘Ferrara and Ariana reunite on romantic getaway’?”

He winces. “Pretty much.”

“I just need to get through this meeting before I can even think about that dumpster fire.”

“Have you spoken to Grace?”

“No, I zonked myself out last night and fell asleep. I’ll call her tonight.”

“Go home,” he says. “You’re not on your game, and you’re doing more harm than good in there.”

Fuck.

“I’m going to tell them you have a migraine and take over the meeting.”

My eyes search his. “I won’t go home, but if you could take over the meeting, I’d be grateful. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He pulls me into a hug. “That’s why you have a brother, to catch you when you fall.”

“Thanks.” I hug him a little longer than normal.

“You okay?” He frowns.

I nod. “Yep, tough week.”

At five pm, I walk out of the Ferrara building to a crowd of photographers.

“Mr. Ferrara, is the wedding back on?” Security pushes me through the crowd.

“Ariana and you make a beautiful couple. Can you tell us about your romantic getaway?” someone else calls. I’m bundled into the back of the car and we pull out into the traffic, we whiz through the streets of New York and I glance at my phone to see five missed calls from Elias, Grace’s security guard.

I frown and dial his number. “Hello, Mr. Ferrara,” he says nervously.

“What?”

“Just letting you know that Grace had lunch again with Jack Spalding today.”

Adrenaline surges through my system and my eyes flicker red. “Is that so.”

Grace

I sip my tea as I hold the remote up to the television to turn the channel. I probably should go to bed, it’s after 10 p.m., but I’m not in the least bit tired.

I hear the front step go and then a soft knock on the door. Who in the world?

I open the door in a rush to see Gabriel, he’s in a navy suit and his dark cold eyes hold mine. Animosity drips from his every cell, and a frisson of fear runs through me. “Gabriel?”

“Where the fuck did you go today?” he growls.