The Aperios (Children of the Sun Book 4)

Kaleth couldn’t remember the last time he had cried this much. Even when Teran had broken up with him, he’d mostly just drunk his feelings away. And gods, how much he wanted to drink them away right now, but Mel was holding all of his alcohol hostage.

Kaleth was grateful for it, of course, because he definitely didn’t have enough self control for this, but he really, really wanted to get a few shots of something. That was the only way he would ever be able to face any of the others, which was exactly what was going to happen now.

It was a full day after he’d woken up after...what had happened, and he’d been too much of a coward to go outside at all, so all that had happened was Mel constantly assuring him that he didn’t blame him for what happened, and that everything was fine.

Kaleth still wasn’t sure if he believed that, and on top of that, he didn’t think he deserved forgiveness. But Mel wouldn’t hear a word of it, so Kaleth had stopped trying to argue his point. Kaleth almost wished Mel wasn’t so...like Mel. If he at least yelled at Kaleth, that would be something. This felt too easy.

Which was ironic because the fact that he was about to see everyone he’d threatened, arguably his friends for the most part, was terrifying and incredibly difficult. Mel had been concerned when Kaleth had said that he wanted to do this, but there was no point in putting it off. In fact, putting it off would make it worse.

Kaleth still wasn’t sure if meeting them all at once was a good idea, but it sounded better than doing it one by one. He doubted he would be able to keep his emotions at bay for that long. He’d probably be a mess after just one person.

Since Kaleth couldn’t teleport right now—or maybe he still could, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to try or take that bracelet off—it was Relioth who had taken them to Aren. Kaleth had to admit that the place was awe-inspiring, but he couldn’t make himself appreciate it. Especially not with Relioth making puppy eyes at him whenever their eyes met.

At least now Relioth was gone, presumably getting together everyone involved to bring here. Kaleth wasn’t even sure why Aren specifically, but Mereria had suggested it, and seeing as they could have gone anywhere, Aren was a fairly good choice. At least there was privacy, despite the dozens of Umbra who had taken up residency here after Enor had died. Kaleth could tell Mel wanted to say something about that, but he hadn’t yet.

He just kept holding Kaleth’s hand as they waited in a relatively large but empty room somewhere in the building carved out of stone. Kaleth barely remembered getting here, but that didn’t matter. He doubted he would manage to get up and walk out of here anytime soon anyway.

Kaleth didn’t even look up when he heard a knock on the door. It was at least nice to know that Relioth had enough awareness not to teleport everyone directly inside the room.

“Honey, I can—”

“No, no,” Kaleth immediately denied, shaking his head and sighing. He gave a nod of thanks to Mel, though. It was nice of him that he was being so supportive, but he really had to do this himself.

He got up from his seat, about to open the door when it swung open, and before Kaleth knew it, he found himself being practically tackled into a hug by Rayni.

“Dammit, Kaleth, are you okay?” she exclaimed, making Kaleth cringe. He probably could have sent her at least a quick message.

Kaleth let himself be hugged, grunting when Edras joined in, squeezing his chest a bit too tightly. Despite no one yelling at him so far, his heart had only gotten heavier. Maybe it would have been easier if Rayni punched him. He’d definitely deserve it.

When they finally let go of him, Relioth tried to hug him next, but Kaleth stopped him with a look. He was grateful that Relioth had helped when it counted, but it still didn’t fix any of what he’d done.

Now there was everyone who had been on the spaceship in the room, plus Elrin, Nef, Alor, and Kara, who was the only one who looked angry. The rest just either looked worried or awkward, while Yorin was straight up avoiding his gaze. But oddest of all, Hidarion, whose eyes Kaleth was trying not to meet, was definitely looking at him and gently smiling.

Kaleth shut his eyes and gritted his teeth. He could feel the awkward air become stifling within seconds of silence. Or were they even seconds? It felt like time was standing still right now. Dammit, he needed to get something out. To apologize.

“I’m….”

“Kaleth,” Edras said gently, grasping his shoulder. “You don’t have to say it. We know. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay!” Kaleth snapped, feeling his eyes sting again. He couldn’t help himself. He just couldn’t understand why everyone was brushing this off. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t been in his right mind. He deserved some kind of repercussion for this. “What I almost did….”

He looked at Kara, hoping that she would say something negative, since she looked the most likely to do so, but she just folded her arms.

“Kaleth, you dumbass, we didn’t come here to guilt an apology out of you, or whatever,” Rayni said, shaking her head. Kaleth had been somewhat aware of that, or at least he’d assumed that wasn’t the goal here. But he had been assuming they just agreed to see him, so he could apologize, so technically he was the reason they were here. It wasn’t that he was here because of them.

“And for the record I’m only annoyed because no one told me about what was happening,” Kara added, giving Rayni an irritated look. Rayni shrugged at her awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck.

“Yeah, sorry, it all happened kinda fast.”

That would be an understatement. It all had happened insanely fast. In retrospect, Kaleth really should have taken away his powers the moment they became unstable, but even then it had been Yorin who had managed to set off something in his head and make him think killing every asshole on the planet would fix things.

“I am a little angry,” Nira said, though she didn’t sound that way. “You know, for you shooting my father. But I understand you didn’t do that on purpose. Sort of. That energy messes with your brain.”

Kaleth hung his head. He had done that on purpose, but it hadn’t felt like he’d had any control over it at the same time. He swallowed, feeling a shiver run down his spine at the memory.

“You still didn’t have to run in that portal after him,” Nef muttered to Nira, but it was loud enough for Kaleth to hear. Or maybe he still had above average hearing.

“He’s my dad!” Nira hissed back.

“Still….”

If Kaleth were in a better state, he might find the bickering amusing. But he was immediately distracted from that thought as Hidarion himself stepped forward. He still couldn’t make himself look up at the man. Out of everyone in this room, Hidarion had the most reason to be pissed with him. Kaleth had broken his heart, and then shot him, after being threatened the same way that Enor had threatened him.

And despite all of that, Kaleth knew Hidarion wouldn’t look angry if he looked him in the eye, which was exactly why it was hard. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven for this, but especially not for what he’d done to Hidarion.

“Kaleth, look at me,” he said softly. Kaleth had to blink to get tears out of his eyes. He couldn’t cry in front of everyone—even crying in front of Mel had been difficult. But he complied with the request, dragging his eyes up to meet Hidarion’s.

He hadn’t actually gotten a close look at his new eye before, so it stunned him a little how similar it was to the original. He was glad that Hidarion had gotten that back, at least.

“I know you enough to know that that wasn’t you. That was whatever influence Enor’s power had on you, and even then, half the time you seemed to be questioning what you were doing.”

Kaleth let out a sigh. As if that proved that he hadn’t actually done those things. He could have tried fighting it harder, despite how muddled and confused his mind had been back then. He could have—

“As far as Eternals are concerned, you did it. It’s all over, and the world didn’t end,” Hidarion continued, putting on a shockingly light tone. Then his smile faded. “Well, it’s over aside from the spread of hate towards Eternals, but that, uh, that will blow over.”

Kaleth didn’t bother pointing out that not even Hidarion seemed to think so because Kaleth definitely didn’t. And while hiding what he was was incredibly insulting and personal to him, he was terrified of taking off that bracelet, so maybe he didn’t mind that much after all, all things considered. He just hoped Mel wouldn’t get hurt.

“Kaleth….” Hidarion sighed deeply. “I forgive you.”

Kaleth couldn’t stop the tears in his eyes from spilling over, nor could he manage to get a word out. That was probably for the best, though, because it would no doubt come out sounding strained and pathetic.

With that said, Hidarion backed off, nodded at Relioth, and once a portal opened, he, Nira, Nef, and Yorin left, with only the occasional wave of hand. Yorin had probably only come here because of Hidarion, now that Kaleth thought about it. He had looked a bit wary of him this entire time.

With that, only a handful of people remained, but it was still too many. And Kaleth hadn’t actually managed to apologize in the end. Hidarion had clearly not needed it, but the others might have.

He wiped the tears off his face almost angrily, letting out an annoyed breath. He felt better already, but that just made him more resentful towards himself. He didn’t deserve to feel better, especially not this easily.

But he immediately stopped that thought process when he noticed Mel narrowing his eyes at him, as if in challenge.

“Seriously, Kaleth, no one blames you,” Rayni said from where she was leaning on the wall with her arms crossed over her chest.

“It’s true,” Edras added. “Not even Mereria does, and she loves to blame people for everything.”

Rayni nodded enthusiastically, gesturing towards her. “Yeah, see?”

Kaleth sat down again, not feeling up to standing anymore. He closed his eyes and ran his hands over his face, trying to calm down. At least he didn’t want to cry as much anymore. He was mostly just feeling tired and exasperated now.

“I think I’ve said my part,” Kara said. “I’m really glad you’re alive and well, Kaleth.”

Kaleth blinked at her. That was probably the most caring thing he’d ever heard her say. “Uh, same to you.”

“I’ve been catching up with what’s left of my family while all of this happened. So yes, I’m surprised I’m still alive, thank you.”

“Was that an actual joke, Kara?” Rayni asked, snickering. Kara just looked at her with a completely neutral expression, which just made Rayni laugh harder. Alor joined in with a chuckle, but Kaleth was mostly surprised. He hadn’t been aware Kara had any family left.

Good for her. Possibly.

“Anyway, no hard feelings, Kaleth,” Alor said, giving him a nod. “I mean I know I wasn’t really involved in all of this, but I still felt I should say it.”

Kaleth nodded back, grateful that Alor had taken the time to come here, even if he had been teleported. Somehow forgiveness from him was much easier to swallow.

“Yeah, seriously, man.” Rayni walked away from the wall to look him right in the eye. “We all forgive you, if that’s what you need to hear. Now grab Mel and have some fun. You earned it. Go somewhere nice.” Then she smirked. “Just don’t forget to use protection.”

Kaleth rolled his eyes as Rayni laughed. “Dammit, Rayni.”

He had been expecting for Mel to ask what protection she meant, which would have been awful, but Mel just blushed a dark red and was now staring at the floor, so clearly he knew. That was a little surprising, but it probably shouldn’t have been. Mel had watched a lot of TV, after all.

He noticed that Rayni was still watching him with her arms folded, as if in challenge. Kaleth sighed again, shaking his head. “Yes, all right. But—”

“No, don’t argue with me.” Kaleth kept his head down, but even then he could feel her frowning at him. “You’re not gonna sit around moping like you used to back when I joined Luxarx.”

Kaleth wanted to argue that this was a different thing completely. He had tried to commit a genocide, which everyone seemed to insist on brushing off. But even he felt tired of having to constantly repeat this at this point.

“Got it?” Kaleth sighed at Rayni’s bossy tone. “Good. We gotta go deal with more rogue Eternals now. There’s still so many.” Rayni sighed, her face serious suddenly. “But I’m always on the phone if you need to talk, all right?”

Kaleth nodded at her, smiling slightly. He wasn’t much into talking, which he knew she was aware of, but it was still nice of her to offer. Maybe he really would take her up on it.

“You too, little bro. Anytime. And if there’s nothing serious, I still wanna hear all the gossip,” Rayni continued, grinning at Mel, who smiled back. The wave of happiness that came from him after hearing that was enough to bring at least some peace to Kaleth’s soul.

He watched them leave through a portal Relioth made, surprised to see Kara joining them. But that made sense, he supposed. Kara would want to be involved in this, despite not being an Eternal. It was nice that they were sticking together, even though it filled his heart with a bit of emptiness.

But he had no right to get mopey about not getting to join them after what he’d done.

Kaleth looked up at the last remaining people in the room—Edras, Relioth and Elrin. Elrin had put on her classic understanding mother face, while Relioth just looked sort of sad. Maybe wistful. And for once it looked genuine.

“I know you don’t want to hear me tell you I forgive you or whatever,” Relioth began. At least he was self-aware.

“We do, though. Just to get that out there,” Elrin cut in, which almost made Kaleth laugh. Though if he actually had it would no doubt come out sounding at least a little hysterical. So he just gave her a nod, appreciating the thought.

“Right. But I’m mostly here ’cause…. Well, I—we—will be leaving. The planet. Tomorrow.”

Kaleth blinked. So he really was going to leave after all? Kaleth was too surprised right now to make any snide comments. But he also didn’t want to try to feel better by tearing anyone down right now, not even Relioth.

“So, I just wanted to say goodbye.”

Relioth stood there, awkwardly grimacing while Kaleth stayed silent. He wasn’t sure what to do with this information. Of course he didn’t mind that Relioth was leaving. In fact, he wanted him gone. He’d had enough of Relioth, as had the planet. But Kaleth hadn’t actually thought he’d ever go through with it.

“Oh. I see.”

Kaleth tried not to roll his eyes at his own reaction. Even for Relioth, that had been really subpar.

Relioth grimaced some more, clasping his hands behind his back. “Yeah, so, um…. But I mean I’ll come back eventually. If you can tolerate that.”

Now it was Kaleth’s turn to grimace. He wasn’t sure why, but he found it much harder to get angry with Relioth now, even though he had every reason to because of all that Relioth had done. But this felt oddly bittersweet, even though Kaleth was surely not going to miss the Eternal.

“Right. We’ll be leaving at midnight,” Relioth continued, clearing his throat. “You know where the ship is. If you wanna see it, or…. Um, yeah.”

And just like that they were both gone, leaving Kaleth and Mel alone in the room with Edras. Kaleth shook his head. That had probably not been intentional on Relioth’s part, and more of a reflex. But he couldn’t even enjoy that he’d made the Eternal uncomfortable enough to leave. It all just left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Relioth has a spaceship?” Edras asked. Kaleth just nodded, sinking into his seat. Mel put an arm around his shoulders and started sending him positive feelings, which Kaleth was incredibly grateful for. He needed to calm down.

“You did it, honey,” Mel whispered to him, kissing his temple. Kaleth didn’t feel much better, though his heart did feel a bit less heavy. He still didn’t think that he should be forgiven for what he’d done, but at least now he didn’t feel like he was dreading every second the future had to offer.

He really wanted to skip Relioth’s takeoff and to just take Rayni’s advice and take Mel somewhere nice, so he could finally experience the nicer things in life, but somehow Kaleth felt like it would bother him if he skipped out on it.

But he supposed they still had time for something small. He still didn’t feel completely up to it, but he knew it would make Mel’s day, so he would just shut up and deal with his inner drama.

“Do you want to get something to eat, love?”

Edras wagged her eyebrows at him then and quietly left the room with one last look, as if to check if Kaleth wouldn’t fall apart while she was away.

“Oh, I don’t need to eat, but if you’re hungry—” He paused, his eyes widening in realization as he grinned. “Uh, I mean yes, please!”

Kaleth smiled back. In that moment, he actually felt like he was going to be fine. Like he was going to handle this mess and work through it eventually. Especially if he would have Mel by his side.