The Alphas’ P**n Star Mate

Chloe POV

"Quit crying, you brat," Cortina said to me as I darted up the stairs. "You're getting worked up and don't even know what's wrong."

Angry tears were burning my eyes as I hurried through the packhouse halls. No, I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew for certain now that both of my mates weren't trying to get me pregnant. They were doing everything to prevent it. I could see that now. That's my biggest role as Luna, and for some reason, neither of them want me to have their pup. "There's something wrong with me."

"No there's not, besides having some screws loose. You shouldn't have yelled at him and just asked what the hell was going on."

No, I probably shouldn't have exploded at Miles like that, but it hurts. It feels like being rejected to know that they didn't want that with me. My fear and my hurt made me lash out, and now the depression is setting in. "You don't even want a baby. You used to dread the thought of getting pregnant by Cameron."

"I didn't like Cameron," I muttered. No, I never thought about having kids, and because of my circumstances, it put me off for so long that I started to develop negative feelings about the whole thing. I honestly dreaded the idea of getting pregnant.... But knowing my mates don't want me to be the mother of their kids when an heir is so important to Alphas had a whole different array of negativity weighing in on me. I never wanted pups before. Not with Cameron. ....But with Mick and Miles....

I was starting to see myself in that kind of future with them. I didn't want kids before, but it's different when I think about having their kid. I guess Mick was joking after all. I mean, who would want to get a cam girl pregnant?

"Is there something wrong with me? Is it... Is it because of my past?" What child would want a mother who used to be a porn star? Then there is the revelation of having magic in me. Magic that would be passed down to any child I had. Magic from.....from one of my parents that was passed on to me.

I can suspect which parent it could have been. Even though he hasn't said anything all this time, after hearing Paulina's words in my head, I'm more sure than ever. Why didn't he ever say anything? "Am I just not good enough for anyone?"

"Chloe," Cortina's voice was soft and sympathetic. "It's not that at all. I'm sure."

"Are you!? Because I'm not! I feel like everyone is hiding shit from me, and I know I'm the problem. I've been the reason for every issue we've had."

Cortina remained quiet, but I could feel her worry for me. She sat quietly in my mind, just trying to be a comfort with her presence and attention as I worked through this. With the magic, the stress of everything going on around us, the disappearance of Boyd and being treated like a fucking liability or an invalid for so long, I felt like I was at my breaking point.

Why do I always feel abandoned? Like I'm about to be abandoned? Like I'm unlovable and destined to be alone and unhappy? Why can't I get rid of this knot forming in my chest?

I went as far from our bedroom as I could, traveling down random halls until I came to a large rec room filled with arcade machines and different games. It was surprisingly completely vacant. It was really outdated, and there was a better rec room on the main floor, so that was probably why. There were worn-out plaid couches in front of a huge old TV, and ancient pool tables lining the far back wall. I headed for the bulky pool tables, crouching under the one furthest in the corner and let my body close in on itself. I wrapped my arms around my knees and buried my face against them.

It would only be a matter of time before Miles or Mick found me here. I was alone, probably for the first time since we left Broom StiXXX, but I doubted it would last. They could follow my scent to where I was, no matter how much I wanted to be alone right now. And I very much did want to be alone right now. I didn't want anyone to see me in this state.

With my head against my lap, I could smell myself strongly. There was no way anyone would miss this scent. I smelled like sex. Sex and Miles, and faintly of Mick. For some reason, that's what sent me over the edge. I began to sob against my legs, just wishing for the ache in my chest to go away.

I know they care for me. I know they are nothing like Cameron. Is that why it hurts so bad knowing they also don't want me to get pregnant?

As I sat there and cried, feeling like complete shit, I could feel the throbbing in my head of someone trying to reach me. I closed my walls completely and didn't let anyone in. I had stayed in the fucking pack house, just like I promised. I don't want a babysitter to come and check on me, or to have my mates find me in my crying state. Shit, I hate that I'm crying like this. I feel like I'm throwing a stupid hissy fit, but even knowing that doesn't chase away the abandoned feeling and the pain that comes with it.

I heard a warrior shouting my name some time later, right when my old tears were turning into sticky patches on my face and I had been spiraling too much to shed new ones. I was going numb on the inside. I felt someone come into the rec room, but after a few seconds, they just left. They were either not looking for me or didn't realize I was there. It wasn't Mick or Miles, and I didn't want to shame them by letting someone else find me in my current state. When the person left, I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding, then just buried my head in my knees again.

There was a nervous energy moving over me. I rationalized that it was because of the madness I was falling into, my depression taking root, but it was making the numbness fizzle away. I didn't like feeling that burning ache in my chest again. I wanted the numbness back. "Chloe, I think something is wrong," Cortina told me. "I feel like something is wrong."

I sniffled back my welling tears. "Wrong with what? Me? I know that already."

"No, crybaby. Don't you feel that? That fear creeping in?"

I did feel it, but I thought it was from my own depression. Now that I was focusing on it, I realized the feeling wasn't my own, but something else. "Our mates?"

"I don't know. I'm going to check." Cortina took her walls down as she went to see Ivar and Rome, and immediately was met with frantic snarling and demands. I could feel their panic and frustration, which made guilt and anxiety rise up in me. After dropping my block too, Miles's voice instantly started snarling through my head.

"WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"The... the pack house." I was caught off guard by his venomous tone, and that ache in my chest doubled in size.

"WHERE?!"

"I'm...I'll come to you. Where are you?"

"NO! Go to our room and press the button by the door."

"Okay," I said meekly. I felt Mick there too, his emotions just as crazy as his brothers. "I'm... I'm sorry."

I couldn't help but feel like I fucked up in my tantrum. That ache was beginning to feel unbearable and I just wanted it to stop.

"Chloe, just....." Mick's voice was strained, like he wanted to say something but couldn't. "Just go to our room and lock it down. We will be back soon."

"Okay."

I got to my feet, feeling the urgency in his voice. There was fear there too, and venomous anger. Walking out to the hall, chaos could be heard from the main parts of the pack house. I ran to the end of the hall, turned for the stairs and ran right into Lenny. "There you are." He sounded distressed too. "I've been looking all over for you. We must go!"

"What's happening?"

Instead of an answer, he bent down and lifted me into his arms before he began running for my bedroom. Every warrior we passed looked relieved to see me, and nodded at Lenny before running off to do whatever. "What the hell is going on?" I demanded. I didn't mean to, but I put too much of a demand into my tone, which forced him to answer.

"Everyone was in a panic looking for you, Chloe. No one could find you anywhere."

"All this craziness just because I wanted to be alone?! Why didn't you follow my scent?"

"We couldn't scent you!" His voice came out in a frustrated growl. "Someone came onto the pack, and we couldn't find you anywhere. Your mates were having a fucking melt down. We thought someone took you." A cold dread washed over me. Again. I'm the reason for all the pack's problems. My mates' problem. Again.