Teaching My Bookworm Stepsister

Kapri's P.O.V.

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"Brooke will be taking you to and from school. You can do your extra class here at home. Josh is more than welcome to come over, but you are only allowed to go straight to school and back." Mom said for the thousandth time. Jas and Jes looked from Mom to me. I can feel Brooke's eyes on me too.

"Okay." I mumbled.

"Keep your phone on you at all times. Send me a text inbetween your classes just to check in." Mom continued.

"Kay." I replied.

Mom gave me a pained look. I pretended not to notice.

"Kapri, you can at least look at m-"

"We're gonna be late." I interrupted Mom as I stood up.

I grabbed my bag, and walked out the door without another word.

It's only been three days since Mom told me the truth. I wouldn't come out of my room, even for school. I think Mom just thought I needed some time to process everything she told me. Process. Yeah right. I could never process all of this.

I was just trying to get clean.

I didn't come out of my room for those three days. Mom tried to get me to come out. She left food and water at my door, but I barely touched it.

Do I really deserve all of this? All of this worry? All of this luxury?

Last night, Mom told me that I needed to get back to reality. I think she was just worried about me never coming out of my room again. Regardless, I had no choice.

Mom tried to get me to eat breakfast. I didn't. She tried to talk to me. I didn't. Even Jas and Jes tried to talk to me. All I could manage were a few 'hmms' in response.

I couldn't even look anyone in the eyes. Especially Mom. I couldn't.. bring myself to look at her face, knowing what my existence probably does to her. "So, you gonna tell me what's going on?" Brooke asked as she pulled out of the driveway.

"No." I said.

I don't want to tell anyone. Especially my friends. The last thing I want is more people telling me that this isn't my fault, and blah blah blah. It's pointless.

"Kap.. You seem.. really off. Are you sure you don-"

"I don't want to talk about it." I interrupted her.

Brooke sighed.

"Kapri.. You helped me when I was at my lowest, when I thought I was worth nothing. So.. please don't be mad at me, but.. Something is very wrong. I can tell. You locked yourself in your room for three full days. You refused to see us, or eat. Your mom just kept saying that you needed space, but she clearly knows something. She's also suddenly being very strict with you.. You two are hiding something. And can we talk about your outfit? Baggy jeans and a black hoodie? No makeup, and your hair up in a bun? That's not like you." She rambled.

"I dressed like this all the time last year," I replied.

Brooke huffed.

"Yeah, I know, but not once this year. You've come out of your shell a lot. Why are you suddenly going back inside?" She asked.

I shrugged.

We just pulled into the parking lot. Brooke put the car in park, and turned to me. I ignored her as I grabbed my backpack.

"Why won't you look at me?" She asked.

"Why does it matter?" I asked.

"Because it's weird!" She shouted. "You won't look at me, or Jas, or Jes. Not your mom. You're not acting like yourself at all. It's freaking me out." "Sorry." I mumbled.

"Does this have something to do with Maverick?" Brooke asked abruptly.

I paused with my hand on the door handle. Sudden anger took over. Fu.cking Maverick.

"Not everything is about Maverick," I said angrily.

I opened the door, and tried to get out, but Brooke put her hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

"Wait." She said. "Kapri, I'm just worried about you. You won't tell me anything. He won't tell me anything. I'm grasping at straws here."

I sighed. I don't want anyone to worry about me. It just makes all of this worse.

"It's not about Maverick, okay? He's just a stupid a.sshole who took my virginity," I said.

"Then what is it?" Brooke asked.

I shook my head.

"I'm not telling you, and if you don't stop asking, then I'll stop coming around you." I warned.

With that, I got out of the car, slamming the door shut. Then I walked into the school without waiting for Brooke.

This is all so fu.cked up. I don't know how to handle any of this. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I don't know how to talk to my mom anymore. I can't even bring myself to look anyone in the eye.

My shoulder bumped into someone as I trudged through the hallway.

"Hey! Watch it!"

I ignored her.

"Uh, hello? Aren't you going to say sorry?" Sally asked.

I just continued to ignore her, and kept walking.

"Wow, Mav, you see that? She didn't even look at you. How desperate? Bumping into me to get your attention." Sally rambled.

I turned her out as I walked to my locker. I can feel eyes on me. Ones I can only assume belong to Maverick.

Why's he looking at me now?

I put my backpack in my locker, and stood there for a moment just staring into my locker. I want to go home. I want to hide under my blankets, and pretend like the last few months never happened. I'm tired of feeling dirty. I'm tired of crying. I'm just.. tired. My entire life has flipped upside down in the matter of hours. I.. don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know who it is staring back at me when I look in the mirror. I don't know what everyone else sees when they look me in the eyes. I.. don't feel like Kapri anymore.

"Kapri."

How am I supposed to move on if I don't know who I am anymore?

"Kapri."

How do I continue my dreams now?

"Kapri."

I wish I could go back to feeling numb.

"Kapri!"

Someone grabbed my shoulder, and spun me around. I flinched, and squirmed out of the person's hold. All of the air was knocked out of my lungs.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Josh said bashfully.

Great, now I can't even be touched by people?

"Th-that's okay." I mumbed as I turned back to my locker.

What was I doing again?

"Uh, you've been staring into your locker for a minute now, Kap. You okay?" Josh asked.

"Uhm, yeah." I lied.

That's right, I have to get to class.

"Are you sure? You seem.. off." Josh said.

"I said I'm fine, okay?!" I bit out, and slammed my locker shut. "I can't hang out with you after school anymore Josh. Sorry."

Then I started to walk down the hall.

"What? Why?" He asked as he followed me.

"Home stuff." I said.

"Home stuff?" He asked.

"Mhm." I said.

Josh grabbed my shoulder. I stopped walking as my body trembled. What the hell!?

"S-sorry.." Josh said. "Did I.. do something wrong?" He asked.

"No," I replied.

"Then why can't you look me in the eyes?" Josh asked.

God, I'm so pathetic.

"Is this because of Maverick? Have the two of you started hooking up again?" He asked.

"How did you know about that?" I asked.

"Am I supposed to answer that? You don't answer me." Josh said.

I sighed, and rubbed my head.

"Why does everyone think that Maverick is the cause of everything with me?" I muttered under my breath.

"Look Kap, I know that you two have feelings for each other. If it's really that, just tell me. Tell me if I don't have a chance with you anymore." Josh begged.

A chance with me? Why would he want to be with me? Would he still think of me the same if he knew the truth? If he knew.. where I came from?

"I'm sorry Josh, you don't have a chance with me. Not you. Not Maverick. Not anyone. You should be with someone who actually deserves a life," I said. "What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked.

Just then, the bell rang.

"I gotta go." I mumbled.

I walked away from Josh as tears filled my eyes. I won't ever be deserving of anyone. I shouldn't have even been born.

How was Mom able to see me as such a blessing? I don't understand. I've spent the last three days trying to feel what she felt, but.. I just don't. I can't wrap my head around it.

Everything Mom has done for me my whole life. All the jobs she worked to take care of us. All the work she put into me. All the love she showered me with.

How could she have done that knowing who I came from?

I paused in the doorway of my classroom. What's the point anymore? I won't get into Harvard. No matter how hard I try. I haven't even finished my essay.

I guess I have something interesting to write about now. Not that I ever will. I can't even tell my best friends, let alone a bunch of strangers.

"Kapri, you coming?" Hayden asked as he walked past me.

I stared at my seat in the far front corner.

"No. I don't think so today." I mumbled.

"Huh?" Hayden asked.

I ignored him as I turned down the hall. I just don't want to today. I don't want to be here at all, and I don't want to be stuck in a classroom for an hour surrounded by people. I just want to be invisible.