(Sur)real

He is the one, the Lady whispered.

“An Elder?” I asked softly, trying not to let any hint of what I wanted to feel surface.

Yes. Son of Strength and imbued with strength. You must not fail.

I watched the man fall to his knees with a sinking feeling in my stomach. If Bethi had disliked the Lady before, she’d hate her now. They all would when they finally understood what this meant.

WINIFRED…

I left the needle in Clay and rushed to Jim. Taking his face in my hands, I forced his gaze to mine.

The pain is telling you that you’re trying to make the wrong choice, I sent him.

How can you know? She smells right. I have no doubt she’s the one.

She might have been before you were an Elder. Not now. She’s Claimed Blake, Jim. We need you. You need to stop.

How do I stop wanting her? he sent not just to me, but Sam and Grey too, proving just how unfocused he was right then.

I stroked my fingers along Jim’s face, sorrow engulfing me. We never should have made him an Elder. How many different types of losses would our race need to suffer? I thought.

You tell yourself every single second of every single day you can’t have her, Sam’s voice cut in. It’s what I do. It keeps the pain at bay.

I looked up and met Sam’s gaze, the pull stirring in my stomach like it always did when I looked at him.

It doesn’t get easier, but I would have done anything to spare Winifred the pain she felt when she saw me. Even to make sure she didn’t have to endure it alone.

The tension in Jim’s clenched jaw and corded neck eased fractionally. From the corner of my eye, I saw Charlene lead Olivia from the room and Grey move to finish with Clay.

We need you, Jim. Blake will not leave these girls alone. He’s waiting, biding his time. He will try again.

Jim closed his eyes, and his breathing slowed. I knew he was fighting to contain what he was feeling for Olivia. Sam and I shared another look. It wouldn’t be easy. Sam hadn’t lied. Even after all these years, it was hard to be so near him.

“I’ll be fine,” Jim said in a rough voice. However, when he opened his eyes, his gaze immediately went to the place where Olivia had stood.

“Come on,” I said, lifting him to his feet. “Let’s get you some pizza.”

“I’m not hungry.”

My stomach twisted with worry. Jim was never not hungry. Since the moment Charlene had given birth, he’d needed to be fed often and a lot.

“Then come sit on the bed.”

He did as I suggested. Thomas watched him closely, worry etching his features. We both knew the risks. If Jim continued to think of Olivia as his Mate instead of an extended member of the pack he needed to protect, he would die.

JIM…

Dad sat beside me. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. The worry poured off of him like cologne gone bad. As much as I wanted to reassure him, I couldn’t. It still felt like I was dying. The pressure inside me had eased enough that I could breathe, but not by much.

I focused on Grey and Clay. Grey worked with quick efficiency, finishing the small, neat stitches needed to close up the first of the three gashes. Clay didn’t move at all, but I could see the glint of his brown eyes from beneath his lowered lids. I wondered if he hurt as much as I did.

A hand swiped gently over his brow, and I shifted my attention to Gabby. She didn’t look at me, her focus completely on Clay. Her fingers smoothed over the skin of his cheek, again and again, giving him what comfort she could.

I wanted that. A Mate to fuss over me. I should have never taken the oath.

The pain, which had been receding, swelled forward again.

I grunted, and Dad gripped my shoulder.

“We can’t take any more loss,” Dad said quietly. “You took the oath. Let thoughts of any other life go.”

The pack. My people. He was right. I needed to think of them. When I did, breathing got easier.

Olivia would never be my Mate. I needed to come to terms with that.

I’m sorry it’s you, Henry sent me, but I’m really glad it isn’t me.

The thought of the pup trying to pursue her set my teeth on edge, and I fought not to growl.

Me too, I sent back.

Henry turned from the box of pizza and frowned at me.

That doesn’t sound like a guy who has given up.

Mom walked back into the room alone. The immediate need to know where she’d left Olivia caused the pain to squeeze to life in my chest. This time I didn’t grunt.

Knowing what worked last time, I focused on Paul and the cubs. The people who needed me the most. The pain eased, and I almost grinned. This was a little like lying to Winifred. Just like Sam said. It wasn’t about not wanting my Mate, it was about distracting myself from acknowledging it.

“Are you all right?” Mom asked, moving to stand in front of me and fussing about my color and the sweat on my forehead.

“I’m fine, Ma.”

She lightly smacked me upside my head.

“Then don’t ever pull that shit again.”

Even Grey stopped what he was doing to turn and look at her.

The angry light left her eyes, and she immediately burst into tears and hugged me tightly.

“I can’t lose anyone else,” she sobbed softly.

I held her close, hating myself for not getting to that clearing faster. Mary hadn’t just been like a second Mom to me. She’d also been a sister to Mom.

“Come on, Charlene,” Dad said, tugging on her arm and loosening her stranglehold on me. “Let’s go to another room for a while.”

She nodded against me, pressed a kiss to my forehead with a warning to behave for once in my life, then left with Dad. I watched them go and noticed that Winifred and Sam still stood near the door. Both watched me closely.

I exhaled heavily and stood.

“I’ll be back,” I said.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from the stares. Don’t worry; I don’t plan on dying today.”

I left the room and went back to the lobby.

Outside, I stood in the falling snow. Each time my mind drifted to Olivia, the pain grew worse. When my mind remained with the pack, the pain lessened. The pack depended on Olivia, though. Not just Olivia but all of the women. According to Bethi, they controlled the fate of the world. As an Elder, how could I not think about them and how each individual impacted that fate?

Just like that, the pain eased further.

I didn’t let the relief distract me from my train of thought because I suddenly understood that thinking about Olivia was essential. Before I’d arrived, Winifred had hinted that Olivia was playing both sides. We needed to understand why. I couldn’t avoid her; the Elders needed to talk to her and discover her intent for the safety of the pack. Anyone associated with Blake—the words Winifred had just said during those first few shocked moments clicked into place, and I growled. No, not just associated with him. My Mate had Claimed—

The sudden crushing pain devastating my insides brought me to my knees in the snow. I didn’t stop, though. I focused my thoughts on Olivia, not only a threat to the pack but a potential Mate to an Elder. That couldn’t be a coincidence. Henry had felt something for her, too. Something strong, according to Grey. Yet, nothing compared to what I felt, what fate wanted me to feel. Why me and not Henry? Why an Elder? There had to be a reason, but what?

All the pain, even the slightest amount, disappeared.

I looked up into the falling snow with a heavy heart, having my answer. Almost the same answer I’d given Henry. Be nice, but don’t trust. The attraction was so I would pay attention to her—close attention—because as an Elder, I would see something no one else would.

Standing, I took a deep breath and went inside to find Olivia. Now that I’d scented her, nothing could cover up her trail. I followed it down the hall, past the room where Winifred once again stitched Clay, to a door next to the room where my dad spoke softly to my mom.

I knocked and waited. When the door opened, I felt no pain as I studied every inch of her face. Deep bruises covered her cheek and colored the skin around her eye. How had I not noticed that?

“You could use some ice,” I said. “I’ll be right back. Leave the door open.”

I grabbed the bag from the hotel’s plastic ice bucket and went to the ice machine without waiting for her answer.

When I returned, Olivia faced the curtained window, as if she could see the parking lot through the material. Her long pale hair hung in a smooth cascade down her back, almost reaching the curve of her butt.

Her stomach growled very faintly, and I did my best to ignore the urge I had to go to her and care for her. Instead, I looked closer. She wore a sweater and leggings. The leggings didn’t hide her trim legs, and the sleeves of the sweater showed her bony wrists.

“Here’s some ice,” I said.

“It’s not necessary.”

“Why? Is the bruise not real? Do you not feel pain?”

“The bruise is real, and it hurts,” she said without turning.

“Then why wouldn’t you want ice for it?”

“Because it doesn’t matter.” A heavy, frustrated breath escaped her, but nothing changed in her scent. Interesting.

“Why doesn’t it matter?” I asked.

“The only thing that matters is the Judgement. Why is no one listening?”

“Maybe because they don’t trust you. It’s hard to believe someone who has Claimed the man responsible for all the misfortune the group has experienced.”

With quiet steps, I moved directly behind her.

“I’ve explained my reason for it.”

“Explain it again,” I said softly. I didn’t miss the way she trembled slightly.

She turned and tipped her face up at me. Her lips drew my attention. An ache grew that had nothing to do with being an Elder. I pushed it aside and gently set the ice against her cheek.

A shaky exhale escaped her.

“I die. Bethi confirmed it. I always die. In order to live long enough to make it possible for us to pass Judgement, I needed to Claim Blake. I was three, maybe four, at the time. He has kept me alive. That’s it, because that’s all that was needed.”

“Are you telling me that Blake doesn’t care about you?” I asked, masking my disbelief.

“No. He does care, but only enough to keep me alive and under his control so that I can complete the purpose he has planned for me.”

I understood what she wasn’t saying, what she wanted me to know. She didn’t care for him. She felt no alliance with him. Was it true? I doubted it.

“You are so beautiful,” I said, leaning closer. Her breath tickled my lips a moment before she turned her head away.

“Don’t,” she said. “You cannot pursue what you feel. Not now.”

I tilted my head and studied her. It wasn’t quite the rejection I’d anticipated and still left me uncertain about her loyalties.

“The Lady knows you’re testing me because you don’t trust me. That none of you do. But, she says you need to trust your heart. It knows more than your head.”

I snorted. The Lady sounded a lot like Winifred.

“Can you blame me for needing to test you?”

“No. And, I know you’re not done yet. That’s fine. Just don’t try to test me like that. It’s too dangerous for all of us. I need to be very careful with all my emotions. Blake is always paying attention.”

Because she’d Claimed him. Because they were now linked. Jealousy burst forward, igniting the pain again. I grunted and bent forward slightly, involuntarily leaning my forehead against her shoulder. Her fingers touched the hair at the back of my head, a light feathering touch that disappeared too quickly.

“She says to stop fighting it. Our only priority can be the protection of our world.”

The Lady was right. I breathed deeply and straightened away from Olivia. She held the ice to her cheek, still facing me with her sightless eyes.

“Your connection to Blake is a risk to that priority. You need to break it.”

Preferably on my neck so I could keep an eye on her. Oddly, the anticipated pain didn’t return.

“I can’t. As much as Blake pays attention to me, I pay attention to him. He’s still on the east coast. When he’s ready to make his move, I’ll know. I’ll feel it.”

“He already has men following, according to Winifred. Why would he need to come here?”

“The Urbat are different from the werewolves. You have Elders and pack leaders. We only ever have one.”

I frowned at her slip. We. She considered herself one of them?

“What do you mean?” I asked, not acknowledging her slip.

“I mean, if Blake is not here when the power shifts, he risks losing his position in the Urbat. He is the leader. The only leader. He doesn’t just want power for the Urbat. He wants it for himself.”

She seemed so sure of that. I reached out and held the fingers of her free hand, slowly leading her toward the bed.

“We know very little about the Urbat. Tell me more.”

OLIVIA…

The feel of his hand on mine made my pulse jump again. He needed to stop touching me and standing so close. It was getting harder and harder to control what I felt each time.

Blake’s impatience stabbed at me. I tugged my hand free of Jim’s, took Gabby’s phone, which Winifred had let me keep, from my back pocket, and dialed Blake’s number.

“What are you doing?” he barked at me.

“I could feel your impatience, so I called to give you an update.”

“No. What are you doing right now?”

“I’m in my hotel room.”

“Alone?”

“They have me staying with an Elder. He’s kind. He went to get ice to help with the bruising from Frank,” I said, carefully choosing my words and purposely trying to distract him from asking too many questions about the present. He would sense any lie.

“Frank touched you?” Blake growled.

“He grew agitated as we drove to the Compound. When we arrived, he hit me because I refused to go against your wishes and call you.”

Blake remained very quiet. I could feel his confused mix of emotions. He wouldn’t remember giving any orders. But I’d ensured others were in the room when he’d given them. Witnesses who traveled with him while he was possessed. Witnesses who had likely already filled him in on what he’d told me to do.

“The rest of the group are in another room helping care for the one who was injured,” I continued. “The dreamer and her Mate aren’t present. With luck, she’s sleeping somewhere and dreaming the answer we need.”

“I felt something before. What was it?”

“One of them surprised me with a simple act of kindness. I don’t understand why they are so willing to be nice to me.”

“Use it to your advantage. Find out where they plan to go next so we can greet them.”

“I will.”

The line went dead. I hung up the phone and slipped it back into my pocket before turning to face the man who made my stomach go wild with just the sound of his voice. He stood before me, his arms crossed and his head tilted as he studied me. I wished I could see his face.

“Are you really blind?” he asked, startling me.

Was I that easy for him to read?

“To this world, yes. There is another world that touches ours. I see the creatures in that world. They are like wisps of grey smoke. They like to move and swirl around the objects in this world, giving me sight, sort of. Rough outlines of things.”

“What do you see in here?”

I turned my head, looking around at the Others as they played.

“Two beds, a lamp, a desk, a toilet, sink, and shower.”

“You can see in the bathroom?”

His surprise almost made me smile. I needed to keep better control around him.

“Yes. They like to move around the objects we interact with. People don’t really interact with walls.”

“You can see into the next room?”

I turned my head slightly and glanced at the two people who snuggled on the bed not far from us. Across the hall, someone ate on a bed next to someone who slept. Further down, I saw the familiar shape of Winifred slightly bent over another person. Likely still stitching Clay.

“Yes. I can see them all. I’m glad we’re on the first floor. It’s weird to look down and see people below me.”

“I bet it would be. So you can only see some shapes and only in grey?”

“Yes. Except the Lady. She’s different. Her smoke has color.”

“Why is she different?”

“I think she rules the Others. And maybe even us.”

“Why do you think that?”

I laughed, unable to help myself.

“You like the word why,” I said.

“Yeah, I drove my mom and Winifred nuts with all my questioning. I’d like to say it was only while growing up, but I still question everything.”

“It’s a sign of intelligence.”

Jim snorted. “They think I just don’t grasp what they are trying to tell me.”

I liked talking to him. A lot. The sound of his voice soothed me, and I wished I could actually see his face.

“Can I touch you?” The question popped out of my mouth before I thought what it would mean.

“Yes.”

My stomach gave a nervous flip. Touching him probably wasn’t a smart idea. Yet, I couldn’t resist.

I stepped closer to him and lightly set the tips of my fingers to his cheeks, ignoring the burn in my back.

Tiny rough stubble poked my fingers. Whiskers. A tingle started in the pads of my fingers and sparked through my hands and up my arms. I started to pull away, but he caught my hands and took control, sliding my fingers down to his mouth. The first touch of his lips caused my heart to stutter.

“Please let go,” I said, firmly.

He did.

Instead of pulling away, I continued what he’d started. I traced the curve of his lower lip then top. He held still, letting me explore the strong line of his jaw, the smooth ridge of his brow, and the slope of his nose. Once I had an understanding of his features, I dropped my hands to my sides.

“Why did you do that?” I asked.

“To see how you’d react.”

“Why?”

“Who’s the one who likes why now?” he asked.

I could hear the humor in his voice.