SWNOVELS Chapter 25
Time felt to pass at an alarmingly slow rate. I was aware of the world around me, but I didn’t wish to acknowledge it. I thought about my feelings now that I knew my own past. I couldn’t marry Lady Oglin for numerous reasons, but I was sure of the fact that I couldn’t marry another woman. Especially not one that was expecting a physical relationship from me. Pili, though…He came to me in those daze filled states. I knew they were all hallucinations, yet I savored those small touches, the way his mouth moved as he formed his words, the feeling of his lips on mine. In the world my mind created all the rules and laws I was raised with and under had no more meaning. We could do what it was that we wanted without others expecting anything from us.
The door banged open, startling me out of the hazes I’d grown accustomed to under the poison. I pushed myself up as best I could to see who had forced me to accept the reality I lived in. I let myself fall to my back at my quick glance of the royal doctor; it was hard maintaining anything physical while half my body didn’t wish to move with my brain. It took him a couple tries to get his words out through his gasping breaths. I felt my lower right eyelid twitch as he spoke, and I demanded I be taken to Innin.
I wanted to watch the second round of questioning, to see if Lady Oglin and Iken were going to continue to pretend they knew nothing. There was only a handful within the palace who still had the authority to trade with the Eastern Plains, Lady Oglin was given that privilege when she agreed to marry me. I gripped the armrest of the wheelchair as a knight pushed me down the halls, running to arrive to the interrogation room before they started. My eyelid twitched again when we passed a familiar figure. I told myself I was still hallucinating, only so I couldn’t be torn between two places. But then he said my name, and I asked the knight to stop without a second thought, asked him to bring us to an empty sitting room.
I had the knight leave us. “What’re doing here?”
He looked at me with slight confusion. “Your…Your coronation’s in a couple days,” he said. “I came early so I could talk with you.” I let out a small puff of air, having forgotten how much time had passed. “What’s happened to you?” He sat, bringing himself to eye-level with me. I glanced at my numb hand in my lap, telling him all that transpired with Lady Oglin and the poison. “I’m sorry,” he said, hesitatingly grabbing my left hand. “Would you prefer we talk later?”
“No!” I said maybe a little too forcefully. “No, I’ve been resting for…I’m not sure how long.” I gave his hand a small squeeze. “I’m…happy you’re here.” I didn’t hear what he said through my blood pulsing in my ears. I had to tell him what I settled on, but it felt so embarrassing to say it all out loud. “Pili…I think…” I tried to keep my eyes on his, but the nerves took over and I glanced away. “I think that…I…love you…”
His hand stayed firmly in mine, his other forcing me to look at him. At his all too close face, at his sparkly aquamarine eyes. “I had an inkling,” he smiled. I felt my face heat up the longer he stared at me, my eyelid falling into line for a few blinks. It didn’t matter all that much, though, I closed my eyes as he said he thought he loved me, too. I kept my mouth firmly shut with his lips against mine, trying to reconcile with everything that was to happen with my life in the future. If I opened my mouth, there was no way I could marry, sire children. If I let him in, I would sooner allow myself to drown than swim away. Then I thought about my still unplanned wedding to Lady Oglin and…I let him deepen the kiss, his hand moving from my chin to my cheek; the coolness of it trickled between the patches of paralysis. I tilted my head with his movements, the wheelchair starting to squeak back as he kept trying to get closer to me. He pulled himself away, “Maybe we should continue this somewhere else? Or-or we can wait until you can move more freely?”
I held onto his hand with much more force. “You can…take me back to my room. If you want…” If I was going to drown, I might as well sink to the bottom of the sea with his arms around me.
The knight followed Pili as he pushed me back to my room. While I wished no one had to keep watch outside my room, it gave me a slight comfort that it wasn’t Innin. Innin would have taken post inside, making anything Pili and I were to do strictly forbidden. The knight stayed mercifully outside the door, none the wiser to what we may get up to.
Pili helped me out of the wheelchair and into the bed I never realized the grandness of. He laid me down; hovering above me I was hyperaware of my tail underneath me, of our breathing, of my heart beating. His hand was fixed in my paralyzed one, giving it something to do I figured. His other hand slid my shirt up, fingers light against my skin, almost as if he were afraid to touch me. He placed his hand over my heart, a nervous smile spreading across his face. “It’s so fast.”
I put mine over his heart. “So is yours.”
He knocked his forehead gently against mine, his smile becoming more confident. “Are you sure you don’t wish to wait?” He asked quietly. “I don’t wish to harm you on top of Lady Oglin’s injuries.”
“I’m…” Whatever shall we do with you, her voice trickled in my head. It dawned on me that she knew. She knew the poison wasn’t enough to kill me, she knew I would be locked behind doors while I recovered. She was plotting something much more sinister, something that needed me to be behind doors for. All of my happiness dripped out of me. “I have to talk to Lady Oglin.” It was brief, but for a moment I felt the fingers on my right hand squeeze Pili’s.