Sunset of the Wandering Souls

The blue sky was mocking me. I couldn’t run away again, couldn’t fly through it as Pili swam through the sea. I caught myself a few times trying to unlatch the window, to throw myself out of it. I ran from my Blue Moon Beautillion, I couldn’t run from war, from what I could only see being my first decree as king. I pulled my knees closer to my chest, wanting to fall further into the seat under the window. My people would be killed, but Arshaka and Luyun would have gotten what they wanted. The only hope I had left of a peaceful resolution was a parlay. I doubted Innin would let me on the battlefield.

There was a knock at the door, and I stood to answer it. Pili stepped through the threshold silently; I closed the door quietly behind him. We’d been at the Embassy for a few days, Innin sending and receiving letters. It was painful for me to think about how Pili and I would be going our separate ways soon. For him to keep his promise to his uncle, and mine to my mother, he would go south and Innin and I would go back to the Interior. I’d marry Lady Oglin, have my coronation and wait patiently for a war. Maybe it was all a passing fancy like Innin wished it were. Being cooped up in the palace for so long made me misunderstand the concept platonic kindness.

He grabbed my hands, and I wished he didn’t. It only made the goodbye I knew was coming so much harder. If this were to be the last time I saw him, maybe it was alright to lose myself in my feelings. To let him wash away all my fears, my worries, the pain. It wouldn’t be right to use him for such a selfish reason. “Ezollen,” he said, his thumbs forming circles on the back of my hands. “I’ll be heading back to Ukicho tomorrow.”

“I’m…aware,” I tried to sound as distant as possible, if only to make it hurt less. “Safe travels.”

His thumbs stopped moving and I chewed on the inside of my lip. “I’ll come back,” he said, “I’ll try to come back. I promise.” He gave me a wide smile. “Innin gave me an invitation to your coronation. I promise to be there, I’ll tell my uncle how we should strengthen our ties with the Reissu.”

I removed my hands from his, watching his face fall. “You don’t need to promise that.” I pulled the bracelet he had given me off my wrist, placing it in his hand. “I…” The confidence I pretended to have slipped out of me, but I soldiered on, trying to hold back any and all of my emotions. “Forget about me, Pili. Marry an Aeces woman. I’ve…come to terms with the life that’s been laid out for me.”

“You don’t mean that,” he said suddenly. He tightened his grip on the bracelet. “I don’t want to forget about you.” He placed my hand over his heart, keeping me from pulling it back. I felt how fast it beat, saw the dusting of crimson across his cheeks. “I don’t believe my heart could beat like this for an Aeces woman.” With his hand still holding onto mine, he produced a small ring from his pouch. He slid it onto my left middle finger before putting the bracelet back on me. “Keep these, at least. If you’re certain you mean that, then give those back to me on our next meeting.” He kissed the ring like one of my subjects. I fought the urge to touch him one last time before he left.

I curled myself into a ball, my eyes focused on the ring. The band was thin silver, etched in markings I couldn’t begin to understand; at its center was a delicate ruby carved into the image of a rose. It made me want to cry. Made me want to yank the ring off my finger and throw it across the room. I didn’t deserve his gifts, I couldn’t keep his love anymore with my wedding to Lady Oglin looming closer and closer.

In the morning, Pili went to the docks as, Innin and I rode north to the Interior. I wished the weeklong journey back to the palace hadn’t moved so fast. Innin scrubbed the scent of daffodil off me and replaced it with the scent of roses almost immediately upon our return to the palace. I barely had a time to mourn my relationship with Pili due to the flurry of activity to prepare my coronation and wedding. I had almost no part in the plans for my coronation, only Innin and my mother coming to find me to get my reluctant approval. My wedding, however, I was to plan together with Lady Oglin.

The past year, she and her lady-in-waiting were becoming accustomed to palace life. I met her in a parler sometime after Innin found a moment to give me a list of all that was needed for the wedding. She was already seated by the time I entered, her back up as straight as it possibly could be. Her floral patterned fan covered the lower part of her face, her legs crossed at the ankles. She stood and held a gloved hand out in my direction, I took it gently and kissed it lightly. “Your Highness,” she curtsied in greeting. “How were your travels?” She asked as I sat down across from her, her following suit.

I chose my words carefully knowing anyone could be listening in the palace. “Eye-opening.”

“I’m delighted they were so inspiring.” The door opened after a soft knock as she spoke. Her eyes lit up at the young girl carrying in a tea set on a tray. “Your Highness,” she motioned to the girl, “this is Iken, my younger sister and lady-in-waiting. I wish to include her in the wedding.”

Iken gave a small curtsy and muttered a greeting, then carried on with pouring us tea. I looked at the list Innin had given me. “There’s a few roles she could fulfill.” I picked up a teacup when Iken was finished, sipping at the strangely sweet tea.

While I couldn’t see her mouth, I could feel Lady Oglin’s smile. “Wonderful,” she said. “I’d like her close to me, she’s a shy little thing.”

“Yes, you’ll…” My eyes were having trouble focusing on the list in my hand. I felt like I did in Ikanhaba, only slightly different. My head was swimming, but my body didn’t feel hot more like it was…numb. I stood with great difficulty, my right leg not wanting to go the way my brain wanted. “Ex…cuse me,” I said with great difficulty. I stumbled to the door, only thinking to call for the knight positioned outside after I lost feeling in my arms.

I fell to the floor, still calling for the knight until I couldn’t feel my tongue anymore. Lady Ogling stared at me with cold eyes from her position on the settee. She snapped her fan closed to give me a dizzying view of her carefully colored red lips. “I heard,” she enunciated, “you spoke with a Jakeki noble.” Her heels clicked on the floor as she walked to my limp figure. Her skirts billowed out around her as she squatted down, holding my chin. “And an exiled Qriacin.” She tsked, frowned. “Whatever shall we do with you?”