Sunlight (Haven River Ranch)

“Stay put,” Jax ordered as we came to a sliding stop beside Emery’s Jeep. The second the tires stopped, he was out the door.

I was definitely not staying put. With my seat belt unbuckled, I hopped out and slammed my door. No one even glanced toward the noise.

Emery was on the porch, arms wrapped around her middle, staring at the man whose knees were in the dirt. Tears streamed down her face.

They streamed down Calvin’s too. “Please, baby. Don’t do this.”

Jax’s hands balled into fists as I came to a stop at his side. He gave me a frown but otherwise kept his attention on Emery and Calvin.

“Em, you know I’d never hurt you. It was an accident. I swear. Shit has been bad with us lately, but we can fix it. Please, give me a chance to fix it.”

She wiped at her cheeks, her gaze flickering to Jax and me. There wasn’t much color in her ashen face, but the slight pink in her cheeks drained, and she ducked her chin like she wanted to hide.

We shouldn’t be here. We shouldn’t be watching this. I put my hand on Jax’s arm, giving it a slight tug, but he was immovable.

Not a chance he’d leave Emery here alone.

“Calvin, get up,” Emery said.

He shook his head. “No. Not until you give me another chance.”

The man was the portrait of remorse. He clasped his hands together, more tears streaming down his face. There was no mistaking the desperation in his voice, and for a moment, my heart squeezed.

Then it hardened to stone.

He was manipulating her. He was playing the victim. He was laying on the guilt so thick it blanketed the ground like a gray, dismal fog.

Jax opened his mouth, like he was about to step in, but I dug my nails into the cotton of his shirt. He clamped his teeth shut with an audible click.

Emery had to recognize this. She had to be the one to send him away. Otherwise, he’d never stop. And this cycle of theirs would go on and on and on.

“Please,” Calvin whispered. “I love you. You’re my wife.”

Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“I’ll change. I swear. We’ll do that counseling stuff again. I’ll cut back on hours at work. We can fix this.”

She swallowed hard, shaking her head. “You said that last time we had a fight.”

“I mean it this time.”

She stared at him for a long moment. “You said that last time too.”

Calvin gulped as Emery straightened, her shoulders squaring.

“I think you should leave,” she said.

“Emery, I—”

“It’s done, Calvin. We’re done.”

The air rushed from my lungs.

Jax’s shoulders dropped as he blew out his own breath.

Before he could say another word, Emery turned and disappeared inside the cabin, slamming the door.

Calvin hung his head. If he wasn’t already on the ground, he would have crumpled to the earth.

I took a step away, about to retreat to the truck, but Jax didn’t budge.

He stared at Calvin, waiting as the minutes dragged on, until finally, the other man shifted and pushed to his feet.

Calvin stared at the cabin’s front door for a long moment. “Fuck you, Haven. This is your fault.”

Asshole.

“I’m not the one who hit her,” Jax said.

“It was an accident.” The look Calvin sent Jax was sheer malice. “Maybe if you hadn’t been fucking my wife all year, she wouldn’t have left me.”

The sound Jax made was part laugh, part scoff. “Get the hell off my property. Don’t come back.”

Calvin only arched his eyebrows, a silent challenge for Jax to make him leave.

My heart climbed into my throat as my hands wrapped around Jax’s forearm. “No, Jax.”

Every muscle in his body seemed to tense, like a predator ready to strike. But the only move he made was to jerk his chin toward Calvin’s truck.

“Fuck you.” Calvin flipped us off, then stormed away.

The slam of his driver’s side door made me jump. Then the engine roared to life, and he sped off down the road, dust flying in his wake.

Only when the sound of his truck was gone did I breathe. Then I rushed for the cabin, knocking as I opened the door. “Emery?”

She was standing at the window that overlooked the kitchen sink, staring out into the green meadow that stretched beyond the glass. “He’s gone.”

There was pain in that statement. Not gone, as in today. Gone, forever. Her husband, gone.

Maybe they hadn’t been in a good marriage, but she loved Calvin, didn’t she?

“I’m sorry.” I went to stand at her side and put my arm around her shoulders.

“Me too.” She leaned her head against mine. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

“It’s not easy to cut someone out of your life, especially when you know you’re breaking their heart.”

She closed her eyes. “Whose heart did you break?”

Eddie’s. I broke Eddie. In every way imaginable. And I had to live with that for the rest of my life.

“Do you want some time alone?” I asked my own question instead of answering hers.

“Yeah,” she murmured, standing tall to wipe at her eyes. “I think so.”

“All right.” I dropped my arm and, when I turned, found Jax’s gaze waiting.

He wasn’t focused on Emery. No, he was locked on me.

Which meant he’d heard Emery’s question.

And he’d listened to me dodge it.

“You okay, Em?” he asked.

She shrugged. After a scene like that, a shrug was probably as good as anyone could hope for.

“I’ll call you later,” he said.

She nodded, her voice raw as she said, “’Kay.”

He gave her a sad smile as I crossed the room, walking for the door. He followed me outside and into his truck.

“Sasha—”

“Please, don’t ask.” I dropped my chin. If he asked, I’d tell him. And I wasn’t ready to tell him, not yet.

His disappointment filled the cab, but he stayed quiet as he took us to his house.

I slipped to the bedroom as he took off his boots. The lights were off, the evening sunset streaming in through the windows in pink and peach and golden rays. I slumped on the end of the bed and closed my eyes.

With every breath, I waited for the twist in my chest to loosen. For the weight to disappear. But it wouldn’t. Not until Jax knew the truth. Not until I told Eddie about the baby.

Secrets were heavy, especially when you carried them alone.

My hand floated to my belly.

Once upon a time, I’d told my mother everything. She’d been my secret keeper. I wanted to be that for my daughter so she wouldn’t have to carry her secrets alone.

“Tell me a truth.” Jax’s voice was a low murmur from the doorway.

I opened my eyes. Jax leaned against the threshold. “I’m scared of what this will be like when it ends.”

That I’d go back to the cabin once Emery left, and we’d return to being . . . friends. That eventually, he’d find a woman who wasn’t quite so closed off, quite so scared of being trampled, quite so messy and broken. That he’d realize I was just too much work.

“Why do you think it will end?”

“History.” The good never lasted. It was either killed in a car crash. Or pummeled in a miserable fistfight.

Jax shoved off the door and crossed the room, kneeling in front of me. He looked like he was about to say something, but the sight of him on his knees reminded me too much of Calvin from earlier, so I reached for him, grabbing him by the shirt to pull him closer.

He rose up, his mouth capturing mine as I lay back on the bed, his shirt still balled in my fist. His weight settled beside mine on the mattress, his tongue sliding past my lips, and the moment it swirled against my own, everything beyond us faded to a blur.

The noise in my head quieted. The worries vanished.

A hum vibrated from my chest as I threaded my hands into his hair, tugging at the dark-blond strands.

Jax slanted his mouth, delving inside before he nipped at my bottom lip, leaning away. His Adam’s apple bobbed as his blue eyes searched mine. “Baby, I promise—”

“Don’t,” I whispered, putting my finger over his lips before he could finish that sentence.

He frowned but stayed quiet.

We weren’t at the point of making promises. We both knew that. There was too much uncertainty ahead of us, too many unknowns.

And if he made me a promise, I wasn’t sure I’d survive if he couldn’t keep it. Not that he wouldn’t try. Jax Haven was the type of man who’d move mountains to keep a promise, even if it destroyed us both.

I ran my thumb over his lower lip, my hand sliding across his jaw. Then I leaned up and took his mouth.

Jax growled, the sound a dark rumble in his chest as he took control. Gone was the sweet, gentle touch. He devoured me, pouring every bit of his frustration into the kiss.

My breath hitched as his hand slid up my ribs, cupping my breast. I arched into his body as heat coursed through my veins. The throb in my core became a steady drumbeat.

He nipped at the corner of my lips, biting hard enough to sting. Then we became a frenzy, each sitting up to strip out of our clothes, all while our mouths fought to stay locked. He had me naked in seconds, my clothes landing in soft thumps on the floor.

I wasn’t as quick and only managed to get his shirt off before I got distracted by the warmth of his skin against mine. My hands trailed through the dusting of coarse hair over his heart, dropping to those muscled abs. My fingertips whispered along the peaks and valleys as they trailed lower and lower and lower.

With a series of quick flicks, his belt buckle was loose, the metal cool on my bare hip. Then I tugged the button free, sliding the zipper just enough to dive inside and wrap my hand around his cock.

“Sasha.” Jax tore his mouth free from mine and bent to take a nipple between his teeth.

My grip on his erection tightened. The harder I squeezed, the harder he sucked.

“Jax,” I hissed as he kneaded my breast. “I need to feel you.”

He growled, then stood and stripped out of his jeans. With every movement, his thighs bulged and his biceps flexed.

God, he was gorgeous. Hard work had honed Jax’s body into rugged lines and ripped muscle. I craved him more and more each day.

There was no foreplay as he came back on the bed and settled into the cradle of my hips. We didn’t need foreplay, not when I was already soaked. He positioned himself at my entrance and thrust deep.

“Yes.” I stretched as he filled me, my nails digging into his shoulders as I adjusted to his size.

Easy. With our bodies connected, it was just so easy.

“You feel so damn perfect, baby.” He latched his mouth onto my pulse and sucked as he eased out and drove inside.

His cock hit exactly the right spot as he set a steady rhythm with his hips. My legs trembled as I clung to him, holding on for the ride.

“Look how good you take me,” he murmured, dropping his head to watch as he thrust inside my body.

“Jax.” My voice became a breathy whisper as my inner walls began to flutter.

He sealed his mouth over mine, his tongue sweeping inside. He kissed me like he fucked me, hard and insistent. Like he was making a point.

Like he was making the promise I’d stopped earlier.

When I came, it was on a cry down his throat. My body writhed beneath him as white spots blanked my vision. Somehow, the orgasms stretched longer, hit harder. Every time we were together, it was better than the last.

My toes curled. My heart thundered. Pleasure rippled through every bone in my body.

Jax came on a groan that vibrated from his chest to mine. He poured inside me, his face twisted in beautiful ecstasy. And when he finally collapsed, breaking our connection as he rolled to the side, we twined ourselves together in a mess of tangled limbs.

His hand dived into my hair. Mine to his. His mouth was waiting when I found it for a quick kiss. As we relaxed into the pillows, his free hand shifted to my belly, splaying across the swell of our daughter.

The light was still bright outside. We both needed dinner. But as Jax’s frame relaxed into the mattress, I curled tighter into his arms, snuggling close with my ear pressed to his heart.

I waited to slip free until his breathing evened out and he was sound asleep. Then I padded from the room and tugged on his shirt and a pair of my sweats from the closet before inching the door closed and retreating to the kitchen.

The tote that I took to the office every day was on the island. I slipped out a notebook, opened the spiral-bound cover, and flipped to a blank page.

Jax wanted to make promises.

Maybe someday soon, I’d let him.

But before that point, he needed to know the truth. About my past. About the real reason I’d come to Montana.

And before I told Jax, I needed to be honest with Eddie.

Except as my pen inked blue words on the paper, a confession wasn’t the letter I wrote. Not yet.

There were other things to say first. Things I should have told him a long, long time ago.

Eddie,

You deserved better than me. I wish I could have been what you needed. You deserved better.

S